Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dizzy Does It

A few weekends ago, for reasons beyond my limited medical comprehension, I had a bout with dizziness. Eventually, I prevailed over dizziness, because, I believe, I was in better shape (imagine that!) and had trained harder. But nevertheless, it was quite a fight, lasting several rounds. There are few things, in my mind, that can compare with the helpless feeling of being dizzy. Being drunk maybe, but I wouldn't know that firsthand, since I've never even taken a sip of anything that could make me drunk. Being on strong medications, or not-quite-legal pharmaceuticals, but I wouldn't really know about those either. I wouldn't necessarily call being dizzy an altogether unpleasant sensation, though when I nearly fell down in a crowded restaurant, that was a little disconcerting. It's just a strange feeling to lose control. I think that I, like a lot of people, put a lot of value in being able to control a situation, the outcome of events, or – in my baser moments – even another person. To lose that ability, even for a short time, is humbling. It engenders dependency: on others, on "whatever will be will be", or, if you will, on God. When my hands are tied, or more metaphorically accurately, when I can barely take a step on my own, it's then that I realize that I'm not in control. I never am. It's that ever-present illusion of self-reliance that dies in those moments. And I think that's probably a good thing.

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