Friday, January 20, 2012

Poems For Your Perusal: Three Of Them This Time, So It Doesn't Seem Like I'm Copping Out So I Don't Have To Write Anything Original

Today, for your amusement (or your bemusement? or your torture?), I offer you three – count them, three – of my more unusual poems.  Don't hate – don't judge. They are what they are. Take them seriously. Or take them as I intended them: To make you smile...and maybe think...just a teeny bit.

"What The Blazes"

What the blazes do is wipe out the trees 
Which makes the bears extremely unhappy 
Then they come and pound on your tent
Requesting salmon – and maybe a warm blanket 
Which it would be advisable to relinquish
Because no one wants to be the enemy of a bear.

What the fires do is burn down the mansions
Which makes the celebrities act almost human
Then they come and cry on your networks
Requesting sympathy – and maybe a new mansion
Which would be no problem really, and quite lucrative
Because everyone loves a great new reality show.

"Shucking Fit" 

When I feel this way
Nothing really helps.
I try faking a smile
It makes my jaw hurt.

I try ignoring it
My wind wanders back.
I try to stay busy
I tire easily.

No, nothing really helps
Except shucking corn.

It's cheap therapy
And gets the blood flowing.
It's useful
And you can eat the results.

Sometimes I become obsessed
Tearing away the husks
As though they were the faces
Of my enemies
Exposing the goodness inside.

But that's an optimism
I'm not ready to accept.

So let me mix my metaphors in peace
And – shucking myself into a fit –
Gradually feel better.

"A Fish Out Of Brine"

If I were a fish,
A fish out of brine,
Would I lie on the counter
Wait for my demise –
Already effected,
Now pickled and canned?
If I were a fish,
Would I melt in your hand?
Or salted and deboned
And gutted throughout,
Would I melt, would I leave
A funny taste in your mouth?
I would if I were true
To my character.

PLUMBING UPDATE:  They fixed the water leak all in one day! They only had to tear up one patio square!! And the whole thing's going to cost less than half the price they originally quoted us!!! I love using exclamation points!!!!

WAR AND PEACE UPDATE:  I'm on page 60 of the printed version, or Location 1895 on the Kindle, which roughly equates to 6% complete overall. Not impressed yet? Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait! I'll conquer this wonderful monstrosity yet! Hey, I'm still enjoying it, and I've nearly reached the point where I gave up on it 20+ years ago!

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