Friday, April 20, 2012

Things I'd Rather Be Doing This Weekend Than Painting Up The Stairs

So, after spending almost two entire days painting our downstairs living and dining room last weekend, we are now left with the unenviable task of painting the walls on either side of our stairs leading up to the second floor. We have never attempted anything this stupid or difficult before, so who knows how this will go? We're planning on using extension rollers, extension ladders, and any other forms of extension we can find (where are Inspector Gadget and his arms when we need them?).

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to this too much. Those of you who know me know how clumsy I am, and knowing this, you must realize that me attempting this – even with Mary helping a lot (and probably doing a better job of it than me) – is potentially lethal. But it has to be done. So, while I'm risking life and limb to paint walls tomorrow (hopefully it'll all be done in one day), these are the things I'll be wishing I were doing instead...

1)  Vacationing In Maui:  Sandy beaches, back massages, enough sunshine to give this fair-skinned boy blistered skin in about five minutes. Sounds like heaven compared to painting up the stairs.

2)  Watching A 24-Hour Marathon Of Any Of The "Real Housewives" Reality Shows:  If that doesn't tell you how desperate I am, then nothing can. I don't even need to comment any further, do I?

3)  Playing Golf:  I should explain here that I have never played golf, never desired to play golf, have no interest in ever playing golf, and that I turn the channel in five seconds flat any time a golf tournament comes on television. So this is saying a lot that I would rather be playing golf this weekend.

4)  Dining At An All-You-Can-Eat Salad Bar:  I'm not a big fan of salad. Meaning that it almost has to be force-fed to me for me to eat it. I don't mind the croutons, nuts and seeds, bacon bits, boiled eggs, shredded cheese, or even the salad dressing used to top it with – it's that darn lettuce that I don't want any part of. Which kind of defeats the purpose, huh? But still, I'd rather eat salad all day than paint up the stairs.

5)  Waiting In Line At The DMV:  Now, if this isn't the ultimate test of patience, I don't know what is. Still, I'd rather wait in line, all day if possible, than paint up the stairs.

6)  Flossing My Teeth:  Every time I go to the dentist, he harps on how I need to floss more regularly, and that I should only floss the teeth I want to keep, and blah blah blah blah. I know he's right, but I still fight him (and myself) on it every single time. I just hate flossing. But...I'd rather floss than paint up the stairs.

7)  Attending A Lecture On Any Subject:  I've never been a big fan of lectures, and I don't really see the point in going to one unless I am forced to do so. But still, I'd attend a lecture on how to properly wax my eyebrows if it meant not having to paint up the stairs.

8)  Learning To Crochet:  Crafting in general is not of much interest to me, though I wish it were, because then I'd have another interest in common with my wife (she likes to scrapbook). But alas, I don't like to craft. Anything. Ever. But if it meant not having to paint up the stairs this weekend, I'd take up crocheting butterflies in a heartbeat.

9)  Going Shopping With Paris Hilton:  As much as I dislike shopping, and as much as I dislike Paris Hilton, I'd rather do that than paint up the stairs. Just saying.

10)  Teaching A Parrot To Speak:  I am not well-known for my great patience. Thus, the reasons for why I do not enjoy waiting in line at the DMV, driving across town on Greenville Boulevard on a Friday afternoon, or listening to radio commercials. But I would rather expend my time, my energy, and yes, every last bit of my patience to teach a parrot to speak than paint up the stairs this weekend. Is the picture becoming a bit clearer now?

Of course, I won't be doing any of these things this weekend. I, along with my wife, will be painting up the stairs. Will it be a pain in the butt (and neck, and back, and arms, and legs)? Absolutely! Will it be worth it for our house to look fresher and newer for prospective buyers? Absolutely! Will I complain about it all weekend, or suck it up and just do it? Probably the latter, but maybe some of the former. Ultimately, I want a more sell-able house (and eventually a new house) more than I want one more comfortable (or in the case of most of the listed activities above, uncomfortable) and relaxing weekend. There's always next weekend for that. I probably won't spend it doing any of these things, though. Although it would be nice to visit Maui. But that's a dream for another day...

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