Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Dear Baby Hill,
Today is the big day! This afternoon, your mom and I – and you, too, of course – will go to the doctor's office. The lady with the gel-coated wand will rub it over your mom's tummy and we will get to see "live" pictures of you inside of her. Now, you may not remember it, because your brain was still developing at the time, but we've already been through this once before. Six weeks ago, as a matter of fact. The ultrasound technician (which is a fancy name for the lady with the wand) tried and tried to see whether you are a boy or a girl, but to no avail (which is a fancy phrase meaning "nothing happened"). Apparently, you wanted to keep your mom and dad in suspense for at least six more weeks, so you made sure that the umbilical cord was tucked demurely between your tiny little legs. The lady with the wand said you looked healthy as far as she could tell. She just couldn't tell what you are. Not that it matters to me or your mom whether you're a girl or a boy. We don't have all our hopes pinned on having either a boy or a girl – we just want you to be healthy. But it would still be nice to know ahead of time. I know you don't understand things like this yet – and to be quite honest, neither do I – but there are things, like the color of the walls of your nursery, and the color of clothes that people will buy for you to wear – that matter to a lot of people. Granted, I get the clothes thing more than the wall color, but still. The point is, there are a lot of people besides just your mom and dad who are eager to know what sex – or gender, if you prefer – you are. There's your Grandpa and Grandma Hill, your Grandma Collins, your Grandpa and Grandma Cobb, your Aunt Rudypants (that's not her real name, but we call her that because we like her), and your Aunt Leigh Ann (no "pants" suffix for her, though we do like her), just to name a few. Other people keep asking us, too, what your mom and I are going to have. All we can say now is "a baby." It's kind of embarrassing, frankly. Other people that we know who are slightly less pregnant or slightly more pregnant than your mom already know what they're having. They've even picked out names for their little bundles of joy. We've thought up some good possible names for you too, but we don't want to get too attached to them just yet. Not until we find out whether you're a boy or a girl. Which brings me back to the point of all this. This afternoon, when we go to the doctor's office, your mom and I are going to need you to do some things for us. Simple things, really. It's as easy as 1-2-3 (these are numbers, by the way – you'll learn these soon enough, and if you're anything like your dad, you'll hate them). Anyway, back to the three things:

1)  Feel free to move about the womb.  This will not only help the lady with the wand to see you more clearly, it will also give us more grainy-but-beautiful snapshots of you growing inside your mommy's tummy that we can show off to our family and friends.

2)  Be nice to the lady with the wand.  I'm sure she gets paid well enough to do her job, but that's no reason to make it harder on her. Remember, she's just trying to make sure you're growing at the proper rate, and that all your important parts are present and accounted for and are functioning like they're supposed to.

3)  Don't be shy – spread 'em!  It's highly likely that your mom and I will never ask you to do this again, especially not after you're born. But today – today, it's okay. In fact, it's more than okay. We want you to. Be an exhibitionist – just this once. You have nothing to hide from the lady with the wand.

Finally, if for some reason you choose – once again, I might add – to be stubborn and/or to disobey your parents before you even step foot on the earth, and the lady with the wand is unable to determine (which is a fancy word for "find out") whether you are a girl or a boy, fret not. We will not hate you. We could never hate you. But we may be disappointed. Again. And we might sigh a little. Maybe a lot.

So, please, do whatever you have to do to show off for the lady with the wand. And we will do whatever we have to do to be patient if you don't.

Your dad

1 comment:

  1. drink caffeine about one hour before the appointment...