Thursday, September 27, 2012

Poems And Drabbles In The Key Of Ke$ha: Volume Two

So, I decided to go ahead and finish writing my poems and drabbles based on song titles from pop singer Ke$ha's Animal album. These pieces are all a bit "out there," but I hope you'll like them anyway. Again, they're all 100% fiction – none of the characters, including the "I" characters are based on myself or anyone I know – I just made them up. There's a healthy mix of poems, drabbles (100-word stories), and triple-drabbles (300-word stories) here. Enjoy!

"Party At A Rich Dude's House"  (Drabble)

So I was checking my email yesterday, and was surprised to find an e-invite to a party from this guy Dolby that I know. Dolby's parents are, like, super-rich. They live in a huge mansion outside of town. I couldn't understand why he'd want me at his party. I'm not exactly Bill Gates or Oprah or anything. I mean, my folks aren't broke, but they certainly aren't loaded. So I was like, this is crazy! Then I saw the note Dolby had tacked onto the end of the invite. "Bring your sister!" It all made sense now. I hit "Delete." 

"Backstabber"  (Poem)

I thought you'd always have my back.
I figured you'd support me.
You knew what I was planning –
I never thought you'd thwart me.
Give credit where the credit's due
You stole my best invention!
I won't hear pitiful excuses
Or lies of best intentions.
I thought you were my partner.
I called you my best friend.
But then you went and ruined
Everything – you can't pretend
That this is just some silly thing
We'll laugh about in years to come.
This is my life we're talking about
Stop playing me – stop playing dumb!
Your true colors are on display –
I'm blinded by their clarity.
It's too late now to pay your dues
Do I look like a charity?
I feel the blade between my ribs
The blood is slowly trickling out.
I never saw you wield the knife
But now I'm sure, without a doubt
That this is how you had it planned
I'd fade away, and you'd succeed.
Without a word of gratitude
You'd take exactly what you need
And feed your greed with rapid speed
And then proceed to make me plead
Until I've nothing left to bleed.

"Blind"  (Poem)

She sees her way by feeling 'round –
The road ahead is where she's bound.
She does her best to stand her ground
But all around she hears the sound
Of downed, and crowned, and well-renowned
Sleepwalkers stumbling, lost and found.
And in confusion, she whirls around
Slinks, sinks, drinks, and is quickly drowned.

"D.I.N.O.S.A.U.R."  (Triple-Drabble)

Lucy and Luther had struggled for weeks to come up with the perfect name for their first child. Their unborn daughter was making her presence known all the time now, kicking Lucy in her sleeping and waking hours. Even Luther had felt the surprisingly powerful little punts occasionally, primarily in the small of his back at the most ungodly hours. Lucy sometimes felt that her progeny was the Devil incarnate, and thought facetiously about giving her daughter that most unsuitable moniker. Luther wanted to name her Ina, after that hoity-toity lady chef on the Food Network. They both liked the name Nadine – it was Luther's mother's name, God rest her soul – but they weren't sure if it was too old-fashioned. Lucy thought the name Opal had a nice ring to it – Luther was unimpressed. Currently, Luther was pushing for Sara – a common name to be sure, but there was a simple elegance to it. Lucy had come up with the name Amethyst just the other day and had really liked it, but Luther had said it sounded too much like a color. Luther quietly adored the name Ursula, but knew that Lucy didn't like it, so he didn't press the issue. They both liked the name Rhoda, which happened to be Lucy's grandmother's name, but they weren't sure whether or not it was too obscure to use. One morning, Luther got the brilliant idea to give their baby girl all their favorite names. They'd simply call her by her initials. Their sweet little baby daughter, Luther proposed, would be named Devilla Ina Nadine Opal Sara Amethyst Ursula Rhoda, and would be called D.I.N.O.S.A.U.R. – or Dinosaur, to make it simpler – for short. Lucy hit Luther with a frying pan. He quickly changed his mind.

"Dancing With Tears In My Eyes"  (Triple-Drabble)

There's something profoundly disturbing about seeing someone crying while they're dancing. One is an outward display of sorrow, while the other is an outward display of joy.

How could the two coexist? How could one person be both incredibly sad and incredibly happy? I couldn't understand. Until it happened to me.

The other night, when my wife and I were at the company party, we happened to be slow-dancing to one of our favorite eighties ballads when my cell phone went off.

She looked at me and said, "Go ahead, you know you need to take it." So I did. She went to go get us some punch.

I looked at the caller ID. It was my brother Howie. He'd promised not to call me tonight unless it was an absolute emergency. Apparently it was.

"What's up, Howie?"

"How much did you put on the Packers?"

"I don't know. A hundred, I guess."

"A hundred bucks?"

"No, Howie, a hundred thousand."

"Tell me you're joking!"

"No, that's what I put down. It was a sure thing."

"Yeah, well, you didn't take into account that the replacement refs are complete idiots, did you?"

"What do you mean, Howie?"

"They blew the call in the end zone. No time left on the clock. Packers lost!"

"What? Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack – one of which I'm guessing you're about to have, huh?"

"Yeah. Listen, I gotta go, Howie. Talk to you later. And thanks...I think."

I hung up the phone and dropped it into my coat pocket, just as my wife returned with the punch.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Sure," I lied.

"Honey, why are you crying?" she persisted.

She set down the punch, and we resumed dancing.

"I just love this song," I said.

And then I understood.

"Boots & Boys"  (Drabble)

"What is it about footwear that makes boys think it's edible?"

"I don't think it's just boys, dear. Girls do it, too."

"Did you eat your shoes when you were a girl?"

"No, but I'm sure I probably gnawed on a few socks in my day."

"It wouldn't be so bad if he was just chewing on a slipper, or perhaps a tennis shoe. Why does it have to be his boots?"

"I don't know, dear. Maybe he likes the taste of leather."

"There's something not right about this, if you ask me."

"I'm sure it's just a phase, hon."

"Animal"  (Drabble)

When I was a kid, my favorite Muppets character was Animal. You know, the wild-eyed, fuzzy red monster who played drums in the band? Who, when asked to "sing" (or even to speak), let loose with a bunch of indecipherable, screaming mumbo jumbo? Yeah, he was my favorite. Maybe I appreciated his free spirit. Maybe it was because I too wanted to learn to play drums. Maybe it was because I also enjoyed screaming indecipherably about any and everything. These days, I find that I'm a lot more like Kermit – pragmatic, more sedate, and content to eat flies all day.

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