"I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."
"I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social."
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it's all over much too soon."
"I would never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."
"I can levitate birds. No one cares."
"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
"I hate reality, but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"
"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."
"Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian."
"The only thing standing between me and greatness is me."
"I love nature. I just don't want to get any of it on me."
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."
"I have no idea what I am doing, but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm."
"Impulsive? I'm re-pulsive!"
"Oh, boy! Food! That's my favorite dish."
"Maybe I can cut my own hair. I cut my own teeth."
"You know, people are nuts..."
"If you're a nice guy, you can walk into a room anywhere in the world."
"Somebody's poisoned the water hole!"
"There's a snake in my boot!"
"I'd like to join your posse, boys, but first I'm gonna sing a little song."
"Run like the wind, Bullseye!"
"The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's preschool toys present."
"That wasn't flying. That was falling...with style!"
"This is the part where we blow up."
"A grownup is a child with layers on."
"My main hope for myself is to be where I am."