Thursday, January 24, 2013

Story # 6: "Hope You Don't Mind"

Good morning, sleepyheads! Boy, you two sure sleep late! I've been up since 5:25. Yesiree, Bob, no burning daylight for me!

Hope you don't mind, but I made myself a few cups of coffee. Six of 'em, in fact. Ya know, those K-cup thingamajiggers cost a pretty penny, but they sure are worth the money! Your money, that is. Ha, ha, ha! Hope you don't mind, but I used a fair bit of your creamer while I was at it, too. Y'all are probably gonna want to go get us some more while you're out today.

You know, I really appreciate y'all letting me stay with you for awhile. Not too many folks would do that for an old friend they hadn't seen in fifteen years. But you two, I tell you what – y'all are just as good as gold!

By the way, hope you don't mind, but I took a shower in your bathroom while y'all were sleeping in. I was gonna use the guest bathroom, but you know, I'm a pretty tall fella, and I just couldn't see squeezing my long frame into that wee little shower stall. Don't worry, I didn't peek in on y'all sleeping or nothing. I mean, not on purpose or anything. That'd be kinda creepy, ya know?

But enough about me. Let's talk about you two. What are y'all planning on making for breakfast? I'm starved! I'm so hungry I could eat a whole pig! Oh, that's right, I forgot y'all were Jewish. Well, heck, just because y'all can't have it don't mean I can't, ain't that right? Y'all don't mind going out and getting me a package of bacon, do ya? I'll pay ya back and everything. You know, soon as I find myself a job. Yesiree, first paycheck and I'll pay y'all right back, for sure!

If it's too much trouble, though, I can eat whatever y'all have got in the fridge. Although, I was looking through your fridge and freezer last night while y'all were sleeping – hope you don't mind – and I didn't really see too much of anything, food-wise. There was some cookies in the pantry, but just three or four of 'em. Hope you don't mind, but I finished those off while I was at it.

But I'm going on and on about me again. Boy oh boy, am I a chatterbox or what? So, you two are going to work today, huh? What kind of fancy pants jobs do y'all have that'll let you sleep in this late and show up whenever you feel like it, huh? Y'all must be some CEO's or something. Is that what y'all are, some CEO's? I bet you both are, judging by this McMansion of y'all's.

Yep, this place is real nice. I wouldn't mind living here myself. Long-term, I mean. Of course, I don't want to make myself a nuisance or anything. I'll only stay as long as y'all make me feel welcome. And I  know y'all two are some of the most welcoming folks I've ever been blessed enough to know. Yep, y'all are true humanitarians and, well, just genuinely good people.

Hope you don't mind, but I was kinda channel-surfing last night and there wasn't much on, so I found a couple of them pay-per-view movies that looked kinda interesting, and well, I ordered a couple and watched them. Don't worry, though, I'm'll pay y'all back, just as soon as I get that first paycheck.

Speaking of which, I was planning on going out job-hunting this morning, and I kinda wanted to make a good impression, so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if I borrowed a suit jacket and pants, a dress shirt, and a tie. Just for the day, ya know, so I can make a good impression. I won't rumple 'em up or nothing, and even if I do, I'll just take 'em over to the dry cleaners and get 'em fixed right up, lickety-split.

Also, I'm gonna need something to drive to get around town. Can't exactly go job-hunting on foot, now can I? Ha, ha, ha! Hope you don't mind lending me that sweet Beemer in the garage. Don't worry, I'll be gentle on her. I ain't been in but one accident – uh, make that three – in my whole life, and I'm not about to add to that total today.

Hope you don't mind, but I was talking to my ex-girlfriend last night, long-distance – don't worry, I'm'll pay you back for that, too – and I was saying to her how I wouldn't mind us getting back together, and she said she wouldn't mind us getting back together neither, and – well, long story short, we're gonna give it a go. I told her where I was staying and she started packing her bags right away. She'll be here in an hour or two. Why, if things work out between the two of us, I wouldn't be surprised if y'all were hearing wedding bells before you know it. We could even have the ceremony right here in y'all's backyard, if you don't mind. Why, it's practically made for it!

Yep, you two are just the finest human beings I've ever met, and I'm glad to know ya both. I can't thank y'all enough for letting me stay here indefinitely. I'm truly honored to call you my friends. Hope you don't mind calling me yours, too.

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