Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Songs That Try To Tell You What NOT To Do

I'm not a bossy person by nature. Nor do I particularly enjoy being bossed around. But apparently some singers and songwriters are, how shall we say, more bossily inclined. These artists have the audacity to try to tell me what NOT to do. They're like, "Don't this..." and "Don't that..." and frankly, I'm tired of it. The nerve of some people! Well, I'll show them. I'll respond to each "bossy" title with my own snarky comments. That'll teach 'em a lesson! (Yeah. Right.)  ~  JH

1)  Swedish House Mafia ft. John Martin  ~  "Don't You Worry Child"  (I'll worry if I feel like it. And I do feel like worrying. So there! And BTW, I'm not a child.)

2)  No Doubt  ~  "Don't Speak"  (You just try and shut me up, lady!)

3)  Michael Jackson  ~  "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"  (I'll stop whenever I feel like it, thank you very much!)

4)  Nicole Scherzinger  ~  "Don't Hold Your Breath"  (You're lucky that I wasn't planning on it – a person could turn blue doing that.)

5)  Guns N' Roses  ~  "Don't Cry"  (Give me a break. I already don't cry!)

6)  Gabrielle Aplin  ~  "Please Don't Say You Love Me"  (Can I at least say I love your voice? Sorry, my snark ran out on this one.)

7)  Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers  ~  "Don't Come Around Here No More"  (I'll come around here whenever the notion strikes me, ya weirdo!)

8)  P!nk  ~  "Don't Let Me Get Me"  (Oh, I couldn't stop you anyway.)

9)  Lecrae ft. Cam  ~  "Don't Waste Your Life"  (Okay, that's some advice I don't mind taking.)

10)  Olivia Newton-John  ~  "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"  (Is it bad that I sing this song to my kid when he's crying for irrational reasons? Seriously, that wasn't a rhetorical question.)

11)  Kenny Chesney  ~  "Don't Blink"  (Too late. I just did.)

12)  Madonna  ~  "Don't Tell Me"  (Who's gonna stop me? You've probably heard it all before anyway.)

13)  Blake Shelton  ~  "Don't Make Me"  (I wouldn't even try it. That's God's job.)

14)  Thelma Houston  ~  "Don't Leave Me This Way"  (Okay, I'll muss up your hair a bit, then I'll leave.)

15)  Blackstreet  ~  "Don't Leave Me"  (Tough noogies, I ain't stayin'!)

16)  The Band Perry  ~  "Don't Let Me Be Lonely"  (That's what is for, isn't it?)

17)  The Police  ~  "Don't Stand So Close To Me"  (No problem there, fella. You have body odor.)

18)  Amy MacDonald  ~  "Don't Tell Me That It's Over"  (Okay, I won't tell you. But it is.)

19)  Creed  ~  "Don't Stop Dancing"  (Fuhgeddaboutit – as long as there's a beat, I'm dancing! At least, in my head I am.)

20)  Liz Lawrence  ~  "Don't You Dare"  (While I previously had no intentions of daring, now I can think of nothing that I want to do more. Than to dare.)

BONUS TRACK:  Journey  ~  "Don't Stop Believin'"  (And the Kings of Bossiness are...Journey!)

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