Friday, January 24, 2014

17 Justin Bieber Quotes That Seem Ridiculous Now

In light of his recent...troubles, I thought these older quotes from The Bieb were very...interesting. I won't make any commentary on them, as it isn't really necessary. The irony is clear in each and every one of these statements. ~  JH

"I'm looking forward to influencing others 
in a positive way. My message is you can do 
anything if you just put your mind to it."

"I think that people are just waiting for that
time when I make a mistake and they're 
gonna jump on it… There's gonna be haters."

"Friends are the best to turn to 
when you're having a rough day."

"I'm crazy, I'm nuts. Just the way 
my brain works. I'm not normal.
I think differently."

"Not trying to be arrogant, but if I 
walked down the street and a girl saw 
me, she might take a look back because 
maybe I'm good-looking, right?"

"I want my world to be fun."

"Now that I'm on top, everyone wants
 to bring me down. Everyone's trying
to tug at me and take my spot."

"No one can stop me."

"I've got my eye on a few things to spend 
my money on. I've got my own bank card,
but I am really good with money. 
I don't spend too much at all."

"Young people in the business have grown up
and made the wrong decisions, or bad decisions,
and haven't been good role models. To be someone
that people look up to is important to me."

"My mind is always racing."

"Two people can look at the same 
thing and see it differently."

"I'm just a regular 16-year-old kid. I make
good grilled cheese and I like girls."

"If I can do just one tenth of the good Michael
Jackson did for others, I can really 
make a difference in this world."

"My world got very big, very fast,
and based on a lot of sad examples
from the past, a lot of people 
expect me to get lost in it."

"As hard as I've tried, I don't 
know how not to be adorable."

"So remember, this is Bieber's world.
You're just living in it. Bieber or die."

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Interesting Quotes By Guys Named Richard

I know you won't believe me, but I was actually planning this post BEFORE Richard Sherman sounded off after that playoff game the other night. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Sherman's quote is the last one in this collection. Enjoy?  ~  JH

"If guys don't respect themselves, they don't respect
other people. That's times and personalities. And 
all of them are not that way. But it don't take
but one or two to screw up the whole world."
~  Richard Petty, NASCAR driver

"I'm now so keenly aware that I have 
everything to prove and nothing to lose."
~  Richard Marx, musician

"I always sensed instinctively from the 
earliest age that I was being lied to."
~  Richard Linklater, film director

"Indeed he knows not how to know
who knows not also how to un-know."
~  Richard Francis Burton, explorer

"Can miles truly separate you from friends…
If you want to be with someone you 
love, aren't you already there?"
~  Richard Bach, author

"All of our energy should be in sacrifice
and services. Suffering, at least."
~  Richard Gere, actor

"Greed has taken the whole universe,
and nobody is worried about their soul."
~  Little Richard, musician

"Imagination creates reality."
~  Richard Wagner, composer

"I don't like feeling bitter. Being bitter 
makes you immobile, and there's
too much that I still want to do."
~  Richard Pryor, comedian

"I really think that living is the process of going
from complete certainty to complete ignorance."
~  Richard Dreyfuss, actor

"You don't learn to walk by following rules.
You learn by doing, and by falling over."
~  Richard Branson, businessman

"I believe we need heroes. I believe we 
need certain people who we can 
measure our own shortcomings by."
~  Richard Attenborough, actor/director

"Don't pray when it rains if you
don't pray when the sun shines."
~  Richard M. Nixon, U.S. President

"I was born not knowing and have had only
a little time to change that here and there."
Richard Feynman, physicist

"I am always stimulated by people.
Almost never by ideas."
~  Richard Avedon, photographer

"Everyone in this world is somehow connected. 
So why not just be nice to everybody?"
~  Richard Simmons, fitness personality

"Always have an answer – even if you
change your mind five minutes later."
~  Richard E. Grant, actor

"At the risk of appearing disingenuous,
I don't really think of myself as 'writing
humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world
I observe, which is frequently hilarious."
~  Richard Russo, novelist

"Nothing is secret once you tell anyone. If 
you want to keep it quiet – don't tell a soul."
~  Richard Chamberlain, actor

"I'm the best corner in the game! When you try me 
with a sorry receiver like Crabtree, that's the
result you gonna get! Don't you ever talk about 
me! Don't you open your mouth about the best, 
or I'm'll shut it for you real quick! L.O.B.!"  
~  Richard Sherman, football player

Thursday, January 16, 2014

5 Things I Love About Thursday

1.  It's not Monday.

2.  It's almost Friday.

3.  It's a day named after a hammer-slinging Norse god, which inherently boosts its street cred.

4.  In the fourth week of November, a massive consumption of turkey happens on this day.

5.  The Internet has started this strange phenomenon called Throwback Thursday, where people post old pictures of themselves. Like this one: 

I was gonna come up with 10 things to make this list a nice round number, but this is all I've got. What about you? Why do you love Thursday? Or conversely, why do you hate it?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

A Literal Interpretation Of Lil Wayne's "6 Foot 7 Foot"

Much as I have done previously here, this is a literal interpretation of the lyrics of an otherwise foul-mouthed song by rapper Lil Wayne. All the objectionable words and phrases have been taken out and replaced with more innocuous words and phrases. Slang language has been translated into common English. The result is...well, kind of hilarious. I think so at least. Enjoy?  ~  JH

"6 Foot 7 Foot"
(feat. Cory Gunz)

Six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot cluster
Six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot cluster

[Lil Wayne - Verse 1]
Pardon my appeal
I would like a vodka with a spritzer.
My confidence is outstanding
You can call this rap "Patricia."
Army of youthful wealthy folk
I am the commissioner.
You do not wish to provoke me
Because "F" stands for "Finisher."
I am greatly misunderstood
But the world needs riddles.
I entertain two female dogs simultaneously
Like synchronized swimmers.
I have caused this woman to become confused.
Spin this woman around
And she will become more open-minded.
I have never met this woman
But I greet her exuberantly
As though I had not seen her in a long time.
Life is like a woman, and Death is like her sister.
Sleep is like their cousin.
This is a remarkable family photograph.
You are familiar with Father Time.
We are all familiar with Mother Nature.
Everything is familial, but I am not related.
It does not matter who is the purchaser.
I celebrate myself, with black and white diamonds.
I am not in favor of segregation.
Forget all of that, I have lots of money.
You African-Americans are like Honey Nut Cheerios.
Youthful wealthy folk are in control.
You African-Americans will take second place.
I do not feel as though I have accomplished enough
So I will continue to do what I am currently doing.
My nicknames are Lil Tunechi and Young Tunafish.

Six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot cluster
Six-foot, seven-foot, eight-foot cluster

[Lil Wayne - Verse 2]
I am going to continue now.
Alright, I became insane.
My brain is stranded somewhere out there.
I think you stand under me
If you don't understand me.
A woman named Tammy broke my heart.
But women will be women
So I did not blame Tammy for this.
I just telephoned my mother
And told her she was the sweetest person.
I assault the rhythm, but claim self-defense.
I assure you, these African-Americans
Are as transparent to me as sequins.
African-Americans see themselves as "He-Men."
Pow! Pow! It is finished.
I am my own consultant
Therefore I frequently converse with myself.
I am wedded to my wealth
Yet I have relations with the world.
This is adultery.
You are full of lies.
You shut your mouth
And allow your buttocks to speak.
Youthful wealthy folk are enjoying a meal.
All of you detractors simply add salt to it.
Stop goofing off, female dog.
I am in control of this game.
My mind is so sharp that I slip
And decapitate myself.
All day today and all of tomorrow
I am a genuine African-American.
But these people speak foolishly
As though they had fractured their jaws.
The glass is half empty, the glass is half full.
I will spill the contents of your glass.
If you attempt to test me
I will ram you into a wall
Like an outfielder in baseball.
You know that I am going to play basketball
Until they turn off the lights on the court.
I relish the fruits of my labor while they are still ripe.
Female dog, stop goofing off.
I rule like a king does.
If these African-Americans are animals
Then soon I will have a mink coat.
Tell those people that I said
To write my name on the wall.
I speak truthfully, but I suppose
To you it is like a foreign language.
I see things the way they really are
When I am wearing my glasses.
But most of you do not understand the photograph
Unless the flash was on when the picture was taken.
Nothing satisfies you, you only understand half of it.
Youthful wealthy folk.
Paper currency.
Constantly seeking wealth.
Please inform the money that I am in pursuit of it.
Female dog, real gangsters move stealthily like lasagna.
People deem me to be on the verge of insanity.
Almost, nearly.
I never sleep, therefore I am unable
To find the woman of my dreams.
You African-Americans are like gelatin
Like peanuts to an elephant.
I conquered that sentence like a subject and a predicate.
Yes, I possess confidence you would commit murder to have.
My wealth is so great that my pockets have to lift weights.
I leaped into a wishing well, so wish me well.
Tell the rest of them to smooch my buttocks.
We will call it kiss and tell.

[Cory Gunz – Verse 3]
Hello, Mother. I am out of my mind.
I do not want to understand what the fuss is all about.
I will take some Dramamine to settle my nerves.
Llamas scream more vehemently
Than the summer sun beats down on a queen of Ghana.
Now all I desire is to have hit songs
Wayne signed a contract with a dastardly person.
I took sides with you hypocritical African-Americans, you see?
Son of Gunz, Son of Sam, you African-Americans are my sons.
Pause while I make a ridiculous speech.
I glow like Buddha.
Bother me, and you will be all over these lyrics
Like Ludacris.
Female dog, I rap like a scuba diver.
Female dog, I am baldheaded like Cuba Gooding, Jr.
And I have a murderous woman
Who will plow right through you.
I will be flirting with women
And boasting about my wealth.
Now I am toting a gun
As though I worked for a moving company.
I shout to a tool for giving up
On behalf of my gun.
African-Americans think that they are as powerful as I am.
I simply laugh at their measuring stick.
Paper currency is brutal, female dog.
But our actions are far more brutal.
Wayne, these African-Americans are insane.
I have already informed these people numerous times
That I am constantly thinking about deer.
I tuck these things away.
I mess with your mind. Pause.
I feed them, as I work hard.
Did I gain any respect?
I continue to toss my sign into the center.
I confront them, while carrying my gun
Because I am not at peace, female dog.
I am a man, I visit urinals in other countries.
Tune instructed me to do so.
There is a funeral outside
But I continue to shoot at people.
I am a thoroughbred from uptown.
I am an African-American from The Bronx.
Do you understand me?

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Interesting Quotes By Famous Torontonians

"The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow
because it was important to them:
there ought to be as many for love."
~  Margaret Atwood, author

"No matter what your choices are, you truly 
have no control about what people think of you."
~  Neve Campbell, actress

"I think I may have become an actor to hide 
from myself. You can escape into a character."
~  John Candy, actor

"Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos."
~  Douglas Coupland, author

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
~  Jim Carrey, actor

"When you're in the muck, you can only see muck.
If you somehow manage to float above it, you
still see the muck but you see it from a different
perspective. And you see other things too. 
That's the consolation of philosophy."
~  David Cronenberg, film director

"It's important for me to let my 
fans know I really don't care."
~  Drake, hip-hop artist

"If you keep bashing your head against 
the same wall, at some point you're going
to fall over and be still for awhile."
~  Feist, singer/songwriter

"Always have a sense of humor 
about life – you'll need it – 
but always be courteous to boot."
~  Peter Jennings, journalist

"A half truth, like half a brick, is
always more forcible as an argument 
than a whole one. It carries better."
~  Stephen Leacock, author

"People who annoy people are
the luckiest people in the world."
~  Howie Mandel, actor

"Sorrow is so easy to express
and yet so hard to tell."
~  Joni Mitchell, singer/songwriter

"With fame there is a crosswire
between intensity and intimacy.
You have decoy intimacy, but 
you are also very much alone."
~  Mike Myers, actor

"You may have a fresh start any
moment you choose, for this thing
that we call 'failure' is not the 
falling down, but the staying down."
~  Mary Pickford, actress

"You never appreciate anonymity
until you don't have it anymore."
~  Jason Priestley, actor

"Grief changes shape, but it never ends."
~  Keanu Reeves, actor

"No one is any one thing."
~  Martin Short, actor

"It's very important in life to know when to
shut up. You should not be afraid of silence."
~  Alex Trebek, TV personality

"You're never too fat for a new purse."
~  Nia Vardalos, actress

"The thing about my music is,
there really is no point."
~  Neil Young, singer/songwriter