"Your Biggest Fan"
Well, you've certainly come to the right place. Come on in, let's have a look-see!
Now over here, you've got your basic, economy-line ceiling fan. Nothing wrong with that a tall, assuming you only like to be mostly cool. You don't mind your cool air maybe going on hiatus halfway through a hot night from time to time, maybe shorting out for no good reason a tall, then this right here is the fan for you.
Then you got your mid-range model here. All the standard features, three variable speeds, single-bulb light fixture, and what have you. She's gonna cost you a little bit more, but you will literally feel the difference when the heat is on. This one is guaranteed to run on the highest setting nonstop for two months straight and not miss a beat. And you can take that to the bank, as it were.
Now this one right here, this is what we like to call the top-of-the-line, primo-deluxe edition ceiling fan. It's the biggest, most powerful, quietest, and smoothest-running ceiling fan you're gonna find anywhere. It's got five different fan speeds, four independently controlled light bulbs, and a built-in alarm clock, all conveniently controlled by this here handheld remote. 'Course, this one is gonna set you back a few more clams. Matter of fact, right many clams indeed, but you won't regret your purchase for one nanosecond.
Yes sir, this fan right here's the one you wanna go with, trust me on that. Don't believe me? Ask our satisfied customers! I sell ten, maybe fifteen of these suckers every single day, 'cepting the Lord's Day, on which we're closed. Indeed, with the exception of this here floor model, which isn't for sale, we only have one more of these bad boys currently in stock, right out back in our warehouse. Got more on backorder, by popular demand, you see, 'cause we can't keep 'em on the shelves fast enough. Now, have we got a deal, or have we got a deal?