Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Story #30: "The Malapropistic Minister"

Okay, here we go! My June Writing Challenge to myself was to write 30 stories in 30 days and publish them here on the blog. That's right, #astoryaday for an entire month. And with this story, I have officially completed my goal. I'm not sure if this is the worst thing (taste-wise) or the funniest thing I've written all month. But here it is nonetheless. I should probably define the term "malapropism" (of which "malapropistic" is a derivative) for those who aren't familiar with it. According to Merriam-Webster, a malapropism is "an amusing error that occurs when a person mistakenly uses a word that sounds like another word but that has a very different meaning."  Enjoy?  ~  JH

"The Malapropistic Minister"

Good morning to you! Let's try that one more time! I said: Good morning to you! That's better! It is truly a blessing to see all your smiting faces this morning. Turn to your neighbor and tell them, "It's a good day to be in the horse of the Lord." Amen! Palm 118, verse 24 says, "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be clad in it." Song 100, verse 4 impales us to "enter into His grates with thanksgiving, and into His course with praise." Amen? Amen! A couple of prayer upstates to share with you this morning before we bow to rescind our offering. Millicent Stopper's gallbladder obfuscation went reminiscently well and she was able to go home from the hospitable on Friday evening. Slim Yumping is scheduled for a follow-up visit with his ornithologist this coming Tuesday, to determine whether or not he is going to need Tommy Chong surgery. Beverly Honeysuckle is going to remain in the Re/Max center for a couple more days while she recovers from her most recent heart amputation. And finally, Julian Watermark asks us to remember his sister, Earlene Vodka, in ferment prayer. She is suffering from Stage 3 esoteric cankers and, at least as far as Julian knows, she is unsolved. Let us play…

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