Monday, June 8, 2015

Story #7: "Trophy Head"

Here's Story #7 in my #astoryaday June Writing Challenge. There's a bit of self-revelatory truth in this one, but I won't tell you how much or which parts. Enjoy!  ~  JH

"Trophy Head"

They call me Trophy Head. No, I've never won an award of any kind. I'm not the athletic type (too top-heavy). They call me Trophy Head because my ears stick out wildly on either side of my head. 

I don't have an actual deformity of any kind, at least not according to the doctors who've checked me out. I simply have ears that are disproportionately large when compared to the size of my head. It's always been this way, and unless I get the gumption and/or experience a financial windfall to correct it surgically, it will always be this way.

I've endured my fair share of ribbing over the years. I've been called any number of names, some more creative than others. There's Dumbo, Car-Door Ears, Ross Perot, Dopey, and many more.

I decided long ago, since there was very little I could do about my appearance – other than growing out my hair long and thick to hide my ears, which didn't appeal to me – I might as well embrace it. And that I have.

These days, when someone sees fit to point out the obvious, that I am abnormally endowed in the aural department, I simply grin and say, "The better to hear you with, my dear." Unless the speaker is a man, in which case I will excise the phrase "my dear" and replace it with "kind sir."

If I'm feeling particularly punchy, I might reply with the coyly phrased, "You know what they say about people with big ears…" Which really means nothing, because there is no time-honored axiom relating to people with big ears. I made it up. It does set one to thinking, long enough either for me to change the subject or them to vacate my presence, which is ultimately the point anyway.

So go ahead, throw your barbs if you makes you feel like more of a man or a woman. Ask me if my hears hang low. Inquire as to whether or not they are capable of wobbling to and fro. Are you curious to know whether I can tie them in a knot, or perhaps a bow? You'll never know unless you ask. Go ahead – speak your mind. I'm all ears.

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