Stuff That Happened Today In Years Past

For no particular reason other than to fulfill my self-imposed obligation to blog daily for a year, here's a list of things that happened on this day in history. Some of them are pretty interesting. For the ones that weren't that interesting, I made some junk up to "spice it up" a little bit. I'll leave it to you to figure out what's real and what's fiction. Enjoy!

1230 –  William de Braose, Marcher Lord, is hanged by Llywelyn the Great, Prince of Wales, near Llywelyn's palace at Abergwyngregyn. Turns out Llywelyn wasn't so "great" after all. Apparently, their feud started over a game of cards which de Braose won by playing six aces in one hand.

1335 – Otto the Merry, Duke of Austria, becomes Duke of Carinthia. He ruled jointly with his brother, Frederick the Handsome. Okay, so Otto was ugly, but at least he had a good personality.

1519 – Leonardo da Vinci, Italian painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer, dies in Amboise, France, at 67 years old. The cause of his death is unknown, though exhaustion probably played a huge factor, based on all he accomplished in such a relatively short time.

1536 – Anne Boleyn, Queen of England, is arrested and imprisoned on charges of adultery, incest, treason, and witchcraft. She was also charged with jaywalking and vehicular homicide, but those charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

1568 – Mary, Queen of Scots, escapes from Loch Leven Castle. She flees to Iceland, where she immediately assumes the throne and is re-dubbed the "Ice Queen." After 19 relatively uneventful years in power, Mary is killed when her chief adviser "accidentally" throws her into the mouth of an active volcano.

1601 –  German Jesuit scholar Athanasius Kircher is born in Geisa, Buchonia, near Fulda (currently Hesse, Germany). Kircher would spend the next 15 years of his life learning how to accurately spell and pronounce his own first name.

1611 – The King James Bible is published for the first time in London, England, by printer Robert Barker. Four hundred and one years later, it is still the only version of the Bible that anyone should ever read, and anyone who reads any other version is a blasphemer who deserves to be burned at the stake like they did in the good ol' days. Yeah, that was sarcasm.

1729 –  Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia, is born in Stetten, Pomerania. At the time, she wasn't yet called "the Great" – her nickname was "Figchen", which means "Little Frederica" in German. When no one was around, her dad was known to call her "Little Bald and Wrinkly," just for kicks.

1816 – Prince Leopold I (who fifteen years later would become the first king of the Belgians when Belgium gained its independence from The Netherlands) marries Princess Charlotte of Wales (who was second-in-line to the British throne). A year and a half later, Charlotte would die shortly after giving birth to a stillborn son. Twelve years later, Leopold had an affair with an actress who looked just like Charlotte, but he never married her (probably because she was "just an actress"). Creepy, but true.

1859 – English writer Jerome Klapka Jerome was born in Caldmore, Walsall, England, to parents who hated him so much they gave him his last name as his first name. Primarily a humor writer (you'd have to be with folks like that), Jerome is best-known for his books Three Men In A Boat (To Say Nothing Of The Dog), Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow, and Diary Of A Pilgrimage.

1863 – Confederate General Stonewall Jackson is wounded by friendly fire while returning to camp during the Battle of Chancellorsville. While being transported away from the battlefield, he is dropped from his stretcher, compounding his injuries. Eight days later, Jackson dies of pneumonia; ironically, the symptoms that presented themselves are mistakenly attributed to his rough treatment while leaving the battlefield and not to pneumonia.

1876 – The April Uprising breaks out in Bulgaria. Apparently, they call May "April" in Bulgaria. To each his own. The result of the Uprising was that, two years later, Bulgaria reestablished itself as an autonomous nation, no longer a part of the Ottoman Empire.

1885 – Good Housekeeping magazine goes on sale for the first time. A hundred and twenty-seven  years later, and the magazine still boasts a total circulation of 4,336,711 (as of 2011). Interesting fact: Good Housekeeping prohibited the advertising of cigarettes in 1952, 12 years before the Surgeon General's warning labels were required on cigarette packs.

1885 –  Noted gossip columnist Hedda Hopper was born in Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania. Believe it or not, she actually changed her name to Hedda Hopper. Her name at birth was Elda Furry...so, yeah, that totally makes sense now.

1908 –  Indonesian National Education Day, or abbreviated as HARDIKNAS (Hari Pendidikan Nasional), is celebrated for the first time. HARDIKNAS was initiated by the Indoneisan education hero Ki Hajar Dewantara, the founder of the Taman Siswa education system. Dewantara's educational philosophy, "Tut Wuri Handayani", means "We can help others learn by coaching and mentoring."

1918 – General Motors acquires the Chevrolet Motor Company. Nearly a hundred years later, GM is still the world's largest automaker, by vehicle unit sales.

1920 –  The first game of the Negro National League Baseball is played in Indianapolis, Indiana. Another twenty-seven years would pass before a "Negro" (African-American) would be allowed to play in Major League Baseball. The man to break the "color barrier" was Jackie Robinson in 1947.

1921 –  Satyajit Ray, India's greatest filmmaker ever, is born in Kolkata, India. Ray directed thirty-seven films during his forty-plus years in show business, including Pater Panchali, Apur Sansar, Mahapurush, Kanchenjungha, Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne, and Seemabaddha.

1932 – Comedian Jack Benny's radio show airs for the first time. The show ran for 17 years on NBC Radio and another 7 years on CBS Radio. A pioneer in television as well, Benny's TV program ran for fifteen years, until it was killed in the ratings by Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. and finally cancelled in 1965. (I'm not making that last part up, either.)

1945 –  Ludwig Stumpfegger, a German SS doctor and Hitler's personal surgeon, dies in Berlin, Germany at age 35. It is believed that Stumpfegger committed suicide by cyanide capsule to evade capture by the Soviets. He has been portrayed by numerous actors in film and television productions, but the only actor whose name nearly equaled Stumpfegger's in its stupidity was Erwin Felgenhauer from the 1971 film Liberation: The Final Assault.

1946 – The "Battle of Alcatraz" (a failed escape attempt by several prisoners) takes place, killing two guards and three inmates. The "battle" was inaccurately portrayed in two popular movies, Brute Force and Birdman of Alcatraz, both starring Burt Lancaster.

1955 – Tennessee Williams wins the Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Williams had previously been given the same award in 1948 for his play, A Streetcar Named Desire, making him one of only seven playwrights to receive the award more than once.

1972 – J. Edgar Hoover, long-time Director of the FBI, dies at age 77 in Washington, D.C., of a heart attack. Contrary to popular belief, Hoover was not buried in a yellow sun dress. It was pink.

1985 – Major League Baseball catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia (currently with the Boston Red Sox) is born in West Palm Beach, Florida. Jarrod holds the distinction of having the longest last name in the history of baseball. The name "Saltalamacchia" in Italian means to "jump over the thicket." Jarrod is widely hated among those poor, unfortunate souls whose responsibility it is to sew the letters of his last name onto the backs of his uniforms.

2000 – President Bill Clinton announces that accurate GPS access would no longer be restricted to the United States military. So why is it that 12 years later, I still can't get "accurate" GPS directions? "Recalculating..."

2011 – Osama bin Laden, mastermind behind the September 11 attacks, is killed by U.S. special forces in Abbottabad, Pakistan. He will not be missed by many.

*Credits to Wikipedia.org for all the information I gathered here. Any inaccuracies, untruths, or exaggerations are credited solely to myself, the author of this blog.

Short Story: "Dumpster Diver" – Finally Finished!

I started this story in a post way back on February 3rd of this year. I liked the story, and had even planned to use it in my short-story collection, but I couldn't figure out how to end it. So I just let it sit there for a while. Almost two months, in fact. I didn't want to just leave the main character's fate hanging there indefinitely. So I decided to start writing and figure out what happens to him. And I found my ending! As usual, the outcome of the story surprised me. I didn't see it heading in that direction at all. But there it went, and here it is. I've significantly rewritten parts of what I wrote originally, and added about 1200 more words to it. Hope you will enjoy it!

DUMPSTER DIVER

Garry was looking for a bite to eat. It never ceased to amaze him how much good food people will throw away. What a waste! But it would not go to waste.

He was sure there was some validity to the common thinking, or science or what have you, that it was unhealthy or unsanitary to eat food that had been tossed away. That flies or other creatures would get to the food first and sully it, leave behind germs or even disease. It didn't matter to Garry. Eating food that could make him sick was much better than eating no food at all and eventually dying.

Thirst wasn't a problem. There were plenty of public restrooms and even the occasional water fountain (though those seemed to be harder to find these days) where he could get a free drink of water. As long as no one saw him doing it, he could even wash his face and arms in the restroom sinks. The rest of his body was not so fortunate as his face and arms, but that was the way it was.

Garry knew if he could maintain a modicum of cleanliness, at least the appearance of it, that he would be less likely to be thrown out of public establishments, unlike some brazen bums who walked in like they owned the place.

He could get away with walking around some places just as he was without looking over his shoulder every five seconds. Like Walmart, for instance. They'd let anybody in, and would only throw you out if they saw you stealing something. Even then, you might get lucky, as some of the employees understood what it was like to have nothing, and would look the other way if they pitied you enough.

But Garry never stole. He didn't have to. There were always things that people left behind, whether it was the remnants of a lunch or a ballpoint pen. He could find a use for it all, and he did.

He never begged for money, though every now and then a sympathetic soul would offer him a coin or two, or maybe even a dollar. He'd use it to buy himself an actual meal, if he ever scraped together enough to do so. Not that he needed to. There was always something to eat.

Dumpsters were an abundant source of edibles, especially the ones behind restaurants or grocery stores. Produce that had gone just beyond its out-date was an everyday delicacy for Garry. He actually ate a more balanced diet than most of the people who could afford to eat what they chose.

Garry's favorite place to check for food was the Burger King just off the main drag. Customers often left their food half-eaten, and simply tossed it away. Burger King employees regularly took out the "garbage", but only haphazardly disposed of it. Often a bag would be peeking over the top of the Dumpster, and Garry needed only to reach up to grab it and abscond with it behind the Dumpster to see what treasures he could find.

Today was Thursday. He knew this because he had just passed the bank on Main with its digital scrolling message, which welcomed you to the bank and informed you of the day, time, and temperature (it was currently 87° F). Burger King had already weathered the lunch rush, and was languishing in the mid-afternoon drag before the after-work crowd arrived.

Garry stepped into the bushes just beyond the Dumpster as a young black man approached, carrying three bags of garbage which he tossed over the side of the trash receptacle. Garry had once bumped into the young fellow when he’d gone inside the Burger King to use the restroom, and had glimpsed the name “MARVIN” on the man’s name badge. Marvin had done a better-than-usual job of getting the bags all the way inside the Dumpster this time, which would make Garry's job considerably more difficult, but not impossible.

He waited for Marvin to return to the restaurant, then for two cars in the drive-thru lane to circle around to the other side of the building. Lifting himself up by his calloused hands, Garry peered inside the Dumpster and spotted the recently added bags, but they were just out of reach.

He leaned in just a bit farther, trying to maintain his balance. Suddenly, a car horn honked nearby, startling Garry and causing him to lose his equilibrium and fall forward, too fast to stop himself. Even as he tumbled into the Dumpster, Garry braced himself for what would surely be a hard fall. Numerous bags of garbage notwithstanding, Garry knew he far outweighed them and that their cushioning power would be greatly diminished by his weight.

He was not mistaken. With a deafening thud, his head smashed into the side of the Dumpster even as his body careened downward. Garry hit the bottom with one leg bent beneath him, and an arm bent backward in the wrong direction.

A series of sickening snaps confirmed what the simultaneous wave of pain was already telling him. His left leg and his right arm were badly fractured.

Garry could only cry out in pain, helpless to form words he knew would be of no use anyway. But his cries were short-lived. Gradually but definitively, the blackness engulfed him, and he lost consciousness.

###

“Hey!” A somewhat slurred voice from above roused Garry from his slumber. He looked up at the opening of the Dumpster, wincing as the sudden realization of great pain overtook him again.

The face that stared back at Garry was not one he recognized. The man was about Garry’s age, forty to forty-five by the looks of him. The other man’s graying hair was closely cropped, his eyes were wide and a bit wild, and his lower lip hung open like a trap door.

“Please, can you help me?” pleaded Garry through anguished tears. He extended his one good arm briefly, unable to brace himself with the broken arm for long.

“Hey!” the man repeated, and this time Garry caught the vacant look in his eyes, and the insensible tone in his voice. The man was clearly not in possession of his full mental faculties. As if to confirm what Garry had just realized, the other man’s face transformed into a wide grin, obviously uncomprehending the dire situation upon which he had stumbled.

“Please,” said Garry, “I need your help. I’m hurt real bad.” To emphasize the point, Garry pointed to his own arm and leg and winced with each touch to demonstrate his pain.

“Hurt?” the other man asked, his grin evening out to almost a frown – a look Garry could only hope was one of concern.

“Yes, my arm and my leg are hurt,” replied Garry. “Help me. Please.”

“Help!” the man blurted, grinning broadly again.

Garry extended his good arm again, reaching as far as he could toward the other man, whose face was all he could see of him.

The man looked down at something Garry couldn’t see which made a crinkling sound, a plastic grocery bag perhaps. Suddenly, the man’s face reappeared and he reached his arm down inside the Dumpster, extending a hand toward Garry. But his hand wasn’t empty; apparently, the other man was offering Garry a shiny red apple. Unsure what to do, Garry took the proffered fruit and slipped it into his pocket.

“Thank you,” Garry said, looking directly in the man’s eyes. “Now, can you please help me out of here?”

“Out?” the man inquired, screwing up his face in confusion.

“Yes. Out. Help.” Garry figured that keeping his words simple might help the other man understand him better.

“No apple?” The man had finally strung together more than one word at a time, which Garry saw as a positive sign.

“Yes, apple good. Help out,” Garry replied, and again lifted his hand toward the other man, groaning as he was forced to put part of his weight on the fractured arm.

The man’s confusion relaxed to a frown, then back to the broad grin he’d borne before. The man reached his hand out to Garry, but the gap between them was too great. Garry lowered his hand and braced himself against the wall of the Dumpster in an attempt to raise himself up on his uninjured leg. The pain in his arm and his other leg was overwhelming, but Garry was able to stand long enough to reach the other man’s hand.

“Pull?” the man asked.

“Please pull!” cried Garry, gritting his teeth to withstand the shooting pains emanating from his wrecked limbs.

Remarkably, the man did pull, and with greater strength than Garry had imagined was possible. But Garry was still a good foot away from the opening.

“Keep pulling!” Garry pleaded, trying not to shout and startle the man, who was clearly functioning as best he could.

The other man yanked his good arm one more time, and Garry was just able to pull himself up over the edge. Both his arms quivered as Garry teetered at the lip of the Dumpster, the pain too great to remain there for long.

“Catch me!” Garry exclaimed, and the man reacted – again – more quickly than expected, dropping what appeared to be a tote bag full of  grocery bags and reaching his arms out just in time as Garry fell from the Dumpster.

It wasn’t a clean catch, but neither Garry nor the other man were hurt any more in the ensuing fall to the pavement. Relieved but still in excruciating pain, Garry patted the man on the shoulder and smiled gratefully.

“Get help,” said Garry, calmly pointing toward the Burger King. The man turned toward the building, then quickly looked back at Garry, who nodded approvingly. “Help.”

The other man nodded back, then broke out into a wide grin as he stood. Garry was left alone on the pavement as the man ran excitedly toward the Burger King. He was alive, thank God – broken, but alive. His tears came suddenly and in multitudes.

A minute later, Marvin and the restaurant manager exited the building and rushed over to where Garry lay.

“Are you hurt, Mister?” inquired Marvin.

“My arm and my leg. I think they’re broken,” Garry replied softly, sobbing helplessly.

“Call 911!” said the manager. Marvin lingered, unsure what to do. “Go! Now!” The young man sprang into action and sprinted back toward the building.

“Thank you,” whispered Garry.

“What were you doing back here anyway?” asked the manager.

“L-l-lunch,” Garry managed to mumble through the pain.

“Out the Dumpster?” the manager asked. Garry nodded. “Well, next time, you just come in and ask for something. As long as I’m working here, you don’t need to worry about no Dumpster diving. That’s just crazy. And apparently, it’s dangerous too.”

“Thank you,” repeated Garry.

“How’d you get yourself out of there anyway?” said the manager.

Garry was confused. The manager knew how he’d gotten out, of course. The man with the grocery bags had rescued him, then he had run inside for help.

“The man,” mumbled Garry. “The man…who came in…and told you I was…here.”

“What man?” cried the store manager, incredulously. “Nobody didn’t come in and tell us you was here. Marvin seen you out the window. Said you just appeared over the top of the Dumpster, fell out, and landed on the ground right here. There wasn’t nobody else around as far as Marvin could tell.”

“Are you…are you sure?” Garry whispered. The manager nodded. “But I…saw him. He helped me out…of the Dumpster. He gave me…an apple.”

Ambulance sirens blared in the distance, approaching the restaurant at top speed from the main drag.

Garry reached into his pocket with his good arm to produce the apple, but came up empty. He looked around for the bag full of bags that the other man had dropped when he caught Garry. It was nowhere to be seen.

“Are you sure…there was no one?” Garry repeated.

“You can ask Marvin, but he said there wasn’t,” replied the manager, matter-of-factly.

“I don’t understand,” Gary breathed.

“Maybe you aren’t supposed to. Seems somebody was looking out for you.” The manager stood and smiled, as the ambulance pulled into the Burger King parking lot. “Take care of yourself, you hear?”

Garry nodded weakly, and reached to shake the manager’s hand.

“And I mean it about the food,” said the manager. “Anytime you want, just come on by. And stay away from them Dumpsters!”

Gary nodded again. His stomach growled in response. But that could wait. He had much more on his mind than food at the moment.

Epic Beards

I have a beard, but I don't often let it grow very thick. It starts driving me crazy and I have to thin it out again. Plus, my wife says it's very scratchy when it's in that in-between-thin-and-thick stage. So I thin it out. But I do appreciate and admire a well-grown beard. Some guys are better at it than others, just naturally I suppose. Here's a collection of photos of some famous epic beards. Enjoy!


HISTORICALLY EPIC BEARDS


1) Frederick Douglass:  Social reformer, orator, writer, and statesman, Douglass was also the possessor of an epic salt-and-pepper beard.

2)  Karl Marx:  Philosopher, economist, sociologist, historian, journalist, and revolutionary socialist, Marx was also proud to add "epic beard" to his list of accomplishments.

3)  Santa Claus:  He knows when you've been sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, and he knows how to grow an epic beard. Whether you consider him to be "historical", "contemporary", or "fictitious" – Santa will forever be recognized as that jolly old elf with the flowing white beard.

4)  Rutherford B. Hayes:  The nineteenth president of the United States knew what it took to be elected in 1876: an epic beard. And he was up to the task. Long live long beards!

5)  Ambrose Burnside:  Soldier, railroad executive, inventory, industrialist, and politician, Burnside was a man of many talents. One of those talents was growing epic facial hair. Sure, he's clean-shaven below the lip, but look what's above and around it! Besides that, sideburns were named after the guy! You can't get much more epic than that!

MUSICALLY EPIC BEARDS

1)  Jerry Garcia:  One thing there will never be a shortage of is rock stars sporting epic beards. By this point, it's almost a tradition. Jerry Garcia of The Grateful Dead was one of the first to bear a beard of epic proportions, and his beard legacy is sure to continue long after his death.

2)  Kenny Loggins:  Singer, songwriter, and soft-rock connoisseur, Loggins also once sported an epic beard. He's since gone clean-shaven, or even worse, worn the thin, stubbly "wuss" beard. But it was once epic, and here's the proof:

3) Brian "Head" Welch:  Once the hard-rocking guitarist for metal band Korn, Welch is now a solo artist who still plays hard rock music but that's heavily influenced by his newfound faith in Christ. One thing he didn't change when he turned his life around: that epic beard. In fact, I think it's actually become even more epic since then.

4)  Michael McDonald:  Highly-acclaimed singer McDonald keeps forgetting he's not in love anymore. But he'll never forget the time he decided to grow that epic beard – and liked it so much he kept it for, like, ever. Another salt-and-pepper classic, McDonald's epic beard is now almost all silvery-white.

5)  Rick Ross:  Rapper Rick Ross, the self-proclaimed "Boss" (of what, I'm not really sure), is definitely large and in charge when it comes to epic beards. Coupled with his often-shaved-bald head and bulky frame, Ross cuts quite an impressive figure, for what it's worth.

6)  Jim Morrison:  Poet and rocker Morrison was always known for his long locks, but in his later years he also sported a fairly epic beard of his own.

7)  John Lennon:  Former Beatle and all-around King of Oddity, Lennon was also known for growing long, epic beards and even sported an epic half-beard once (he shaved half of his face and left the other half bearded). I'll spare you the half-beard pic (you can Google it).

8)  ZZ Top:  Classic rock group ZZ Top is known for their blues-infused, guitar-heavy rock sound almost as much as they are known for their truly epic beards. Well, two of them at least. Dusty Hill (no relation) and Billy Gibbons have worn super-long reddish-gray beards for as long as anyone can remember. Ironically, the drummer Frank Beard (pictured in the middle below) is the only man in the group without an epic beard. Go figure!

OTHER NOTABLE EPIC BEARDS

1)  Brian Wilson:  The San Francisco Giants closer has, unquestionably, the most epic beard in baseball. Yes, it's real, though it doesn't look like it. The dark blackness of it is fake – he dyes it. The epicness of Wilson's beard has even spawned a slogan for when he comes into the game in the ninth inning: "Fear The Beard." I have to admit, if I was facing that thing from the batter's box, I'd probably fear it.

2)  Johnny Damon:  He doesn't sport the long hair or the beard anymore, but when outfielder Johnny Damon played for the Boston Red Sox, this is what he looked like. I envy a guy who can grow hair – on his head and his face – that epic. While this look is now a thing of the past for him, photographic evidence confirms Damon's former epicness.

3)  Donald Sutherland:  You might know him from one of the many movies he's acted in. You might know him as 24 actor Kiefer's dad. But this photo reveals him for who he truly is: the possessor of an epic beard. At one time, at least. This is a good look for Sutherland, very Santa-Claus-esque. He should have kept it, in my opinion.

4)  Zach Galifianakis – His name is a mouthful, but his face is quite hairful (I know that's not a word, spell-check!). Actor and comedian Galifianakis is best known for his roles in movies such as The Hangover (Parts I and II) and Dinner For Schmucks. But he might be even more famous for his epic beard. Kudos to you, Zach, for not letting success force you into shaving your face to meet some arbitrary Hollywood standard for what a leading actor should look like! Carry on with your epic self!

5)  Dan Haggerty:  He played "Grizzly Adams" on the classic TV series The Life And Times Of Grizzly Adams, and he definitely looked the part. You can't even draw a beard that epic! Long live the Grizzly!

6)  Robbie Coltrane as "Hagrid":  Sure, it's probably a fake beard, or at least a makeup-enhanced one at best. But we, as moviegoers, got to experience the awesome epicness of that beard for eight – count them, eight! – Harry Potter movies. And for that, Robbie, we thank you!

7)  "Macho Man" Randy Savage:  Wrestling has had its share of characters over the years, but this guy was one of the best! Savage, who passed away last year, sported huge muscles and an epic beard throughout his career and long after. Rest in epic peace, Macho Man!

8)  Elmar Weiser:  The 2001 World Champion of Full Beard Freestyle (who knew there even was such a thing?), German-born Weiser is famous almost exclusively for his epic beard. I mean, just look at it! A windmill beard? Are you kidding me? Just...wow!

9)  Will Chevalier:  Another man who's famous only for his beard, Chevalier sports a curlicue beard of truly epic proportions here. Chevalier is also a competitive "bearder" (I don't think that's a word, either) who undoubtedly has won his share of awards as well, just judging by this cool pic.

What The World Needs (According To Popular Culture)

1)  Love, Sweet Love:  And apparently, we also need awkwardly choreographed finger snaps.

2)  More Cowbell:  If you've got a fevah, the prescription is "more cowbell." Don't believe me? Ask Christopher Walken.

3)  A Little Christmas:  He acknowledges that he may be rushing things, but "go ahead and deck the halls again", says Johnny Mathis. And who are we argue to with him?

4)  To Talk About Kevin:  Kevin's a crazy kid who's always said and done strange things. But now it appears he's gearing up for his grand finale: World domination? A killing spree? Revolting against having to eat his broccoli? Only Kevin knows.

5)  Speed:  Do you feel the need, the need for speed? These guys do. And from what I've seen -- after having driven and ridden on parts of a major interstate this weekend -- a lot of other people feel the same need.

 

 6)  More Lemon Pledge:  Sure, you probably should just bring it from your own home. But if we had it here, the problem would be solved already. So, go get some Lemon Pledge. What are you waiting for?

7)  A Few More Rednecks:  And some people who "ain't afraid to take a stand." And "a little respect for the Lord and the law and the workin' man." Also, "a little peace and satisfaction," "some good people up front to take the lead," as well as "a little less talk and a little more action." Can't argue with that.

 

Things I Find Fascinating: Words You Can Make Using Letters From The Name "Barack Obama"

Yesterday's "rules" apply for today as well. If you're looking for a political rant, you're not going to find it here. Depending on your political leanings, you may find that some of the words I've come up with using the letters of President Barack Obama's name could be used to describe him or at least your opinion of him. If that's the case, it's unintentional. My purpose today (and yesterday when I made words from the letters of Mitt Romney's name) is not to build up or tear down the character of the man, but simply to build interesting words using letters from his name. No hidden agendas, just mindless word games. That being said, enjoy...


1)  CARAMBA:  Spanish interjection used as an exclamation of astonishment, dismay, or anger.

2)  MACRO:  Very large in scale, scope, or capability.

3)  AROMA:  (1) An odor arising from spices, plants, cooking, etc., especially an agreeable odor; fragrance.  (2) The odor or bouquet of wines or spirits.  (3) A pervasive characteristic or quality.

4)  KARMA:  (1) Action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.  (2)  Fate; destiny.  (3) The good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something.

5)  COMA:  A state of prolonged unconsciousness, including a lack of response to stimuli, from which it is impossible to impossible to rouse a person.

6)  AMOK:  A psychic disturbance characterized by depression followed by a manic urge to murder; mad with murderous frenzy.

7)  MACK:  To hit on, flirt with, or seduce another by using verbal or sometimes physical means of persuasion.

8)  MOCK:  (1) To attack or treat with ridicule, contempt, or derision.  (2) To ridicule by mimicry of action or speech; mimic derisively.  (3) To mimic, imitate, or counterfeit.  (4) To challenge; defy.  (5) To deceive, delude, or disappoint.

9)  CRAM:  (1) To fill something by force with more than it can easily hold.  (2) To force or stuff something.  (3) To fill with or as with an excessive amount of food; overfeed.

10)  ROB:  (1) To take something from someone by unlawful force or threat of violence; steal from.  (2) To deprive someone of some right or something legally due.  (3) To deprive of something unjustly or injuriously.

11)  MOB:  (1) A disorderly or riotous crowd of people.  (2) The common people; the masses; populace or multitude.

12)  BRO:  Brother; friend; pal; buddy. Commonly used in greetings.

*Definitions courtesy of Dictionary.com and UrbanDictionary.com.

Things I Find Fascinating: Words You Can Make Using Letters From The Name "Mitt Romney"

If you're looking for a political rant, you're not going to find one here. Depending on your political leanings, you may find that some of the words I've come up with using the letters of Mitt Romney's name could be used to describe him or at least your opinion of him. If that's the case, it's unintentional. My purpose today (and tomorrow when I make words from the letters of Barack Obama's name) is not to build up or tear down the character of the man, but simply to build interesting words using letters from his name. No hidden agendas, just mindless word games. That being said, enjoy...

1)  ENORMITY:  (1) Outrageous or heinous character; atrociousness. (2) Greatness of size, scope, extent, or influence; immensity.

2)  METONYM:  A figure of speech that consists of the use of the name of one object or concept for that of another to which it is related, or of which it is a part.  (Examples: Using "scepter" for "sovereignty," "the bottle" for "strong drink," or "count heads" for "count people.")

"Washington is badly broken. I think we recognize that.
Washington has not dealt with the problems
that we have in this nation." ~ Mitt Romney

Here Romney is using "Washington" as a metonym not to indicate that the city itself is actually broken and in need of repair, but rather that the United States government system (which is, of course, seated in its capital, Washington, D.C.) is broken.



3)  OMITTER:  One who leaves out, or fails to include or mention something.

4)  TORMENT:  (1)  A state of great bodily or mental suffering; agony; misery.  (2) Something that causes great bodily or mental pain or suffering.  (3) A source of much trouble, worry, or annoyance.

5)  ENMITY:  A feeling or condition of hostility; hatred; ill will; animosity; antagonism.

6)  MEMOIR:  (1) A record of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of them and based on personal observation.  (2) An account of one's personal life and experiences; autobiography.  (3) A biography or biographical sketch.

7)  MERINO:  (1) One of a breed of sheep, raised originally in Spain, valued for their fine wool.  (2) Wool from such sheep.  (3)  A yarn or fabric made from this wool.

(On a related note, the word ROMNEY is defined as: "One of an English breed of hardy sheep, having coarse, long wool.")

Merino Wool

Romney Wool

8)  OTTER:  Any of several aquatic, fur-bearing, weasel-like mammals of the genus Lutra and related genera, having webbed feet and a long, slightly flattened tail.

Butch Otter (left) with Mitt Romney (right)

9)  MIMER:  An actor who specializes in the art or technique of portraying a character, mood, idea, or narration by gestures and bodily movements.

10)  MONEY:  (1) Any circulating medium of exchange, including coins, paper money, and demand deposits.  (2) Gold, silver, or other metal in pieces of convenient form stamped by public authority and issued as a medium of exchange and measure of value.  (3)  Any article or substance used as a medium of exchange, measure of wealth, or means of payment, as checks on demand deposit or cowrie.

11)  OMEN:  Anything perceived or happening that is believed to portend a good or evil event or circumstance in the future; portent.

12)  YETI:  A legendary large, hairy, humanoid creature said to inhabit the Himalayas; another term for the Abominable Snowman.

Yeti

Romney

*All definitions courtesy of Dictionary.com .

"Blue" Songs

On days like today, when I can't think of anything else to blog about, I come up with a theme that interests me and post random stuff about it. Today. it's a collection of songs entitled "Blue." I've never even heard of half of these bands and artists before, but apparently they all have one thing in common: they have recorded a song called simply "Blue." So here goes. Enjoy?  ~  JH


1)  The Birthday Massacre – Let's see...creepy dolls that walk around in your house. Check. A cute emo girl in a white dress with bunny ears. Check. A hole in the floor filled with black goo. Check. Sounds like the stuff of nightmares. Which means, of course, that I kind of like it. Go figure!

2)  A Perfect Circle – A lady visits her man's grave, then decides to dig up his body so she can eat dinner with him. But, like a dead man, he just sits there unmoving and not eating, which causes her to laugh hysterically and almost spit up her pale-green soup (don't want to know what's in it). Strange video. Okay song. Perfect for this post.

3)  LeAnn Rimes – Then 13 years old, chubby-cheeked, and oh-so-innocent, all-american girl LeAnn Rimes channeled Patsy Cline to shoot to the top of the charts with this remake of a 1958 Bill Mack song. It's still a good song, but they overplayed it back then (I was "into" country music at the time) and I got sick of it. Nice to hear it again after all these years.

4)  Joni Mitchell – This list wouldn't be complete without including this classic Joni Mitchell song, the title track from her Blue album. I love her voice – she could be singing about changing a tire, tying her shoe, or having the flu, and it would still sound beautiful. No video here, just her smooth vocals.

5)  Eiffel 65 – This has got to be one of the worst songs I've ever heard, and most definitely one of the worst music videos. The pointlessly stupid lyrics would be terrible even if they were written by a kindergartner. The cheesy computer-generated special effects were bad even for 1998 when this video was made. Watching this video, I realize that it would only be halfway decent if I were under the influence of psychotropic drugs (which I'm not). So why was I tapping my foot the whole time I was watching it? All I can say is: I dare you not to. Let me know how that goes, okay?

6)  Elastica – There was a time, back in my grunge rock days (yes, I liked grunge rock), when I would have been ecstatic to watch this video. Elastica was one of my favorite alternative bands. Being partial to "girl singers," I loved the fact that the band's two singers were both ladies. Their all-out rock-and-roll style appealed to me at the time. I even remember this song fairly well. But now that I'm older and wiser, this all sounds like a bunch of noise to me. That surprises me, and saddens me. But only a little.

7)  The Jayhawks – I was never a huge fan of this alt-country band, but apparently this song was one of their bigger hits. The video is more recent (this song charted back in 1995), and the guys are a bit older – perhaps their voices aren't quite as polished as they once were, but it's still pretty darn good for the style of music that it is. (For you sports fans out there, I thought these guys would hail from Kansas, being named what they are. But nope, they're from Minnesota.)

8)  Smashing Pumpkins – Again, in my grunge rock days, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Smashing Pumpkins! I still appreciate their musical talent and Billy Corgan's unusual, very distinctive voice, though I don't actively listen to their music anymore. This is a nice video of them doing one of their songs live and outdoors several years before they hit it big. Even if you don't care for his voice, the musicality of the song is quite lovely.

9)  Utada Hikaru – I have no idea what this singer is singing about, as the entire song is in Japanese, but it's beautiful. Her voice is stunning! I've never heard of her before, but I'm going to look for more of her music. It's such a pleasant sound it doesn't even really matter what she's saying – to me, at least.

10)  Yngwie Malmsteen – I probably should have heard of this guy before, but I haven't. He's an exceptionally good rock guitarist, rivaling Jimi Hendrix, Slash, and (insert your own favorite guitarist here). No vocals here, just intense electric guitar playing, and it's pretty cool! His name, not so cool. Yngwie? Really? Wow!

BONUS TRACK: The Blue Man Group – If you've never heard of the Blue Man Group or never seen a video of them performing, you have to watch this one! Primarily percussionists, these blue-makeup-clad guys use nontraditional percussion instruments (along with traditional instruments in their backing band) to perform a very unique style of music. They put a lot of theatricality into it, which I really appreciate. Take a look for yourself – in this video, they're using drainage pipes as their instrument of choice.