50 Ridiculously Long Movie Titles

These titles are long enough as they are, so I won't comment much (or at all) on most of these. Just marvel in the weirdness! All of these are actual movies – you've probably even heard of or seen a few of them – and all of them have ridiculously long titles (most are 40 characters or longer). Following each title is the year of its release. I have included a picture of the movie poster whenever possible. Enjoy!

1)  Night Of The Day Of The Dawn Of The Son Of The Bride Of The Return Of The Revenge Of The Terror Of The Attack Of The Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 3  (2005)  ~ This, like several of these movies, is a parody/spoof of horror and sci-fi films. The filmmakers took the visuals from a late-1950s/early-1960s sci-fi movie and dubbed entirely new dialogue over the original. Clever!

2)  On The Marriage Broker Joke As Cited By Sigmund Freud In Wit And Its Relation To The Unconscious, Or Can the Avant-Garde Artist Be Wholed?  (1977) ~ This picture is not the official movie poster, but it is an actual still shot from the film. I don't think I want to know the explanation behind this image. If I found out, I might just lose my mind.

3)  The Fable Of The Kid Who Shifted His Ideals To Golf And Finally Became A Baseball Fan And Took The Only Known Cure  (1916) ~ The only known cure for what?

4)  Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines, Or How I Flew From London To Paris In 25 Hours, 11 Minutes  (1965)

5)  The Green Goods Man; Or, Josiah and Samanthy's Experience With The Original 'American Confidence Game'  (1905) ~ There's a sucker born every minute...

6)  The Fable Of The Throbbing Genius Of A Tank Town Who Was Encouraged By Her Folks Who Were Prominent  (1916) ~ There has to be a shorter way to get your point across than this.

7)  I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her On A Meat Hook, And Now I Have A Three-Picture Deal At Disney  (1993) ~ This oddly titled film short was directed by Ben Affleck (now an A-list actor) while he was in college. I don't think it garnered him a three-picture deal at Disney, but it certainly didn't hurt his career any.

8)  Caffeteria, Or How Are You Going To Keep Her Down On The Farm After She's Seen Paris Twice?  (1973) ~ How indeed?

9)  Long Strange Trip, Or The Writer, The Naked Girl, And The Guy With A Hole In His Head  (1999) ~ I don't want to know...

10)  The Saga Of The Viking Women And Their Voyage To The Waters Of The Great Sea Serpent  (1957) ~ I doubt if this film is as "fabulous," "spectacular," and "terrifying" as it claims to be.

11)  The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies  (1967) ~ Now, I would actually watch this one. I'm a sucker for cheesy zombie movies!

12)  The Fable Of The Preacher Who Flew His Kite But Not Because He Wished To Do So  (1916) ~ He was probably not the first preacher who was told to "go fly a kite!" The question is: why did he comply?

13)  How The Woman Security Escort Thrice Fought The Hero With The Magnificent Whip  (1949) ~ You go, girl!

14)  The Positively True Adventures Of The Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom  (1993)

15)  Who Is Harry Kellerman And Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?  (1971) ~ This one's a definite candidate for most famous actor in a movie with a ridiculously long title.

16)  The Fable Of The Fellow Who Had A Friend Who Knew A Girl Who Had A Friend  (1915) ~ Watch it – that's how rumors get started!

17)  Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood  (1996) ~ This movie spoofed urban dramas and comedies (which had become very popular in the late 1980s and early 1990s) such as South Central, Juice, Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society (among others) – all of which appear, at least in part, in this film's title.

18)  Mysterious Cafe, Or Mr. And Mrs. Spoopendyke Have Troubles With A Waiter  (1901) ~ No need to watch the movie. We already know the plot. And you thought modern-day movie trailers gave too much of the story away!

19)  Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex...But Were Afraid To Ask  (1972) ~ I really don't want to know why Woody Allen is dressed like that (at dead center below).

20)  Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe And Find True Happiness?  (1969) ~ There was a movie poster available for this one, but it was a bit inappropriate so I excluded it.

21)  Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung You In The Closet And I'm Feelin' So Sad  (1967) ~ Ouch!

22)  Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Bomb  (1964) ~ I've seen this one. It's probably the best-known and most well-made film with a ridiculously long title. It was actually nominated for four Oscars (but didn't win any of them).

23)  How An Honest Official Passed The Death Sentence On A Chaste Widow  (1958) ~ This sounds depressing...

24)  Sherlock Holmes In The Singular Case Of The Plural Green Mustache  (1965) ~ I think this is a non-canonical Sherlock Holmes story. I don't remember reading this one in Doyle's collections.

25)  Pierrot's Problem, Or How To Make A Fat Wife Out Of Two Lean Ones  (1900) ~ I'm sorry, what???

26)  The Fable Of How Uncle Brewster Was Too Shifty For The Tempter  (1914) ~ I'm pretty sure everyone has a shifty Uncle Brewster in their family. Am I right?

27)  Went To Coney Island On A Mission From God...Be Back By Five  (1998)

28)  A Home On The Range: The Jewish Chicken Ranchers Of Petaluma  (2002) ~ If they were pig farmers, I'd be seriously confused right now.

29)  The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain  (1995)

30)  Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan  (2006) ~ I am so not interested in seeing this pointless movie.

31)  The Fearless Vampire Killers, Or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are In My Neck  (1967) ~ I've seen this one. It's wacky.

32)  The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension  (1984) ~ Oh, great! Not another movie with an astronaut/rock star/brain surgeon superhero! How about some originality here?

33)  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze  (1991) ~ Do you know the secret?

34)  How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying  (1967)

35)  You Gotta Walk It Like You Talk It Or You'll Lose That Beat  (1971) ~ That's pretty good advice!

36)  To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar  (1995) ~ Yes, that is Patrick Swayze in the middle. And Wesley Snipes on the left! Oh dear...

37)  The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe  (2005) ~ This is probably one of the most commercially successful movies with a ridiculously long title. And for good reason – it's pretty fantastic.

38)  The Effect Of Gamma Rays On Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds  (1972) ~ I've read the play (it was pretty good), but I've never seen the movie.

39)  The Persecution And Assassination Of Jean-Paul Marat As Performed By The Inmates Of The Asylum At Charenton Under The Direction Of The Marquis De Sade  (1967) ~ No need to watch the movie. We already know the entire plot.

40)  The End Of The World In Our Usual Bed In A Night Full Of Rain  (1978)

41)  A Joke Of Destiny, Lying In Wait Around The Corner Like A Bandit  (1983)

42)  The Lemon Grove Kids Meet The Green Grasshopper And The Vampire Lady From Outer Space  (1965) ~ Well, this looks stupid!

43)   The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford  (2007) ~ Also a great candidate for most famous actor in a ridiculously-long-titled movie.

44)  A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum  (1966) ~ This one was pretty critically acclaimed, as was the Broadway play on which it was based.

45)  Your Vice Is A Locked Room And Only I Have The Key  (1972) ~ Creepy poster...

46)  What Are Those Strange Drops Of Blood Doing On Jennifer's Body?  (1972) ~ This is another one where I could have included the movie poster, but it was a tad inappropriate as well.

47)  Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth  (2000) ~ This movie's title is another amalgamation of several film series which it shamelessly spoofs, including Scream, Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

48)  Attack Of The Flesh-Devouring Space Worms From Outer Space  (1998) ~ This sounds like it could have easily been made in 1958 and not 1998. Either way, I don't particularly want to watch it.

49)  Galaxy Fraulein Yuna Returns: Dawn Of The Dark Sisters  (1999) ~ I'm actually surprised there aren't more anime titles on this list, as they're known to have some pretty long titles and subtitles (no pun intended).

50)   How A Strange Hero Thrice Teased An Unruly Girl  (1968) ~ Unruly girls, strange heroes – this has the makings of a classic. Not.

The Story Of Us: The Short Version

On Friday, September 20th and Saturday, September 21st, 2002, the Crossbearers (a singles Sunday school class at our church) took a trip to Busch Gardens in Virginia. I was on that trip. So was Mary Ellen Cobb. When we left for that outing, neither of us had any idea that it would literally change our lives forever. At the time, I had a bit of a crush on someone else in our group, but as it turns out that person was not interested in me. Mary was also interested in someone else in the group, but they weren't as interested in her either. Whether it was merely coincidence or whether it was fate, Mary and I ended up spending a lot of time together on that two-day trip – especially on Saturday, when we not only walked and talked together everywhere, but even rode on the rides together. We'd known each other for about two years at that point, and we were friends – but that was all. Or was it?

Two days after we returned from the Busch Gardens trip, I sent Mary the following e-mail:


From: lazyspleen@cs.com
Sent: Monday, September 23, 2002  2:56 PM
To: cobbm@mail.ecu.edu
Subject: A Bad Case Of Pronouns

Just Between You And Me:
I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed spending the day with you on Saturday. For a few fond hours, it was like you and I were more than you and I or he and she, but more like we were "us," or we were "we," and it was nice. If "we" or "us" is something you would be interested in exploring, then so would I. If I misunderstood, I apologize, and hey, it was fun!
-- Jason


Less than an hour later, Mary replied to me with this e-mail:


Subj: A Bad Case Of Pronouns
Date: 9/23/02  3:34:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: COBBM@mail.ecu.edu (Cobb, Mary E)
To: Lazyspleen@cs.com ('Lazyspleen@cs.com')

Jason,
You didn't misunderstand. It was nice! You've done a much better job of describing the "nice" part than I can! But you're the English major and I'm the illiterate science girl, so go figure! I am interested in exploring the "us" phenomenon, too!
– Mary


And with that, we started dating. Six months later, we were engaged. Six months after that, we were married – nine years ago today, as a matter of fact.

Happy Anniversary, Mary! I love you!

Interesting Quotes By Guys Named Don (With Unnecessary Pictures)

DON DRYSDALE, baseball player

"Some of these guys wear beards to make them look intimidating, 

but they don't look so tough when they have to deliver the ball. 

Their abilities and their attitudes don't back up their beards."

"I hate all hitters. I start a game mad and I stay that way until it's over."

DON MATTINGLY, baseball player

"I like being close to the bats."

DON MEREDITH, football player and commentator

"If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas."

DON KING, boxing promoter

"If you cast your bread upon the water and you have faith, you'll 

get back cash. If you don't have faith, you'll get soggy bread."

DON CORNELIUS, Soul Train host

"You can bet your last money, it's gonna be a stone gas, Honey!"

DON SHULA, football coach

"Success is not forever, and failure isn't fatal."

DON WILLIAMS, JR., country singer

"A man can never hope to be more than he is 

if he is not first honest about what he isn't."

"What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact."

DON ADAMS, comedian

"I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child 

support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much."

DON RICKLES, comedian

"I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. 

He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room." 

"Some people say funny things, but I say things funny."

DON CHEADLE, actor

"I believe that you are what you have to defend, and if you're a black 

man that's always going to be the bar against which you are judged, 

whether you want to align yourself with those themes or not. You

can think of yourself as a colorless person, but nobody else is gonna."

"I think it's intoxicating when somebody 

is so unapologetically who they are."

DON IMUS, radio talk show host

"My goal is to goad people into saying something that ruins their life."

DON JOHNSON, actor

"I can do whatever I want –  I'm rich, I'm famous, and I'm bigger than you."

"Once you become famous, there is nothing left to become but infamous."

DON KNOTTS, actor

"I felt like a loser. I was unhappy as a child most of the time. 

We were terribly poor and I hated my size."

DON JUAN MATUS, "Man of Knowledge"

(as told to Carlos Castaneda)

"Self-importance is man's greatest enemy. What weakens him is feeling 

offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow men. Self-importance 

requires that one spend most of one's life offended by something or someone."

DON QUIXOTE (as written by 

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra)

“All I know is that while I’m asleep, I’m never afraid, and I 

have no hopes, no struggles, no glories — and bless the man who 

invented sleep, a cloak over all human thought, food that drives 

away hunger, water that banishes thirst, fire that heats up cold, 

chill that moderates passion, and, finally, universal currency with 

which all things can be bought, weight and balance that brings the 

shepherd and the king, the fool and the wise, to the same level. 

There’s only one bad thing about sleep, as far as I’ve ever heard, 

and that is that it resembles death, since there’s very little 

difference between a sleeping man and a corpse.”

DON CHERRY, sports commentator

"I think I'm a good Canadian, but I'm not the greatest Canadian."

"People think common sense is common, but it's not."

DON EVERLY, singer

"Old men need applause, too."

DON HENLEY, singer/musician

"Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge."

DON McLEAN, singer/songwriter

"Each thread of life that you leave will spin 

around your deeds and dictate your needs."

"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

"I met a girl who sang the blues, and I asked her for some 

happy news. But she just smiled and turned away. I went down 

to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before, but 

the man there said the music wouldn't play. And in the streets, 

the children screamed, the lovers cried, and the poets dreamed. 

But not a word was spoken – the church bells all were broken. 

And the three men I admire most – the Father, Son, and the Holy 

Ghost – they caught the last train for the coast, the day the music died."

DON HO, singer

"If you're looking for a role model, Duke's the guy."

"I've had too much fun all these years. I feel really guilty about it."

Things I Found While Cleaning Out My Bookbag

So, I was cleaning out my bookbag (which I take with me practically everywhere) for the first time in a long time the other day, and these were some of the more interesting things I found in there...


1)  An Almost Empty Bottle Of TUMS:  I guess I've been a bit acid-y of late. Ooh, and look – it's over a year past its expiration date. Nice!

2)  An Empty Box Of Nasonex:  I put this in my bag a couple of months ago to remind myself to call in a refill on my prescription. I still haven't called. And I wonder why my breathing and allergies have been awful of late!

3)  An Unopened Tube Of Blistex:  As I write this, my lips are chapped, and I have absolutely no excuse!

4)  A Mostly Clean Spoon:  I have no idea when I used this last – probably for lunch one day, but that could have been months ago for all I remember.

5)  A Shiny New Quarter:  I could have used this last week when I was a quarter short of being able to buy a Mountain Dew out of the machine. Oh well, I need to cut down on my soda intake anyway.

6)  A Young Fiyah "Fiyahworks" CD:  I ordered this directly from the artist (he's a Christian rapper who I'm "friends" with on Facebook) a few weeks ago, listened to it a few times, then assumed I'd lost it. But there it was all along. Yay!

7)  Fourteen Blank Note Pads:  Most of these I've taken from hotels where we've stayed – you're supposed to take them, right? I'm surprised there were only fourteen of them, to be quite honest.

8)  A Wednesday Night Church Bulletin From Late August:  There were actually several of these in my bag, but this was the oldest of the lot.

9)  A List Of Titles I Brainstormed For Possible Future Stories:  Some of these have potential, I suppose, while others are just bizarre. I mean, really, how interesting can a story called "Matching Socks" possibly be?

10)  A Tattered Receipt From A Bill When We Renewed Our Better Homes And Gardens Subscription:  You can see from the date that I paid it in early February. And yet, we're still not living in a Better Home and we still don't have a Garden to speak of. I think I should ask for my money back.

11)  A Page Of Notes I Took During An Easter Drama Rehearsal:  Must have been a pretty good run-through, as evidenced by my note two-thirds of the way down the page: "I'm not taking any notes 'cuz I'm too busy enjoying this scene – good work, everyone! Just work on the dropped lines here & throughout & you'll be all good!"

12)  A Mostly Empty Package Of Chewing Gum:  I have no idea how old this is, but I'm not taking any chances. To the trash it goes...

13)  My Spare Cell Phone Charger:  Fortunately, my regular cell phone charger hasn't given out yet, so I didn't need this one. But at least I know where it is now if I do need it.

14)  An Old Grocery List:  Ah, I remember it fondly. We ate like royalty that week. Well, like royalty on a much tighter budget. Okay, not exactly like royalty at all. But it sure tasted good.

15)  A Retro-Style Pencil Case:  We bought this "Mr. Bump" pencil case for me to corral my many pens and pencils securely in one place inside my bookbag. I guess I forgot to actually put it to work, because it was empty when I found it.

16)  Approximately Forty-Five Pens And Pencils:  Speaking of all those writing utensils, here they are. About a third of these are now safely ensconced in the above-pictured pencil case. The others are tucked away in a zippered pocket where they can't fall out.

17)  A 2011-2012 Carolina Hurricanes Schedule:  We never went to any of the games. Probably because I'd lost this and we didn't know when they were playing. Also, probably because my wife hates hockey, and I only like it a little bit, and then only in person and never on television.

18)  A Ticket Stub For The Casting Crowns Concert We Went To In March:  If memory serves me, this was at the then-named RBC Center in Raleigh. The opening acts were Lindsay McCaul, Royal Tailor, and Matthew West. Casting Crowns played a lot of songs from their new album, Come To The Well. It was great!

19)  A Donation Receipt From The Salvation Army:  Apparently, there were so many things in this batch that I had to attach a list. Just one of the many Salvation Army runs I made earlier this year as we were trying to de-clutter in preparation to sell our house (which still hasn't sold, but we're hopeful).

20)  A Folder Tab That Reads "Yaktrax/Little Hotties":  I'm not sure where this came from, but if I had to guess, I would say from some folder at my work. I believe Yaktrax is a brand of cold-weather boots, and Little Hotties is a brand of hand-and-foot-warming products, both of which I have written about in the past. The tab must have fallen off a folder and into my open bookbag at some point. Might as well get rid of it – I think it would only serve to confuse my wife and anyone else who might happen to find it in my bag.

Songs (And Bands) With States In The Titles: Part 5 Of 5

Today is the 5th and final installment in this mini-series of posts where I post a song (or a song by a band) with a U.S. state in its title. I've gone through the states alphabetically, ten states at a time. If you are just starting here, you may want to back up and catch the earlier installments. Part 1 covers the states from Alabama to Georgia – you can read it here. Part 2 spans from Hawaii to Maryland – you can read it here. Part 3 goes from Massachusetts to New Jersey – you can read it here. Part 4 spans from New Mexico to South Carolina – you can read it here. Today, I'll cover the final 10 states, from South Dakota to Wyoming. Like each installment before, I've included actual video links for each song (or band) whenever possible. In some cases, when I couldn't pick just one song (or band), I have included two of them. Enjoy!

41)  SOUTH DAKOTA:  My, I do love a good story-song! And this is a good one. Ladies and gentlemen, Nanci Griffith singing "Deadwood, South Dakota"...

And because I know you all can never have too much of South Dakota or The Bee Gees, here's a little bit of both in one song. The Bee Gees singing "South Dakota Morning"...

42)  TENNESSEE:  Though I don't necessarily agree with or understand the "theology" in this song (they're not a Christian band), this is an interesting song and fits the theme, and it's old-school hip-hop, for Pete's sake. Yes, please! This is Arrested Development with their song, "Tennessee"...

But really, what would a Tennessee entry be without a country song? Well, we don't have to find out. Here's The Wreckers with their song, "Tennessee"...

43)  TEXAS:  Well, this one was most definitely hard to narrow down to just two. So I narrowed it down to three. Let's face it – all the best songs about Texas are country songs. First up (this one was a no-brainer), it's George Strait's "All My Ex's Live In Texas"...

Next up, Waylon Jennings' "Luckenbach, Texas"...

And finally, Alabama's "If You're Gonna Play In Texas (You've Gotta Have A Fiddle In The Band)...

44)  UTAH:  This was a difficult one, too. After much deliberation, I finally settled on a band with "Utah" in its name. This hard-rocking song is by a group called Everyone Dies In Utah, and it's called "Bed, Bath, & Beyoncé"... (LOL!)

45)  VERMONT:  And now for something completely different (and much easier on the ears). This is Jo Stafford, singing the classic song "Moonlight In Vermont"...

46)  VIRGINIA:  These guys may not be from Virginia, but apparently they've spent enough time there to consider it their "second home." Enjoy "Oh Virginia" by Blessid Union Of Souls...

47)  WASHINGTON:  This state was harder than you might think. Finally, I ran across this high-energy pop singer from Papua New Guinea who just happens to go by the mononym Washington (her first name is Megan) singing a song called "Holy Moses"...

48)  WEST VIRGINIA:  There's nothing more poignant than hearing a singer sing passionately about their home state. Here, country/bluegrass singer Kathy Mattea sings a medley of two great songs about West Virginia (albeit only one of which contains the state's name in the title): "Green Rolling Hills Of West Virginia" and "Take Me Home, Country Roads"...

49)  WISCONSIN:  This state also wasn't too easy to come up with a song for. I had to go back to 1945, as a matter of fact. Here's "Beautiful Wisconsin" sung by Ken Griffin. I'm warning you, it's the longest three minutes you'll ever experience. Try not to fall asleep...

50)  WYOMING:  Since Wyoming's such a lovely state (so my wife tells me), let's do two songs in its honor. First up, Neil Young's wonderful instrumental song, "Emperor Of Wyoming"...

This was a nice little ditty, too, that prominently features the state. It's called "Ticket To Wyoming" by The Ocean Blue...

BONUS TRACK – WASHINGTON, D.C.:  Last but not least, we should include a song about the capital of our great nation. While it's not technically a state, that doesn't mean we shouldn't show D.C. some love, too. Here's The Magnetic Fields' "Washington, D.C."...