Embarrassingly Bad Album Covers – Christian Music Edition

Here's something different – or rather, something I haven't done in quite awhile. A picture post of some of the worst album covers you'll find anywhere. This post focuses specifically on Christian albums, but don't worry – I'll be "picking on" secular music in a similar post in the next few days or so. Prepare for hilarity!  ~  JH

Hallelujah Hairdos

I'm pretty you could shelter the whole flock in your hair.

It's the place to be. Farm livin' is the life for them. Land spreadin' out
so far and wide. Keep Manhattan, just give 'em that Country Church.

Whenever Benny forgets the words, Nola pulls a couple
of hymnbooks out of her beehive and everything's fine.

That's one heckuva beard that 12-year-old's got there. Fine plaid tie as well. 

Shall we gather at the fireplace / The beautiful, the
beautiful fireplace / Gather with the family at the
fireplace / That burns by the hearth of brick...

Featuring the hit songs "Saturday Night Fever" and "Lady In Red"...

I've been waiting for Bobbi Jean White, The Ballew Sisters, and
the Smitty Gatlin Trio to collaborate for years. This is so exciting!

But you should be ashamed of that hairdo...and that dress, too!

Featuring the song "I Whip My Hair Back And Forth, And It Doesn't Move An Inch"

There's a touch of floral print in there, too.

Hey, Let's Exploit People With Disabilities!

The Kid with the Lazy Eye

The Guy with No Arms or Legs (Admiring a Floating Jesus)

The Kid with the Gland Problems (or the Cheeseburger Addiction)

Three Blind Girls, Three Blind Girls, Hear How They Sing!

The Handless Organist has an actual name? Nah, this is way more catchy...

The Singing Midget  (Poor lil guy...)

And lest you assume that Lowell was a one-hit wonder...

We Can't Count, But We Love The Lord!

I count five, but what do I know?

Jimbo there on the left stepped into the frame at the last second, and
well, we ran out of film, so we just let it go. At least he matched us...

Oddball Sermons

Show me: "Break the bread."

Then you won't want to hear what happened to your dog, either, will you?

I'm sorry, what????

Cheery thoughts from Dr. Billington...

Is this a sermon, or a secret confession?

Alright already! We're listening, Bob!

I could be wrong, but I don't think that's what He looks like...

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time...

He's real, and he's standing right behind you! Ahhhh!!!!

What's Ed doing with his other hand? It better not be something wonderful!

Careful with that double-guitar thingamajigger there, David, you
don't want folks to be thinking you're one of those rock-and-rollers!

"Soul Man" – ha, ha, I see what they did there. It's still weird, though.

"Talk about sin, I ain't into that / Talk about trouble, yo, I been through
that / Talk about truth, now I'm into that / But don't talk about my
God, I ain't into that..." –  Okay, so I made that up, but still...

This must be an acid-trip cover version of the Click
Kids' song (see above). To which I say, "Far out, man!"

And parents of toddlers everywhere call their therapists and
set up an appointment for their unsuspecting progenies...

Oh no, not again!

However, I'm afraid you'll have to leave your plaid jackets here.

I'm pretty sure the one in the pink isn't rejoicing – she's constipated.

An actual song title from this album: "If You Were To Die Tonight,
Because I Killed You, Do You Know For Certain That You'd Go
To Heaven?" Seriously, you can't make this stuff up!

"Hi, it's Jerry. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll just leave a
message after the tone, I'll make sure that God gets right back with you."

I'm struggling with thanking You for the mosquitoes, though.

There is an appalling lack of daylight between these four gentlemen's bodies!

Lay the hammer down on them heathens! Piledriver them wretched sinners!

Unfortunate face painting. A "hit" song called "I Want A Walmart Girl."
This is undoubtedly the worst kind of Christian metal band imaginable.

Gettin' cuddly with a dummy. Amen to that!

Just Plain Creepy...

I have a request for you, Ken. Get a haircut, hippie!

There are no words...

Come to the chapel. We have some tasty Kool-Aid waiting for you!

Shooting your album cover in the Brady Bunch's house: Genius!
That all-suede-leather outfit and creepy grin: Not so much.

How geeky the Hofers art. Just saying....

It would be even more special if even one of these
guys was wearing a jacket in his actual size.

If this androgynous creature is "God's Best," then we're all in trouble!

"Front" & "Back" Songs

Yet another "Opposites" music post. I know, I know, this is getting old. But good music never gets old – and there's plenty of it to be found here. Gripe if you feel the need, but I hope you'll still....enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  George Strait  ~  "Ocean Front Property"

2)  Taylor Swift  ~  "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

3)  Underoath  ~  "It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door"  (I'm not really a fan of the "screamo" genre, but these guys are better than most when it comes to that kind of music)

4)  Amy Winehouse  ~  "Back To Black"

5)  Forever The Sickest Kids  ~  "Shut The Front Door (Too Young For This)"

6)  Oasis  ~  "Don't Look Back In Anger"

7)  Archers Of Loaf  ~  "Web In Front"

8)  Savage Garden  ~  "To The Moon & Back"

9)  Laura Welsh  ~  "Cold Front"

10)  AC/DC  ~  "Back In Black"

11)  Metric  ~  "Front Row"

12)  Utada  ~  "Come Back To Me"

13)  The Who  ~  "Eminence Front"

14)  Brian McKnight  ~  "Back At One"

15)  Lauren Harding  ~  "Front Of The Line"

16)  Easton Corbin  ~  "I Can't Love You Back"

17)  Pillar  ~  "Frontline"

18)  Darius Rucker  ~  "Come Back Song"

19)  Tarrus Riley  ~  "Front Door"

20)  Céline Dion  ~  "It's All Coming Back To Me Now"

"Under" Songs

As promised, here's the follow-up to yesterday's "Over" songs post, a collection of tunes with "Under" in the titles. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Alex Hepburn  ~  "Under"

2)  Men At Work  ~  "Down Under"

3)  Evanescence  ~  "Going Under"

4)  Conjure One ft. Leigh Nash  ~  "Under The Gun"

5)  Red Hot Chili Peppers  ~  "Under The Bridge"

6)  Seether  ~  "Driven Under"

7)  Queen ft. David Bowie  ~  "Under Pressure"

8)  Stryper  ~  "Soldiers Under Command"

9)  The Strokes  ~  "Under Cover Of Darkness"

10)  MIKA  ~  "Underwater"

11)  Parachute  ~  "Under Control"

12)  KT Tunstall  ~  "Under The Weather"

13)  CrashCarBurn  ~  "Under A Falling Sky"

14)  Cheryl Cole  ~  "Under The Sun"

15)  PJ Harvey  ~  "When Under Ether"

16)  Meiko  ~  "Under My Bed"

17)  The Little Mermaid Cast  ~  "Under The Sea"

18)  The Drifters  ~  "Under The Boardwalk"

19)  The Rolling Stones  ~  "Under My Thumb"  (Wow! Chauvinistic much?)

20)  Gin Wigmore  ~  "Under My Skin"

Songs With Four-Letter Words In The Titles

It's not what you think. Unless you were thinking this is a collection of songs with titles that are exactly four letters long. In that case, it's exactly what you think. There may be a Vol. 2 to this one, since I found some more good ones after putting this post together. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Taylor Swift  ~  "Mean"

2)  Anna Kendrick  ~  "Cups"  (aka "Pitch Perfect's 'When I'm Gone'")

3)  Dara MacLean  ~  "Free"

4)  Skillet  ~  "Hero"

5)  Beyoncé  ~  "Halo"

6)  Christina Perri  ~  "Arms"

7)  Edens Edge  ~  "Amen"

8)  Krystal Meyers  ~  "Fire"

9)  Kina Grannis  ~  "Gone"

10)  Britt Nicole  ~  "Gold"

11)  Steven Curtis Chapman  ~  "Dive"

12)  Florence + The Machine  ~  "Howl"  (Twice in one day for F+TM??? Yep.)

13)  Christina Aguilera  ~  "Hurt"

14)  Kari Jobe  ~  "Here"

15)  Stacy Clark  ~  "Sign"

"Over" Songs

Okay, so yet another "Opposites" music post. This one was going to include both "Over" and "Under" songs, but I ended up finding too many good ones for each, so I've split it up into two posts. "Under" songs will be posted tomorrow. Enjoy?  ~  JH

1)  Blake Shelton  ~  "Over"

2)  Miranda Lambert  ~  "Over You"  (You see what I did there? If not, let me explain: the artist in song #1 is married to the artist in song #2 – aha!)

3)  Florence + The Machine  ~  "Dog Days Are Over"

4)  RED  ~  "Already Over"

5)  Sara Bareilles  ~  "Gonna Get Over You"

6)  Nelly ft. Tim McGraw  ~  "Over And Over"

7)  Alanis Morissette  ~  "Head Over Feet"

8)  The Doors  ~  "When The  Music's Over"

9)  Sugar Ray  ~  "When It's Over"

10)  The Fray  ~  "Over My Head (Cable Car)"

11)  Testament  ~  "Over The Wall"  (I don't care much for the "singing," but they certainly play well)

12)  Toto  ~  "I'll Be Over You"

13)  Daughtry  ~  "Over You"

14)  R. Kelly  ~  "The Storm Is Over Now"

15)  Disciple  ~  "The Wait Is Over"

16)  The Saturdays  ~  "Forever Is Over"

17)  Pixie Lott  ~  "Can't Make This Over"

18)  Crowded House  ~  "Don't Dream It's Over"

19)  Led Zeppelin  ~  "Over The Hills And Far Away"

20)  Jon McLaughlin ft. Sara Bareilles  ~  "Summer Is Over"  (Yes, I put two songs featuring Sara Bareilles in one post – what's your point?)