Tuesday, June 5, 2012

"Frat Boys", "Alexis' Exes", And "Under My Skin": Three Unusual Drabbles

If you're reading this, thanks! I'll keep it brief, I promise. I know not everyone who reads this blog likes to or chooses to read my fiction, even when I'm posting ├╝ber-short pieces like these drabbles. But I would like to sincerely thank you, dear Reader, for clicking on the link and lending me the minute or two of your time that it will take to read these. I hope you'll find that it was worth the effort. ~ JPH


Don’t you just love living in a college town where you can’t take ten steps in any direction without running into one of those stereotypical frat boys with their ridiculously thick, sprayed-to-helmet-hardness hair, long-sleeve button-down shirts (crisp white, of course), plaid twill shorts, and periwinkle boat shoes, driving their cherry-red sports cars, living to drink and drinking to live while barely paying their rent (thanks to Mom and Dad), and spouting off inane phrases like, "I feel ya, Bro!" in response to any and everything said to them? Yeah, college towns are the best.


Will said I was too skinny. Eddy didn’t like my shoes. Roscoe got transferred out of state. Eli went to the restroom after dinner and never returned. Petie and I stopped going out after he barfed in my popcorn. Rob said I was too chubby. Elliott didn’t like my driver’s license photo. Gus found out I was Protestant and stopped calling. Nick said he wanted to see other people – after I asked him out for the first time! Andy just wanted to be friends. Nate broke up with me in a text. Tim got arrested. It’s been a rough year....


An alarmingly long centipede just crawled out of a hole in my leg. I don’t know what it was doing in there or how long it was underneath my skin, but I am seriously creeped out right now. Surprisingly, I never felt anything unusual – neither from the burrowing centipede nor the inexplicable hole in my leg (scarcely larger than the point of a pencil). I’m not in pain or bleeding, which at least is something. When I squash the centipede, a viscous greenish-yellowish-reddish fluid gushes out. Serves him right. I’m not a fan of this situation at all.

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