Friday, June 1, 2012

Fifty Shades Of Lamps

1)  Cedar Lamp Shade:  This shade gives your lamp that classic Friends-era Jennifer Aniston "shag" look.

2)  Deer Lamp Shade:  Deer lovers and deer shooters alike will love it! (Just remind them not to shoot at it.)

3) Diamond-Pattern Lamp Shade:  Not recommended for people who are easily distracted (and possibly hypnotized) by geometric patterns.

4)  Stained Glass Lamp Shade:  Unleash your inner stained glass ardor!

5)  Daffodil Lamp Shade:  Perfect for daffodil enthusiasts!

6)  Beach Ball Lamp Shade:  Reminisce about your favorite trips to the beach, or your favorite rock concerts.

7)  Jack The Ripper Lamp Shade:  For true crime lovers, this lamp shade features sketches of human anatomy over a replica of an actual Jack The Ripper letter.

8)  Parasol Lamp Shade:  Is that a light shade or did Mary Poppins get stuck while flying in through our ceiling? Either way – pretty cool!

9)  Festering Boil Lamp Shade:  No, that's not actually what it's called, but I had to come up with something, and that was it. If you think about it, though, it kind of does look like a boil that has opened up. Except it's oozing light and not something icky. (Sorry about that – I'm a boy, and by nature we are GROSS!)

10)  Circus Lamp Shade:  That's not what this one's called either, but that's what it reminds me of. In a good way, of course. Who doesn't love the circus?

11)  CMYK Lamp Shade:  For the uninitiated, "CMYK" stands for Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, and Key (Black), a subtractive color model used in color printing. Bright, ain't it?

12)  Recycled Paper Feather Lamp Shade:  Made (obviously) from recycled paper, this eye-catching shade will have you singing "You are the wind beneath my wings..." all over your house. Well, maybe not.

13)  Betty Peacock Lamp Shade:  Finally, a lamp shade that can also be used to mop the floor and dust the furniture! Why didn't they think of this years ago?

14)  1980s Prom Dress Lamp Shade:  No, that's not what it's called either. But that is what it reminds me of!

15)  Funky Red Lamp Shade:  Yes, this is its name. Though I could have called it "Little Red Dress With A Dent In The Stomach Shade." Aren't you glad I didn't go there?

16)  Dancing Chicken Lamp Shade:  Finally, a lamp shade that goes with EVERY style of décor!

17)  Aztec Sun God Lamp Shade:  Perfect for practicing Aztecs as well as people who like their lamps to stare back at them.

18)  Darth Vader Lamp Shade:  C'mon, you know you want of these! You're probably about to Google it right now, aren't you? Okay, fine – but don't close this tab to do it. Come back and finish reading the post once you've placed your order. I'll wait....

19)  Fish Aquarium Lamp Shade:  For the gaudy-furniture collector who has everything...else.

20)  Cross And Square Lamp Shade:  See note on #3 (above).

21)  Your Favorite Horse Lamp Shade:  This being a custom hand-painted lamp shade, you could substitute your favorite whatever-kind-of-animal. Heck, you could even have his or her name penned on it in calligraphy if you wanted.

22)  Wooden Xylophone Lamp Shade:  Of course, this shade actually goes by a different name. But think about it – if those things were all made out of metal, you could play a tune on your light source! And how awesome would that be?

23)  Beehive-Inspired Nectar Lamp Shade:  If only it produced actual honey, this lamp shade would be perfection!

24)  Bacon Lamp Shade:  Slap that sucker in the frying pan for a couple of minutes, and it will be called the "What Happened To My Lamp Shade?"

25)  Melted Lego Lamp Shade:  Ideal for the do-it-yourself lamp shade maker. First, boil 8 cups of water in a pot. Then you drop in your favorite shapes, sizes, and colors of Legos. When Legos have boiled for 12 minutes, place them on a cookie sheet and bake them in your oven for 45 minutes at 425 degrees. Take them out – careful, they're hot! – and shape them into your very own lamp shade. Allow 5 to 6 hours for lamp shade to set before attempting to install it.

26)  Armadillo Lamp Shade:  Because, let's face it – there are far uglier animals after which to fashion a lamp shade. Aren't there?

27)  Pink Cupcakes Lamp Shade:  Your little girl loves pink, doesn't she? And she simply adores cupcakes, right? Then what are you waiting for? Buy NOW!

28)  SPAM Lamp Shade:  While we're on the subject of food, why not decorate your tablelamp with this sharp-looking SPAM shade? Or not....

29)  Humorous Donkey Movie Lamp Shade:  Not unlike the Dancing Chicken Lamp Shade, this one-of-a-kind shade goes with every style of décor! Why not buy one for every room in your house?

30)  The Rats Ate Half Our Butterfly Lamp Shade:  This is, of course, not the shade's real name. But it does look like there used to be more to this thing. What a shame – it might have been pretty, you know, before....

31)  Straw Lamp Shade:  Not straw as in hay, but straw as in plastic straws. This was made by someone with way too much time on their hands and not much money in their pockets.

32)  Pink Zebra Lamp Shade:  What would a TPOH ("The Plural Of Hyena") blog post be without the occasional reference to zebras? Answer: Not half as good.

33)  Disco Ball Lamp Shade:  Go dig up your favorite Bee Gees records, 'cuz it's time to get funky!

34)  Skull Lamp Shade:  Because waking up in the morning isn't scary enough as it is, there's the über-creepy Skull Lamp Shade.

35)  Moldy Wedding Cake Lamp Shade:  Again, I have taken some creative liberties in naming this lamp shade. But really, isn't that what it looks like? A long-past-its-expiration-date quadruple-layer wedding cake held up with one arm by a bare-chested Egyptian?

36)  Monogrammed Lamp Shade:  If you're one of those unfortunate souls who frequently wakes up not knowing where you are or how you got there – this lamp shade is here to help. It will let you know when you wake up at home – if you can remember the first letter of your name, that is.

37)  Corset Lamp Shade:  Now why am I not surprised that this lamp shade actually exists?

38)  Necktie Lamp Shade:  Or that this one exists either, for that matter?

39)  Gentleman's Hat Lamp Shade:  Now, these I like a lot! I'd totally go for both of these lamp shades!

40)  I Wear My Sunglasses At Night Lamp Shade:  Corey Hart would be proud....

41)  Linus And Snoopy Lamp Shade:  I WANT THIS! Want. It. Please!

42)  Boardshort Lamp Shade:  The more of these I find, the less I am surprised by what I find. Are you finding that to be true as well?

43)  Ribbon Lamp Shade:  But how much is it ACTUALLY shading? I mean, really!

44)  Your Children's Faces Lamp Shade:  Perfect for parents with short-term memory loss, this photo-quality lamp shade keeps your children's faces – if not their names – fresh in your mind whenever you stare at your lamp.

45)  F1/F2 Lamp Shade:  The perfect gift for the die-hard computer geek in your life.

46)  The Lion King Lamp Shade:  It's the circle of life. No, it's a circle of light. Oh's both!

47)  Chia Lamp Shade:  Water it daily, and in just a couple of weeks you'll have your very own lamp shade! Ch-ch-ch-chia!

48)  Mushroom Lamp Shade:  Be sure to check and make sure that the shade is not poisonous before you turn the light on.

49)  Dark Tea Wicker Lamp Shade:  This versatile lamp shade also doubles as a bucket hat on those sunnier days outdoors.

50)  Half A Golf Ball Lamp Shade:  No one really knows where the other half of it went – maybe your husband bashed it with a nine-iron? – but everyone agrees...that's a classy lamp shade!

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