Monday, May 20, 2013

500 Brief Thoughts

This is my 500th blog post, all-time. In honor of that, I will share with you 500 brief thoughts. They will be fairly random thoughts. Some of them might make sense. Some of them might not. You may get tired of reading them before you get to the end. But hopefully you won't. Let's find out...

  1. This post is going to take a while to write.
  2. This post is going to take a while to read.
  3. It's probably not worth the effort.
  4. But that never stopped me before.
  5. Do keys jingle or jangle?
  6. Does it really matter either way?
  7. I think about a lot of things.
  8. I don't do enough things.
  9. The only bone I've ever broken is my great toe on my right foot.
  10. Someone dropped a large section of wooden staging on it by accident.
  11. It hurt quite a lot.
  12. I bled down the center aisle at church.
  13. A friend had to drive me home.
  14. Another friend took embarrassing pictures of me.
  15. Sometimes I bite my nails.
  16. Usually when I'm thinking too much.
  17. The word "such" sounds ridiculous when you say it over and over again out loud.
  18. Television takes up way too much of my time.
  19. That's my fault.
  20. I'm not very disciplined about a lot of things.
  21. It shows.
  22. Sometimes I spike my hair up in he front.
  23. I'm trying to look trendy.
  24. But I'm still fat.
  25. And I'm still rather ugly.
  26. And occasionally annoying.
  27. Spiked hair doesn't fix much of anything, actually.
  28. I have bad allergies.
  29. I take medicine for it every day.
  30. Sometimes it helps.
  31. Sometimes it doesn't.
  32. I don't like politics.
  33. Or politicians.
  34. Or war.
  35. Or watching the news.
  36. I don't know what a carburetor does.
  37. But I can spell "carburetor" perfectly without even looking it up.
  38. I participated in several spelling bees when I was a kid.
  39. Once I made it to the Regionals.
  40. The competition was held in Stone Mountain, Georgia.
  41. I came in 10th place.
  42. I misspelled the word "heifer."
  43. I had never heard of that word before.
  44. I grew up in the country.
  45. But not on a farm.
  46. I don't think I'm that great of a father.
  47. I'm not an awful father, either, though.
  48. Compared to some people, I'm excellent, I suppose.
  49. Fortunately, my kid is too young to know the difference.
  50. This post may have been too ambitious an undertaking.
  51. But you're still reading it.
  52. And I can do this.
  53. I can do a lot of things I don't think I can do.
  54. I bet I could change a tire successfully if my life depended on it.
  55. If nothing was at stake, I probably wouldn't even try.
  56. That's why I have AAA.
  57. I can be extremely lazy sometimes.
  58. At other times, I can be extremely diligent.
  59. I ate too much ice cream yesterday.
  60. "Marshmallows" is an incredibly stupid-sounding word.
  61. So is "artichoke."
  62. I think that old "pull my finger" routine is really lame.
  63. Is "lame" a nicer word to say than "crippled"?
  64. I don't know any magic tricks.
  65. I had a chemistry set when I was a kid.
  66. I never blew anything up, though.
  67. Because I couldn't figure out how to.
  68. My cousin and I used to build things out of junk.
  69. I was a big fan of the "A-Team."
  70. He was a "MacGyver" fan.
  71. We built some pretty cool stuff.
  72. I wonder what happened to those things.
  73. My cousin and I were pretty close back then.
  74. Not so much anymore.
  75. He lives in Michigan.
  76. He is a preacher.
  77. I'm not a preacher.
  78. I'm tougher than I look, you know.
  79. And smarter than I seem at first.
  80. But I'm every bit as blah as I appear.
  81. I'm fascinated by a myriad of things.
  82. Like the word "myriad," for example.
  83. They say that curiosity killed the cat.
  84. Good thing I'm not a cat, or I'd have been dead years ago.
  85. I think it would be fun to be a stormchaser.
  86. Until I got sucked up into a tornado.
  87. Then it would seem to have been an unwise career choice.
  88. Willie Nelson is pretty cool.
  89. We used to sing "On The Road Again" when we would go on vacation when I was a kid.
  90. I don't even remember the words to it now.
  91. I don't sing in public much anymore.
  92. I used to sing in church all the time.
  93. Then I quit the choir.
  94. It was nothing personal.
  95. I only have so much time and energy.
  96. I had to make a choice between choir and drama.
  97. One was my passion, and the other was my ministry.
  98. Yes, in that order.
  99. I chose to continue with my ministry.
  100. I still miss singing, though.
  101. I wish I could do both.
  102. I don't understand how a lighter works.
  103. You flick a button and – voila! – a flame comes out.
  104. I don't know why I hate soccer.
  105. Or hockey, for that matter.
  106. Maybe it's because the game can end in a tie.
  107. And what's the point of that?
  108. You play to win the game, not to tie it.
  109. I hate sunglasses, for reasons that most people wouldn't understand.
  110. So I squint a lot during the summer.
  111. I never wear a watch.
  112. My cell phone is my watch.
  113. Before cell phones, I still didn't wear a watch.
  114. I used to when I was a kid, but never successfully.
  115. I have always been very clumsy.
  116. Often, I would trip and my watch would break my fall.
  117. And the watch would break, of course.
  118. Or I'd bump into a wall by accident, and scratch up the watch face irreparably.
  119. The word "irreparably" is extremely clunky to say or to spell.
  120. So is the word "mellifluous."
  121. So is the word "concupiscence."
  122. I prefer the English Standard Version of the Bible.
  123. Or the New American Standard Bible.
  124. Or, when I feel that my reading comprehension skills are somewhat diminished, the New Century Version.
  125. The King James Version of the Bible contains 8 separate uses of a word that many people today consider to be a vulgarity.
  126. Apparently, that wasn't the case back in 1611.
  127. Modern translations often rephrase the verse altogether to avoid using this word.
  128. My son has a Charlie Brown head.
  129. I love that about him.
  130. But he has Linus hair.
  131. Except Linus wasn't a redhead.
  132. I'm a big fan of fans.
  133. And air conditioning, too.
  134. I sweat easily.
  135. But I don't enjoy doing so.
  136. Color me wimpy.
  137. My favorite pen just ran out of ink.
  138. That's okay, though.
  139. I got it at the Dollar Tree, two to a pack.
  140. I'll go get another pack or two of them on my lunch break.
  141. I do have to go to the grocery store on lunch, though.
  142. Well, I may have to write with a subpar pen until tomorrow.
  143. Sometimes I clip my fingernails at my desk.
  144. Like today, for instance.
  145. Fortunately, I have my own office.
  146. And I work with the door closed.
  147. Because I am easily distracted.
  148. And I'm far too busy to be unfocused.
  149. I took violin lessons for a year or two when I was a kid.
  150. I was never very good at it.
  151. But I liked the sound that the instrument made.
  152. Later, I took piano lessons for a year.
  153. I was even worse at that.
  154. But I liked the sound of the piano as well.
  155. I think I was just not that great at being taught to play something.
  156. Later, I took up playing the guitar.
  157. My uncle, a proficient guitarist, taught me some basic chords.
  158. I taught myself a lot about playing, though.
  159. I can play rhythm guitar decently well now.
  160. In recent years, I finally got where I could play and sing at the same time.
  161. That's harder than you might think.
  162. So is writing 500 thoughts throughout the course of a day.
  163. I don't have a favorite sports team in any sport.
  164. I love baseball, but I'll root for anybody.
  165. Or root against anybody, for that matter.
  166. I love football, but the closest team to where I live is the Panthers, and they aren't that great.
  167. I like basketball alright, but the Bobcats are the closest team, and they're profoundly awful.
  168. If you're still reading this, you're a real trouper.
  169. Incidentally, many people confuse the word "trouper" with the word "trooper."
  170. A "trooper" is another word for a Highway Patrol officer.
  171. "Trooper" can also refer to a brave, stalwart person.
  172. A "trouper" is a reliable, uncomplaining person.
  173. "Trouper" can also refer to a staunch supporter or colleague.
  174. I knew the difference myself, but I borrowed these definitions from
  175. I don't know a lot about the Civil Rights Movement.
  176. But it's a subject that interests me greatly.
  177. I should pick up a few books on the subject on my next library trip.
  178. You may remember that I was trying to read War And Peace last year.
  179. I did get about 30% of the way through it, but I've set it aside for a while.
  180. It was still holding my interest, but other books have held it more of late.
  181. I'm currently reading The Great Gatsby for the first time in my life.
  182. I want to go see the movie, but not until I've read the book.
  183. I've set aside all the other books I'm currently reading so that I can finish it quickly.
  184. I'm approximately 66% finished as of last night.
  185. I will probably read more of F. Scott Fitzgerald's writings when I'm done with this one.
  186. His simple yet elegant prose is very easy to read.
  187. If a tree falls in the forest and no lumberjacks were there to witness it, a beaver was probably the perpetrator.
  188. I'm a big fan of the word "perpetrator."
  189. Therefore, it irks me whenever they shorten the word to "perp" on TV crime shows.
  190. I wonder why they've never made a CSI: Boise?
  191. No good television shows are set in Idaho.
  192. What do they have against Idaho anyway?
  193. Or Iowa, for that matter.
  194. Some states are unnecessarily neglected by the entertainment industry.
  195. That was a somewhat strange tangent.
  196. Although I am never surprised at what my brain comes up with.
  197. Incidentally, I once tore a piece of paper into the exact shape of Idaho.
  198. I didn't do it on purpose.
  199. I kept that piece of paper for years.
  200. I wonder what ever happened to it.
  201. The name "Elvis" can be rearranged to spell the words "Evils" and "Lives."
  202. I still have 298 thoughts to go, and I'm drawing a blank.
  203. Incidentally, how does one go about drawing a blank?
  204. I'm not that good at drawing, but I bet I could draw a blank.
  205. I used to draw a couple of different comic strips when I was a kid.
  206. One of them was about this bald guy with big, buggy eyes named Ed Jones.
  207. I'm sure that strip had a cast of supporting characters, but now I don't remember who they were.
  208. Another comic strip I did was about this kid named Zeke, and his friends.
  209. Zeke had a Caesar haircut years before it was popular.
  210. My limited drawing skills probably had a lot to do with his prescient 'do.
  211. I wanted to draw comic strips because I idolized Charles M. Schulz (Peanuts).
  212. I still think very highly of him, for that matter.
  213. Schulz was the greatest cartoonist who ever lived, in my opinion.
  214. And a pretty darn good philosopher in his own right.
  215. My favorite food has always been fried chicken.
  216. My favorite side dishes have typically been green beans, corn, and mashed potatoes.
  217. Despite my sometimes lack of an accent, I am clearly a true Southerner.
  218. My favorite flavor of Pop Tarts is Brown Sugar Cinnamon.
  219. My second favorite flavor is Chocolate Fudge.
  220. For some reason, I always heat up my Pop Tarts for exactly 22 seconds.
  221. Some people – my wife included – don't heat theirs up at all.
  222. I like them hot – but not too hard – and 22 seconds seems to work just perfectly.
  223. At school, I once punched a kid in the gut for stepping on the backs of my shoes in the hallway.
  224. He'd been doing it for awhile, and I hadn't said or done anything in response.
  225. Finally, enough was enough, and I reacted – well, overreacted.
  226. I must have gotten my point across, though.
  227. Me and that guy were pretty good friends over the next few years.
  228. I wonder what ever happened to him.
  229. Whoever came up with the term "finger sandwiches" to describe certain hors d'oeuvres didn't think that phrase through properly.
  230. The word/phrase "hors d'oeuvres" is extremely difficult to spell.
  231. Yes, I had to look it up, because I misspelled it at first.
  232. I don't admit things like that very much.
  233. I like to think that I can spell any word without looking it up first.
  234. But that isn't true.
  235. Most words, though.
  236. I often speak in malapropisms, much to my wife's chagrin.
  237. A malapropism is the use of an incorrect word in place of a word with a similar sound, resulting in a nonsensical, often humorous utterance.
  238. I borrowed that definition from
  239. Sometimes the malapropism in question doesn't even sound similar to the word I actually mean, though there is some vague connection to the actual word that I'm trying to say.
  240. So my wife has to translate me a lot, to figure out what I actually intended to say.
  241. She is a long-suffering wife.
  242. I love her.
  243. It occurs to me that my family's names – Jason, Mary, and Josiah – sound remarkably similar to another famous family of three – Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
  244. But the similarities pretty much end there.
  245. I have a B.A. degree in English, but I no longer recall the difference between a simile and a metaphor.
  246. And I no longer care.
  247. I can be very witty when I want to be.
  248. And witless without even trying.
  249. A good writer doesn't write in fragments.
  250. Some writers don't play by the rules.
  251. Like me.
  252. Some people don't look good with green hair.
  253. Some people do.
  254. Good things happen to bad people because they pay better attention.
  255. I am fluent in English, Spanish, Pig Latin, and Sarcasm.
  256. If you wax on, then immediately wax off, have you really done anything?
  257. Some of my favorite movies growing up were E.T., The Goonies, Return To Oz, The Karate Kid, Back To The Future, and Gremlins.
  258. I saw all of these in the theatre when they first came up.
  259. Yeah, I'm that old.
  260. If a woodchuck can't actually chuck wood, then why does it matter how much wood he could chuck?
  261. This exercise in futility is making my head hurt.
  262. All the same, I hope you're enjoying it.
  263. When I was a kid, I used to come up with all kinds of first-and-middle-name combinations for my future kids.
  264. I wonder if I ever came up with the name "Josiah Daniel."
  265. I wonder what ever happened to all my lists of names.
  266. I wonder how many times I've typed the word "wonder" in this post.
  267. Eight times so far, as it turns out.
  268. I'm glad this was not my 1,000th post, all-time.
  269. This was probably a dumb idea.
  270. But I'm sticking it out, even if you don't.
  271. I never had the desire to be a Boy Scout.
  272. I wonder if my son will want to be one.
  273. I hope he likes baseball.
  274. I will never force him to play.
  275. But if he chooses to, I will support him fully.
  276. I will not miss a single game if I can help it.
  277. If he chooses to play soccer, I will have to learn to love it.
  278. His mother has already said that he is not allowed to play football.
  279. No violent sports for our little guy.
  280. So that probably rules out being a catcher in baseball as well.
  281. Have you ever read the poem in the sidebar of this blog under the "About Me" heading?
  282. If not, please take the time to do so now – I'm not going anywhere.
  283. That's actually one of my favorite poems among the hundreds (maybe thousands?) that I've written.
  284. I haven't posted any poetry all year long so far.
  285. I put my heart and soul into my poems, but very few people read them.
  286. So why bother?
  287. I'll still write poetry now and then, I'm sure, but I don't know if I'll post what I write.
  288. Then again, maybe I will.
  289. After all, I'm not just doing this to entertain you.
  290. I'm writing for my own pleasure as well.
  291. I graduated high school 17 years ago this month.
  292. I have been back to my old school – which is in the town where I currently live – exactly once.
  293. It was the year after I graduated high school.
  294. I was in college at the time.
  295. I had grown my hair out a bit, but nothing dramatic.
  296. One of my former teachers commented on this.
  297. She implied that because I had let my hair grow long that I must be on drugs or something.
  298. She didn't actually say that, but that was the clear impression she was trying to convey.
  299. I was on drugs: Benadryl, specifically.
  300. Because I have allergies (see # 28 above).
  301. That previously thought may have been technically been a repeat, so I'll do two on this one. Stein Mart is overrated.
  302. Anyway, since that time, I've cut my hair and kept it shorter.
  303. But I've never gone back to my old school.
  304. It was (and is) a private Christian school.
  305. I've wanted to go back lots of times.
  306. But I haven't really lost anything there.
  307. So it remains a place in my past – sad, but true.
  308. I graduated from college 13 years ago next month.
  309. My wife and I were on campus this weekend, catching up on some grading.
  310. The kid was at home with my parents, having a "grand" old time – pun intended.
  311. Being at the university again made me miss being in school.
  312. Then I thought about all the work that would be involved in going back to school.
  313. I remained sentimental, but lost all interest in re-enrolling.
  314. Interestingly enough, I found myself closer to God when I attended a "secular" university than when I attended a Christian high school.
  315. Funny how that works.
  316. I only dance publicly in foreign countries where no one knows me.
  317. Actually, I've only danced publicly in one foreign country.
  318. It was in Jamaica, to be exact.
  319. We were there to attend the wedding of a friend.
  320. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort.
  321. Needless to say, it was beautiful there.
  322. One night, they held a concert on the beach.
  323. The lady who originally recorded the song "The Electric Slide" (her name eludes me) was performing.
  324. Incidentally, though she was quite old, she could still move like nobody's business.
  325. They had set up some large planks on the beach for dancing.
  326. I had not intended to dance, as I'm very bad at it.
  327. But the reggae music and the sound of the sea enchanted me.
  328. My wife and I danced to a couple of songs right then and there.
  329. I moved awkwardly, and probably quite off-rhythm.
  330. I may or may not have stepped on my wife's toes.
  331. But it was loads of fun.
  332. And there were only a few people in attendance who even knew me.
  333. And half of them were family members.
  334. I've been to exactly three foreign countries other than the United States.
  335. The countries are Mexico, Jamaica, and The Bahamas.
  336. I was quite impressed by the Bahamian culture.
  337. The people were extremely friendly there.
  338. Their belief in Christianity was evident, in both their words and the music we heard playing in the shops.
  339. We went on a glass-bottom boat tour.
  340. The tour guide gave his testimony en route to our destination.
  341. We took a cab to Paradise Island.
  342. The cabbie witnessed to us on the way.
  343. When he found out that we were Christians already, we enjoyed a few minutes of wonderful fellowship with a like-minded believer.
  344. The Bahamas trip was part of a cruise we were taking.
  345. The other stop on our cruise was to Key West, Florida.
  346. We were not impressed with Key West.
  347. Everything there– and everybody – was weird.
  348. Chickens roamed freely throughout the island.
  349. I didn't have a problem with that.
  350. Bars could be found on every corner downtown.
  351. We didn't go to any of them.
  352. We did go to the house where Ernest Hemingway lived.
  353. To an aspiring writer like myself, that was pretty awesome.
  354. Descendants of Hemingway's own cats still live on the property.
  355. The tour guide was pushy about getting tips (after we'd already paid a steep admission price), and rude when he got none from the patrons.
  356. It was an extremely hot day, and though we were dressed for the weather, we were still quite miserable.
  357. I've always hated long division.
  358. Well, I've always hated math in general, but long division in particular.
  359. That doesn't mean I'm not good at it, though.
  360. I can long-divide like nobody's business.
  361. But I'd rather use a calculator.
  362. I wonder where the phrase "like nobody's business" originated?
  363. When you really think about it, it doesn't make that much sense.
  364. Neither does "dead as a doornail," for that matter.
  365. That's like saying "he was alive as a pair of scissors."
  366. I am frequently irrelevant.
  367. But that doesn't bother me too much.
  368. Being incontinent would bother me.
  369. But since I'm not (TMI, I know), I remain unperturbed.
  370. I bet the word "unperturbed" was invented by a very drunk person.
  371. Think about it – could a sober person come up with that word?
  372. I've been asked once or twice where the name of my blog – The Plural Of Hyena – comes from.
  373. It actually came into being when I wrote my first-ever post on February 21, 2011 (read it here).
  374. In that post, I denoted a number of things which I found fascinating.
  375. One thing in particular was that there are four correct ways to pluralize the word "hyena."
  376. The four acceptable forms of pluralization are: hyena, hyenas, hyenae, and hyenæ.
  377. While my blog has never had a specific focus – it's not just about writing, or music, or interesting quotes, or funny pictures, or journaling, but is inclusive of all of these – one thread has remained consistent.
  378. If this blog is about anything, it's about the things I find fascinating, which are many.
  379. Thus, I took a phrase from my first post and made it the name of my blog.
  380. I had several other – presumably original – ideas of titles for my blog, but upon doing a quick Google search, I found that these were already taken.
  381. I have now forgotten the alternative titles that didn't make the cut.
  382. Which is just as well, because I relish being the author of the one and only "The Plural Of Hyena" blog in all the world.
  383. One day, I'll probably compile some of my favorite posts (of original material, of course) and make them into a book.
  384. Of course, the book will be entitled The Plural Of Hyena.
  385. Its subtitle will probably be something like, "A Compendium Of Things I Find Fascinating."
  386. I should probably copyright this phraseology now, so it can't be stolen later.
  387. I'll make myself a note to look into how to do such a thing.
  388. If you're still reading this, thank you once again, and please stick with me, because we're close to being finished.
  389. If by "close," you are referring to horseshoes, hand grenades, or atomic warfare.
  390. During the Gulf War, I once wrote a snappy little ditty called "Bomb Iraq" to the tune of The Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann."
  391. In retrospect, that was probably a culturally insensitive thing to do.
  392. But I was a teenager, and I didn't know anything about being culturally insensitive.
  393. In fact, the phrase "culturally insensitive" probably only existed among sociologists at the time.
  394. The term "politically correct" was probably in vogue back then, but I was more likely to relish being "politically incorrect" at that age.
  395. I had a rebellious streak in me, but I never really did anything all that rebellious.
  396. I was no James Dean.
  397. I'm still no James Dean.
  398. But then again, James Dean is dead and buried, so neither is he.
  399. I love Jimmy Dean sausages, though.
  400. I wonder if anyone has ever been beaten to death with a banana.
  401. I wonder how many times I've typed the word "wonder" now.
  402. Fourteen times, as it turns out.
  403. Were it not for her overly sexualized lyrics and her unnecessarily promiscuous attire, I'd probably be a huge fan of Katy Perry.
  404. Fact: I owned Katy Hudson's debut CD in the early 2000s, several years before she changed her name to Katy Perry.
  405. At the time,  Katy – the daughter of a minister – was a Christian recording artist.
  406. One of my favorite songs on that CD was called "Spit."
  407. The lyrics to "Spit" went something like this: "If you came by me, would I crown You my King, or brush You off as though I really didn't see? If You walked by my side, would our souls then be unified? I swore Your name would never be denied. But I took up this hammer, and laughed at all Your slander, and pierced Your hands with the nails of blasphemy. How could I do this? I don't know. Said something forced me to it, so I spit in Your face and passed You by. But time and time again, I'd live that life of sin. I knew it hurt You bad, but I wasn't ready to give in. 'Maybe someday,' but not this day, I said. I wanted to live my life – I was willing to pay the price..."
  408. Sadly, it looks like Katy's living out the negative aspects of these lyrics these days.
  409. My favorite all-time mysteries are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories.
  410. If you've only seen the TV shows or movie versions of these stories, you should really do yourself a favor and read the books, because they're fantastic.
  411. For fluffier fare, I fancied the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew mystery books as well.
  412. I still own several of those books and will occasionally go back and reread them.
  413. Did anyone ever get around to answering that age-old question, "How much is that doggie in the window?"?
  414. Something tells me I'm running out of good ideas.
  415. Which is totally understandable considering this is my 415th thought of the day.
  416. I wonder how many thoughts it is normal to have in any given day.
  417. I wonder if that depends on how A.D.D. you are.
  418. I've never been diagnosed as such, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that I suffer from it.
  419. Or that I thrive, imagination-wise, because of it.
  420. Some of the craziest people who ever lived have been responsible for some of the best literature, music, and scientific breakthroughs.
  421. I'm not putting myself in that class, but I am drawing a correlation between mania and creativity.
  422. There's actually been scientific studies on this phenomenon, so I'm not breaking any new ground here.
  423. Why is it, whenever a ground-breaking ceremony is held, that some stiff in a suit is the one doing the digging?
  424. Everyone knows that guy's not going to do a dang thing when it comes to the actual breaking of said ground, nor will he be involved in any of the other manual labor thereafter.
  425. If they really wanted to make it symbolic, they'd at least outfit the overpaid pencil-pusher in some kind of uniform, or at least a decent pair of Dickies.
  426. No one digs holes in a three-piece suit.
  427. But whenever someone does, they somehow manage to get their picture in the newspaper.
  428. For four years, my "writing" was published in the local newspaper every single day.
  429. I was a classified advertising salesperson.
  430. It was crap work, but I was good at it.
  431. Which probably says something about me.
  432. If you're still reading this far, are your eyes beginning to cross?
  433. Because mine are.
  434. I need new glasses.
  435. I have needed them for quite some time now.
  436. My vision has seemingly worsened a tad since my last eye checkup.
  437. My frames are now permanently crooked.
  438. The finish is wearing off the metal.
  439. I'm tired of metal frames.
  440. I have floaters in my eyes.
  441. Hopefully my retinas aren't detached.
  442. I want to get some dark-colored plastic frames.
  443. Something to make me look intellectual even when I don't feel like I am.
  444. I'm not one of those people who wears glasses because it's trendy to do so.
  445. I actually can't see five feet in front of me without corrective lenses.
  446. It is literally illegal for me to get behind the wheel of a vehicle without glasses.
  447. It also highly impractical for me to do so.
  448. I bought a pair of Sanük shoes recently.
  449. They call them "sidewalk surfers."
  450. They're very casual, but oh-so-comfortable.
  451. They feel like flip-flops, though they look like shoes.
  452. I paid $65 for them, which for me is extremely expensive.
  453. But I knew, when I bought them, that I would wear them five days a week for who knows how long.
  454. And that made it worth the added expense.
  455. I affectionately call my fashion sense "K-Mart Couture."
  456. It isn't that I necessarily buy all my clothes from K-Mart.
  457. In fact, more of my clothes come from Target, Walmart, and Rugged Wearhouse than anywhere else.
  458. The phrase derives more from the fact that I literally don't care if I'm wearing name-brand clothing or not.
  459. If it looks decent and fits well and doesn't cost an arm and a leg, I'm all in.
  460. If it looks decent and fits well and has a designer label on it, thereby making its price a third or more higher than the similar item from the department store, I'm not even going to give it a second glance.
  461. Any name-brand clothing that I own was most likely given to me or was something I purchased at Rugged Wearhouse.
  462. Which means that something somewhere on the clothing is probably slightly irregular, though not enough so that it actually matters.
  463. If I were pressed to describe myself using only hyphenated word-phrases, I would have to say that I am long-winded, self-conscious, and moisture-wicking.
  464. I won't explain that last one as long as you promise not to wonder what I mean.
  465. Which is asking quite a lot, actually.
  466. It suddenly occurs to me that I use the word "actually" far too frequently.
  467. Thirteen times in this post alone, as a matter of fact.
  468. It occurs to me that the phrase "as a matter of fact" is basically another way of saying "actually."
  469. Clearly, I'm running out of steam here.
  470. If I ever aspired to win any award, it would be an Oscar.
  471. I would want to win one for Best Director.
  472. I would probably actually have to successfully direct a film for this to happen.
  473. While I'm not terribly old and there's still time, I'm not holding my breath on that Oscar.
  474. I wonder who the Oscar award was named after.
  475. I wonder who the Emmy award was named after.
  476. I wonder who the Tony award was named after.
  477. I wonder whose grandparent the Grammy award was named after.
  478. I've now used the word "wonder" an astounding 22 times in this post alone.
  479. But then again, wonder is an outpouring of fascination, which is what this blog is all about (see # 378 above).
  480. I may have mentioned before that we have three cats.
  481. One is 16 years old and is in the early stages of kidney disease – he seems happy, though.
  482. Another is 11 years old and is losing the majority of the fur on her back – we don't know why.
  483. The other is 9 years old and is grossly overweight – he doesn't exercise like he should.
  484. It occurs to me that cats are very much like people in that they go through certain changes as they age, and that there are some things that can be done about that, and some things that can't be helped.
  485. In other ways, cats are very much unlike people.
  486. For instance, they lick their own butts.
  487. Then again, there are certain people in this world who are sick enough in the head that they would likely do the same if it weren't for their lack of flexibility.
  488. Somebody stop me – I'm disgusting myself here.
  489. Another hyphenated word I could use to describe myself is the word "self-indulgent."
  490. Case in point: This ridiculously long and ultimately pointless post.
  491. Then again, if you read carefully enough, you will see that I have revealed many things here.
  492. Significant parts of my past are scattered throughout these lines.
  493. My feelings, convictions, and innermost thoughts are unabashedly on display here.
  494. If you're still reading this, perhaps you know me just a little bit better now.
  495. Perhaps, in getting these thoughts out, I know myself a little bit better too.
  496. Maybe none of this means anything to you or to me or to anyone else.
  497. As a writer, I always desire to be read.
  498. I hope you have read thus far, and will continue to read what I write.
  499. If you never read another word I write, I will still write, because I must.
  500. May we all live happily ever after. ~ The End.

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