Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Creepy Mascots, Vol. 1: College Mascots

I've always found sports team mascots a bit creepy. Maybe it's the oversized heads, the fixed facial expressions, the in-your-face-ness that's inherent in their interaction with fans like me who'd rather be left alone. (I don't particularly care for clowns for many of the same reasons.) While I'm not explicitly afraid of mascots – that would be ridiculous! – I'm also not fond of them. So consider this miniseries of posts a "face your fears" – or, rather, "face your aversions" – exercise. Perhaps you'll get a laugh out of these, or perhaps a nightmare. Either way, here they are...  ~  JH

Thanks a lot! Now I'll never eat my vegetables!
The Fighting Okra
(Delta State University)

I gotta hand it to 'em. It is a clever acronym.
DIBS (Demon In A Blue Suit)
(DePaul University)

What the heck is a geoduck? And why
 does it look like a green hot dog?
Speedy The Geoduck
(Evergreen State College)

This bird seriously looks like he's up to no good.
The Cardinal
(Iowa State University)

You don't wanna mess with an angry beaver!
Benny Beaver
(Oregon State University)

He looks more like a Ku Klux Klan member
than someone to whom you'd give a confession.
The Friar
(Providence College)

If this mascot doesn't strike fear in the hearts of the other team's
players, at least maybe they'll laugh too hard to play well.
Artie The Fighting Artichoke
(Scottsdale Community College)

Something about a blue-faced pirate in clunky
boots just doesn't sit right with me for some reason.
The Pirate
(Seton Hall University)

This mascot is a hot mess any way you look at it.
The Stanford Tree
(Stanford University)

Life-sized fruit is not something I ever
wish to encounter, thank you very much.
Otto The Orange
(Syracuse University)

With his giant keys, he shall unlock the door to victory.
Wilbur The Wildcat
(University of Arizona)

Stop staring at me like that. Seriously!
Oski The Bear
(University of California-Berkeley)

Can you imagine the poor cheerleaders who have
to stand alongside this guy during the game?
Sammy The Banana Slug
(University of California-Santa Cruz)

This bird will never hold my baby.
Let me say that again. NEVER!
The Cardinal
(University of Louisville)

There's something endearing about this mascot.
 But there's also something a little frightening.
(University of Maryland)

You've heard of Angry Birds? Meet a real one.
Sebastian The Ibis
(University of Miami)

Not one but two creepy mascots at the same college. #smh
Lil' Red & Herbie Husker
(University of Nebraska)

Someone has described this mascot as a hybrid of
Frankenstein and Bart Simpson. Couldn't agree more!
(Wichita State University)

I hate this mascot for the same reason that I hated
the similarly plastic-headed Burger King mascot.
Pistol Pete
(Oklahoma State University)

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