I told you there'd be more of these to come, assuming the first one was well-received. As of this writing, my Jay-Z interpretation song has gotten 35 hits, which is more than good enough for me. I hope you'll also enjoy this word-for-word, line-by-line interpretation of an iconically laughable "rap" song. For side-by-side comparison, you can read the original lyrics here. ~ JH
"Ice Ice Baby"
as performed by Vanilla Ice
Hello, Very Important Person, let us begin!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
All right! Halt, work together, and pay attention!
I have returned and I brought something which I invented.
Something has a firm grip on me.
I move steadily like a sea spear every day and every night.
Will it ever cease? I am not sure.
Extinguish the lights and marvel as I glow in the dark.
I am extremely adept at speaking into a microphone
In the same way that a vandal is skilled
At destroying people's property.
At destroying people's property.
I am electrifying when I am on stage.
I cover gullible people in wax as though they were candles.
Dance! Advance rapidly toward the loud, resonant speaker.
I am destroying your brain in the same way that mycetism does.
Whenever I play a delightful melody, I am lethal.
If I am not giving you my best, it is a serious crime.
You may love it or you may choose to leave it alone.
Either way, you had better make way for me.
You had better be on target, because I am not playing games.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Now everyone at the party seems to be enjoying themselves.
The bass line has started, and the Vegas are inflating.
Do not beat around the bush, be genuine.
Much like one would fry bacon, I sauté other rappers.
I burn them because they are not quick enough to escape my pan.
Whenever I hear the crash of a cymbal, I become insane.
I also enjoy hearing up-tempo hi-hat cymbals.
I am doing well, so I will become a hermit.
I am driving my car, which has a 5.0L engine in it.
The top of the car's convertible roof is down
So that the wind can ruffle my frosted hair.
Attractive women are standing nearby
Waiting to say "hello" to me.
But I declined to stop, I simply kept driving.
Instead, I headed to my next destination.
I turned left, and now I am approaching the next block.
However, there was nothing going on at that block.
Hello! So I kept going until I arrived at A1A Beachfront Avenue.
Very attractive women there were wearing very skimpy clothing.
People who love headphone amplifiers
Are driving Italian luxury sports cars.
Are driving Italian luxury sports cars.
They are envious of me because I am extremely successful.
Shay is holding a 12-gauge shotgun
And I am holding a 9mm pistol.
And I am holding a 9mm pistol.
We are prepared to deal with the gullible people
Standing by the wall.
Standing by the wall.
These gullible people are acting irrationally
Because they are high on cocaine.
Because they are high on cocaine.
Gunshots rang out loudly, making my ears ring like a bell.
I grabbed my 9mm pistol, but the only sounds I heard were shells
Rapidly dropping onto the concrete.
I entered my car and promptly stomped on the accelerator.
Unfortunately, the avenue was jammed
With bumper-to-bumper traffic.
With bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I am attempting to escape before I get carjacked.
Law enforcement officers have arrived.
You know what I am referring to.
They disregarded me completely
And approached the drug addicts.
And approached the drug addicts.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Pay attention, because I am able to write lyrics that rhyme.
In case you were unaware, Miami supports rap music like mine.
My town created the bass sound that we all know and love.
The bass is deep enough to shake the ground and kick holes in it.
My style of rapping is similar to a chemical spill.
Plausible narratives that you can see and understand
Conducted and formed by myself. This is quite a concept!
We create pleasant-sounding music
That makes you want to dance.
That makes you want to dance.
Shay fiddles with the equalizer buttons
Slicing like a ninjutsu specialist.
Slicing like a ninjutsu specialist.
He cuts quickly in the same way that a razor blade does.
Other disc jockeys express their surprise and envy.
If my rap song were an illegal drug, I would sell it by the gram.
When it is time to relax, I will try to keep my composure.
I am mesmerized by the microphone as I boot my beverage.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Hello, fellow, we are going to leave now.
Say hello to your mother for me!
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