It's been a REALLY long time since I've posted anything on this blog. To say "it's about time" would be an understatement. So what are we waiting for? Let's go! ~ JH
BLOGGER'S NOTE: If you don't know me personally, you might think that the captions that will follow here are in earnest and not snarky and sarcastic as they are intended to be. I assure you, I'm not sexist. Far from it! But MANY of these ads definitely ARE! Times have changed for the better. Mostly...
Let's face it. We all sweat. And sweat stinks.
But you don't have to. Use Ab-Scent
and you'll be absent a bad scent, ensuring
long-lasting cleanliness and daintiness!
Not even a suicidal bloodhound, apparently.
She's got her man and her firearm.
What else does she need?
Glad times, here we come!
Because every woman's aim in life
is to be delicate and feminine.
Ooh, you put on deodorant, sweetheart?
Why, this calls for a celebration!
Tonight we're dining IN PUBLIC!
Wow, what a cool guy!
Groovy unibrow, too, bossman!
Don't let anything mar this moment...for HIM!
If you let him down, he may stop breathing.
No pressure.
She didn't raise her hand.
Because she wasn't...Sure.
Don't you dare be un-dainty!
Do the Dew, dame!
Everybody goes "Poof!" sometimes.
But it isn't always perspiration...
But my, what an elegant airhead!
I double-dog dare you! Don't stress out!
That Oasis guy will still want to date you.
Wait, what was the first form of protection?
Sounds like some really strange fetish.
"What are you into?"
"Oh, I sniff armholes."
Forget the anti-perspirant.
What's this about "self-service drugs"?
Sounds like a very bad idea...
In short, wear GO and you won't smell like "buts."
The other 3 out of 5 pay good money
to sweat like the rest of us.
Shut the front door!
What an amazing deal!
In case you were wondering if they were...
Goal: To win his heart.
Plan of Action: Wear deodorant.
I dunno. Lock her in the bathroom
until she promises to take a shower?
Luxurious as a lipstick?
Dainty? Chlorophyll?
Why am I asking questions?
Don't sweat it, lady. (Pun intended.)
They'd gossip about you whether
your pits reeked or not. #jealousy
"One squeeze puts your mind at ease."
There's a life lesson in there somewhere.
It's all about making him love you.
Nothing else matters.
Not true. Why, just last night he said,
"Darling, you smell despicable!"
If you haven't gotten the message yet, ladies, I'll spell
it out for you. No man will ever love you
if you don't deal with your perspiration issues.
Poor, hopeless waif.
What she needs is some deodorant.
Then he'll put a ring on it, for sure!
Biceps size matters, apparently.
Fresh AND misshapen!
I'm no dummy.
That's a blow-up doll.
Which doesn't require deodorant.
If you're stout, plump, or just regular overweight,
have we got a deodorant for you!
When are they going to get it through their
thick skulls that no man in his right mind
would go near a woman who refuses to
wear deodorant. Wake up, ladies!
First, clip the coupon so you can save 30¢, then
purchase the deodorant, apply, and get dressed.
I dunno, that seems like a lot of trouble.
As a bag of hammers.
Yep, 'cuz that guy is definitely
about to sexually assault you.
Again...it doesn't matter how pretty
you are. If your armpits are funky,
you're destined for a life of loneliness.
Don't say you weren't warned.
Because loss of daintiness is akin
to loss of dignity; yea, even loss of life.
Dang, Corporate didn't even give her
a ladder to climb. And yet she ascends...
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