Per Your Suggestion: "Why Mom Never Gave Me Chicken Milk As A Kid"

And now for something completely different (as if the other stories today haven't been far left of center anyway)...a story based on the "crazy title" suggested by my friend, Joseph Holton. Joe and I are kindred spirits in the Way of the Weird, as this title (and the others he suggested which I will later write) will attest. Hope you like this one, Joe. (Everyone else, too.)  ~  JH

"WHY MOM NEVER GAVE ME 
CHICKEN MILK AS A KID"

Why Mom never gave me Chicken Milk as a kid, I'll never know. Because this stuff is awesome! And healthy, too! It's simple enough to make. You take a whole chicken, minus the skin and bones, and drop it in your handy-dandy, albeit massively huge food processor and purée that sucker till it's just a bunch of mush. Add three-quarters of a cup of milk per pound of chicken and simmer in a large sauce pan for 36 minutes. When it's piping hit, you pour an appropriate amount into your favorite frosted mug and you're ready to enjoy it. For those of you who've never experienced the aroma, the taste, the creamy goodness of Chicken Milk, well – I can't really explain it in a way that would do it justice. You just have to try it. Now that I've gotten the hang of it, I'm thinking of branching out into other meat/drink hybrids. Turkey Soda, Hamburger-Aid, and of course, Bacon Water. The possibilities are endless! Chug-a-lug!