Best First Lines Of Weezer Songs

It's often been said that, in advertising or entertainment, you should "grab" the listener/viewer/reader with something that'll catch their attention from the get-go. The band Weezer is very good at this. Here's a smattering of the first few lines of some of their songs that are memorably ear-catching. Enjoy!  ~  JH

"My name is Jonas

I'm carrying the wheel

Thanks for all you've shown us

But this is how we feel…"

"My girl's got a big mouth

With which she blabbers a lot

She laughs at most everything

Whether it's funny or not…"

"What's with these homies dissing my girl?

Why do they gotta front?

What did we ever do to these guys

That made them so violent?"

"Somebody's hiney

Is crowdin' my icebox

Somebody's cold one

Is givin' me chills…"

"You are 18-year-old girl

Who live in small city of Japan

And you heard me on the radio

About one year ago…"

"When I look in the mirror

I can't believe what I see

Tell me, who's that funky dude

Staring back at me?"

"You half-Japanese girls

Do it to me every time

Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello

And I'm Jello, baby…"

"Gothic flavor, how I miss you

If I only once could kiss you…"

"Take a listen around you

All the people that crowd around in your house

They be wantin'

To kill you in your sleep…"

"Where I come from isn't all that great

My automobile is a piece of crap

My fashion sense is a little whack

And my friends are just as screwy as me…"

"They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair

Work out at the gym to fit my underwear

Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool

You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool…"

"When I was younger

I used to go and tip cows for fun, yeah

Actually I didn't do that

'Cuz I didn't want the cows to be sad…"

"I've been watching you, girl, from the back of my car

I see you're unsure of the place that you are

Groceries spillin' up out of your bag

Thinkin' you'll end up a penniless hag…"

"How am I going to

Deliver you a mountain size of love?

How do oceans connected by a straw

Get something through?"

"The moon was shining on the lake at night

The Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right

Your smeared mascara

I looked into your eyes and saw a light…"

"I thought tonight would suck like every other night

I'd party with my friends

But when I saw you grooving on the dance floor

Normal came to an end…"

"I told you that you would put on some weight

You went out with somebody named Kevin Green

You preferred to go to a volleyball game

I told you that you couldn't be more lame…"

"I have a friend and it's an earthworm

It burrows underground deep within the soil

Sometimes when it rains it comes out

and we talk about our day…"

"Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, yeah

Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, yeah

Suck a thumb, suck a thumb, suck a thumb

Suck that thumb, yeah…"

"Darling, I'm afraid to close my eyes

When I'm going to bed

I'm afraid you'll crack the phone

Down over my head…"

A Literal Interpretation Of Snoop Dogg's "Who Am I (What's My Name?)"

We've been down this road before, but for the uninitiated, here is a word-for-word "translation," as it were, of a popular hip-hop song from the past. Illuminated in this way, one can see the rampant vulgarity, self-stereotypes, and thoroughly insipid lyrics prominent throughout the song – and, by extension, throughout the genre of mainstream hip-hop. Granted, not all artists' songs are like this. But TOO many are. Enjoy?  ~  JH

BLOGGER'S NOTE: If you're interested in comparing the two (and/or you are not familiar with the song, the original (explicit) lyrics can be found here.

"Who Am I (What's My Name)?"

by Snoop Dogg

INTRO:

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…]

The Dogg Pound is at this location (the explosive device)

The Dogg Pound is at this location

Snoop Doggy Dogg (the explosive device)

Snoopy Doggy Dogg (Dogg)

VERSE 1:

From the depths of the sea, back to the neighborhood

Snoop Doggy Dogg, awesome, yes, but a protégé of Dr. Dre

I became a solo act on those buttocks, but there is no difference

Long Beach is the area from which I originate

Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me

But be sure to keep a firm grip

1993 is the year for me to mess things up

So I am keeping nothing in reserve

And, incestuous fellow, I have five dollars on the twenty-dollar batch of marijuana

It is like that, and as a matter of fact (rat-tat-tat-tat)

Because I never hesitate to help an African-American lie down for a little while

Yes, so take a look at the manuscript

You see that it is necessary for us to talk about being gangsters

What is my incestuous name?

CHORUS:

Snoop Doggy Dogg (yes, yes, yes)

Snoop Doggy Dogg (the explosive device)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…]

(Dogg)

VERSE 2:

It's the front of the ship to the exclamation of amazement

Stealthily advancing – yes, you all

Snoop Doggy Dogg is in the incestuous house practically every day

Having bowel movements with my African-American associate, Mr. Dr. Dre

As I said before, African-Americans cannot trifle with this

And African-Americans cannot trifle with that

Excrement that I drop, because you know it never ends

Mr. 1-8-7 on an incestuous law enforcement officer

Tic-toc, never a Glock, just some African-Americans and a rooster

Stealing from incestuous individuals, then I murder them bloodily

Then I step through the fog and creep through the smog

Because I'm Snoop Doggy (who?) Doggy (what?) Doggy (Dogg)

CHORUS:

Snoop Doggy Dogg (yes, yes, yes)

Snoop Doggy Dogg (the explosive device)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] (the explosive device)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…]

VERSE 3:

Now extend your hands toward the incestuous sky

And wave them around apathetically

Yes, roll a marijuana joint and pour an alcoholic beverage

And watch where you step, because Doggy is stealing things

My bank account has a considerably high balance

My excrement is very successful and legitimate

At this time, I am currently on parole, and I like to stroll

With the Dogg Pound trailing behind me

And in the company of your female companion

Is where you are likely to find me

Lying around, acting like a gangster

She wants the African-American with the largest supply of salty snacks

And guess what? He is I, and I am him

Slim with the tilted brim

What is my incestuous name?

CHORUS:

Snoop Doggy Dogg (the explosive device)

Snoop Doggy Dogg 

Snoop Doggy Dogg (the explosive device)

Snoop Doggy Dogg (Dogg)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] 

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] (the explosive device)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…]

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] (the explosive device)

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] (the explosive device)

Doggy Dogg, Doggy Dogg, Doggy Dogg

[...A bunch of "words" that really aren't words at all…] (the explosive device)

What is his name? Snoop Dogg and the Dogg Pound

(Dogg) (the explosive device)

Oh, Snoopy Dogg, Snoopy Dogg, Snoopy Dogg (the explosive device)

Yes, yes (Dogg), I know his name

Come on, Snoopy, come on, Snoopy (the explosive device)

And the Dogg Pound

Snoopy Dogg (the explosive device) 

Snoopy Dogg, Snoopy Dogg (Dogg)

(Dogg, Nasty Dogg, Doggy Dogg)

Stirring Quotes About Soup

"A first-rate soup is more creative 

than a second-rate painting."

~  Abraham Maslow

"Only the pure in heart can make a good soup."

~  Ludwig van Beethoven

"An idealist is one who, on noticing 

that roses smell better than a cabbage, 

concludes that it will also make better soup."

~  H.L. Mencken

"I live on good soup, not on fine words."

~  Molière

"Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a 

cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them."

~  P.G. Wodehouse

"Soup is a lot like a family. Each ingredient 

enhances the others; each batch has its 

own characteristics; and it needs time

to simmer to reach full flavor."

~  Marge Kennedy

"I've sat looking down into a volcano that could 

blow at any moment; I've helped catch a shark 

and several rattlesnakes; I let a tarantula 

walk across my hand; and I ate rat soup."

~  Alan Alda

"What does 'good in bed' mean to me? 

When I'm sick and stay home from school 

propped up with lots of pillows watching TV 

and my mom brings me soup. That's 'good in bed.'"

~  Brooke Shields

"When I was having that alphabet soup, 

I never thought that it would pay off."

~  Vanna White

"The only thing chicken 

about Israel is their soup."

~  Bob Hope

"Even with my wife, I find sharing soup is hard."

~  Wallace Shawn

"A page of my journal is like a portable soup. 

A little may be diffused into a considerable portion."

~  James Boswell

"What a marvelous resource soup is for the thrifty cook 

– it solves the ham-bone and lamb-bone problems, 

the everlasting Thanksgiving turkey, the extra vegetables."

~  Julia Child

"That's one thing I get neurotic about: 

I need my soup to be crazy hot."

~  Chrissy Teigen

Songs By Bands With Animal Names, Vol. 3

Just in case the "Vol. 3" in the title wasn't clear enough, this is the third entry in a mini-series of posts featuring songs by bands with animals in their names. If you haven't seen the first two posts, you can read them here and here. In the first post, I covered canines, felines, and hooved animals. Last time, it was primates, bears, and rodents. This time I'm going with aquatic animals (including fish) and birds. As before, the songs will cover a wide variety of musical styles, both old and new. You may not like them all, but I'm sure you'll enjoy a few of them. You might even be familiar with several of them. Without further ado, here we go...

AQUATIC ANIMALS

1)  Seal  ~  "Crazy"

2)  Freelance Whales  ~  "Enzymes"

3)  The Hippos  ~  "Wasting My Life"

4)  Phish  ~  "Down With Disease"

5)  Hootie & The Blowfish  ~  "Hold My Hand"

6)  eels  ~  "Last Stop: This Town"

7)  Blue Oyster Cult  ~  "Don't Fear The Reaper"

BIRDS

1)  The Byrds  ~  "Turn! Turn! Turn!"

2)  The Flamingos  ~  "I Only Have Eyes For You"

3)  The Yardbirds  ~  "For Your Love"

4)  Owl City  ~  "Vanilla Twilight"

5)  The Black Crowes  ~  "She Talks To Angels"

6)  Sheryl Crow  ~  "The First Cut Is The Deepest"

7)  Counting Crows  ~  "Mr. Jones"

8)  Eagles  ~  "Desperado"

9)  A Flock Of Seagulls  ~  "I Ran (So Far Away)"

10)  Them Crooked Vultures  ~  "New Fang"

11)  Doves  ~  "Kingdom Of Rust"

12)  Hawk Nelson  ~  "Live Life Loud"

Interesting Quotes By People Whose Last Name Starts With "Z"

1)  "Luck is merely an illusion, trusted by the ignorant and chased by the foolish."  ~  Timothy Zahn, writer

2)  "Explosions are not comfortable."  ~  Yevgeny Zamyatin, novelist

3)  "The Past: Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamor. The past is for inspiration, not imitation, for continuation, not repetition."  ~  Israel Zangwill, novelist

4)  "If two men on a job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, then both are useless."  ~  Darryl F. Zanuck, film director

5)  "My one purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."  ~  Jamie Zawinski, computer programmer

6)  "When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all."  ~  Roger Zelazny, writer

7)  "I believe in love, but I don't sit around waiting for it. I buy houses."  ~  Renee Zellweger, actress

8)  "No evil is honorable: but death is honorable; therefore death is not evil."  ~  Citium Zeno, philosopher

9)  "There are a lot of women who live with pot-bellied pigs."  ~  Catherine Zeta-Jones, actress

10)  "Enjoy every sandwich."  ~  Warren Zevon, musician

11)  "You should examine yourself daily. If you find faults, you should correct them. When you find none, you should try even harder."  ~  Xi Zhi, philosopher

12)  "We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away."  ~  Zhuangzi, philosopher

13)  "I once tried thinking for an entire day, but I found it less valuable than one moment of study."  ~  Xun Zi, philosopher

14)  "Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."  ~  Zig Ziglar, author

15)  "One forges one's style on the terrible anvil of daily deadlines."  ~  Emile Zola, novelist

16)  "You can't buy time or save it, common idioms notwithstanding. You can only spend it."  ~  Eric Zorn, journalist

17)  "Move fast and break things. Unless you are breaking stuff, you are not moving fast enough."  ~  Mark Zuckerberg, businessman

18)  "The first step toward liberty is to miss liberty; the second, to seek it; the third, to find it."  ~  Leopold Zunz, clergyman

19)  "In history as in human life, regret does not bring back a lost moment and a thousand years will not recover something lost in a single hour."  ~  Stefan Zweig, writer

20)  "I look at modern life and I see people not taking responsibility for their lives. The temptation to blame, to find external causes to one's own issues is something that is particularly modern. I know that personally I find that sense of responsibility interesting."  ~  Edward Zwick, film director

Story #30: "The Malapropistic Minister"

Okay, here we go! My June Writing Challenge to myself was to write 30 stories in 30 days and publish them here on the blog. That's right, #astoryaday for an entire month. And with this story, I have officially completed my goal. I'm not sure if this is the worst thing (taste-wise) or the funniest thing I've written all month. But here it is nonetheless. I should probably define the term "malapropism" (of which "malapropistic" is a derivative) for those who aren't familiar with it. According to Merriam-Webster, a malapropism is "an amusing error that occurs when a person mistakenly uses a word that sounds like another word but that has a very different meaning."  Enjoy?  ~  JH

"The Malapropistic Minister"

Good morning to you! Let's try that one more time! I said: Good morning to you! That's better! It is truly a blessing to see all your smiting faces this morning. Turn to your neighbor and tell them, "It's a good day to be in the horse of the Lord." Amen! Palm 118, verse 24 says, "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be clad in it." Song 100, verse 4 impales us to "enter into His grates with thanksgiving, and into His course with praise." Amen? Amen! A couple of prayer upstates to share with you this morning before we bow to rescind our offering. Millicent Stopper's gallbladder obfuscation went reminiscently well and she was able to go home from the hospitable on Friday evening. Slim Yumping is scheduled for a follow-up visit with his ornithologist this coming Tuesday, to determine whether or not he is going to need Tommy Chong surgery. Beverly Honeysuckle is going to remain in the Re/Max center for a couple more days while she recovers from her most recent heart amputation. And finally, Julian Watermark asks us to remember his sister, Earlene Vodka, in ferment prayer. She is suffering from Stage 3 esoteric cankers and, at least as far as Julian knows, she is unsolved. Let us play…