Poems For Your Perusal: Even More Alpha Poetry

As soon as you get back

Please give me a call

I need to hear your voice

I haven't cried lately.

Being weird

Is an art form

It doesn't happen

By accident

It doesn't happen

Suddenly

It is cultivated

Through years

And years of practice.

Could it be?

Am I actually happy?

I think I am

And it's all your fault.

Thank you.

Daily toils

And constant struggles

Thankfully

You've got my back.

Even I can see that

Some people should never be

Allowed to love each other.

It's bad for the universe.

Fill 'er up

I'll take all I can afford.

Better yet

Half a tank is quite enough

I don't want to seem greedy

Or go broke.

Good grief

Was there ever such a thing?

If so then

It exists in the ability

To move on

And move forward

Without ever forgetting.

How is it that

We ended up here

In a desert

When the map said

We were headed

For the stars.

I'm not here right now

Try me again later

I may return

If I miss what I've lost.

Join for free

We won't spam you.

Well, maybe just a little.

After all

We're not running

A charity here.

The best things in life

Have price tags.

Kind of like

We never left

But different

Because we did.

Long time coming

Easy going

Life is short.

May I have this dance?

I promise not

To step on your toes

More than twice

Per measure.

Not only that

But I can

Pat my head

Rub my belly

Hop on one leg

And say the alphabet

– backwards! –

While thinking of you.

What does that say

About us? 

On my way to the store

I realized I forgot

Why I was going

In the first place.

I know I need something

But I guess I just don't care.

Piece of cake, he says

Easy for him to say

He knows what he's doing

And I write poetry

Not exactly

Apples and oranges.

Quiet in the library

There are books

Dreaming of becoming

Made-for-TV movies

Waiting to be ruined

And you wouldn't want

To disturb their slumber.

Roundabout way

Of saying that

I think you're special

When all I have to do

Is say you're special.

Why do I have to

Make things complicated?

Stay a while

Kick your feet back

Pretend like you live here

We don't mind

But don't forget

You're a visitor.

Two days ago

I liked you

Then I realized

I don't know

Who you are

So I clicked again

And just like that

The relationship

Changed.

Up the creek

A sudden downpour

No oars in sight

Badly mended holes

Leaking faster now.

This is going to be

A really bad day!

Very, very much

Immensely

Intensely

Passionately

With all my heart

You fill in the rest.

Wait a minute

Or a lifetime.

Don't worry

I'm not going anywhere

Unless you are.

Xenophobic

Aren't you?

Just because they

Don't speak like you do

Don't look like you do

Don't hate like you do

Doesn't mean that

You're any better.

Yes, it's true

I did say that.

And I'm not sorry.

I was once

But I forgave myself.

Zero chance that I'll ever decide

That you are worth returning to.

I saw where things were headed

And I wasn't even in the picture.

Just because things have changed

Doesn't mean my mind has.

Things I Find Fascinating: Anteaters!

So, it's the weekend, and my creativity is pretty much shot for the week. Therefore, instead of writing something deep, insightful, or even funny today, I am going to inform you and hopefully entertain you with facts about anteaters, pictures of anteaters, and best of all, videos of anteaters. Keep reading if this interests you. But if you choose not to keep reading, you're missing out. 'Cuz anteaters are awesome! After seeing some of these videos, I officially want one -- maybe two. And so will you. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER:  Nearly 100% of the text to follow is ripped directly from Wikipedia.org -- I didn't research it any farther than that. Any facts that are incorrect are not my fault. All pictures and videos also belong to the people who originally posted them. I don't claim to own anything here, nor am I profiting from using it in any way. Just getting that out of the way. Now, enjoy!



1)  Some General Info About Anteaters.  "Anteaters, also known as antbear, are the four mammal species of the suborder Vermilingua (meaning 'worm tongue'), commonly known for eating ants and termites." They are most closely related to the sloths, with which they compose the order Pilosa. The four species currently in existence include the Giant Anteater, the Silky Anteater, the Southern Tamandua (also known as the Collared Anteater), and the Northern Tamandua.

Anteaters are most easily identified by their elongated snout, a thin tongue which can be extended to a length greater than the length of the head, and a tube-shaped mouth completely devoid of teeth. Anteaters use their large, curved front claws to tear open ant and termite mounts, and also use them to defend themselves. Their long fur protects them attacks from the insects. All anteaters except the Giant Anteater have a prehensile tail.

Are you bored yet? Good, because I am too. Let's move on...


2)  The Anteater As A Mascot. The University of California, Irvine has used the anteater as their mascot and team name since 1965, when three undergraduate students suggested it as part of a campus-wide mascot election. Supposedly, the three students (Pat Glasgow, Bob Ernst, and Schuyler Hadley Basset III, if you care) were disappointed with other mascots that had been proposed, including the roadrunner, unicorn, seahawk, and golden bison. The cartoon sketch which the three guys came up with for the anteater was inspired by the Anteater character from the Johnny Hart comic strip, "B.C." For some reason, UCI's water polo team was heavily in favor of selecting the anteater as the mascot and used their influence (water polo teams actually HAVE influence?) to sway the voting toward their favorite choice. The anteater prevailed, grabbing 56% of the vote, and just barely beating "none of the above" in the final tally. Since that time, the anteater has grown to become a beloved mascot among UCI enthusiasts, and is the inspiration for many of the school's athletic and campus spirit traditions.

3)  Speaking Of The Anteater From B.C...  The Anteater in Hart's classic comic strip (one of my favorites, by the way) is often seen eating ants with its sticky, elastic tongue, making a ZOT! sound in the process. Technically, Hart's version of the anteater was anatomically incorrect, possessing the long ears of an aardvark (with which anteaters are quite often mistaken) and the bushy tail of a Giant Anteater.

4

 4)  The Anteater As A Video Game. Way back in 1982, Tago Electronics released Anteater as a maze arcade game. In the game, the player controls an anteater that elongates its proboscis (nose) through maze-like anthills eating ants. The player can only eat ants with the tip of the anteater's proboscis. If an ant bites the anteater's proboscis at any other location, the player loses a life. Worms will not harm the anteater unless they are eaten head-first, in which case the player loses a life. Eating queen ants at the very bottom of the nest will temporarily clear all ants and worms from the screen. The object of the game is to eat all of the larvae before time runs out, clearing the screen. Each larva is worth 10 points. Each ant is worth 100 points, while eating a worm is worth 200 points and multiplies the score the player receives from eating ants by one time. Queen ants are worth 1,000 points.

5)  The Anteater As An Internet Meme.  For those of you who don't know what an "Internet meme" is, the term basically refers to a concept that spreads quickly from person to person via the Internet, largely through email, blogs, forums, image boards, social networking sites, instant messaging, and video streaming sites such as You Tube. If you've ever heard the phrase "going viral", that's basically the same thing. In recent months and even years, the anteater has become a popular Internet meme. It started about three years ago when a creatively vulgar person posted a photo of a defiant-looking anteater standing in an open field with its arms stretched wide, under which the caption read, "#@%& You, I'm An Anteater!"  For obvious reasons, I won't spell out what it actually said, but it wasn't in fact #@%&, it was a "dirty word." Anyway, since then some far less vulgar folks have come up with similar photos that they've captioned which depict anteaters in amusing situations or simply have funny captions. I've compiled a few of the better ones here below...

6)  Amusing You Tube Videos.  Here are just a few among the many adorable videos featuring anteaters which can be found on You Tube and similar sites. I'm warning you -- after viewing these, you are going to want one. Or two...

What A Waste!

You've heard the saying a thousand times before. "Life is short. Don't waste it." In recent years, Christian author John Piper wrote a very popular book entitled "Don't Waste Your Life" (highly recommended, by the way). But what does it mean to really waste your life?

I think the phrase refers not to one thing in particular but to everything that we waste. In every area of our lives when we have something that could be useful – to ourselves and especially to others – and we neglect it, or refuse to use it, or let it decay from disuse, we are wasting it.

What exactly do we waste when we waste our lives? Here's what I came up with:


1)  Time.  This one's kinda obvious. It's been said that the entirety of our lives can be summed up in a dash. Look on any tombstone. There's a date of birth and a date of death. In between the two is a dash. That's your life. The numbers surrounding the dash are just the span of it. Whether there's a hundred years between the number on the left and the number on the right, or a hundred weeks, or perhaps only a hundred hours – what we do with our lives during "the dash" is what matters. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. We don't know exactly when we're going to die, unless we make it happen ourselves. (God forbid!)  Live your life as it were going to end today – because it just might. Spend your time doing something that matters, not looking for something to do.


2)  Talent.  We all have a talent (or maybe a few of them) – whether it's crafting, singing, planning, serving, writing, teaching, building, or whatever. The question is, are we using these talents? If God has gifted you with the ability to do something well, and you're not doing it, you're wasting it. Maybe you don't feel like you're good enough to do it, or maybe you're simply selfish. Meanwhile, there's a need that's not being met or a role that's not being filled because you're unwilling to step out on faith and do what you know you can do. I speak from experience here, so don't think I'm simply pointing fingers. After all, I don't even know who's reading this right now.


3)  Resources.  Some of us live paycheck to paycheck – perhaps it's because our jobs don't pay that well, or maybe we spend more than we make on foolish things. Some of us have been blessed with greater wealth – whether it's because of well-paying jobs, inheritances, or wise investments. Whichever category you fit into, you are nonetheless very, very rich when compared to the majority of people living in the world. Use your financial resources for things that matter – furthering the kingdom of God, helping those in desperate need, etc. Don't waste them on superficial things that you don't have and you don't need and that won't last. Again, I'm speaking to myself here.


4)  Opportunities.  We encounter people and situations on an everyday basis that lend us the opportunity to do something helpful. How often do we take advantage of those opportunities? Whether it's lending a helping hand to someone who's unable to help themselves, or sharing our faith with someone who's lost, or simply showing someone that you care about them when they desperately need someone to care about them. Let's not waste these precious opportunities.


5)  Words.  Whomever came up with that dumb phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" was a fool. Words hurt a lot. Whether you're saying something foolish that is in no way helpful, or whether you're using your words to cut someone down or intentionally cause them pain, words are very powerful. Don't waste your words saying things that tear people down – build them up with your words. Don't say things that don't need to be said just for the sake of hearing your own voice – you're the only one who's amused. Trust me on this one. I've said a lot of stupid things, and some of them were very hurtful, even to people I love dearly. Those words are wasted. I can't take them back, and I don't get a second chance to choose better ones. Neither do you.


6)  Energy.  Along with time, energy is one of the easiest things to waste – but one of the best things to use, if you're expending it on something that matters. Case in point: I'm the drama director at my church, and we're currently preparing for our Easter production. I don't get paid for my efforts, and neither do the actors or any of the crew. (That's not a complaint, by the way.) And yet we spend several hours a week on Sunday and Wednesday nights rehearsing the play, time after time after time. This past Wednesday we endured a two-hours-plus marathon practice, and afterwards we were all exhausted. We were willing to spend all that time and energy because we know that our efforts are being put toward something that matters. The play is evangelistic in nature – perhaps people will come to see it who don't currently have a relationship with Christ. Maybe, through seeing the play and listening to the choir songs, they will come to a saving knowledge of Christ. We hope they do. If they do, then all our efforts will have been worth it. If no one's lives are changed by it, that's okay too. Because our lives have been changed through the experience. Either way, our efforts are not in vain. We've exhausted ourselves for a purpose. We haven't wasted our energy on pointless things.


7)  Relationships.  This might be the saddest waste of all – because yet again I've been there. There have been people in my life whom I counted as close friends at one time, who are no longer a vital part of my life. In some cases it was because I neglected our friendship, or maybe I hurt them (intentionally or unintentionally), or I simply stop putting forth any effort at maintaining the relationship. There are relatives who also fit this category, for the same sad reasons. Perhaps you've been there too. Maybe you wasted words you can't take back and the relationship was irrevocably broken. Maybe you wasted time on yourself and your interests and neglected your friend or relative's needs and concerns. Perhaps you wasted opportunities to reconnect with them – they were trying, but you were unwilling or simply apathetic. Maybe the relationship you've wasted was with the one person to whom you were the closest, a spouse or possibly a parent. If at all possible, do whatever it takes to restore your relationship with them. If an apology is in order, apologize. If forgiveness is required, forgive. If effort is required, put forth effort. Don't waste your relationships – they're too precious to lose! Oh, and by the way, if one of your relationships happens to be with God, and it's not in great shape either, you'll probably want to work on mending that one first of all. If you don't yet have a relationship with God, talk to someone you know who does. They'll be happy to introduce you to Him....

Short Story: "The Chase"

Okay, so it's been a weird day and I'm quickly running out of hours to get a blog post in, so out of desperation here's another short story I've written recently. More like a scene or a dialogue, actually. No, it's not based on my own life or the life of anyone I know. I made it all up. This one's a little happier than most of my pieces. I must have been having a good day when I wrote it. I dunno. Hope you enjoy!

THE CHASE

"You may as well give up," she said, eyeing him with a look that left no room for dissent. "You're never going to catch me."

"I will if you'll just stop running," he pleaded.

"And where's the fun in that?" she answered.

"That's easy for you to say," he said, with an exasperated sigh.

"Yes, it is," she teased. With a quick wink, she took off again.

An after-work stroll around the lake had been her idea, and as it turned out, had been the perfect setting for a chase. They'd been at this for nearly an hour now.

The problem was simple, yet irresolvable. He wanted to kiss her, and she did not wish to be kissed. Normally, she didn't mind him kissing her; in fact, she liked it.

But he had been too wrapped up in his projects at work of late, and she had been feeling neglected. They hadn't even been on a date in months. Now he wanted to show his affection with cheap, easy physicality, and she wanted him to earn it.

"Okay, I'll let you kiss me," she said, smiling. The moment he leaned in toward her, she pulled back and put a finger to his lips. "But first, answer me this."

"Come on, why are you doing this to me?" he said. She frowned. Whininess did not become him.

"That's it precisely. Why am I doing this to you?" She tightened her smile, trying hard not to giggle, as that would ruin the moment.

"You're going to make me guess?" he said, incredulous.

"You shouldn't have to guess. You should already know," she replied.

"All right, all right, I'm sorry!" he said, thinking he'd be let off easy if he gave in.

"Sorry for what?" She giggled just a little, unable to suppress it any longer.

"Now you're mocking me!" he cried, with a hint of genuine anger in his voice. Better pull back just a little.

"I'm not mocking you. I just want to know why you're sorry.  Did you do something wrong?"


"I don't know," he said. "Did I?"

"What do you think?" She evened the tone of her voice, trying to sound neither flirty nor scolding.

"I think I probably did, seeing as how you won't let me kiss you."

She leaned forward and pecked him on the lips. Before he had time to respond, she pulled away again.

"I don't...what do – what's going on here?" He looked genuinely bemused.

"You said you wanted a kiss," she reasoned. "I gave you a kiss. What's the problem?"

"You didn't give me a chance to kiss you back."

"Sorry," she smiled, and walked away from him.

"Hang on a second," he called after her. "If you've got something on your mind, why don't you just say it?"

"Why did you marry me?" she blurted out, unable to think of a more gradual lead-in.

Taken aback, he approached her again, saying, "Where did that come from?"

"Just answer the question."

"Why did I marry you? Because I loved you. I mean, I still love you." He started to speak again, but seemed to have run out of words. He shrugged, appeared to be about to say something else, but stopped again.

"Anything else you want to add to that?" she asked, slightly arching an eyebrow.

"I...I married you because you were everything I had ever hoped for in a woman, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Everything," he said simply, as though that were actually an answer. She waited. "You know, candlelight dinners, picnics in the park, romantic stuff like that. Like we used to do when we were dating."

"Like we used to do when we were dating," she repeated, nodding thoughtfully. "Interesting."

"Why do you say it like that?" He seemed to be catching on, at least a little.

"When's the last time we had one of those infamous picnics in the park?" Her intense stare challenged him to speak truthfully.

"I don't know exactly. It's been a while." He met her gaze, then looked away nervously. "Is that it? You wanna go on a picnic?"

"Not particularly," she replied simply, and softened her stare a little.

"You wanna have a candlelight dinner?" he tried.

"No, but you're getting warmer."

"A candlelight picnic, then?" Now he arched his eyebrows, and she couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

"You're silly," she said with a smile.

“What is it then?”

"I want us to spend more time with each other,” she stated. “It doesn't matter what we're doing. We could be filing our taxes together for all I care – as long as we're together. I miss our 'us time.'"

"We have been kind of living separate lives for a while, haven't we?" he muttered. She nodded wryly. "I don't like that either."

"Then what are we going to do about it?" she said. "Your work projects are not simply going to go away."

"No," he replied, "but I don't have to spend as much time doing them. I can come home at a decent hour. We can actually have supper together for a change. And I can stop bringing my work home on the weekends, too. That'll give us more time for all those romantic candlelight picnics we're gonna have!"

She shoved him playfully, and laughed out loud for the first time in a long time.

He was not an easy laugher, but even he could not resist the silliness of the moment. Just like old times. "Now how about that kiss?"

She looked into his eyes, mulling over the question in her mind, and replied simply, "Maybe."

Then she took off again. And he pursued her.

The Laughing Hyena Who Could Only Smile AND The Donkey Who Heard Wedding Bells

And now for your amusement, I present two brand-spanking-new short-short stories about animals. Hope you'll enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them...

THE LAUGHING HYENA 

WHO COULD ONLY SMILE

Aldo sat back on his haunches and sighed sadly. What good was a laughing hyena that couldn’t laugh? He was getting old. When he was a cub, he could laugh like nobody’s business. Even when nothing was funny, Aldo could cackle with the best of them. But he’d strained his cackler during the last hunt, and was recovering so slowly he didn’t think he’d ever speak again, much less laugh. Not only that, but his mate had left him for another male and there wasn’t much to laugh about anymore. Jana had been a good partner all these years, but she had never been all that faithful. Now she was gone for good. What was worse, she had taken the cubs with her. Aldo didn’t even have joint custody. The judge said since he couldn’t hold down a steady job catching prey and couldn’t laugh properly, that Aldo was an unfit father. Unfit father, my hindquarters, he thought. Only one thing kept Aldo from utter despair, and the thought of it brought – if not a laugh – a hearty smile to his face. Bruce, the male hyena that Jana had taken up with, was hiding a dirty little secret. While he wasn’t showing any outward signs of it, Aldo knew that Bruce had full-fledged rabies. Jana didn’t know, of course, and wouldn’t – not until she was infected herself. As much as he still loved Jana, Aldo could only see this as her punishment for betraying him. Of course, it would be hard on the cubs losing their mother and their stepfather, but they’d be all right in time. Especially when they came back home to Papa Aldo. He’d protect them from harm till they were big enough to fend for themselves. One day, Aldo thought, when all this is over, the cubs and I – who won’t be cubs anymore, but brothers in the pack – will look back on this and laugh. Time heals all wounds, and most cacklers.

THE DONKEY WHO HEARD WEDDING BELLS

I’m not usually one to kiss and bray, but sometimes something so wonderful happens to you that you just have to tell someone. So I’m telling you. I hope you don’t mind my confession. You see, I’ve fallen in love with the most beautiful jenny I ever laid eyes on. Her name is Stella, and I know – I just know – she’s the one for me. Now I can already guess what you’re thinking – old Calvin is just a regular jack, nothing special to look at, and that’s true. So why on earth would a beautiful jenny like Stella waste her time on someone like me. Honestly, I’ve been asking myself the same question – what does she see in me? I have unusually short ears, I limp when I trot, and I’m stubborn as a mule, no familial pun intended. But for some reason, things most donkeys would consider shortcomings Stella considers qualities to be commended. Plus, she brays that she likes my smile. I didn’t even know I could smile, let alone that it was anything worth looking at. But I guess she’s seen enough smiles from me these past few weeks to know that she likes what she sees. And why not? I’ve sure been happy enough. Did I tell you about her eyes? They’re the biggest, brownest eyes you could imagine, and they’re lovely. Stella’s working her way through community college – she only has one semester left (she’s studying to be a beast of burden) – and as soon as she graduates, we’re going to be married. I already asked her and everything, and she brayed that of course she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me – can you believe that? I know that all this means I’m going to have to get a better job, maybe work longer hours, but it’s worth it. I look into Stella’s eyes and nothing else matters to me. I’ve met my soulmate, and now my future can finally begin.

A Man's Man?

The other day, in the midst of general conversation, a friend of mine referred to me as "a man's man." For some reason, this designation immediately struck me as odd. I wasn't sure whether my confusion stemmed from the fact that I never personally thought of myself in that way, or because I knew they were wrong and couldn't possibly fathom why they would think that I was anything other than what I actually am.

Which got me thinking:  If I'm not "a man's man", then what the heck am I? I've never really given much thought to the varying types of masculinity; I've merely accepted them for what they are, and accepted the people I know for who they are. But guys really are very different from each other in many ways.*

In researching this post online, I found an article written by a guy named Luigi Di Serio entitled, "What It Takes To Be A Real Man." In it, Di Serio lists the four types of males as he sees them – he calls it the Male Matrix.

First of all, there's The Wussy (or alternately The Geek). This type of male is described as being "so reserved and self-loathing that he has essentially 'given up' and is neither driven nor passionate." The Wussy is "very needy" and "fueled by insecurity". In relation to the opposite sex, Di Serio says that "women are seldom attracted to The Wussy and men rarely respect them."

Then you have The Metrosexual. This relatively new moniker for heterosexual males is used to describe a man who has "decided that conforming to women's demands and behaviors is the easiest way to win them over." This type of guy has been "adversely affected by social pressures and Unisexification" (whatever that means). He lacks "normal masculine interests" and is perceived to "act gay" even though he isn't.

Next comes The Macho Man. This guy "has a lot of qualities that can be attractive to women, but only because they are usually opposite qualities than women have." Like The Wussy, The Macho Man is motivated by insecurity. However, The Macho Man's insecurity is manifested not by being a pushover, but by maintaining "a tough exterior to protect his weak, apprehensive self." The Macho Man is often abusive and extremely selfish; but because he doesn't behave this way all the time (only when it's to his advantage), he is often perceived to be just a "regular guy."

The Real Man is described by Di Serio as a confident male who believes in himself and stands up for what he believes in, while allowing others to do the same. The Real Man is able to enjoy himself, but is "not controlled by emotional impulses." He is "in control, but [is] not controlling."

While the article doesn't ever use the phrase "a man's man", my general understanding of that term seems to peg it somewhere between The Macho Man and The Real Man.

So where does all this leave me?

Fortunately, Di Serio includes a chart which demonstrates how various characteristics and traits typically manifest themselves in the behavior of each type of male. It's sort of a checkoff list where you can easily identify which kind of guy you are (if you're a guy), or which kind of guy your significant other is (if you're a lady). Of course, like any personality test, it's not foolproof. But it is interesting nonetheless to self-evaluate based on specific qualities (or lack thereof).

The actual chart can be found at the site linked at the end of this post. I won't reproduce it here, but I will highlight each category mentioned by Di Serio.

***************

PERSONALITY:  The Wussy is passive, while The Metrosexual is flaky. The Macho Man is aggressive, whereas The Real Man is stern.

BRAVERY:  The Wussy is cowardly (no surprise there!), whereas The Metrosexual is worrisome. The Macho Man is reckless, while The Real Man is courageous.

SOCIAL SKILLS:  The Wussy is timid, The Metrosexual is relaxed, the Macho Man is obnoxious, and The Real Man is approachable.

WORK ETHIC:  The Wussy is a workaholic, while The Metrosexual is only working for the money. The Macho Man is lazy, whereas The Real Man gets the job done.

GENEROSITY:  The Wussy is a giver (to excess), whereas The Metrosexual tends to be cheap or exhibits selective generosity. The Macho Man is a taker, while The Real Man makes compromises.

PHYSICAL PROWESS:  The Wussy is (not surprisingly) a pushover, while The Metrosexual tends to be more reactive than proactive. The Macho Man is aggressive, whereas The Real Man is honorable.

SEXUALITY:  The Wussy is restrained, the Metrosexual is eager to please, the Macho Man is dominant, and The Real Man is in control.

SENSE OF FREEDOM:  The Wussy is oppressed, while The Metrosexual is very liberal. The Macho Man is exploitive, whereas The Real Man is respectful.

EXPRESSION OF DESIRES:  The Wussy is repressed, whereas The Metrosexual is rash. The Macho Man is obsessive, while The Real Man is moderate.

HONESTY:  The Wussy is transparent, while The Metrosexual is ambiguous. The Macho Man is outright deceptive, while The Real Man is fair.

REASON:  The Wussy is data-driven, whereas The Metrosexual is plain ignorant. The Macho Man is arrogant, while The Real Man is wise.

HUMOR:  The Wussy tends to have a nerdy sense of humor, while The Metrosexual's is more silly or absurd. The Macho Man's sense of humor is rude and offensive, while The Real Man's is tasteful.

***************

I went through each of these traits evaluating myself, but ultimately found the results to be inconclusive. While I'm fairly timid, repressed, and data-driven like The Wussy, I'm also flaky, worrisome, cheap, reactive, and ambiguous like The Metrosexual. Sometimes I'm lazy like The Macho Man, and sometimes I get the job done like The Real Man.

Di Serio concedes that many guys don't fit neatly into any one of these categories. For the guys like myself who possess "a variety of traits and virtues from each", there's the fifth and probably most common type of guy: The Average Male.

I'm good with that one. I've never aspired to be (nor been successful in being) extraordinary in anything; nor have I attempted to be (or succeeded at being) nothing at all. I'm somewhere in between. I think we all are.

So go ahead and call me a Wussy, but be prepared – the Macho Man in me just might kick your butt. Call me a Metrosexual, and I might stand up for what I believe and respectfully tell you that you're wrong. Call me Average, and I'll answer to it every time.





* I know, I know: ladies are very different from each other also, but that discussion will be saved for a later date, if I ever venture to tackle it at all.


Source:  http://www.diserio.com/malematrix.html