People I Wish Would Just Go Away

Today I will be a little mean-spirited, but not too much. I'm not saying that I want these people dead. I just want them gone -- call off the paparazzi, cancel the tabloid stories, and fade from the public eye, never to be seen again. I picked these people for one or more of the following reasons: they're really annoying; I'm tired of seeing their faces everywhere; they have no actual talent or reason for being as famous as they are; they have actual talent, but they've worn out their welcome; or because I simply don't like them. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which for which person. Maybe you'll agree with me in most cases. Maybe not. Doesn't matter either way. Here goes...

Paris Hilton

 Justin Bieber

 Miley Cyrus

 Lindsey Lohan

 Lil Wayne

 Jessica Simpson

The Entire Cast of The Jersey Shore

 Nicki Minaj

 Nadya "Octomom" Suleman

 Sarah Palin

 Kate Gosselin

Tom Cruise

 Kanye West

Bill Maher

 Oprah Winfrey

 Nancy Pelosi

 Clay Aiken

 Rosie O'Donnell

 Hillary Rodham Clinton

 Barry Bonds

Why Betty White Is Awesome (Using Words Made From The Letters Of Her Name)

Real Talk: I LOVE Betty White. Always have. Long before it was trendy to love Betty White. She's an immensely talented, incredibly funny, eminently ageless, and seemingly tireless actress and comedienne. Today, I will use words created from the letters of Betty White's name to describe why she is so awesome.



1)  BITTY:  Defined by an UrbanDictionary.com user as "a crazy elderly woman who is out of touch with the world yet thinks she know something relevant and feels compelled to share it," the word "bitty" most definitely does not describe Betty White. For a 90-year-old woman, Betty is remarkably "with it" (also two words that can be made from her name) – she's not out of touch with things in today's world (as I'll prove in just a minute), she is certainly still relevant, and apparently has much more to share with the world and is willing to do so.

2)  WITTY:  "Witty" is defined as "possessing wit in speech or writing" or, alternately, "amusingly clever in perception and expression." That describes Betty White to a T. When she hosted Saturday Night Live a couple of years ago, it has been said by people in the know that Betty could out-ad-lib almost every other member of the cast. She's naturally as funny or funnier than people more than half her age.

3)  TWEET:  In case you didn't know already, a "tweet" is "a very short message posted on the Twitter website." Back in April of this year, 90-year-old Betty tweeted her first message, which read: "Hello Twitter! And they said it would never happen. Oh wait, that was me." Not surprisingly, White has thousands upon thousands of followers on Twitter.

4)  TWIT:  Defined as "an insignificant, silly, or bothersome person" or, alternately, "a foolish or stupid person, or idiot," the word "twit" hardly describes Betty the person. But it's a perfect description of her Golden Girls character, Rose Nylund. Rose may have been a twit, but she was a lovable twit.

5)  THEY:  Speaking of the Golden Girls, Betty was one of the Fab Four of this classic 1980s sitcom, and the only one still living. "They" gave us lots of laughs over the years (and still do – I don't believe the show has ever not been in syndication since its original run ended), and Betty White was a huge reason why.

6)  WHEE:  "Whee" is an interjection "used to express joy or delight." Whether she's being sweet, sassy, naughty, or nice, Betty White does so with obvious joy and endless delight. You can tell she enjoys making people laugh, and why shouldn't she, seeing as she does it so well!

7)  BEE:  In conjunction with the word "busy," "bee" denotes "a person who is industrious or has many things to do." This certainly describes the long, prolific career of Betty White. Don't believe me? Let's go to the numbers – From 1945 to the present, Betty has been a regular on 15 different TV series, guest-starred on another 49 different TV series, acted in 33 movies, made appearances on 240 different TV programs as herself, and starred in numerous commercials. If you count her time performing on the radio (and you should), Betty White has worked in show biz in each of the past 9 decades! And she's still going strong!

8)  HIT:  Defined as "a person or thing that gains wide appeal," Betty White is definitely a "hit." With 20 Emmy nominations and 6 Emmy wins to her credit, Betty has clearly had "hit" after "hit" after "hit."

9)  YET:  At 90 years old, Betty's not done "yet"! She is currently starring in the "hit" TV series Hot In Cleveland. Betty has been quoted as saying: "Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren't going to get rid of me that way."

10)  IT:  One definition of the word "it" is thus: "a desirable quality or ability." A common version of this particular meaning of the word – generally used for women – is the phrase "It Girl." Well, I don't know if a 90-year-old woman can still be categorized as a "girl" or not, but whatever "it" is, Betty White has definitely still got "it."

Things I Find Fascinating: 25 Unfortunately Named Olympic Athletes

Not too much reading required for today's post. Just revel in the weirdness! Kudos to SportsPickle.com for compiling a comprehensive list of funny Olympic athlete names. I picked and chose my favorites from their list and added pictures and snarky commments. Enjoy!


1)  MICHAEL ARMS, rowing, New Zealand

Michael Arms, the living embodiment of a self-fulfilling prophecy

2)  FANNY BABOU, swimming, France

Fanny doesn't like to get left behind in the pool.

3)  QUENTIN BIGOT, hammer throw, France

Quentin wants you to know it's actually pronounced "Big-Oh."

4)  USAIN BOLT, track, Jamaica

He runs like lightning, mon!

5)  LARS BOOM, cycling, Netherlands

It's a shame cannon shooting isn't an Olympic sport. If
it were, this guy's name would be SO much more ironic!

6)  REHAN BUTT, hockey, Pakistan

Rehan's the one on the left, with his...well, with his butt to the camera.

7)  ROSA CHACHA, track, Ecuador

Of course, this is just the name she goes by publicly.
Her full name is Rosa Alba Chacha Chacha. No lie.

8)  KISSYA DA COSTA, rowing, Brazil

Her love don't cost a thing. But her kisses are expensive.

9)  DONG DONG, trampoline, China

Dong Dong's name is also the sound you would make if you
could jump on a trampoline inside Big Ben. He did inquire
about doing that, but the Queen wasn't too keen on the idea.

10)  YU DU, shooting, China

I don't know how Yu Du the voodoo that Yu Du so well...

11)  KATHRYN FUDGE, handball, Great Britain

Not being prone to harsh profanity, Kathryn screams her own
surname when something goes wrong in a handball game.

12)  SJOERD HAMBURGER, rowing, Netherlands

He doesn't understand why you think his name
is so funny. Sjoerd just means "victory guardian." 

13)  DESTINEE HOOKER, volleyball, United States

Go ahead and make fun of her name. Destinee will "kill"
you, then "dig" a hole for your body. Game. Set. Match.

14)  MARY KILLMAN, synchronized swimming, United States

Mary used to synchronize-swim with a male partner. Then one day,
he just suddenly disappeared. Nobody has seen that guy since.

15)  YOO SUK KIM, pole vault, South Korea

Now that he understands a bit of English, he gets
depressed every time the crowd chants his name. 

16)  JASON LAVIGILANTE, boxing, Mauritius

He takes the law into his own bright-blue-puffy-glove-covered hands.

17)  TIM LIPS, equestrian, Netherlands

Never mind his name – let's just make fun of how he's dressed!

18)  SPARKLE MCKNIGHT, track, Trinidad and Tobago

Sparkle is the sole representative of her family in this year's Olympics.
Her sister Twinkle and her brother Glimmer did not qualify.  (jk)

19)  POPS MENSAH-BONSU, basketball, Great Britain

Nobody talks to Pops like that and gets away with it! Show some respect!

20)  CAROLE PEON, rhythmic gymnastics, France

She may be lowly and insignificant, but she's French, and
that automatically makes her superior to you. (So she says.)

21)  JOEL REDHEAD, track, Grenada

More like Joel Floatinghead. Where the heck is his body?

22)  GAVIN SMELLIE, track, Canada

Gavin doesn't know what you're laughing at – all he smells is VICTORY!

23)  ANDREA ST. BERNARD, taekwondo, Grenada

Go ahead – call her a dog. If you feel lucky. If you like pain.

24)  YOSHIE TAKESHITA, volleyball, Japan

Get your mind out of the gutter. It's pronounced "TAH-kay-SHEE-tah."

25)  WITTHAYA THAMWONG, archery, Thailand

Make one more joke about his name,
and he'll shoot your eye out, kid!

Things That Make Great Bookmarks In A Pinch

Have you ever been knee-deep into a fantastic book, then for whatever reason (you have to go to work, your favorite TV show is coming on, you need to have an emergency medical procedure, etc.) you are forced to stop reading; and in reaching for your bookmark, you find that it has disappeared? What do you do?

Here are 10 random things that can serve as excellent substitutes when an actual bookmark is not available or has gone missing:



1)  A Sheet Of Toilet Paper

Depending on where you are when you need a bookmark,
this just might be the nearest, most convenient option for you.

2)  A Grocery Store Receipt

Ever feel like that ridiculously long grocery store receipt
is just a waste of good paper? Don't let it go to waste! Fold
it over twice and you've got the perfect substitute bookmark.

3)  A Post-It Note

This is one of those Post-Its I was telling you about
yesterday. While it may not say anything important, it will
definitely hold your place till you're ready to read again.

4)  The Ripped-Off Top Of A Kleenex Box

I've been using this particular "bookmark" for several years now. I cut
it into an interesting shape so it would look less like what it actually is.

5)  A Ticket Stub To A Sporting Event

After the game, don't just throw that ticket away. Keep it in a safe
place. You never know when you might suddenly need a bookmark.

6)  A Severed Human Finger

Granted, a severed finger isn't something you'd necessarily have
lying around in your house (unless you're into that sort of thing).
However, if you find yourself in the scary part of town, and you
have to stop reading for some reason (for example, you feel the
need to run for your life from the thugs who are chasing you), you
might find one of these nearby and decide to use it (temporarily,
of course) to hold your place in your book until you're in a safer area.

7)  A Fluff Of Lint From Your Belly Button

Some people are particularly adept at collecting fibers and
miscellaneous debris in their navels (I am not one of them –
this is not my lint). If you're one of those people, you may
be carrying – at the core of your body – a built-in bookmark.

8)  A Very Narrow Writing Utensil

Not only are these pencils handy tools for artists and carpenters,
but they also make handy bookmarks. Their narrow design
prevents them from creasing your book binding too severely.

9)  Your Shoelaces

While the flat kind of shoelaces would probably work better, these
round ones would work just as well as a quick, convenient bookmark.
Just be careful not to trip when you're walking with lace-less shoes.

10)  A Dead Centipede

Let's face it – once it's dead, the centipede has served whatever purpose it
was intended to serve. Why let its brittle, multi-legged carcass go to waste?
Some people press dead leaves or flowers. Why not press a dead centipede?