Surprisingly Good Songs By Indie Bands With Slightly Ridiculous Names, Vol. 3

Because I just can't seem to leave well enough alone, here's more of these... Enjoy?

1)  Milk & Eggs  ~  "Birdhouses"  (Soothing folk/pop with beautiful vocals)

2)  Poison Control Center  ~  "Being Gone"  (Silly but fun pop/rock tune)

3)  Pico vs. Island Trees  ~  "Sugar Rush"  (Props to this talented band, which originally hails from Raleigh, N.C.)

4)  Portugal. The Man  ~  "Sleep Forever"  (Pretty good modern rock sound; epic-length video is part music video, part movie...but you get the gist of the song in the first four minutes or so)

5)  Release The Sunbird  ~  "Come Back To Us"  (This folk/pop gem sounds like it came straight out of the mid-1970s; nice tune!)

6)  She Keeps Bees  ~  "Counter Charm"  (This one won't be to everyone's tastes, but I liked its grungy/psychedelic rock sound...has a nice throwback feel to it)

7)  Snake Rattle Rattle Snake  ~  "Break The Same"  (A smooth, solid rock song...nothing more, nothing less)

8)  Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin  ~  "Modern Mystery"  (I was actually familiar with this band before researching this series of posts; I love their smooth, summery modern rock sound)

9)  Stagnant Pools  ~  "Frozen"  (OK, so the lead singer's voice is nothing special, but these guys can really play...if they did instrumental albums, I'd be all about their music!)

10)  Surgeons In Heat  ~  "Never Noticed"  (This guy's got a unique voice [I should clarify, a good unique voice] and the band has a nice, smooth retro-soul sound)

11)  Tape Deck Mountain  ~  "Ghost Colony"  (Kinda grunge, kinda psychedelic, kinda like the soundtrack to a dream...don't listen if you're sleepy)

12)  Tacks, The Boy Disaster  ~  "Frozen Feet"  (Nice, lo-fi rock sound with decent-but-not-great vocals...a nice way to pass four minutes of your time)

13)  Title Tracks  ~  "Steady Love"  (1960s Brit-pop meets modern pop/rock in this pleasant, catchy tune)

14)  Throw Me The Statue  ~  "Yucatan Gold"  (Quirky, funky, and just a bit off...in other words, I like it just fine)

15)  Umphrey's McGee  ~  "Puppet String"  (Never heard of these guys before, but they seem like they'd be an amazing live band [this video's from a live performance]...impressive stuff!)

Words I Wish I Wrote: The Timeless Wisdom Of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; 

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate; 

only love can do that."

"I have a dream that my four little children

will one day live in a nation where they will

not be judged by the color of their skin, but

by the content of their character."

"Faith is taking the first step even when 

you don't see the whole staircase."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not

where he stands in moments of comfort

and convenience, but where he stands

at times of challenge and controversy."

"Change does not roll in on the wheels of

inevitability, but comes through continuous

struggle. And so we must straighten our

backs and work for our freedom. A man

can't ride you unless your back is bent."

"I have decided to stick with love.

Hate is too great a burden to bear."

"An individual has not started living 

until he can rise above the narrow confines 

of his individualistic concerns to the 

broader concerns of all humanity."

"In the end, we will remember not the words of

our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than

sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"A nation or civilization that continues to 

produce soft-minded men purchases its

own spiritual death on the installment plan."

"Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter."

"We must develop and maintain the capacity

to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to

forgive is devoid of the power to love. There 

is some good in the worst of us and some 

evil in the best of us. When we discover this, 

we are less prone to hate our enemies."

"All labor that uplifts humanity has 

dignity and importance and should be

undertaken with painstaking excellence."

"Right, temporarily defeated, 

is stronger than evil triumphant."

"Rarely do we find men who willingly

engage in hard, solid thinking. 

There is an almost universal quest 

for easy answers and half-baked 

solutions. Nothing pains some 

people more than having to think."

"To be a Christian without prayer is no more

possible than to be alive without breathing."

"We must learn to live together as

brothers or perish together as fools."

"Injustice anywhere is a threat

to justice everywhere."

"Life's most persistent and 

urgent question is, 'What are 

you doing for others?'"

"The hottest place in Hell is reserved

for those who remain neutral in 

times of great moral conflict."

"Whatever your life's work, do it well.

A man should do his job so well 

that the living, the dead, and the

unborn could do it no better."

"The time is always right

to do what's right."

"A right delayed

is a right denied."

"We must build the dikes of courage

to hold back the flood of fear."

"Love is the only force capable of

transforming an enemy into a friend."

"We may have all come on different ships,

but we're in the same boat now."

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only

external physical violence, but also internal

violence of spirit. You not only refuse to

shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him."

"Shallow understanding from people of 

good will is more frustrating than absolute

misunderstanding from people of ill will."

"If a man hasn't discovered something

that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

"The art of acceptance is the art of 

making someone who has just done 

you a small favor wish that he might 

have done you a greater one."

"The means by which we live have

outdistanced the ends for which we

live. Our scientific power has outrun

our spiritual power. We have guided

missiles and misguided men."

"War is a poor chisel

to carve out tomorrow."

"Peace is not merely a distant

goal that we seek, but a means

by which we arrive at that goal."

"I just want to do God's will. And He's

allowed me to go to the mountain. And

I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised

Land! I may not get there with you, but I

want you to know tonight that we as a 

people will get to the Promised Land."

Crazy Texts And Messages From A Sleep-Deprived Dad Who Both Hates And Is Amused By AutoCorrect

While we were in the hospital (from Sunday night to Thursday afternoon last week), I did much of the responding back and forth with people who called or texted to Mary's cell phone. I also did my fair share of Facebook messaging with friends and relatives on my Kindle Fire. This was probably a bad idea.

Let it first be noted that I am an excellent speller and a consummate grammarian (not to boast, but it's true). However, when typing a message on an Android device, like Mary's smartphone or my Kindle Fire, I often found myself the victim of crazily AutoCorrected messages which amused and delighted their recipients and often frustrated me.

What I do do is type too quickly with my thumbs. What I don't do is look at the text box above the keyboard to make sure what I think I'm typing is actually what's showing up. The AutoCorrect feature frequently "corrects" what I'm typing, which when I've inadvertently misspelled something, I have no problem with. It's when AutoCorrect preemptively corrects my word because it thinks it's able to read my mind that the "helpful" program is quite often wrong. The resulting messages are both garbled and hilarious. And completely random. I hope you'll enjoy reading them as much as the people to whom I sent them did...

NOTE:  What follows the quote (in parentheses) are the word or words I actually meant to type.



ME:  We javelin a feather bed that y'all are welcome to use. Just get house keys from us webserver y'all come by today. It's really comfy.  (have; whenever)

LAC:  I don't want a javelin feather bed. That sounds harsh.

***************

LAC:  Hello!

ME:  Ejection!  (What's up?)

***************

LAC:  How's my main man?

ME:  Chickens right now. It was a bad night.  (Chillin'.)

***************

ME:  She's feeding Jim again for the fourth time in four hours, but he ain't feelin' it. Y'all coming over water?  (him; later)

***************

LAC:  Is there anything that we can bring you when we come tonight?

ME:  Caffeine freed Mtn. Dews, maybe?  (free)

***************

LAC:  We are going to grab some Hibachi for lunch. Would y'all like something?

ME:  We are good. We both ate a hospital lunch and now we are get ring everythings ready to be discharged. We will see y'all soon though. And Taj yoyo!  (getting everything; Thank you!)

LAC:  Taj yoyo to you, too, Carl.

***************

RW:  Hey dudeman, how are y'all doing?

ME:  Not too bad. Baby is sleepwear now. Nevertheless you just calls your dad. He will be the upper date. *sigh* I can't type a worth darn.  (sleeping; called; update; worth a darn)

***************

LAC:  How are you? Exhausted?

ME:  Yarn, we both are! I finally ate at 8:00. Mary still hasn't eaten all day. She might get soup soon.  (Yeah)

LAC:  Soup! What? No jello?

ME:  Maybe hello. She was ecstatic to be a pitcher of Walter earlier! Carl. Carl. Crap."  (jello; get; water; Crap; Crap)

LAC:  Lmao. And I mean that literally, Carl.

***************

LAC:  Do you want anything from Andy's? Or whatever they are called now...

ME:  I dunno. We ate McDonald's at 12:30 or 1:00. Not super hugged yet.  (hungry)

***************

LAC:  Any sauce for the nuggets?

ME:  Oolynesin please. At least two of them. Thanks.  (Polynesian)

***************

SS:  Will LAC be coming later? I was hoping to see her while she's here.

ME:  She'll be in and out today. She's other running some errands for us eight now. If you want to see her o am sure she will be glad to be here to seen you top. See you later. I hate AutoZone.  (out; right; I; see you too; AutoCorrect)

***************

ME:  I'm going to ask them to bring something specifically that I am carving. Tahoe you.  (craving; Thank)

***************

ME:  We will ask them in a bit (feeding now). MightyBBC a good idea.  (Might be)

Words And Phrases I Use All The Time Now That I Rarely Ever Did Two Weeks Ago

It's official. I'm learning a new language. Whether you call it Babyese, Parentese, Infantic, or whatever else, I now speak and understand this language quite fluently. If you're a parent, you'll understand. If you aren't, brush up on the vocabulary in advance. You'll need to know these things later. Some are common words, but not ones I ever spoke on a regular basis. Others are words or phrases that are chiefly spoken by parents of babies and can generally only be understood by other (current or former) parents of babies. Here's a smattering of words and phrases from this unique language. All baby pictures included herein are of our son, Josiah....


1)  Seedy Poop:  I never thought I'd not mind changing a diaper, and yet I really don't. Maybe it's because it's my child's diaper, I don't know. Looking at the contents of the diaper and analyzing the color of the poop, however, is still not something I enjoy an awful lot.

2)  Farting:  I marvel constantly at the frequency and the power with which my 10-lb. baby can expel flatulence. Put simply, he farts like a grown man!

3)  Burping:  The kid hasn't mastered the fine art of burping that much so far. But he burps just enough for us not to worry. And when he's sitting up to be burped, his meaty jowls flare out to ridiculous proportions. In other words, it's adorable.

4)  Snorking:  Okay, so this is probably a made-up word, but we use it all the time, so I'm calling it official. "Snorking" is the oink-like snorting that my boy makes when he's overly excited, frustrated, or suddenly hungry.

5)  Snorker:  Okay, so it's another made-up word. Big deal! A "snorker" in our house is what most people call a nasal aspirator, or perhaps a bulb syringe. Sometimes Baby Boy gets a snootful of milk and starts spitting it up through his nose. At times like that, we sit him upright as quickly as possible and insert the snorker into the affected nostril (usually it's both) and snork out the snotty milk.

6)  Diapers:  This one's obvious. I have changed a lot of diapers in the last eleven days. I have given the kid "plumber's butt" on at least one occasion and been pooped on while changing a diaper once. But otherwise, the diaper changing process has been a lot smoother than I would have ever imagined.

7)  Onesie:  This one-piece shirt/briefs combo is a popular apparel choice for infants of all shapes and sizes. Including our hoss of a young'un. Designed for easy diaper changing, the onesie is a versatile piece for your growing youngster.

8)  Boppy:  We got our Boppy (a C-shaped body pillow, of sorts) to support the baby's body while Mary's breastfeeding. While it hasn't worked out so well in that respect, it makes a great seat for Boyface, nestling him comfortably for leisurely lounging, especially at the sunny end of the couch.

9)  Latching:  Sometimes getting the kid started "eating" (which is technically drinking, but I digress...) is the hardest part. He's quite the wiggle monster, flailing his little arms back and forth with wild abandon. Once he latches on, he eats just fine. Getting Mary comfortable while Baby is comfortable is another story, but for now the fact that the kid ain't starving is comfort enough. But we're working on figuring the rest of it out, too.

10)  Swaddling:  Also known as "Baby Burrito," swaddling is one of the quickest ways to calm down a fussy baby. In theory. But lots of babies, ours included, are veritable Houdinis at escaping the cozy confines of a good old-fashioned swaddling, and often seek to renew their active pursuits with arms and/or legs free to flail about at will. Our kid prefers to have his arms unbound and is able to free them in approximately fifteen seconds flat. But it usually calms him down nonetheless. Usually.

Surprisingly Good Songs By Indie Bands With Slightly Ridiculous Names, Vol. 2

Here's another batch of surprisingly good songs by indie bands with slightly ridiculous names. I prepared this one pre-baby. Enjoy!

1)  Danielle Ate The Sandwich  ~  "Faith In A Man"  (Nice tune, great vocals)

2)  The Dad Horse Experience  ~  "Kingdom It Will Come"  (Quirky, but not at all unpleasant)

 

3)  Dinosaur Feathers  ~  "Untrue"  (Okay, so it's hipster music, but at least it's good hipster music)

 

4)  Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now!  ~  "G.I.R.L.F.R.E.N. (You Know I've Got A)"  (So what if they can't spell correctly...it's still an amusing song!)

5)  Fake Problems  ~  "Soulless"  (Strange video, but what a catchy song)

6)  Ha Ha Tonka  ~  "Usual Suspects"  (Very nice!)

7)  Halloween, Alaska  ~  "You Are Not Well"  (This one just keeps building and building into a quiet storm...well done!)

8)  Hiss Golden Messenger  ~  "Red Rose Nantahala"  (Have to give props to a fellow North Carolinian, especially one with talent)

9)  Hurray For The Riff Raff  ~  "Look Out Mama"  (A hauntingly beautiful folk tune...a fiddler in skull makeup...AND yodeling? yes, please!)

10)  The History Of Apple Pie  ~  "Mallory"  (What a delightful, grungy pop/rock confection!)

11)  Joan As Police Woman  ~  "Chemmie"  (This lady makes some weird videos, but she's got a powerhouse voice, very retro, a la Adele...good stuff!)

12)  The Ladybug Transistor  ~  "Always On The Telephone"  (This sounds like really obscure but really good '80s music...in other words, I like it!)

13)  Let's Buy Happiness  ~  "Fast Fast"  (Quirky indie pop with female vocals isn't to everybody's liking, but it suits me just fine. Sing it again – fast, fast!)

14)  Maps & Atlases  ~  "Solid Ground"  (This guy's unique voice really seals the deal for this band – good stuff!)

15)  My Gold Mask  ~  "Violet Eyes"  (This nouveau psychedelic rock sound is clearly an homage to classic groups from the '60s and '70s, like Jefferson Airplane...trippy but cool!)

Story #4: "Guys Like Guy"

Here's a brand-new story I just wrote. No theme. No series. Just a story. I've been the "Morton" in this story at various times in my younger years. And I've known the "Guy." This is fiction, but there is a lot of truth in it, too. Enjoy!

"GUYS LIKE GUY"

Guys like Guy have all the luck. He even started off in life with an advantage. His name may look like a generic term for a person of the male persuasion, but it's not so simple as that. You see, Guy's family is French-Canadian. So his name isn't pronounced like Guy-that-rhymes-with-why. It's pronounced like Gee-that-rhymes-with-bee. And I don't mean Gee like "Gee, thanks!" It's a hard "G" sound, like "garbage" or "Galveston."

My name is Morton. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't require a complicated explanation to pronounce it properly. It's just Morton. Plain and simple. Plain, simple, and boring.

I've always been jealous of Guy. In elementary school, he always had the latest toys. You know, the ones that parents wait in line for for, like, twenty-four hours to get the week before Christmas. His folks had money, so he pretty much got whatever he wanted. But you know what the most annoying thing about Guy was back then? It's that he didn't act in the least bit spoiled. He just went about his life like having everything was the norm and not the exception. He simply didn't know any differently.

I never got anything that I wanted back then. My parents were too lazy to wait in line, and even if they weren't, they didn't have a whole lot of disposable income to blow it on trendy toys that I would just tear up in a day or two in the first place.

In middle school, Guy started filling out in all the right places and quickly became the toughest kid in our grade. He could take on anybody, anytime, and win, no question. But you know what? Guy never even fought anybody. He even used his new-found strength to do stuff like mowing old people's lawns and weeding their gardens. He didn't even get paid for it, either. Guy said he did it out of the kindness of his heart. What good is brawn like that if you don't ever use it to get into trouble?

I'm skinny and weak. I tried lifting a dumbbell one time at school and dropped it on my left leg and broke it in three places. I have to mow our lawn at home. And wash the dishes three nights a week. And clean up my room every night before bed. My parents pay me in compliments.

This year, Guy and I will graduate from high school. Guy is in line to be valedictorian. No one is surprised. He has dated the three prettiest girls in our grade off and on the past two years, and he even went out with the ugliest girl a couple of times this spring. People thought he was crazy for doing it, but Guy just started talking about how beauty is skin-deep and how Josephine was really a sweet person once you got to know her.

I asked Josephine out on a date last month. She said she'd just as soon not. I asked her again a week or two later. She said she'd still just as soon not. I didn't go to our Senior Prom. If I had, I would have been one of just three guys in our entire class who didn't have a date, and everyone's pretty sure those other two guys were secretly going together anyway. And by going together, I mean boyfriends.

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to be a guy like Guy. I wish I could say I'm okay with that. I'd like to be able to tell you that I'm comfortable in my own skin, that I'm proud of who I am. But I'm not. Guy is going to live a long and wonderful life, and I am going to exist. This is my life. My name is Morton. Pronounced just like it looks.

Interesting Quotes By Guys Named Rick

BLOGGER'S NOTE:  I prepped this particular blog post a few months ago, but never posted it. There was a reason. Right after I finished putting this one together, I found out that an acquaintance of mine from church, whose name was Rick Walters, had taken a turn for the worst. He'd been hospitalized for the better part of six months at the time, and it seemed that his passing was imminent. Unfortunately, it was. Out of respect for Rick's family, I decided not to post a silly quotes post at that time. It seemed insensitive and unnecessary. Now that some time has passed, I decided to go ahead and post it. I hope Rick's family (if they read this) will understand that no disrespect or flippancy is intended by this post in the least. Rest in peace, Rick.  ~  JH


1)  "We need realism to deal with reality."  ~ Slick Rick, rapper

2)  "You never know God is all you need until God is all you have."  ~  Rick Warren, pastor/author

3)  "There are consequences to letting people live out whatever wants or passions they desire."  ~  Rick Santorum, politician

4)  "History shows you don't know what the future brings."  ~  Rick Wagoner, businessman

5)  "You can't funk and roll ALL the time."  ~  Rick James, musician

6)  "Regardless of how it goes down, life goes on."  ~  Rick Ross, rapper

7)  "I like a lot of bass players. I like a lot of tuba players too."  ~  Rick Danko, musician

8)  "The air we breathe, the water we drink, and the land we inhabit are not only critical elements in the quality of life we enjoy – they are a reflection of the majesty of our Creator."  ~  Rick Perry, politician

9)  "The secret of breaking rules in a way that works is understanding what the rules are in the first place."  ~  Rick Wakeman, musician

10)  "I don't think anyone ever feels acknowledged enough."  ~  Rick Springfield, singer/actor

11)  "I don't believe anyone should ignore all the fires around you and stand pat and not worry about getting singed."  ~  Rick Santelli, TV journalist

12)  "I prefer the rather old and battered, things with character, to the brand new."  ~  Rick Allen, musician

13)  "Here's to democracy. May we get the government we deserve."  ~  Rick Mercer, comedian/TV personality

14)  "Excellence is the unlimited ability to improve the quality of what you have to offer."  ~  Rick Pitino, basketball coach

15)  "What we see is what they're trying to sell us."  ~  Rick Moranis, actor

16)  "I'm trying to make sure that there's comedy as well as sadness. It makes the sadness more memorable."  ~  Rick Moody, novelist

17)  "Wearing a bow tie is a statement. Almost an act of defiance."  ~  Rick Kaplan, TV producer

18)  "I write the story that nobody reads. Someday, I'm going to write it in German to see if anybody notices."  ~  Rick Reilly, sportswriter

19)  "To finish first you must first finish."  ~  Rick Mears, race car driver

20)  "Be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic. If something is not to your liking, change your liking."  ~  Rick Steves, travel author/TV personality

21)  "If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself."  ~  Rick Riordan, novelist

22)  "Every life deserves a certain amount of dignity, no matter how poor or damaged the shell that carries it."  ~  Rick Bragg, writer