Stories # 52 & # 53: "The Final Score" & "I Don't Want You To Take This The Wrong Way"

Fair warning: the first one's a bit violent in nature, and the second one's kinda mean. If you're squeamish or overly sensitive, you may want to steer clear of these. Just my twisted writer's imagination going to town again.  ~  JH

"THE FINAL SCORE"

I promised I wouldn't make more than a hundred cuts. This was the ninety-ninth, and he's bleeding so profusely I'm almost tempted to stop right here. But I must finish what I started.

Little cuts do not kill in and of themselves, but they do get the juices flowing. Literally.

I guess you could say that scoring is my signature. My modus operandi.

Many stab, often deeply, always continuously. I slice gently, taking my time, as though it were an art. And I guess, for me, it is.

This is it. The final score. I will make it count.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY"

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I've hated your guts since the first time I laid eyes on you. It was repulsion at first sight – a snap judgment, to be sure, but not one without merit.

As much as I've tried – and for some reason, I've given it a fair bit of effort – I can't find a single redeeming quality in you. You are thoroughly reprehensible, utterly deplorable, and eminently devoid of worth.

I was taught from an early age that if you can't say something nice about someone, it's best to say nothing at all. So these will be my final words to you.

Do the world a favor, and leave it. Or, failing that, leave society. Strike out on your own, choose your path, and lose yourself forever.

Do this, and I will have one positive thing to say about you – "He knew when it was time to go."

Songs By Bands With Body Parts In Their Names, Vol. 3: From The Waist Down

Okay, so here's the third and final entry in this miniseries. I've had fun with it, whether you have or not. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Butthole Surfers  ~  "Pepper"  (Oh, lighten up! – The name of the band is the worst thing about this one – it's mostly a harmless song.)

2)  The Mother Hips  ~  "Precious Opal"

3)  The Tragically Hip  ~  "My Music At Work"

4)  Big Leg Emma  ~  "Hey Maker"

5)  The Shins  ~  "Simple Song"

6)  Big Foot Mama  ~  "Crn Tulipan"  (If you can't understand the lyrics, it's not because it's rock and roll – it's because you don't speak Slovenian.)

7)  Chickenfoot  ~  "Something Going Wrong"

8)  Gordon Lightfoot  ~  "If You Could Read My Mind"

9)  Switchfoot  ~  "Dare You To Move"

10)  Thousand Foot Krutch  ~  "Falls Apart"

11)  The Original Rabbit Foot Spasm Band  ~  "My Baby Just Cares For Me"

12)  Bare Feet  ~  "Revolutionaries"

13)  Clubfeet ft. Chela  ~  "Heartbreak"

14)  Spring Heeled Jack USA  ~  "Jolene"

15)  Toe  ~  "Goodbye"  (This one's a mix of English and Japanese lyrics – so if you can only understand half of it, you're doing all right.)

Songs By Bands With Body Parts In Their Names, Vol. 2: From Neck To Waist

It is what it is. Part two in a three-part miniseries. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers  ~  "Runnin' Down A Dream"

2)  Heart  ~  "Alone"

3)  Aqualung  ~  "Brighter Than Sunshine"

4)  Belly  ~  "Feed The Tree"

5)  Spleen United  ~  "Hibernation"

6)  Backstreet Boys  ~  "I Want It That Way"

7)  Mother Love Bone  ~  "Stardog Champion"

8)  Redbone  ~  "Come And Get Your Love"

9)  Louis Armstrong  ~  "A Kiss To Build A Dream On"

10)  Elbow  ~  "Fugitive Motel"

11)  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah  ~  "Maniac"

12)  Five Finger Death Punch  ~  "The Bleeding"

13)  Badfinger  ~  "Come And Get It"

14)  Nine Inch Nails  ~  "The Hand That Feeds"

15)  Jimmy Nail  ~  "Ain't No Doubt"

Songs By Bands With Body Parts In Their Names, Vol. 1: From The Neck Up

Why? Because I'm weird, that's why. This is the first post in what will be a three-part miniseries. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Radiohead  ~  "Fake Plastic Trees"

2)  Portishead  ~  "Magic Doors"

3)  Lemonheads  ~  "It's A Shame About Ray"

4)  Babyface  ~  "When Can I See You?"

5)  Northern Faces  ~  "Under My Skin"

6)  Bad Brains  ~  "Rise"

7)  Bright Eyes  ~  "First Day Of My Life"

8)  Stone Temple Pilots  ~  "Plush"

9)  Wet Nose Hero  ~  "Spectacular"

10)  Judy Cheeks  ~  "Mellow Lovin'"

11)  Labyrinth Ear  ~  "Snow White"

12)  Smash Mouth  ~  "All Star"

13)  The Flaming Lips  ~  "Powerless"

14)  Dr. Teeth And The Electric Mayhem  ~  "Can You Picture That?"

15)  Neck Deep ft. Laura Whiteside  ~  "A Part Of Me"

Words I'm Glad I DIDN'T Write: Disturbing Quotes By Famous Criminals

Some of these quotes are positively chilling, even for a seasoned true-crime enthusiast like myself. I don't particularly enjoy getting into the minds of these twisted people too much. Ick! ~  JH

"I have too great a soul to die like a criminal."

~  John Wilkes Booth

"You can get much further with 

a kind word and a gun than 

you can with a kind word alone."

~  Al Capone

"All my life I wanted to be a bank robber. 

Carry a gun and wear a mask. Now 

that it's happened, I guess I'm just about 

the best bank robber they ever had. 

And I sure am happy."

~  John Dillinger

"Hate is more lasting than dislike."

~  Adolf Hitler

"Politics is when you say you are going 

to do one thing while intending to do 

another. Then you do neither what 

you said nor what you intended."

~  Saddam Hussein

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: 

you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter."

~  John Gotti

"I have a microphone on one ankle

and an ankle bracelet on the other,

so I'm well-balanced today."

~  Martha Stewart

"To me, death is not a fearful thing.

It's living that's cursed."

~  Jim Jones

"I believe in nothing."

~  Theodore Kaczynski

"We serial killers are your sons,

we are your husbands,

we are everywhere.

And there will be more of

your children dead tomorrow."

~  Ted Bundy

"We love death. The U.S. loves life.

That is the difference between us two."

~  Osama bin Laden

"Once I've done a crime, I just

forget it. I go from crime to crime."

~  Henry Lee Lucas

"I can't dislike you, but I will say this to you:

you haven't got long before you are all 

going to kill yourselves, because you

are all crazy. And you can project it

back at me, but I am only what lives

inside each and every one of you."

~  Charles Manson

"Borrowing a page from U.S. foreign 

policy, I decided to send a message

 to a government that was 

becoming increasingly hostile."

~  Timothy McVeigh

"I hear they burn for murder. Well,

they say it just takes a second to die."

~  Lee Harvey Oswald

"My opinion was that if we had a common

enemy, we should get together commonly."

~  Julius Rosenberg

"They can gas me, but I am famous.

I have achieved in one day what it

took Robert Kennedy all his life to do."

~  Sirhan Sirhan

"The women I killed were filth – prostitutes

who were littering the streets. I was

just cleaning up the place a bit."

~  Peter Sutcliffe

"I robbed them, and I killed them cold

as ice, and I would do it again, and I

know I would kill another person because

I've hated humans for a long time."

~  Aileen Wuornos

"I knew quite well, when I gave the names

of our agents in the Soviet Union, that I was

exposing them to the full machinery of

counterespionage and the law, and then

prosecution and capital punishment."

~  Aldrich Ames

"See you in the darkness."

~  Gary Gilmore

Songs With "Far" In The Title

As promised, here's the counterpart to my earlier "Near" songs post. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Candlebox  ~  "Far Behind"

2)  Martina McBride  ~  "How Far"

3)  Avenged Sevenfold  ~  "So Far Away"

4)  Nightwish  ~  "Over The Hills And Far Away"

5)  Nickelback  ~  "Far Away"

6)  Phantogram  ~  "As Far As I Can See"

7)  James Blunt  ~  "So Far Gone"

8)  Carole King ft. James Taylor  ~  "So Far Away"

9)  Staind  ~  "So Far Away"

10)  Sara Evans  ~  "No Place That Far"