Heavy Metal Christmas Songs

This one goes out to all my metalhead friends. (Or should I say "fiends"?) Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and \m/ !!!  ~  JH

1)  Dez Fafara ft. Doug Aldrich, Blasko, & John Tempesta  ~  "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"

2)  Ronnie James Dio ft. Tony Iommi  ~  "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

3)  Alice Cooper ft. Orianthi, Tommy Henriksen, Steve Hunter, Chuck Garric, & Glen Sobel  ~  "We Wish You A Merry Christmas"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhO9XybAS2Q

4)  Iron Maiden  ~  "Another Rock And Roll Christmas"

5)  Pellek  ~  "The 12 Days Of Christmas"

6)  Guns N' Roses  ~  "White Christmas"

7)  August Burns Red  ~  "Jingle Bells"

8)  Twisted Sister  ~  "Silver Bells"

9)  ICON  ~  "Little Drummer Boy"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaAHT_4OCJY

10)  Joe Satriani  ~  "Silent Night, Holy Night"

11)  Steve Morse  ~  "Joy To The World"

12)  DOKKEN  ~  "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

13)  Lemmy Kilmister ft. Billy F. Gibbons & Dave Grohl  ~  "Run Rudolph Run"

14)  Oni Logan ft. Tony Franklin, John Tempesta, & Craig Goldy  ~  "Deck The Halls"

15)  Orion's Reign  ~  "We Wish You A Merry Christmas"

Weird Quotes About Beans And Rice

While we're on a "Weird" theme here, why not some weird food quotes too? Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  "I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."  ~  Mitch Hedberg, comedian

2)  "Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either you laugh and suffer, or you got your beans and brains on the ceiling."  ~  Wavy Gravy, activist

3)  "The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything! Everyone should wear jeans and have three t-shirts, and eat rice and beans."  ~  Bill Hicks, comedian

4)  "There's nothing like listening to a shower and thinking how it is soaking in around your green beans."  ~  Marcelene Cox, writer

5)  "Me, sexy? I'm just plain ol' beans and rice."  ~  Pam Grier, actress

6)  "Being in a band didn't buy me my beans on toast!"  ~  Alex Kapranos, musician

7)  "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."  ~  Mitch Hedberg, comedian

8)  "When my hoe tinkled against the stones, that music echoed to the woods and the sky, and was an accompaniment to my labor which yielded an instant and immeasurable crop. It was no longer beans that I hoed, nor I that hoed beans; and I remembered with as much pity as pride, my acquaintances who had gone to the city to attend the oratorios."  ~  Henry David Thoreau, writer

9)  "I am a bad, wicked man, but I am practicing moral self-purification; I don't eat meat anymore, I now eat rice cutlets."  ~  Vladimir Lenin, politician

10)  "Talk doesn't cook rice."  ~  Chinese Proverb

A Baker's Dozen Of "Weird Al" Parody Songs

Okay, so obviously the theme of the day is "Weird." Being a writer of several parody songs myself (maybe I'll share them here someday), I've always been a fan of "Weird Al" Yankovic. Not only are his songs spot-on at satirizing pop culture, they're also extremely well-done, technically speaking. With their numerous visual jokes, the music videos are so much better than just listening to the songs themselves. Here are 13 of "Weird Al"'s all-time best... Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  "Smells Like Nirvana"  (parody of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana)

2)  "Gump"  (parody of "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States of America)

3)  "Amish Paradise"  (parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio ft. L.V.)

4)  "Fat"  (parody of "Bad" by Michael Jackson)

5)  "White & Nerdy"  (parody of "Ridin' Dirty" by Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone)

6)  "Headline News"  (parody of "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crash Test Dummies)

7)  "Perform This Way"  (parody of "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga)

8)  "Like A Surgeon"  (parody of "Like A Virgin" by Madonna)

9)  "I Love Rocky Road"  (parody of "I Love Rock 'N' Roll" by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts)

10)  "Eat It"  (parody of "Beat It" by Michael Jackson)

11)  "Another Tattoo"  (parody of "Nothin' On You" by B.o.B. ft. Bruno Mars)

12)  "Whatever You Like"  (parody of "Whatever You Like" by T.I.)

13)  "Party In The C.I.A."  (parody of "Party In The U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus)

Weird Christmas Songs!

It's the holiday season, so it's only appropriate that I post a gaggle of memorable Christmas tunes, right? Well...the songs in this collection are definitely memorable, but not always in a good way. Enjoy this wonderfully odd collection of Weird Christmas Songs. If you dare!  ~  JH

1)  Sufjan Stevens  ~  "Christmas Unicorn"

2)  Star Wars: Christmas In The Stars  ~  "What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb)?"

3)  RUN-DMC  ~  "Christmas In Hollis"

4)  James Brown  ~  "Santa Claus, Go Straight To The Ghetto"

5)  Lady Gaga ft. Space Cowboy  ~  "Christmas Tree"

6)  The Christmas Chids  ~  "Christmas Helmet"

7)  Akim & Teddy Vann  ~  "Santa Claus Is A Black Man"

8)  Debbie & The Darnells  ~  "Santa, Teach Me To Dance"

9)  The Little Stinkers  ~  "I Farted On Santa's Lap (Now Christmas Is Gonna Stink For Me)"

10)  New Kids On The Block  ~  "Funky, Funky Christmas"

11)  The Killers  ~  "Don't Shoot Me, Santa"

12)  Important-Looking Pirates  ~  "I Hate Santa"

13)  "Weird Al" Yankovic  ~  "Christmas At Ground Zero"

14)  Gayla Peevey  ~  "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"

15)  The Downer Party  ~  "Christmas Sucks In San Francisco"

16)  The Weather Girls  ~  "Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas)"

17)  Root Boy Slim & The Sex Change Band  ~  "Christmas At K-Mart"

18)  Ray Stevens  ~  "Santa Claus Is Watchin' You"

19)  Snoop Doggy Dogg ft. Daz Dillinger, Nate Dogg, Tray Deee, & Bad Azz  ~  "Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto"

20)  Elmo & Patsy  ~  "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"

Songs About "Something," Vol. 2

This is part 2 of 2, a compilation of songs with "Something" in the title. The last song in this collection is the inspiration behind this latest dumb idea of mine. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Mark Wills  ~  "19 Somethin'"

2)  John Mayer  ~  "Something Like Olivia"

3)  Hanson  ~  "Thinking 'Bout Somethin'"

4)  Elton John  ~  "Something About The Way You Look Tonight"

5)  Aaron Tippin  ~  "You've Got To Stand For Something"

6)  Parachute  ~  "Something To Believe In"

7)  Jamiroquai  ~  "You Give Me Something"

8)  Sugarland  ~  "Something More"

9)  Girls Aloud  ~  "Something New"

10)  Daft Punk  ~  "Something About Us"

11)  Secondhand Serenade  ~  "Something More"

12)  Two Door Cinema Club  ~  "Something Good Can Work"

13)  LeAnn Rimes  ~  "Something's Gotta Give"

14)  Poison  ~  "Something To Believe In"

15)  A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera  ~  "Say Something"

Songs About "Something," Vol. 1

So I had this not-terribly-earthshaking idea to compile and post a collection of songs with the word "Something" in the title. Trouble is, I found too many good ones I wanted to include. Too many for one post, at least. So here's a bunch of songs about "Something," and it's part 1 of 2. Enjoy?  ~  JH

1)  Jakob Dylan  ~  "Something Good This Way Comes"

2)  Crowded House  ~  "Something So Strong"

3)  Duran Duran  ~  "Is There Something I Should Know?"

4)  New Edition  ~  "Something About You"

5)  Jamie Cullum  ~  "Edge Of Something"

6)  Claire de la Fuente  ~  "Something In Your Eyes"

7)  Sanctus Real  ~  "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)"

8)  Dave Gahan  ~  "Saw Something"

9)  Paloma Faith  ~  "Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?"

10)  Nirvana  ~  "Something In The Way"

11)  Newton Faulkner  ~  "I Need Something"

12)  Christina Aguilera  ~  "Something's Got A Hold On Me"

13)  Naked Eyes  ~  "Always Something There"

14)  Bonnie Raitt  ~  "Something To Talk About"

15)  Christina Perri  ~  "Something About December"

Real Talk

As you may have noticed, I post lots of stuff on my blog that – while generally maintaining a modicum of entertainment value – is mostly a bunch of mindless drivel. Every now and then, I have to force myself to "get real" and write about things that actually matter. In particular, to write about myself (not saying that I actually matter) and what's going on in my life. This is one of those posts. Hang on!

To say that I have it all together would be a vast overstatement. I would say that I'm a slightly-better-than-decent father to Josiah (who's growing so fast I can hardly believe it – he'll be one year old next month!) and a marginally-better-than-adequate husband to Mary (whose jobs as a teacher and a mother are so all-consuming that she stays tired all the time, not to mention overwhelmed). And yet, in "accomplishing" these things, I'd have to admit that I'm a barely-scraping-by employee and a falling-far-short-of-the-mark Christian. I'm a terrible friend (more on that later) and a too-distant son/cousin/nephew/take-your-pick-of-relative. I'm okay in that I'm surviving, but not okay in the toll that it all takes.

I feel guilty for the wrong things I have done and I feel guilty for the right things I have not done. I beat myself up about everything and wonder why the bruises never go away.

Let's take a step back here. I am being dramatic. But at the same time I'm sugarcoating things. The lines blur together all too frequently.

There are times where I genuinely feel like a crazy person. I get angry for no reason, screaming at nothing and no one and everything and everyone. And just as quickly I retreat to my facade of calmness, like nothing ever happened.

I don't like talking about myself – it's embarrassing. But I'm doing it, and I'll probably regret it later.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and one of them is friends. I looked back at my high school yearbook a week or so ago. I've always maintained that I had just two friends throughout high school, and that one of them betrayed and abandoned me, while the other one stuck by me and has remained a good friend even to this day. 

Well, upon reflection, I realize I actually had closer to seven people I could truly call my friends back then, and that, with only a couple of exceptions, I am still at least electronically connected to all of them now, even if we don't see or speak to each other personally.

Why does that matter? It probably doesn't, except that it got me thinking about the people I consider my friends. Which ones are actually my friends, and which are mere acquaintances? The unwelcome answer is that most are only acquaintances.

And why is that? Put simply, it's my fault. I'm selfish, withdrawn, introverted, and – I'll say it again – selfish. I don't now and have rarely ever put forth any significant effort into maintaining person-to-person relationships, namely friendships. It's not that I don't want to have friends to spend time with – I desperately do. But, like many other things in my life, I don't work at it hard enough, and friends and friendships fall by the wayside.

I'm a flake. You can't count on me, so why would you bother? And, knowing this about myself, I suppose I just try to live up to my low expectations, never getting too close to anyone, knowing full well that I'll disappoint them in the end anyway.

This emotional aloofness got me wondering recently whether or not I'm seriously messed up. I took a personality test I found online – the reliability of which I am well aware could be suspect – to see how crazy I might be. The results showed that I was well above-average in the Paranoid, Schizoid, Borderline, Histrionic, Avoidant, and Dependent categories; slightly above-average in the Schizotypal, Antisocial, and Obsessive-Compulsive categories; and well below-average in the Narcissistic category. 

I won't even pretend to know what all that means, or even give serious credence to the results. But the fact that I'm even somewhat concerned about all this has to mean something, right?

Okay, time to put a cap on what has truly been a depressing, self-revelatory post. But before I go, here's fair warning to any of you who may know me personally:  If I'm not doing so already, I'm probably going to disappoint you somehow. I don't know what your expectations of me may be, but I will probably not meet up to them, now or ever. If you consider me a friend, don't lose hope on me, but don't hold your breath either. I am somewhat unreliable; I may forget to call you for months at a time. If I put my mind to it, I can accomplish any task, great or small. But my mind is very scattered lately, and it may take some work to reassemble it properly. I'm a wreck, and not a beautiful wreck. But my chin is up. It's going to get better. Someday.