A Hodgepodge Of Music By People Born On This Day

A number of historical and contemporary folks are celebrating a birthday today (or would be if they were still alive). In their honor, here are several pieces of music either written, performed, or sung by these birthday boys and girls (though "men and women" would probably be a more appropriate phrase). Feel free to skip around to the type of music you prefer (I've grouped together by genre/style as much as possible). Or listen to them all if you feel like it.

The Classical/Operatic Folks

1)  Jean-Louis Lully, French composer ~ "Overture to 'Zephire et Flore'"  This piece is from an opera, but there's no singing in this one. Lully would have been 345 years old today if he'd defied all logic and survived that long.

2)  Julius Klengel, German cellist and composer ~ "Allegro from Kindertrio, Op. 35 No. 2."   Today is Klengel's 153rd birthday. But he's not celebrating – because he's quite dead.

3)  Andrzej Panufnik, Polish composer, pianist, and conductor ~ "Autumn Music."  If Panufnik had lived, he'd be 98 years old today.

4)  Ettore Bastianini, Italian operatic baritone ~ "Il trovatore – Il balen del suo sorriso."  This talented young man died at the age of 45. Otherwise, he'd be turning 90 years old today.

5)  Cornell MacNeil, American operatic baritone ~ "Te Deum."  I don't know much about opera, but I hear this guy was fantastic. Sounds pretty good to me. MacNeil would have been celebrating his 90th birthday today had he not died last year.

6)  Alfredo Kraus, Spanish operatic tenor ~ "La donna e mobile."  This guy sounds pretty good, too, but what do I know about opera? (Answer: Nothing.) Today would have been Kraus' 85th birthday. But he's not around to celebrate it, either.

The Jazz/Blues Musicians

1)  Herb Jeffries, American jazz/pop singer, actor ~ "Flamingo" (with Duke Ellington).  Jeffries, who is still alive and is celebrating his 99th birthday today, was the star of several all-black Western films in the 1930s, and was known as "The Singing Cowboy" because of this. He's quite good!

2)  Theodore "Fats" Navarro, American jazz trumpet player ~ "Our Delight."  Navarro was a talented jazz musician whose career was cut short by his heroin addiction, a bout of tuberculosis, and obesity. "Fats" died at age 26. He would have been 89 years old today.

3)  John Carter, American jazz clarinet/saxophone/flute player ~ "In The Vineyard" (with Bobby Bradford).  Carter was an excellent jazz musician. Had he lived, Carter would have been 83 years old today.

4)  Robert "Chick" Willis, American blues singer/guitarist ~ "Blues Man."  Known for his somewhat questionable lyrics (the man does a song called "I Want A Big Fat Woman"), "Chick" has been at it for a long time. Willis turns 78 years old today.

5)  "Blind Lemon" Jefferson, jazz singer/guitarist ~ "Black Snake Moan."  Jefferson, whose first name actually was Lemon, was known as the "Father of the Texas Blues" and was quite popular in the 1920s. If he'd lived, "Blind Lemon" would've been 119 years old to day.

6)  Wayne Henderson, American soul/jazz and hard bop trombonist ~ "Inherit The Wind" (with The Jazz Crusaders).  Wayne's the one in the crazy animal print outfit playing the trombone here. Henderson turns 73 years old today.

7)  Bill Connors, American jazz musician ~ "Hymn Of The 7th Galaxy" (with Return To Forever).  Connors is celebrating his 73rd birthday today.

8)  Taylor Eigsti, jazz pianist and composer ~ "Like Someone In Love."  Eigsti, once labeled a prodigy but long since having transcended the label, has been playing piano since the age of 4. He was leading his own band by age 12 and recorded his first album at age 14. Taylor turns 28 years old today.

The Pop/Rock Singers And Musicians

1)  Anthony Newley, English pop singer/songwriter and actor ~ "On A Wonderful Day Like Today/Sweet Beginning."  Newley enjoyed a long and successful career in music, television, films, and on stage. If he'd lived, Newley would be 81 years old today.

2)  Ben Oakland, American composer, lyricist, and composer ~ "Java Jive" (performed by The Manhattan Transfer, music by Oakland). Throughout his career, Oakland composed mainly for Broadway and vaudeville, though he did work on several Hollywood scores, including for the film My Little Chickadee.  If he'd lived, Oakland would be 105 years old today.

3)  Mel Taylor, American drummer ~ "Wipeout" (with The Ventures).  Possibly one of the most famous drum solos in the history of rock and roll was played by this guy in this song. If he'd lived to celebrate it, today would be Taylor's 79th birthday.

4)  Linda McCartney, American musician and photographer ~ "Silly Love Songs" (with Wings). As part of the band Wings founded by her husband (former Beatle, Paul), McCartney co-wrote a number of memorable pop/rock hits, including this one. Linda died of breast cancer at the age of 56. She would have been 71 years old today.

5)  Gerry Marsden, English musician/singer ~ "Ferry Cross The Mersey" (as Gerry and The Pacemakers).  One of the better-known British pop bands in the 1960s other than The Beatles, Gerry and The Pacemakers had a number of hits, though none was dearer to Marsden's heart than this one, about the region of England from which he hailed. Marsden turns 70 years old today.

6)  Jerry Donahue, American guitarist/singer ~ "Too Much Of Nothing" (with Fotheringay).  Throughout his career, Donahue has been a member of folk-rock bands Fotheringay and Fairport Convention, as well as being a member of the rock-guitar trio The Hellecasters. Donahue celebrates his 66th birthday today.

File Under: Everything Else

1)  Birgit Oigemeel, Estonian singer ~ "Homme."  The first winner of Estonian Idol – yes, Estonia has an Idol show, too – Oigemeel is an accomplished young singer and actress in her native country. I don't know what she's singing about, but it sounds pretty. Birgit turns 24 years old today.

2)  Kim Jong Min, South Korean dance music singer and entertainer ~ "오빠 힘내요" (with Koyote).  The lead singer of dance band Koyote, Kim Jong Min is quite popular in his native country. I have to admit, the song is quite catchy, even though I don't have a clue what he's singing about. Kim Jong Min turns 33 years old today.

3)  Leah Dizon, American singer and model ~ "Under The Same Sky."  Raised in Las Vegas, Nevada, Dizon moved to Tokyo, Japan, at the age of 20 to pursue a career in entertainment. She made her recording debut (singing in Japanese!) later that same year. Leah celebrates her 26th birthday today.

4)  William So Wing Hong, Hong Kong cantopop singer and actor ~ "越吻越傷心 - 蘇永康."

Known professionally as simply William So, this popular performer (in Hong Kong, at least) began his musical career by winning first runner-up in the 1985 New Talent Singing Awards. His performance at that event earned him a record contract. So's 1998 hit song "Kiss More, Sad More" later became the theme song for the popular (again, in Hong Kong, at least) TV series Healing Hands.  So turns 45 years old today.

5)  Ilkka Lipsanen, Finnish singer/guitarist ~ "Kesäkatu."  Commonly known his stage name Danny, Lipsanen has been a popular singer in his native country of Finland since the 1960s, which is when he recorded this song, a Finnish-language version of The Lovin' Spoonful's "Summer In The City." Not bad, if you ask me. "Danny" celebrates his 70th birthday today.

6)  Jim Henson, puppeteer  ~ "The Rainbow Connection" (as Kermit The Frog).  Henson is probably best known as the creator of The Muppets, including iconic characters like Kermit The Frog and Sesame Street's Ernie, both of whom Henson performed (puppeteering and voicing them) until his death in 1990. Henson's star burned out way too early at age 53, though his legend continues to this day. Today would have been Jim's 76th birthday.

 

7)  Steve Whitmire, puppeteer ~ "Loud And Soft" (as Ernie, with Bert).  Ironically, Henson's successor (and long-time Muppets puppeteer himself) as Kermit The Frog and Ernie, among other characters, was also born on this day. Whitmire turns 53 years old today.

The People Inside Some Famous Costumes

I thought this would make an interesting post. I could be wrong. What do you think?



1)  BIG BIRD = Carroll Spinney:  In addition to dressing up inside the big yellow bird and giving voice to him, Spinney has also been the puppeteer and voice of Oscar The Grouch for many, many years.

Spinney with his alter-ego, Big Bird

2)  CHEWBACCA = Peter Mayhew:  British-born Mayhew portrayed the giant Wookiee in four of the six Star Wars films. By the way, his height isn't a special effect. Mayhew is 7' 3" tall.

Mayhew as Chewbacca (left) with Han Solo (Harrison Ford, right)

Peter Mayhew, as himself

3)  ALF = Mihaly "Michu" Meszaros:  This 2' 9" Hungarian actor wore the ALF costume only in scenes when the character's entire body needed to be seen, such as when ALF was running across the house. At all other times, ALF was a puppet, and was performed and voiced by series creator, Paul Fusco.

Paul Fusco with his most famous creation, ALF

4)  X-MEN'S "BEAST" = Kelsey Grammer:  Yes, that Kelsey Grammer of Cheers and Frasier fame! I've seen this movie several times and never realized it was him! Completely unrecognizable!

Grammer as "Beast"

 

Grammer as himself

5)  GRIPHOOK = Warwick Davis:  This grisly goblin from the Harry Potter movies is played by famous dwarf actor Warwick Davis. Famous? Yes, he is. Davis was the lead actor in the 1980s fantasy classic Willow and the title character in the Leprechaun series of horror movies. Davis was "Wicket" the Ewok in Return Of The Jedi, "Nikabrik The Dwarf" in The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian, as well as playing "Professor Flitwick" in the Harry Potter movies.

Warwick Davis as "Griphook"

Davis out of makeup

6)  C3PO = Anthony Daniels:  English-born Daniels was never a fan of science fiction. Then he got a part in what would turn out to be one of the most iconic science fiction film series of all time: Star Wars. Go figure!

Daniels, posing with the suit that made him a star

7)  R2D2 = Kenny Baker:  This 3' 8" English actor starred in all six Star Wars films as the memorable robot, R2D2. In addition to his acting career, Baker has also been a stand-up comic and harmonica player in a dance band. Who'd a thunk it?

R2D2 (left) and the guy inside him, Kenny Baker

8)  HARRY (from Harry And The Hendersons) = Kevin Peter Hall:  This famous Bigfoot character was played by 7' 2" tall actor Kevin Peter Hall. Hall also found success as an actor playing another famous movie character: the title character in the first two Predator films. Sadly, Hall died in 1991 at the age of 35 of pneumonia, a complication of the HIV virus which he contracted as a result of a blood transfusion.

Harry the sasquatch (left) and his portrayer, Kevin Peter Hall

Hall as "Predator"

9)  BARNEY = David Joyner:  There were a few different actors who donned the puffy suit as that lovable (or deplorable -- depending on how you view him) purple dinosaur, Barney, but Joyner was the first. But Joyner was not the voice of Barney. That would be Bob West, also pictured below.

David Joyner (left) and his alter-ego, Barney

Bob West, the voice of Barney. He loves you, you love him, you're all a happy family...

10)  THE COWARDLY LION, THE SCARECROW, AND THE TIN MAN (from The Wizard Of Oz) = Bert Lahr, Ray Bolger, and Jack Haley:  Fans of this movie (myself included) are so used to seeing their favorite characters looking like they did in the movie that they may forget that they didn't actually look like that. This is how they really looked, without all that garish makeup.

Bert Lahr aka "The Cowardly Lion"

Ray Bolger aka "The Scarecrow"

Jack Haley aka "The Tin Man"

Rhyme With Reason: Things I Don't Do Too Well (And Things I Do)

This is the second entry in my "Rhyme With Reason" series. In it, I list a number of things that all fall under a unified theme. The "rhyme" part of it is that each word or phrase in the list rhymes. The explanations for each do not rhyme, but all the main "reasons" do. Today's topic: Things I don't too well, and things I do do decently well. Here goes...

THINGS I DON'T DO TOO WELL...

1)  BAIT:  I can count on one hand the number of times I've been fishing in my 34-plus years of life. The one thing I haven't been able to do successfully as yet is to bait the hook. For one thing, I'm clumsy and am just as likely to hook my finger as the lure. For another, many people -- including those folks with whom I have fished -- like to use live bait. I'm not big on killing things, even worms, and can't bring myself to do so even for the tasty, fishy payout (which is also killing things, but at least I would eat the fish). Color me wimpy if you must, it's just not something I'm overly comfortable with doing.

2)  ORATE:  Seeing that I have acted and sung in front of hundreds of people for quite some time, you might think that I'm someone who's comfortable giving speeches. I'm not. In fact, if I'm asked to speak "off the cuff" in front of anyone for any reason, I cannot do so unless I have: a) Scripted my remarks in advance in their entirety, or b) At least come up with some sort of outline which I can follow. I am not good at ad-libbing, and I am not adept at public speaking.

3)  FIGURE-SKATE:  You could probably guess this from looking at me. Failing that, if you know me at all, you know I'm clumsy. Therefore, it shouldn't come as any surprise whatsoever that I don't figure-skate too well. As a matter of fact, I don't figure-skate at all. I don't ice-skate either. I used to roller-skate, and in so doing, have even been known to speed-skate, though not too successfully. But that was many, many years and many, many pounds ago. Today, I'd be lucky to be able to even lace up a pair of skates -- skating with them would be an entirely different story.

4)  WAIT:  Frequent readers of this blog or personal friends of mine will attest that I am not the most patient human being God ever created. Far from it. I detest slow stoplights, am annoyed by slow drivers, I hate trains that stop traffic dead on major roads in town (including the one which takes me to and from work everyday), and I hate long lines for food, movies, roller coasters, and etc. To say that I'm not good at waiting is to make a huge understatement.

5)  DEBATE:  I used to be a pretty good arguer. These days, not so much. People with strong opinions on any matter can easily bowl me over, while I simply stand there and say, "Okay, if that's how you feel." I'll not likely engage anyone in long, heated discussions about anything. If you think you're right, even if I don't think you are I'm not likely to challenge you. I have opinions, and I will voice them from time to time. But if you disagree with me, then I will be content to agree to disagree. Debating things takes time and energy that I don't care to expend -- and as aforementioned, I'm not very patient.

6)  LOSE WEIGHT:  This is another thing I'm not good at. Oh, I've lost weight in the past. And gained it back. I've been diligent to work out on a regular basis. And I've gone months without working out at all. I'm not disciplined enough to stick with it for very long. This is something I need to work on, obviously, but so far I'm not so good at it.

THINGS I DO PRETTY WELL...

7)  GRATE:  I'm not too handy in the kitchen as a general rule, though I do try. One thing I can do pretty well, when asked, is grating. Specifically, grating cheese. Every so often my wife needs grated cheese for some reason, perhaps a casserole or something like that. We have one of those handheld graters. I used the upright kind helping my mom when I was growing up, but I'm actually pretty good at using both kinds. Now, this may not seem to be a very impressive skill for most people. I get that. But considering the fact that I am a super-clumsy person, and that using a grater -- handheld or upright -- is an easy way to slice open your knuckles or perhaps your fingertips, and considering that I've never done either, it becomes quite an impressive skill for me indeed.

8)  CREATE:  I know I'm not the best writer, or even a good writer, but I like to think that my ideas are, for the most part at least, creative. After all, today is the 265th day in a row that I have written a blog post and no two of them have been even remotely identical thus far. That's pretty creative, I think. I'm no artist, or painter, or sculptor, but I think I do okay at creating things with words.

9)  RESTATE:  You know those people who, when asked a question, manage to restate the question and call it their answer? The kind who isn't really listening as well as they should be sometimes, and can't give a straight answer because of their lack of attention, so they just repeat what has been said to them in a different way? Yeah? Well, I'm sort of one of those people. Drives my wife crazy. I don't try to be a "restater," but I am one nonetheless. On a related note, I'm also a "restate the obvious" kinda guy. You know, the type of person who happens upon a building that's on fire, and there are firefighters all around fighting the blaze, and the person states, "Wow, that building's on fire!" Well, I'm not quite that bad, but I'm pretty good at pointing out what's clearly evident. (Also drives my wife crazy.)

10)  TRANSLATE:  Even though I haven't spoken Spanish regularly for several years now, I can still understand and speak it well enough to be able to translate in a pinch. Don't get me wrong -- no one's going to be hiring me to translate as a profession anytime soon, but I can make out enough words and phrases, and put enough words and phrases of my own together in some semblance of meaning to get the point across. There have been situations in recent months and years where this skill has come in handy, so I try to use my knowledge whenever possible to keep it from going too stale. But again, I'm not that good at it. I'm just pretty good.

11)  CONJUGATE:  Being the "word nerd" that I am, I'm fairly adept at the proper conjugation of verbs. Yes, even irregular verbs. If not, my writing wouldn't be half as coherent as it is. Does it bother me when I see things that others have written that aren't conjugated properly? Yes. Do I take the time and energy to correct others' conjugation errors, or even point them out? Rarely. I don't wanna be "that guy." I used to be him when I was much younger, and less aware of how annoying that can be. No wonder I wasn't a popular kid. Oh, well...

12)  HATE:  Unfortunately, this is something I do all too well. No, I am not a prejudiced person in general. I view and treat people of all races equally, and am highly intolerant of those who don't do the same. But I have my share of hangups, too. If I listed the things and/or types of people that I hate, or have at times felt feelings of hatred for, you would no doubt hate me for it. I struggle, as we all do to some degree, with hatred, whether rationally or irrationally motivated. The thing that upsets me the most is how infernally easy it is to hate someone or something. It's much harder not to hate, but I'm working on it. The world would be a much better place if we loved a little more, and hated a lot less, and that's the truth.

Words I Wish I Wrote: Quotes About Sons And Boys

I'm sure that in the coming weeks, months, and years I'll be doing plenty of writing in my own words related to my son – but for now, while it's all still sinking in, I'll fall back on the words of others. If you have a son or have had one (or have been one), I'm sure you'll find much to relate to here. Enjoy!

1)  "Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid – one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."  ~  Douglas MacArthur

2)  "A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be. A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be."  ~  Frank Howard Clark

3)  "A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world."  ~  Helen Rowland

4)  "The sooner you treat your son as a man, the sooner he will be one."  ~  John Dryden

5)  "A good father believes that he does wisely to encourage enterprise, productive skill, prudent self-denial, and judicious expenditure on the part of his son."  ~  William Graham Sumner

6)  "Becoming a dad means you have to be a role model for your son and be someone he can look up to."  ~  Wayne Rooney

7)  "Don't wait to make your son a great man – make him a great boy."  ~  Author Unknown

8)  "When you teach your son, you teach your son's son."  ~  The Talmud

9)  "He who can be a good son will be a good father."  ~  Author Unknown

10)  "Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable."  ~  Plato

11)  "A boy is a magical creature – you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can’t lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can’t get him out of your mind. Might as well give up – he is your captor, your jailer, your boss and your master – a freckled-faced, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise. But when you come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with two magic words – 'Hi, Dad!'"  ~  Alan Beck

12)  "Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood, we find a delightful creature of a boy."  ~  Author Unknown

13)  "Boys are meant for kisses and hugs, for watching rainbows and catching bugs, for sharing all of your favorite things, for books to read and songs to sing."  ~  Author Unknown

14)  "If I have a monument in this world, it is my son."  ~  Maya Angelou 

15)  "It is a wise father that knows his own son."  ~  William Shakespeare

16)  "My son, watching you grow has been the delight of my life. I look at you and wonder what dreams you will dream, what mountains you will climb, what joys you will have. I know there will be tears and struggles as well, but my prayer is that you will grow into the man you are meant to be."  ~  Author Unknown

17)  "Our very own son, born not from our flesh, but born in our hearts, You were longed for and wanted and loved from the start. Conceived from a blessing sent straight from above, our very own son at last home to love."  ~  Author Unknown

18)  "Twinkle, twinkle, little boy, how you fill my heart with joy."  ~  Melissa Kelsey

19)  "What I see is just a glimpse of the man you'll be"  ~  Susan Bales Dupre

20)  "A boy is trust with dirt on its face, beauty with a cut on its finger, wisdom with bubble gum in its hair, and the hope of the future with a frog in its pocket."  ~  Author Unknown

21)  "Nobody knows what a boy is worth, we’ll have to wait and see – but every man in a noble place, a boy once used to be."  ~  Author Unknown

22)  "One small son to hug good night, one small son to grow up right, one small son with love to give, one small son to have fun with."  ~  Author Unknown

23)  "A wee bit of heaven drifted down from above. A handful of happiness, a heart full of love. The mystery of life, so sacred and sweet. The giver of joy, so deep and complete. Precious and priceless, so lovable, too. The world's sweetest miracle, baby, is you."  ~  Helen Steiner Rice

24)  "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes delight in my ways."  ~  Proverbs 23:26

25)  "Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart; then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt."  ~  Proverbs 27:11

It's A...!

We waited weeks to take a peek –

The first snapshots were awfully vague.

But at the doctor's yesterday

We finally got to see your face!

And thankfully, you weren't shy – 

At least not shy enough to hide.

The evidence was plain to see!

Your mother and I smiled, and cried.

'Cause now we know just who you are

Our itty-bitty pride and joy.

Sweet Baby Hill, we love you so –
You darling, precious BABY BOY!

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Dear Baby Hill,
Today is the big day! This afternoon, your mom and I – and you, too, of course – will go to the doctor's office. The lady with the gel-coated wand will rub it over your mom's tummy and we will get to see "live" pictures of you inside of her. Now, you may not remember it, because your brain was still developing at the time, but we've already been through this once before. Six weeks ago, as a matter of fact. The ultrasound technician (which is a fancy name for the lady with the wand) tried and tried to see whether you are a boy or a girl, but to no avail (which is a fancy phrase meaning "nothing happened"). Apparently, you wanted to keep your mom and dad in suspense for at least six more weeks, so you made sure that the umbilical cord was tucked demurely between your tiny little legs. The lady with the wand said you looked healthy as far as she could tell. She just couldn't tell what you are. Not that it matters to me or your mom whether you're a girl or a boy. We don't have all our hopes pinned on having either a boy or a girl – we just want you to be healthy. But it would still be nice to know ahead of time. I know you don't understand things like this yet – and to be quite honest, neither do I – but there are things, like the color of the walls of your nursery, and the color of clothes that people will buy for you to wear – that matter to a lot of people. Granted, I get the clothes thing more than the wall color, but still. The point is, there are a lot of people besides just your mom and dad who are eager to know what sex – or gender, if you prefer – you are. There's your Grandpa and Grandma Hill, your Grandma Collins, your Grandpa and Grandma Cobb, your Aunt Rudypants (that's not her real name, but we call her that because we like her), and your Aunt Leigh Ann (no "pants" suffix for her, though we do like her), just to name a few. Other people keep asking us, too, what your mom and I are going to have. All we can say now is "a baby." It's kind of embarrassing, frankly. Other people that we know who are slightly less pregnant or slightly more pregnant than your mom already know what they're having. They've even picked out names for their little bundles of joy. We've thought up some good possible names for you too, but we don't want to get too attached to them just yet. Not until we find out whether you're a boy or a girl. Which brings me back to the point of all this. This afternoon, when we go to the doctor's office, your mom and I are going to need you to do some things for us. Simple things, really. It's as easy as 1-2-3 (these are numbers, by the way – you'll learn these soon enough, and if you're anything like your dad, you'll hate them). Anyway, back to the three things:

1)  Feel free to move about the womb.  This will not only help the lady with the wand to see you more clearly, it will also give us more grainy-but-beautiful snapshots of you growing inside your mommy's tummy that we can show off to our family and friends.

2)  Be nice to the lady with the wand.  I'm sure she gets paid well enough to do her job, but that's no reason to make it harder on her. Remember, she's just trying to make sure you're growing at the proper rate, and that all your important parts are present and accounted for and are functioning like they're supposed to.

3)  Don't be shy – spread 'em!  It's highly likely that your mom and I will never ask you to do this again, especially not after you're born. But today – today, it's okay. In fact, it's more than okay. We want you to. Be an exhibitionist – just this once. You have nothing to hide from the lady with the wand.

Finally, if for some reason you choose – once again, I might add – to be stubborn and/or to disobey your parents before you even step foot on the earth, and the lady with the wand is unable to determine (which is a fancy word for "find out") whether you are a girl or a boy, fret not. We will not hate you. We could never hate you. But we may be disappointed. Again. And we might sigh a little. Maybe a lot.

So, please, do whatever you have to do to show off for the lady with the wand. And we will do whatever we have to do to be patient if you don't.

Love,
Your dad

"What'll It Be?", "Guess What?", and "Show Yourself": Three New Suspiciously-Titled Drabbles

In case you hadn't figured it out already, I really love writing drabbles. These 100-word short-shorts are challenging but fun! To tell a somewhat-complete story in so few words is something I would have found quite impossible to do even a year ago. But challenging myself to be concise while still making sense has actually improved my writing skills. (In my opinion, at least.) I've always been a fan of good dialogue, and have thought that I write pretty decent dialogue myself. Two of today's drabbles are dialogue-driven – the characters' spoken words tell the tales – while the other story is more traditionally. Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them! ~ JH

"WHAT'LL IT BE?"

Guy walks into a bar. 

Bartender says, "What'll it be?" 

Guy says, "I'm not here to drink." 

Bartender says, "What're you here to do?" 

Guy says, "To think." 

Bartender says, "Then think somewhere else. Park's nice and quiet. They got benches." 

Guy says, "Thanks, I prefer stools." 

Bartender says, "Good to know. But if you ain't drinking, you're walking." 

Guy says, "I don't drink." 

Bartender says, "Then don't let the door bruise your backside when you leave! What's a young fellow like you got to think about anyway?" 

Guy says, "How to tell you that I'm your son." 

Bartender faints.

"GUESS WHAT?"

"Guess what?" 

(My little brother loves playing this stupid game.)

"I dunno. What?"

"Guess."

"I don't wanna guess."

Little brother frowns. "Guess!"

"Bellbottoms are back in style."

"What're bellbottoms?"

"Funny pants," I say. "Am I right?"

"How should I know?" Little brother huffs. "Guess!"

"I just did."

"You were wrong. Guess again!"

"Scientists discovered life on Jupiter," I drone drolly.

"They did?" 

(He's hopeless.)

"I dunno, I was guessing," I say.

"Guess again!"

"This could go on forever!" I complain.

"Not if you guess right," he reminds me.

"Today's your birthday?"

"How did you know?" he gasps.

"I know everything."

"SHOW YOURSELF"

Somehow he knows I'm hiding in the barrel. Maybe he can smell my fear. Or my flesh.

"Show yourself!" He cries out. He's closer now. 

I keep quiet. I have no weapons. Only my wit, and it hasn't been sharpened recently.

My heart's beating loudly. I'm sure he can hear it.

"Show yourself!" He yells again. This time he's right beside me.

I don't know what to do. If he finds me, I'm dead. If I stay in this barrel, I'm dead. Even now I can feel the acid melting away my skin. 

I have no choice. 

"I'm in here..."

Fascinating Facts About Our Feathery Friends, The Flamingos

As frequent readers of this blog will attest, I am fascinated by unusual animals, and will often spend an entire blog post relaying oddball facts about said animal. Today's post is further proof of that.

When you think of flamingos (yes, the plural is "flamingos", although "flamingoes" is also correct), what's the first thing that comes to your mind? For many of us – myself included – the first image that we think about might be of the tacky plastic flamingos that adorn the yards of people with questionable taste.

Well, it's my aim to give you a few other things to think about in regards to flamingos. And here we go...


1)  There are six known species of flamingos in the world today.  The Greater Flamingo is the most widespread, dwelling in parts of Africa, Southern Europe, Southern Asia, and Southwest Asia. The Lesser Flamingo is found from the Great Rift Valley in Africa to Northwest India, and is the most numerous species of flamingos. The Chilean Flamingo is most commonly found in the temperate southernmost regions of South America. Both the James's and Andean Flamingos are found in the High Andes in Peru, Chile, Bolivia, and Argentina. The Caribbean Flamingo dwells in the Caribbean and Galapagos Islands.

American Flamingos

2)  No one's really sure why flamingos stand on one leg with the other leg tucked beneath the body.  Some researchers think that standing on one leg may allow the flamingos to conserve body heat, since they spend a significant amount of time wading in cold water. Some flamingos have the ability to have half their bodies go into a state of sleep; when one side is rested, the flamingo will swap legs and let the other half sleep – though this has not been proven.

I'll bet flamingos would be good at playing "Twister."

3)  Flamingos get their vibrant coloring from the beta carotene in their diet.  Flamingos filter-feed on brine shrimp and blue-green algae. This food is full of aqueous bacteria and beta carotene (the same substance that gives carrots their bright orange color).

Their future's so bright, you gotta wear shades.

4)  Pale flamingos don't date much.  A well-fed, healthy flamingo is more brightly colored and is thus a more desirable mate. A white or pale flamingo is usually unhealthy or malnourished, and is thereby considered less likely to make a good mate.

They never call, they never text, they won't even follow
me on Twitter. Oh, woe is me and my pale exterior!

5)  Flamingos are extremely social creatures, living in colonies that can number in the thousands.  These large colonies are believed to serve three major purposes for the flamingos:  avoidance of predators, maximized food intake, and the exploitation of suitable nesting sites (which can be quite scarce). Flamingos' most basic and stable social unit are pair bonds, which are made up of one male and one female.

Birds with pink feathers, flock to....well, you know the rest.

6)  Flamingos feed their young by vomiting in their mouths.  Or something like that. Flamingos produce crop milk (a secretion from the glands lining the upper digestive tract) and regurgitate it into the mouths of their eager chicks. This crop milk – which, incidentally, is nothing like mammals' milk – contains lots of fat, some protein, and red and white blood cells which help nourish the young birds.

7)  Ancient Egyptians used to worship flamingos.  The Egyptians considered the flamingo to be the living representation of the god Ra. Go figure!

Doesn't look much like a flamingo to me.
I dunno, maybe a little bit around the eyes?

8)  In Ancient Rome, flamingo tongue was considered a delicacy.  Indeed, the tongue of a flamingo was a highly prized dish for Caesars and other toga-wearing freaks. But, thankfully, this is a thing of the past – no modern culture is known to eat the tongue of the flamingo these days.

Open up and say AHHH...wait, what are you doing with that knife?

9a)  The flamingo is the national bird of The Bahamas.  This stands to reason, since American Flamingos are known to thrive in that island nation. They even put them on their coins.

Cha-ching!

9b)  The plastic flamingo is the official city bird of Madison, Wisconsin.  Seriously. You can't make this stuff up! I guess the city of Madison has collectively realized that the first step to conquering a serious problem like terminal tackiness is to admit that you have a problem.

Some random lady at the University of Wisconsin campus posing with fake birds.

10)  Andean miners think that flamingo fat holds the cure for tuberculosis.  It doesn't, by the way. The thing is, to get to this fat, they're killing the flamingos. Wouldn't it save everyone – the flamingos included – a lot of trouble if the tubercular miners just cautiously approached the birds, and allowed the flamingos to barf in their mouths? Makes sense to me.

¿Crees que realmente permitirá un flamenco 

de vomitar en mi boca? ¡No lo creo!