Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Words I Wish I Wrote: Quotes From "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"

I just finished reading the novel "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer, and I can honestly say that all of the books I've ever read – and I've read tons of 'em – this was one of the absolute best. Even though it probably shouldn't have been.

Foer has a style all his own – it's unconventional, it's erratic, it's visionary, and quite frankly, sometimes it's downright frustrating. 

He uses run-on sentences to excess – albeit brilliantly constructed run-on sentences which run on (on purpose) for the express purpose of conveying the unfocused and rambling thoughts of an ever-imagining mind, as well as to spew forth a veritable roller coaster of confusing emotions. 

He includes entire conversations between two or more characters within the same paragraph, instead of separating each bit of dialogue into its own paragraph like you're supposed to do. Sometimes he doesn't even put quotation marks around what clearly are quotes, and you don't know who's talking when, or to whom, or for what purpose, or if you're actually reading internal dialogue. 

Yes, it's frustrating. But it's also wonderful. This book is alternately heartwarming and heartbreaking, both tragic and hilarious, hopeful and hopeless. In other words, it's truthful. 

Because life is an unstable admixture of all kinds of emotions, and sometimes it's difficult to tell who's speaking, and to whom, and for what purpose. Sometimes the voices you hear aren't speaking out loud, but inside your head, and you wonder if you're going crazy, or if this is your new reality.

Put simply, I shouldn't have liked this book very much at all. But I did. Very much.

I won't rehash the plot for those of you who have read it, and I don't want to spoil it for those of you who haven't read it. Because you should definitely read it. It's an important book. It's profoundly simple, yet intricately complex. And you'll love it. You may not enjoy reading it, but once you've finished it, you'll be glad you started it. 

What more can I say? Read it. It's that good. I promise.

What follow are some of the more memorable quotes from the book. If you haven't read the book yet, don't worry – there are no spoilers here, just snippets of thoughts and conversations that made me think, made me feel, and made me glad to be alive. Enjoy!



“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living."


“Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time? My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.”


“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”


“I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.”


“There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me.”


“She wants to know if I love her, that's all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet.”


“So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go!”


“Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are. And the more you wage war.”


“We need enormous pockets, pockets big enough for our families and our friends, and even the people who aren't on our lists, people we've never met but still want to protect. We need pockets for boroughs and for cities, a pocket that could hold the universe.”


“I felt suddenly shy. I was not used to shy. I was used to shame. Shyness is when you turn your head away from something you want. Shame is when you turn your head away from something you do not want.”


“I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question: "Do you like me?”


“I never confused what I had with what I was.”


“Is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think. I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”


“We had everything to say to each other, but no ways to say it.”


“I missed you even when I was with you. That’s been my problem. I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.”


“I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?”


“I thought about all of the things that everyone ever says to each other, and how everyone is going to die, whether it's in a millisecond, or days, or months, or 76.5 years, if you were just born. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped.”


“I did not need to know if he could love me. I needed to know if he could need me.”


“I wanted to tell her everything, maybe if I'd been able to, we could have lived differently, maybe I'd be there with you now instead of here. Maybe... if I'd said, 'I'm so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything,' maybe that would have made the impossible possible. Maybe, but I couldn't do it, I had buried too much too deeply inside me. And here I am, instead of there.”


“You can't love anything more than something you miss.”


“Every moment before this one depends on this one.”


“We were quiet on the car ride home. I turned on the radio and found a station playing 'Hey Jude.' It was true, I didn't want to make it bad. I wanted to take the sad song and make it better. It's just that I didn't know how.”


“The mistakes I've made are dead to me. But I can't take back the things I never did.”


“I thought, it's a shame that we have to live, but it's a tragedy that we get to live only one life, because if I'd had two lives, I would have spent one of them with her.”


"Even if I don't like what I am, I know what I am. My children like what they are, but they don't know what they are. So tell me which is worse.”


“I said, I want to tell you something.
She said, you can tell me tomorrow.
I had never told her how much I loved her.
She was my sister.
We slept in the same bed.
There was never a right time to say it.
It was always unnecessary.
The books in my father's shed were sighing.
The sheets were rising and falling around me with Anna's breathing.
I thought about waking her.
But it was unnecessary.
There would be other nights.
And how can you say I love you to someone you love?
I rolled onto my side and fell asleep next to her.
Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you...It's always necessary.
I love you.”


"He promised us that everything would be okay. I was a child, but I knew that everything would not be okay. That did not make my father a liar. It made him my father.


“I hope you never think about anything as much as I think about you.”


“There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.”


“Each day has been chained to the previous one. But the weeks have wings. Anyone who believes that a second is faster than a decade did not live my life.”


“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.”


“Only someone who'd never been an animal would put up a sign saying not to feed them....”


“It was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn't think about my life at all.”


“I have so much to say to you. I want to begin at the beginning, because that is what you deserve. I want to tell you everything, without leaving out a single detail. But where is the beginning? And what is everything?”


“Literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell on the floor he kissed it, when he was done with a book he tried to give it away to someone who would love it.”


“She had been in love so many times that she began to suspect she was not falling in love, but rather doing something much more ordinary.”


“The paper, the stapler, the staples, the tape. It makes me sick. Physical things. Forty years of loving someone becomes staples and tape.”


“She said, 'Do you have more things that you need, or more that you don't need?' I said, 'It depends on what it means to need.'”


“I asked him did he really love New York or was he just wearing the shirt. He smiled, like he was nervous. I could tell he didn't understand, which made me feel guilty for speaking English, for some reason. I pointed at his shirt. 'Do? You? Really? Love? New York?' He said, 'New York?' I said, 'Your. Shirt.' He looked at his shirt. I pointed at the N and said 'New,' and the Y and said 'York.' He looked confused or embarrassed, or surprised, or maybe even mad. I couldn't tell what he was feeling, because I couldn't speak the language of his feelings. 'I not know was New York. In Chinese, ny mean 'you.' Thought was "I love you."' It was then that I noticed the 'I♥NY' poster on the wall, and the 'I♥NY' flag over the door, and the 'I♥NY' dishtowels, and the 'I♥NY' lunchbox on the kitchen table. I asked him, 'Well, then why do you love everybody so much?'”


“The meaning of my thoughts started to float away from me, like leaves that fall from a tree into a river, I was the tree, the world was the river.”


“What about a device that knew everyone you knew? So when an ambulance went down the street, a big sign on the roof could flash
DON’T WORRY! DON’T WORRY!
if the sick person’s device didn’t detect the device of someone he knew nearby. And if the device did detect the device of someone he knew, the ambulance could flash the name of the person in the ambulance, and either
IT’S NOTHING MAJOR! IT’S NOTHING MAJOR!
Or, if it was something major,
IT’S MAJOR! IT’S MAJOR!
And maybe you could rate the people you knew by how much you loved them, so if the person in the ambulance detected the device of the person he loved the most, or the person who loved him the most, and the person in the ambulance was really badly hurt, and might even die, the ambulance could flash
GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!
One thing that’s nice to think about is someone who was the first person on lots of people’s lists, so that when he was dying, and his ambulance went down the streets to the hospital, the whole time it would flash
GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU! GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU!”


“It was getting hard to keep all the things I didn't know inside me.”


“We shared the smile of recognizing ourselves in each other, how many imposters do I have? Do we all make the same mistakes, or has one of us gotten it right, or even just a bit less wrong, am I the imposter?”


“I try not to remember the life that I didn’t want to lose but lost and have to remember."


“Darling,
You asked me to write you a letter, so I am writing you a letter. I do not know why I am writing you this letter, or what this letter is supposed to be about, but I am writing it nonetheless, because I love you very much and trust that you have some good purpose for having me write this letter. I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.
Your father”


“I want an infinitely blank book and the rest of time.”


“She died in my arms, saying, 'I don't want to die.' That is what death is like. It doesn't matter what uniforms the soldiers are wearing. It doesn't matter how good the weapons are. I thought if everyone could see what I saw, we would never have war anymore.”


“I went to the guest room and pretended to write. I hit the space bar again and again and again. My life story was spaces.”


“People with nothing to declare carry the most.”


“If I’d been someone else in a different world I’d've done something different, but I was myself and the world was the world, so I was silent.”


“That’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there.”


“My insides don't match up with my outsides. Do anyone's inside and outsides match up? I don't know. I'm only me. Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and the outside.”

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Things I Find Fascinating: People You May Not Know Were Bipolar

According to its Wikipedia entry, bipolar disorder (historically known as manic-depressive disorder) is defined as "a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes." Bipolar disorder is all too common in this day and age, and probably historically as well (though the official diagnosis of the disorder is fairly modern).

Maybe you're very familiar with this disorder because you or someone you love suffers from it. Or maybe not. Either way, something you might not know that some very famous people you'd easily recognize – writers, actors, musicians, and the like – suffer from bipolar disorder. In some cases, these famous folks have been able to keep their disorder somewhat in check so that it does not adversely affect their careers. In other cases, the disorder has – either directly or indirectly – ruined their careers. In still other cases, the very strange behavior of a few of these celebrities may actually be explained somewhat by their (sometimes private) struggles with this disorder. Whatever the case, here are just a few public figures who reportedly, or by their own admission, or by drawing historical inferences, suffer or have suffered from bipolar disorder...


Comedian-actor Russell Brand is not only bipolar, but suffers
from ADHD as well, and has also been bulimic in the past.


Lead singer and guitarist for '90s grunge rock band
Nirvana, Kurt Cobain was bipolar, had ADHD, and was
also known to abuse alcohol and drugs throughout his
short life. Cobain committed suicide in 1994 at age 27.


Singer-actress Rosemary Clooney suffered from
bipolar disorder for much of her life. She revealed
her struggles with the disorder in her autobiography.


Mystery novelist Patricia Cornwell has been very open
about her struggles with bipolar disorder. She has also
suffered from anorexia nervosa and depression in the past.


Actor Robert Downey, Jr. has both denied and
confirmed his diagnosis as bipolar at various
times. While juggling a successful career in films,
Downey has also battled with substance abuse.


Actor Richard Dreyfuss has enjoyed great success in
show business, all while battling bipolar disorder.


Best known for her role in the original Star Wars films as Princess Leia,
actress-novelist Carrie Fisher has suffered from bipolar disorder as well as
sporadic substance abuse and prescription medication addiction in the past. 


Perhaps some of actor-director Mel Gibson's strange behavior in recent
years is due in part to his suffering from bipolar disorder. Perhaps not.
Gibson reportedly received his bipolar diagnosis only in recent years.


Probably best remembered for her role as Scarlett O'Hara in
Gone With The Wind, actress Vivien Leigh suffered from
bipolar disorder for much of her life. Her reputation as
being very difficult to work with could probably be
directly attributed to her struggles with this disorder.


Singer-actress Demi Lovato went public with her
diagnosis of bipolar disorder after a very public
outburst. Lovato also revealed that she had been
struggled with the eating disorder, bulimia.


Former child actress Kristy McNichol retired from acting at age
30 in the midst of a successful sitcom career upon being diagnosed
with bipolar disorder. She was later quoted as saying, "My
feeling was that it was time to play my biggest part – MYSELF!
...It has been the best thing that ever happened to me."


Singer Sinead O'Connor, possibly as well-known for her unusual
behavior as for her music, revealed her bipolar diagnosis several ago.
She also admitted to attempting suicide on her 33rd birthday in 1999.


Lead singer and frontman for the popular '80s and
early '90s rock band Guns N' Roses, Axl Rose was
diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1988. After the
band broke up, Rose disappeared from the public
eye for several years, but resurfaced in recent years
 when G N' R reformed to record a new album,


Singer-actor Frank Sinatra described himself as an "18-karat manic-depressive...
having lived a life of violent emotional contradictions." It is said that
Sinatra was most at ease in glamorous surroundings, where he could
most readily shake off his mood swings and bouts of depression.


After several years of battling substance abuse and
suicidal thoughts, actor-martial artist Jean-Claude
Van Damme was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar
disorder in the late 1990s. After beginning treatment
for the disorder, he was much better able to deal with the
rampant mood swings and resume his film career.


For all her talent as a singer and songwriter, Amy Winehouse's
personal life was a hot mess. In her short life, Winehouse
abused alcohol and drugs, battled bouts of depression, and also
also suffered from eating disorders. Though her actual diagnosis
was never confirmed, Winehouse described herself as manic-
depressive, at least in part to deflect attention from some of her other actual problems. Winehouse died at age 27 from alcohol poisoning. 


Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones has enjoyed success in
a number of popular films during her career. She is also
famous for being the wife of actor Michael Douglas.
Zeta-Jones was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder
in April 2011 and subsequently began treatment for it.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Rhyme With Reason: 10 Things I Don't Ever Want To Happen To Me

Today I'm starting a new series that I'm calling "Rhyme With Reason." In this post, and others like it, I will list a number of things that all fall under a unified theme. The "rhyme" part of it is that each word or phrase in the list will rhyme. The explanations for each will not rhyme, but all the main "reasons" will. Here goes nothing...


I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO EVER...

1)  BEAT ME:  Maybe at some point in my future life I will have deserved a beating. But I hope not. And if I do deserve it, I hope I will be shown mercy instead.

2)  CHEAT ME:  To be cheated is one of the worst kind of betrayals, because it means trust has been broken. Whether it's in a business transaction or a personal relationship, I pray I will never be cheated.

3)  CLEAT ME:  Few things in life are more uncomfortable, so I've heard, than having metal cleats rip patterned holes in your face. Whether on purpose or by accident, I don't ever want to be cleated.

4)  DEFEAT ME:  Now if this isn't an unreasonable expectation, then I don't know what is. Of course, I have been defeated many times in my life, whether in a competitive arena, or having been simply defeated in spirit. And I'm sure I will continue to be defeated (in both senses of the term). But the point is, I don't ever want to be defeated.

5)  EAT ME:  Large sharks and other wild animals make lunchmeat of human beings far too often. I don't want to be another casualty in that category. Consider this an open letter to all would-be carnivores: I don't taste good. You don't want me. Pick on somebody your own size. Preferably someone who tastes like chicken.

6)  HEAT ME:  One of my irrational phobias as a kid was sticking my hand anywhere inside a hot oven. I've since overcome this fear; thankfully, or the number of meals I can prepare for me and my wife would likely decrease by at least 25%. However, I still fear extreme heat in close proximity to my body. Put simply, I have no desire to be cooked or to be burned. No, thank you.

7)  DELETE ME:  I know I'm not the world's best husband, son, friend, or acquaintance. But is that any reason to shut me out of your life completely? Try to keep in touch with me, if you care anything at all about me -- even if I sometimes forget to reciprocate. Don't cut me off or "delete" me, as it were. I care about you, and I remember you -- even if I sometimes forget to remember.

8)  DEPLETE ME:  For a nearly middle-aged person, I think I do a fair job of juggling several "irons in the fire" at once. On a related topic, I have a hard time saying "no" to people who ask for my help with something. So sometimes enough is enough, and is in fact too much, and I feel depleted. I'm doing too much, am responsible for too much, I care too much, and I want to do a good job at too many things simultaneously. This can also make me feel defeated (see above). This is not a good feeling.

9)  MISTREAT ME:  Like "defeat me," this one is also a "dream on" scenario. I have been mistreated by my fellow man (and woman), and I'm sure I will continue to be mistreated. Sometimes I may deserve it, and others I may not. But it will happen. But I don't ever want it to.

10)  SHEET ME:  Okay, so this one isn't quite self-explanatory. So I'll explain. In television and the movies, when all hope is lost and it's become obvious that a person has died, they pull the sheet over their head. (Alternately, the body bag is zipped up.) The dead can't suffocate, so it's clear that they're actually gone when this happens. Ultimately, this act is a very symbolic sense of closure. Point being, I don't want to die. Not now, not ever. Fortunately, we're all immortal -- though where we'll spend our immortality may vary -- and I don't plan on being heated....

Sunday, September 2, 2012

"Ogling Ophelia," "Ivy League," And "The Zester": Three New Drabbles

"OGLING OPHELIA"

I popped my brother on the back of the head for the third time today.

"I told you to stop that!" I scolded.

"Ain't causin' nobody no harm," he argued.

"That don't matter, it ain't right," I said.

"Looks ALL right to me," he grinned.

"That don't give you the right to gawk -- it's rude!"

"Ain't no harm in lookin'," he replied.

"Easy for you to say," I said. "Ain't you who's bein' stared at."

"Ophelia knows I'm lookin' -- she likes it," he answered.

"Says you," I said.

"Says her," he said.

"Yeah, right!"

"Ask her yourself."

"Maybe I will."



"IVY LEAGUE"

When you're born with a name like Ivy League, you have two options: Fulfill your expected potential and become a genius who succeeds at everything in life, or become a continual disappointment to your parents and everyone else you know. Ivy League was the latter. No, Ivy hadn't given up on her dreams -- she'd just never had any big dreams to begin with. Ivy was content with being average; it was, in fact, all she'd ever known. It's no wonder that when she finally had the chance to better herself, when opportunity finally knocked, Ivy was taking a nap.



"THE ZESTER"

I was reading this book of true crime stories the other day, and I came to this one particularly disturbing chapter that I thought you might find interesting. It was about a serial killer who called himself The Zester. He earned this seemingly benign moniker due to the gruesome way in which he took his victims' lives. Apparently, he rendered each victim unconscious by striking them with a burlap sack filled with bars of Zest soap, then he proceeded to use a lemon zester to peel off every square inch of their flesh. They slowly, painfully bled to death. Disgusting!!!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Interesting Quotes By Guys Named Woody

WOODY ALLEN

"I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."

"I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social."

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it's all over much too soon."

"I would never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."

"I can levitate birds. No one cares."

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

"I hate reality, but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."

"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."

"Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian."

"The only thing standing between me and greatness is me."

"I love nature. I just don't want to get any of it on me."

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"I have no idea what I am doing, but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm."



WOODY WOODPECKER

"Impulsive? I'm re-pulsive!"

"Oh, boy! Food! That's my favorite dish."

"Maybe I can cut my own hair. I cut my own teeth."

"You know, people are nuts..."



WOODY STRODE

"If you're a nice guy, you can walk into a room anywhere in the world."



SHERIFF WOODY

"Somebody's poisoned the water hole!"

"There's a snake in my boot!"

"I'd like to join your posse, boys, but first I'm gonna sing a little song."

"Run like the wind, Bullseye!"

"The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's preschool toys present."

"That wasn't flying. That was falling...with style!"

"This is the part where we blow up."



WOODY HARRELSON

"A grownup is a child with layers on."

"My main hope for myself is to be where I am."

Friday, August 31, 2012

Songs (And Bands) With States In The Titles: Part 1 Of 5

I thought it would be fun to find a song and/or band named after each state in the Union. Since there are 50 of them, and that takes more time than I have in one day, I'm going to do 10 at a time. Going in alphabetical order, today I will cover Alabama through Georgia. Next time, Hawaii through Maryland. The third installment will include Massachusetts through New Jersey. The fourth will cover New Mexico through South Carolina. And the fifth and final installment will go from South Dakota through Wyoming. I've included a video link for each song and/or band whenever possible. Some states have multiple songs to choose from, and I couldn't decide on one, so I picked two of them. Enjoy!


1)  ALABAMA:  There's a highly successful country band that goes by the name Alabama. You might've heard of them? They've had a lot of hit songs throughout their career, especially in the 1980s. This was one of those hits...



Then, of course, there's the classic song by the Southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd that you may have heard a time or two...




2)  ALASKA:  Songs about Alaska are a little harder to find, but they do exist. Here's one by John Denver...


Here's another Alaska song, this one by Johnny Horton...




3)  ARIZONA:  This one's pretty straightforward. This Kings Of Leon song is simply called "Arizona"...




4)  ARKANSAS:  I'm not exactly sure what this song has to do with the state of Arkansas, as there aren't any actual lyrics sung, but both the song ("When Electricity Came To Arkansas") and the name of the band (Black Oak Arkansas) contain the state's name, so there you go.




5)  CALIFORNIA:  There are dozens of songs I could've picked for this massive state, but I narrowed it down to just two. Forgive me if I omitted your favorite California song. First up, The Eagles' "Hotel California"...



Next up, The Mamas & The Papas' classic song, "California Dreamin'"...





6)  COLORADO:  Another straightforward song here. "Colorado" by The Flying Burrito Brothers (which, incidentally, is an awesome name for a band!)...




7)  CONNECTICUT:  Songs about Connecticut are apparently few and far between. This one, called "I Live In Connecticut," by the rock band Aerosmith, is a one-minute-long instrumental. Even Aerosmith couldn't find anything good – or bad – to say about Connecticut, I suppose...




8)  DELAWARE:  Even more obscure, apparently, are songs about Delaware. The only one I could find was a nonsense song by Perry Como which made very bad puns about the names of all the states, and I couldn't bear to post that here. Instead, here's a Norwegian alternative rock band called Delaware singing a song called "Wish For." Quite a good song, actually....




9)  FLORIDA:  Okay, so this is the most desperate I've been so far to find a song. There just aren't that many songs written about Florida, and many of the ones I did find were either directed politically (and negatively) toward the state and/or contained explicit lyrics, and I didn't particularly want to post those here. Then I remembered that there's a secular rapper who goes by the name "Flo Rida", and that's pretty close to "Florida", right? Well, most of his songs were also explicit. In searching some more, I saw that Flo Rida had rapped on a song by Lady Gaga called "Starstruck" which (surprisingly) didn't contain any explicit lyrics (unless she's using double entendres that I don't understand), and so that's my "Florida song" here. I know it's reaching, but I was in a pinch. Don't listen to it if you don't want to...




10)  GEORGIA:  Finally, a state with lots of good songs about it! But, like California, I'll limit it to just two here. And they're both classic soul songs! First up, Gladys Knight & The Pips' "Midnight Train To Georgia"...



And last but not least, Ray Charles singing "Georgia On My Mind"...

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Things I Find Fascinating: Stupendously Strange And Silly-Sounding South Carolina Place Names

Much like I've done before for Pennsylvania and Florida, I've compiled a list of oddly named towns, cities, and place names from South Carolina. I have no idea where or why they came up with the names for these places that they did, but they're funny, weird, and altogether interesting. Enjoy!


1)  GIVE ME YOUR DIGITS!  There seem to be quite a few numerically-named places in South Carolina. Maybe there was a logical reason behind each name, or maybe the towns' founders just wanted to prove they could count. Who knows? 1...2...3...let's go!

Four Hole Swamp
Five Forks
Six Mile
Seven Oaks
Sixty Six
and
Ninety Six


2)  COLOR ME IMPRESSED:  Most states have a preponderance of towns and cities with colors in the names, and South Carolina is no exception. Case in point, the following place names:

Green Sea
Greenville
Greenwood
Grays
Red Bank
Orangeburg
Whitesville
and of course...
Blacksville



3)  WHY IS MY STOMACH GROWLING?  It's also not uncommon to hear of a town named after food, especially a fruit. But some of these are ridiculous...

Cherryvale
Plum Branch
Cheddar
Pumpkintown
and the ever-popular
Ketchuptown



4)  OUT OF THIS WORLD:  Some South Carolina towns and cities may remind you of things you learned in science class years ago. Like these, for instance...

Galaxy
Mars Bluff
Starr
Lone Star
Sunset
and
Moonville



5)  WHICH WAY WAS I HEADED?  If you're not sure where you are, several places in South Carolina will be happy to remind you at least where you're headed. Like these oddly named towns...

East & Southern
North
North Area
West Metro
and
Due West



6)  THAT SOUNDS STRANGELY FAMILIAR...  When you're traveling through South Carolina, you might pass through a town or city that sounds like somewhere you've been before, or at least read about it in books or seen on television. Like these, for example...

Hollywood Hills
Broadway Lake
Norway
Denmark
Switzerland
Florence
Waterloo
Parris Island
and
Paris Mountain



7)  RAMPANT ANIMALIA:  It's also not uncommon for various animals to appear in the names of towns and cities. And South Carolina has plenty of those, too...

Cowpens
Spiderweb
Turkey Hill
Tigerville
Dovesville
Buffalo
Swansea
Goose Creek
Bull Island
Cat Island
and
Goat Island


8)  NATIVE AMERICAN NAMES:  No disrespect intended whatsoever, but some of the strangest-sounding towns, cities, and other places derive from Native American words and phrases. Call me weird – and I am – but I just happen to love 'em! Here's a few good South Carolina examples...

Ashepoo
Socastee
Callawassie Island
Awendaw
Lake Jocassee
Yemassee
Pocotaligo
Taxahaw
Chechessee River
Coosawhatchie
Wattacoo Creek
Salkehatchie
and last but not least...
Wassamassaw Swamp


9)  JUST PLAIN WEIRD!  Following with tradition from previous posts of this nature, here's a bevy of South Carolina place names that defy explanation, and can't easily be grouped elsewhere. Why? Because they're just plain weird! And yes, there will be appropriately snarky (and perhaps groan-worthy) comments for each. Here we go...

Effingham  (home of euphemistic pork haters)

Drunken Jack Island  (where Drunken Jack goes on vacation)

Townville  (where thinking creatively is strictly prohibited)

Fingerville  (I don't think I want to know...)

Fair Play  (sounds like a lovely place to live, actually)

Lucknow  (what we all could use a little more of)

Round O  (renamed a few years ago, when 
they realized that Square O was illogical)

Thicketty  (because it is)

Jalapa  (junkyard capital of the world)

Wisacky  (how Drunken Jack pronounces "whiskey")

Daufuskie Island  (named after a 
very unfortunately named person)

Secession Lake  (yeah, about that...they never 
got around to renaming it after the War)

Mixville  (home to many bakers, paint dealers, and deejays)

Goodale State Park  (where Drunken Jack
goes to purchase his favorite beverages)

Lugoff  (spontaneously named during a tire change)

Dentsville  (the "wannabe" junkyard capital of the world)

Boggy Head Bay  (named by Drunken 
Jack in a moment of almost-clarity)

Little Kilsock Bay  (what did the sock ever do to you, Shorty?)

Arkwright  ("Noah" would've been a lot shorter, ya know)

Prosperity  (what we could all use a little more of)

Welcome  (where you always are)

Southern Shops  (something for everyone,
except if you're a Yankee)

Powdersville  (talcum capital of the world)

Startex  (just down the road from Stopex)

Coward  (a popular retirement spot for military deserters)

Sans Souci  (it means "worry-free"; apparently 
"Hakuna Matata" was already trademarked by Disney)

Irmo  (how Drunken Jack says "Elmo")

and finally...

West Ashley Inside Mark Clark
(I can't even begin to guess how this place was named!)