Shh...It's A Secret!
I wasn't supposed to say nothing about it. They told me it was a secret. But now I've done gone and blown it. It's not like it was my fault or nothing. They pressured me into it. They held a gun to my head. Not literally, I mean – but it was a nice, big, shiny figurative gun, and I could tell that thing was loaded. Just 'cuz some people know don't mean everyone has to. I'll not tell a soul. You just go ahead and holster that smoking figment of my imagination and I won't breathe a word. Scout’s honor.
You Might Want To Sit Down For This...
Hey, Joe? Remember that nutjob Noah we've been poking fun at all these years? You know – the one who says the earth’s gonna be destroyed by water coming out of the sky because God told him so? Yeah, that's the one. Well, listen, I hate to tell you this, but I was just outside, see? And these big ol' drops of water started pelting me on the head. That's right, from the sky. And the river seems to be rising a bit too. Think we should take old Noah up on his offer after all? Say what? The door's closed?!?!
May I Have Your Attention, Please?
"May I have your attention, please? If there is a ‘Bill Gates’ in the store, please come to the front. You left your windows open and your car has restarted itself for no apparent reason. (aside) What’d you say? What do you mean, ‘it was a joke’? If I wasn’t supposed to read that out loud, why did you put it in front of me? 'For kicks'? Well, thanks a lot! Now people will think I’m a complete idiot! What do you mean, ‘Keep talking and you’ll remove all doubt’? Oh, for crying out loud! Turn off the intercom already!"