The OTHER People Running For President

Unless you've been living under a rock, or you don't own a television or computer, and you don't read the newspapers (what are those again?), or you just haven't been paying attention, this guy...

President Barack Obama

...Is running for reelection as President of the United States. He's the Democratic Party nominee, hands-down. This guy....

Jim Rogers

...wanted to secure the nomination for the Democrats, and actually got his name on the ballot in the primaries, but fell just shy of the 15% required to earn any delegates. I'm guessing it was the red hat and shirt that did him in. People see red and they think you're a Communist, and no one wants a Communist for a president. Oh, wait...

Anyway, as I was saying, this guy....

(Obama again)

...is going head-to-head with this guy....

Mitt Romney

...who's the presumptive nominee for the Republican Party. Romney didn't get this far unopposed, though.

This guy...

Herman Cain

...wanted to win, too, but unfortunately he didn't get too far.

This lady...

Michelle Bachmann

...wanted in on the fun, too, and she still can't figure out where she went wrong.

This guy...

Newt Gingrich

...was pretty disappointed when he had to bow out, once it was clear he couldn't win the nomination.

This guy...

Jon Huntsman

...thought he had what it takes, down to the perfectly coiffed hair (a la Romney) and a surname that would make the NRA proud. Sadly for him, it was not enough.

This guy...

Rick Perry

...made a few big blunders along the way, and had to bow out of the race.

This guy...

Rick Santorum

...hung around longer than most of the other Republicans in an obviously crowded field, but still wasn't able to convince enough folks that he was their man.

This guy...

Ron Paul

...actually still thinks he can win. Keep dreamin', Ronnie!


So know that you know who IS in for the major two parties:

This guy...

And this guy...

Now let's take a look at some of the lesser-known candidates for President from the independent and other (some fairly obscure) political parties...


First we have the nominee from the Justice Party, who's also a candidate for the Americans Elect Party nomination. (Go figure that!) This guy...

Rocky Anderson

Now, I know it's unfair to pick on a man's name, but with all the craziness going on in this country today, do we really want to hand the reins over to a guy named "Rocky"? I mean, think about it!


Next, from the America Third Position Party, we have this guy...

Merlin Miller

...Merlin's hoping to work his magic and just make all of our problems disappear, like "POOF!" Good luck with that, Merl!


Next up, from the Constitution Party, we have this guy...

Virgil Goode

Well, one thing's for sure, if Virgil won the election, he'd definitely be a Goode President. Whether or not he'd be a good president remains to be seen.


One of three nominees for the Green Party (and frankly the only one worth mentioning) is the one, the only...

Roseanne Barr

Yep, that's the same Roseanne Barr, Emmy Award-winning actress and comedienne, who once sang the National Anthem at a ball game as badly as anyone ever has, then grabbed her crotch and spat (presumably imitating baseball players?) as she was being booed off the field.


The Libertarian Party's nominee is this guy...

Gary Johnson

Johnson, former governor of New Mexico, is well-known for campaigning to legalize marijuana, vetoing nearly every bill that crossed his desk, and climbing Mount Everest, making him uniquely qualified to run the greatest country in the world.


From the Party For Socialism And Liberation, we have this young lady...

Peta Lindsay

...And I do mean "young." At 28 years old, Peta is not even old enough to officially run for President. But her party figured since she's so cute and she doesn't stand a chance to win anyway, why the heck not let her run?


From the Prohibition Party, we have this guy...

Jack Fellure

With a name like Fellure, he's sure not to win! He might have considered a name change prior to filing. Something more positive like "Jack Champion." Now that's a name I'd vote for! Poor slob couldn't even get a campaign picture of himself that was in focus. Epic Fellure!


And lastly, we have an independent candidate, who is, shall we say, like none other...

Robert Burck aka "The Naked Cowboy"

Don't get your knickers in a knot, he's wearing briefs! I dunno, this guy might have a shot. At least you can't complain that he's spending campaign funds on stupid stuff, like pants. And he's always in the public eye, especially in New York City. And he probably doesn't have anything to hide. Where would he hide it? Indeed, Burck might be the best presidential candidate of them all!