We're still waiting for the little guy to arrive, but I had this idea yesterday, and figured I'd go ahead and post it in advance of our hospital experience so nobody would think that these were things I actually said during our labor and delivery. This is just for laughs, of course, but if you happen to be in my position or will be soon, just know -- these are very bad ideas of things to say. Please avoid at all costs!
1) "Is this going to take much longer, 'cuz the football game's coming on this afternoon, and it's a really important game!"
2) "Shoot, I could do better than that!"
3) "Could you keep it down a little? I'm trying to read!"
4) "Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
5) "You look so cute when you're pushing, Honey!"
6) "I'm feeling a little peckish. I think I'll go grab a snack. Do you want anything? Oh, yeah, I forgot..."
7) "Wow! They have some really cute nurses working here! Hubba, hubba!"
8) "This is kinda fun, huh, Sweetie?"