Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Words I'm Glad I Didn't Write: Lame Lyrics From Justin Bieber Songs

I've made no secret of the fact that I don't care for pop star Justin Bieber. It's not that the kid's a no-talent hack. Bieber's actually a good singer. It's not that I'm jealous of his adulation by millions of teenage girls. I don't want to be anybody's idol. It's mostly that Bieber's "music" is so inane and lifeless that there's no way it should be as popular as it has been so far. Case in point, the following Justin Bieber song lyrics, which could have been – and may have been, for all I know – written by any marginally talented preteen with only the shallowest understanding of love (and music, for that matter). The songs may be catchy (and they are, for the most part), but the lyrics are crap, for lack of a better word. For example...


"When I met you, girl
My heart went knock, knock
Now them butterflies
In my stomach won't stop, stop
And even though it's a struggle
Love is all we got
So we gonna keep, keep climbin'
To the mountain top..."
~   "One Time"


"Shawty right there
She's got everything I need
And I'm a tell her one time
One time, one time
Give you everything you need
Down to my last dime
She makes me happy
I know where I'll be
Right by your side
'Cause she is the one..."
~  "One Time"


"My prize possession
One and only
Adore ya, girl, I want ya
The one I can't live without
That's you, that's you
You're my special little lady
The one that makes me crazy
Of all the girls I've ever known
It's you, it's you
My favorite, my favorite
My favorite, my favorite girl
My favorite girl
Baby it's you
My favorite, my favorite
My favorite, my favorite girl
My favorite girl..."
~  "Favorite Girl"


"So it's up to you and it's up to me
That we meet in the middle
On our way back down to earth
Down to earth, down to earth
On our way back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth
Back down to earth..."
~  "Down To Earth"


"I was a player when I was little
But now I'm bigger, I'm bigger
A heartbreaker when I was little
But I'm bigger, I'm bigger, I'm bigger
And all the haters, I swear
They look so small from up here
'Cause we're bigger, our love's bigger
I'm bigger, and you're bigger..."
~  "Bigger"


"I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
I'm coming for you, one less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm coming for you
I'm gonna put you first
I'm coming for you
I'll show you what you're worth
That's what I'm gonna do
If you let me inside of your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl..."
~  "One Less Lonely Girl"


"And I was like
Baby, baby, baby, ohhh!
Like baby, baby, baby, nooo!
Like baby, baby, baby, ohhh!
I thought you'd always be mine, mine..."
~  "Baby"


"Baby, listen
I just need somebody to love
I don't need too much
Just somebody to love
Somebody to love
I don't need nothing else
I promise, girl, I swear
I just need somebody to love
I need somebody
I need somebody
I need somebody
I need somebody..."
~  "Somebody To Love"


"Baby, take my open heart
And all it offers
'Cause this is as unconditional
As it'll ever get
You ain't seen nothing yet
I won't ever hesitate
To give you more
'Cause baby, hey
U smile, I smile, whoa-oh-oh-oh
U smile, I smile
Hey, hey, hey
U smile, I smile
I smile, I smile, I smile
U smile, I smile
Make me smile, baby..."
~  "U Smile"


"Let the music blast
We gonna do our dance
Bring the doubters on
They don't matter at all
'Cause this life's too long
And this love's too strong
So, baby, know for sure
That I'll never let you go..."
~  "Never Let You Go"


"I'm overboard
And I need your love to pull me up
I can't swim on my own
It's too much
Feel like I'm drowning without your love
So throw yourself out to me, my life saver
Life saver, oh life saver
My life saver
Life saver, oh life saver
Whoa..."
~  "Overboard"


"Baby what you doin'
Where you at, where you at?
Why you actin' so shy
Holdin' back, holdin' back?
We're not the only ones
Doin' it like that, it like that
So, DJ, bring that, bring that
Bring that, bring that back..."
~  "All Around The World"


"If I was your boyfriend
I'd never let you go
I can take you places
You ain't never been before
Baby, take a chance
Or you'll never, ever know
I got money on my hands
That I'd really like to blow
Swag, swag, swag, on you
Chillin' by the fire
While we eatin' fondue
I don't know about me
But I know about you
So say hello to falsetto
In three, two, swag..."
~  "Boyfriend"


"I can take you out
I can take you home
I can take you oh-oh-oh
Where you wanna go
I can pick it up
We could take it slow
I can take you home..."
~  "Take You"


"Could there be a possibility
I'm trying to say what's up
'Cause I'm made for you, and you for me
Baby, now it's time for us
Tryin' to keep it all together
But enough is enough
They say we're too young for love
But I'm catching feelings
Doo-do-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo
Catching feelings
Doo-do-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo..."
~  "Catching Feelings"


"If I could just die in your arms
I wouldn't mind
'Cause every time you touch me
I just die in your arms
Oooh, it feels so right
So baby, baby
Please don't stop, girl
Mm-hmm, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, alright
Mm-hmm, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, alright..."
~  "Die In Your Arms"


"'Cause I'm in love with the thought of you
With the thought of you, with the thought of you
I'm in love with the thought of you
Not the things you do, but the thought of you
Girl, I'm in love with the thought of you, you, you
Girl, I'm in love with the thought of you, you, you
Girl, I'm in love with the thought of you, you, you
Girl, I'm in love with the thought of you..."
~  "Thought Of You"


"All you gotta do is swag
All you gotta do is swag, yeah
All you gotta do is swag, swag, swag, yeah
All you gotta do is swag
All you gotta do is swag
All you gotta do is swag, swag, swag..."
~  "Out Of Town Girl"

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