Saturday, January 19, 2013

Crazy Texts And Messages From A Sleep-Deprived Dad Who Both Hates And Is Amused By AutoCorrect

While we were in the hospital (from Sunday night to Thursday afternoon last week), I did much of the responding back and forth with people who called or texted to Mary's cell phone. I also did my fair share of Facebook messaging with friends and relatives on my Kindle Fire. This was probably a bad idea.

Let it first be noted that I am an excellent speller and a consummate grammarian (not to boast, but it's true). However, when typing a message on an Android device, like Mary's smartphone or my Kindle Fire, I often found myself the victim of crazily AutoCorrected messages which amused and delighted their recipients and often frustrated me.

What I do do is type too quickly with my thumbs. What I don't do is look at the text box above the keyboard to make sure what I think I'm typing is actually what's showing up. The AutoCorrect feature frequently "corrects" what I'm typing, which when I've inadvertently misspelled something, I have no problem with. It's when AutoCorrect preemptively corrects my word because it thinks it's able to read my mind that the "helpful" program is quite often wrong. The resulting messages are both garbled and hilarious. And completely random. I hope you'll enjoy reading them as much as the people to whom I sent them did...

NOTE:  What follows the quote (in parentheses) are the word or words I actually meant to type.

ME:  We javelin a feather bed that y'all are welcome to use. Just get house keys from us webserver y'all come by today. It's really comfy.  (have; whenever)

LAC:  I don't want a javelin feather bed. That sounds harsh.


LAC:  Hello!

ME:  Ejection(What's up?)


LAC:  How's my main man?

ME:  Chickens right now. It was a bad night.  (Chillin'.)


ME:  She's feeding Jim again for the fourth time in four hours, but he ain't feelin' it. Y'all coming over water (him; later)


LAC:  Is there anything that we can bring you when we come tonight?

ME:  Caffeine freed Mtn. Dews, maybe?  (free)


LAC:  We are going to grab some Hibachi for lunch. Would y'all like something?

ME:  We are good. We both ate a hospital lunch and now we are get ring everythings ready to be discharged. We will see y'all soon though. And Taj yoyo(getting everything; Thank you!)

LAC:  Taj yoyo to you, too, Carl.


RW:  Hey dudeman, how are y'all doing?

ME:  Not too bad. Baby is sleepwear now. Nevertheless you just calls your dad. He will be the upper date. *sigh* I can't type a worth darn (sleeping; called; update; worth a darn)


LAC:  How are you? Exhausted?

ME:  Yarn, we both are! I finally ate at 8:00. Mary still hasn't eaten all day. She might get soup soon.  (Yeah)

LAC:  Soup! What? No jello?

ME:  Maybe hello. She was ecstatic to be a pitcher of Walter earlier! Carl. Carl. Crap."  (jello; get; water; Crap; Crap)

LAC:  Lmao. And I mean that literally, Carl.


LAC:  Do you want anything from Andy's? Or whatever they are called now...

ME:  I dunno. We ate McDonald's at 12:30 or 1:00. Not super hugged yet.  (hungry)


LAC:  Any sauce for the nuggets?

ME:  Oolynesin please. At least two of them. Thanks.  (Polynesian)


SS:  Will LAC be coming later? I was hoping to see her while she's here.

ME:  She'll be in and out today. She's other running some errands for us eight now. If you want to see her o am sure she will be glad to be here to seen you top. See you later. I hate AutoZone (out; right; I; see you too; AutoCorrect)


ME:  I'm going to ask them to bring something specifically that I am carving. Tahoe you.  (craving; Thank)


ME:  We will ask them in a bit (feeding now). MightyBBC a good idea.  (Might be)

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