Thursday, December 12, 2013

A Baker's Dozen Of "White Christmas" Renditions

So, I've pulled 13 different versions of the same song for your holiday listening pleasure. Now it's up to you to decide which one you like best. I have my favorites among these – and ultimately, my single favorite – as I've noted here. But I'd love to hear your take on it too. Get used to this idea, by the way. I'm likely to do a couple more of these posts – all Christmas songs, of course! Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  Rod Stewart  (Nice traditional take on a classic – isn't that David Foster on piano?)




2)  Michael Bublé & Kellie Pickler  (Classy cool with a dash of raucous redneck – not bad at all!)




3)  Cee-Lo Green  (Somehow Cee-Lo seems to make this song his own – well-done!)




4)  Lady Gaga  (Surprisingly subdued – plus, she wrote a new verse to it…and it's actually NOT nasty!)




5)  Tony Bennett  (Crooners and Christmas just seem to go together for some reason – a masterful jazz rendition.)




6)  Garth Brooks  (Hey, I found Garth Brooks on YouTube! I thought that was impossible! Nice version, too!)

Video wouldn't load properly –
 of course! – click link to view:



7)  Michael Bolton  (I'm not a huge fan of Bolton – I think he tries too hard at that blue-eyed soul thing – but I suppose this one isn't too bad.)




8)  Martina McBride  (I've always loved Martina's voice/music, and she doesn't disappoint here either – surprise, surprise!)




9)  Il Divo  (A little too slow for my tastes, but there's no denying that these guys are mega-talented.)




10)  Kelly Clarkson  (I wish this were an actual video, but whatevs… Kelly is, as always, fantastic on this song.)




11)  Glee Cast  (Not surprisingly, Darren Criss and Chris Colfer knock this one out of the park!)




12)  The Drifters  (Often-copied, never-duplicated – this is the group that originally recorded the doo-wop, Motown-style version of the song made über-famous on the Home Alone soundtrack.)




13)  Bing Crosby  (For my money, Crosby's is the quintessential version of what is truly a quintessential Christmas song. Many have performed it well, but no one does it better than Bing!)


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"Push" & "Pull" Songs

Okay, so maybe there aren't as many popular artists in this collection of songs, but that doesn't mean the quality of this post is diminished in any way. In fact, it might make it even better. Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  Avril Lavigne  ~  "Push"




2)  Mikky Ekko  ~  "Pull Me Down"




3)  Kurt Nilsen  ~  "Push Push"




4)  Secondhand Heart  ~  "Pull Out My Stitches"




5)  Lenny Kravitz  ~  "Push"




6)  Nikka Costa  ~  "Push & Pull"




7)  Lupe Fiasco  ~  "Kick Push"




8)  Kaki King  ~  "Pull Me Out Alive"




9)  No Doubt ft. Busy Signal & Major Lazer  ~  "Push And Shove"




10)  Grace Jones  ~  "Pull Up To The Bumper"




11)  Matchbox Twenty  ~  "Push"




12)  Angelique Sabrina  ~  "Pull Up"




13)  Garbage  ~  "Push It"




14)  Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers  ~  "Don't Pull Me Over"




15)  Jackyl  ~  "Push Comes To Shove"




16)  R.E.M.  ~  "Feeling Gravity's Pull"




17)  Miriam Bryant  ~  "Push Play"




18)  Dream Theater  ~  "Pull Me Under"




19)  The Parlotones  ~  "Push Me To The Floor"




20)  Gary Clark, Jr.  ~  "When My Train Pulls In"


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Literal Interpretation Of Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But A G Thang"


Like the previous two installments of this newfangled notion of mine, this is a word-for-word, line-by-line translation – or reinterpretation – of this song's lyrics. I have taken out all the slang, all the profanity, and all the contractions, so all that's left is what the artist is actually talking about in the song...I think. Of course, this is all done tongue-in-cheek, so I hope you'll find it as entertaining to read as it was to recreate. For a side-by-side comparison of the original song lyrics, click here. WARNING: The original lyrics are quite explicit. The lyrics below are not. Enjoy?  ~  JH


"Nuthin' But A "G" Thang"
as performed by Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg


[Snoop Doggy Dogg]
One, two, three, and then comes four.
Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are on your doorstep.
We are ready to make an entrance
So please get out of our way.
(As you recall, we nearly had to destroy things recently.)
First, hand me the microphone
In order that I may pop like a soap bubble.
Compton and Long Beach are in cahoots.
Of course you know, this means trouble for you.
It is nothing more than a gangster thing, newborn child!
Two armed gangsters who have lost their minds.
Death Row is the record label that signs my paychecks.
We are unable to fade
So please do not attempt to fade us.
(Oh, yes!)
But, yes, back to the lecture at hand.
We have perfected perfection
Therefore I will allow them to understand
From the perspective of a young gangster.
And before I excavate a female dog
I must locate a personal protection device.
It is impossible to know whether or not
The person in question is working for her friend
Or whether she is teaching him something
Or whether she is setting him on fire.
As you know, I am not interested
In anything like that, high-ranking officer.
No feline deserves to be burned alive
While I am scratching it under the chin.
(Yes.)
This is a statement that is truer
Than Evander Holyfield himself.
All of you who sell yourselves 
For money or pleasure
Will understand how I feel about this.
If it – whatever "it" is – is good enough
To bankrupt me, upon my taking 
A decent-sized piece of it
Then I will simply take for myself 
A small amount, no matter how admirable it may be.


[Hook: Snoop Doggy Dogg]
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also…
Dr. Dre, approach the microphone stealthily
In a ghostlike manner.


[Dr. Dre]
Well, I am looking, and I am approaching stealthily
And I am being an annoying person.
But I was nearly noticed when my beeper started beeping.
Now is the time for me to make a good impression.
So sit back, relax, and secure your seatbelt.
You have never taken an automobile ride
Like this one previously.
I am a producer who raps well
And I am in control of the conductor.
While simultaneously I make rap music
That is quite excellent.
As you and I are both aware
I rap in a traditional yet wonderful way.
In addition, the song which I am now rapping
Is symbolic of drugs.
Sample the drug I am offering, but please do not choke on it.
If you do, then it is obvious that you are clueless
Of what my associate Snoop Dogg and I
Are attempting to do here.



[Hook: Snoop Doggy Dogg & Dr. Dre]
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also…
Now relax for a bit, until the next episode is set to air...


[Snoop Doggy Dogg]
I am slipping down and falling on my buttocks.
But I do so in such a manner 
That gangsters would be proud of me.
My rap skills can be likened 
To a rotting vat of collard greens.
My name is spelled like this: Capital S, that is right.
I am awesome. Then comes N, two O's, and a P.
The next part of my name is spelled like this:
D – O – G – G – Y – 
Then D – O – G – G – do you understand?
I flex my vocal muscles mightily 
Whenever the time is right to ruin a microphone.
I participate in human trafficking, and I wield weapons
As though my name were Dolomite.
Yes, and it never ceases.
I think the listeners are in the mood to hear
Some mindless talk about being a gangster.
So, Dre –  
(What is going on, Dogg?)
They want something, and we must deliver it. 
(What is that, Gangster?)
We have to tear off a piece of something.
(Oh, yes!)
And it must be quite loud.
(City of Compton!)


[Dr. Dre]
That is where this takes place, so I ask you to pay attention.
I am traveling rapidly like someone who commits incest
With his mother. But I am not hanging people.
My skillful rapping
Makes insecure African-Americans uncomfortable.
When I rap, my adversaries crumble like crispy cookies.
If you attempt to approach me, I will spank you.
My esteemed associate Doggy Dogg supports me on this.
I must never slip. Because if I do slip, then I will be slipping.
But as long as I have my 9mm pistol
You know I am being ridiculous.
I will continue to rap, and I will continue to be smooth.
If your female companions talk bad about me
I will have to physically assault them.
Yes, and you never cease.
As I mentioned, I am much like a clock
In that I tick and I also tock.
But I am never switched off. I am always on.
Until dawn breaks over C – O – M – P – T – O – N
And the city called Long Beach.
We are constructing things.
Like my African-American associate D.O.C. said
No one is able to do what I do any better than I do it.


[Hook: Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg]
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...
It is like this – we do not love those people.
Now relax for a bit, until the next episode is set to air...

"Beautiful" Songs

If ever there was truly a mixed bag of songs, this is it. The theme here is obvious – all the songs have the word "Beautiful" somewhere in their titles. Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  The Henningsens  ~  "American Beautiful"




2)  MercyMe  ~  "Beautiful"




3)  G. Love ft. Tristan Prettyman  ~  "Beautiful"




4)  Sixx:A.M.  ~  "Life Is Beautiful"




5)  The Green Children  ~  "Life Was Beautiful (Part I)"




6)  Gungor  ~  "Beautiful Things"




7)  Jon McLaughlin  ~  "Beautiful Disaster"




8)  Eminem  ~  "Beautiful"




9)  Girls Aloud  ~  "Beautiful 'Cause You Love Me"




10)  Jonny Diaz  ~  "A More Beautiful You"




11)  Ace Of Base  ~  "Beautiful Life"




12)  311  ~  "Beautiful Disaster"




13)  Joe Cocker  ~  "You Are So Beautiful"




14)  P.O.D.  ~  "Beautiful"




15)  Labrinth ft. Emeli Sandé  ~  "Beneath Your Beautiful"





16)  Damian Marley ft. Bobby Brown  ~  "Beautiful"




17)  James Blunt  ~  "You're Beautiful"




18)  Marilyn Manson  ~  "The Beautiful People"  (Yikes, this dude's scary!)




19)  Christina Aguilera  ~  "Beautiful"




20)  Needtobreathe  ~  "Something Beautiful"


Monday, December 9, 2013

A Literal Interpretation Of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"


I told you there'd be more of these to come, assuming the first one was well-received. As of this writing, my Jay-Z interpretation song has gotten 35 hits, which is more than good enough for me. I hope you'll also enjoy this word-for-word, line-by-line interpretation of an iconically laughable "rap" song. For side-by-side comparison, you can read the original lyrics here.  ~  JH



"Ice Ice Baby"
as performed by Vanilla Ice


Hello, Very Important Person, let us begin!


Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!


All right! Halt, work together, and pay attention!
I have returned and I brought something which I invented.
Something has a firm grip on me.
I move steadily like a sea spear every day and every night.
Will it ever cease? I am not sure.
Extinguish the lights and marvel as I glow in the dark.
I am extremely adept at speaking into a microphone
In the same way that a vandal is skilled
At destroying people's property.
I am electrifying when I am on stage.
I cover gullible people in wax as though they were candles.


Dance! Advance rapidly toward the loud, resonant speaker.
I am destroying your brain in the same way that mycetism does.
Whenever I play a delightful melody, I am lethal.
If I am not giving you my best, it is a serious crime.
You may love it or you may choose to leave it alone.
Either way, you had better make way for me.
You had better be on target, because I am not playing games.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.


Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!


Now everyone at the party seems to be enjoying themselves.
The bass line has started, and the Vegas are inflating.
Do not beat around the bush, be genuine.
Much like one would fry bacon, I sauté other rappers.
I burn them because they are not quick enough to escape my pan.
Whenever I hear the crash of a cymbal, I become insane.
I also enjoy hearing up-tempo hi-hat cymbals.
I am doing well, so I will become a hermit.
I am driving my car, which has a 5.0L engine in it.
The top of the car's convertible roof is down
So that the wind can ruffle my frosted hair.
Attractive women are standing nearby
Waiting to say "hello" to me.
But I declined to stop, I simply kept driving.
Instead, I headed to my next destination.
I turned left, and now I am approaching the next block.
However, there was nothing going on at that block.


Hello! So I kept going until I arrived at A1A Beachfront Avenue.
Very attractive women there were wearing very skimpy clothing.
People who love headphone amplifiers
Are driving Italian luxury sports cars.
They are envious of me because I am extremely successful.
Shay is holding a 12-gauge shotgun
And I am holding a 9mm pistol.
We are prepared to deal with the gullible people
Standing by the wall.
These gullible people are acting irrationally
Because they are high on cocaine.
Gunshots rang out loudly, making my ears ring like a bell.
I grabbed my 9mm pistol, but the only sounds I heard were shells
Rapidly dropping onto the concrete.
I entered my car and promptly stomped on the accelerator.
Unfortunately, the avenue was jammed
With bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I am attempting to escape before I get carjacked.
Law enforcement officers have arrived.
You know what I am referring to.
They disregarded me completely
And approached the drug addicts.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.


Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!


Pay attention, because I am able to write lyrics that rhyme.
In case you were unaware, Miami supports rap music like mine.
My town created the bass sound that we all know and love.
The bass is deep enough to shake the ground and kick holes in it.
My style of rapping is similar to a chemical spill.
Plausible narratives that you can see and understand
Conducted and formed by myself. This is quite a concept!
We create pleasant-sounding music
That makes you want to dance.
Shay fiddles with the equalizer buttons
Slicing like a ninjutsu specialist.
He cuts quickly in the same way that a razor blade does.
Other disc jockeys express their surprise and envy.
If my rap song were an illegal drug, I would sell it by the gram.
When it is time to relax, I will try to keep my composure.
I am mesmerized by the microphone as I boot my beverage.
If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.
Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!
Frozen water, frozen water, infant!
White rapper!


Hello, fellow, we are going to leave now.
Say hello to your mother for me!