People Named "Foot" Who Want To Date You

1)  Caroline Foot:  A former butterfly swimmer from Great Britain, Caroline represented her country at the 1988 and 1996 Summer Olympics. In 1997, she won the bronze medal at the European Championships in the women's 4 x 100m medley relay. Caroline likes puppies, rainbows, and long walks on the beach – but she'll only swim in the water if you give her a medal for doing so – preferably a gold one this time. Please, and thank you.

Caroline Foot

2)  David Foot:  David is a Canadian economist and demographer whose research focuses on the impact of demographics on economics (shocking!), especially as pertaining to the aging of the Baby Boomers. David likes counting to a hundred in his best "Kermit The Frog" voice, flying paper airplanes, and discussing the eating habits of giraffes.

David Foot

3)  Sir Dingle Mackintosh Foot:  Dingle was a British lawyer and politician prior to his death in 1978. He was a Liberal Member of Parliament for Dundee from 1931 - 1945 and a Labour Member of Parliament for Ipswich from 1957 - 1970. Dingle died in a hotel in Hong Kong after choking on a bone in a chicken sandwich; but he hopes his being dead won't keep you from giving him a call. Dingle likes being called "Sir," drinking massive amounts of Mt. Dew (but only out of glass bottles), and occasionally being seen by the living (usually out of the corner of one's eye, and only for half a second).

Sir Dingle Foot

4)  Jessica Foot:  Jessica has been playing the oboe since age 10. She completed her Bachelor of Music Performance at the Victorian College of the Arts in 2004. That same year, Jessica was awarded the Friends of the VCA Encouragement Award. Jessica likes playing the oboe, listening to other people play the oboe, and saying the word "oboe" repeatedly with her mouth full of marshmallows.

Jessica Foot

5)  Sean Foot:  Sean is an award-winning prosthetics makeup technician from New Zealand who has worked on several classic films, including The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe. He had this little dust-up with the law a few years back, something to do with drugs, but he wants you to know that even though he pled guilty it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his Ectsasy, and he doesn't know how it got in his pocket or in his bloodstream. Sean likes making normal-sized people look like hobbits, playing the New Zealand national anthem on his lucky kazoo, and getting really stoned (wait, did he just say that out loud? Um, just forget he ever said that, okay?).

Sean Foot

6)  Moira Foot:  Moira is a British actress who achieved some degree of notoriety in the 1970s and '80s in British television series such as Are You Being Served?, The Benny Hill Show, and 'Allo 'Allo! She thinks it's only fair to let you know that this is an older picture of her, and she doesn't look anything like that anymore – she says she now looks "much better!" Moira likes walking up to total strangers and yelling "Blimey!", waterskiing with her eyes closed (because it's less scary that way), and – in honor of her name – getting daily pedicures.

Moira Foot

7)  Andy Foot:  Andy is a fifth-generation commercial mixed arable and beef farmer, farming about 650 acres in Dorset in southwest England. He is chairman of both the NFU regional livestock board and beef group, and is also the local chairman of the Dorset Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty Partnership. Andy likes talking to his cows, long walks in the pasture, and playing croquet in his knickers (he hopes you would be open to that sort of thing, too).

Andy Foot

8)  Miss Bigfoot:  Miss Bigfoot hails from the Klamath River area near Orleans, California, where she has lived since the early 1960s. She is quite tall, very hairy, and – well, she has extremely large feet. But Miss Bigfoot hopes that her unconventional beauty – and the whole not-actually-being-a-human thing – won't deter you from giving her a call. She doesn't get out much – but when she does, Miss Bigfoot likes posing for cameras which only take blurry pictures, howling to the night sky for no apparent reason, and leaving muddy footprints in random places to confuse bored rednecks. This picture of Miss Bigfoot was taken back in 1967, but she looks pretty much the same now as she did then. She might be a little taller now, come to think of it.

Miss Bigfoot

Flash Fiction: "Dead Rabbit"

I know, I know. I've just finished my short-story collection, and now I'm supposed to be working on editing and formatting it so I can share it with the world. I'm not supposed to be writing new stories for my next collection. But I can't help it. When inspiration strikes, a writer strikes back. By writing. This tale's a bit morbid, but I think most of us can relate to the sentiments as well as the situation depicted within. I wrote another story at the same time I wrote this one, but that one's longer, so I'll save it for tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. Enjoy?

"DEAD RABBIT"

I remember it like it was yesterday. The day my dad told me that my pet rabbit had died.

"Boy," he said, "I got some bad news for you."

I said, "What's that?"

He said, "Skippy's gone."

I said, "What do you mean 'gone'? Did somebody leave the cage open last night?"

He shook his head and said, "Naw, son, Skippy's – well, he's in bunny heaven now."

I said, "Why'd you take him to the kennel for? We going on vacation or something?"

Dad said, "You don't understand, boy. Your rabbit – he's, ah, he's no longer with us."

I said, "I know that. You just told me you took him over to Bunny Heaven. What I don't know is why."

Dad shook his head again, like I just didn't get it – which I didn't. He said, "Boy, the rabbit is dead. He passed while you was sleeping last night."

I said, "Oh," real quiet-like. I always get quiet when I'm sad. I don't cry, I just get quiet.

Dad said, "You want me to bury him for you?"

I said, "Naw, I'll do it myself."

He said, "You sure about that, boy? Might be none too pleasant."

I said, "I'll be fine. Ain't the first time I buried anything."

He said, "What else you been burying, boy?"

I said, "Nothing special. Just birds and stuff I found lying around in the yard."

My dad said, "All right, then. Just holler at me if you change your mind, and I'll take care of it for you."

I told him again that I would be fine, and I went straight to the barn. Skippy's cage door was open when I got there. I reckon Dad figured there was no reason to close it now.

Skippy was lying on his side, his fuzzy belly up in the air, his whole body stiff. He could have been sleeping, peaceful as he looked – if you could ignore the rigor mortis thing, that is. And I most definitely could not.

I grabbed a potato sack that was sitting in the corner, brought it over to Skippy's cage, eased his stiff little body into it, and folded it over.

"You was a good rabbit, Skippy," I said, real quiet-like. "But I guess it was just your time to go."

I grabbed a shovel on my way out of the barn, the potato sack slung over my shoulder, and headed to the field to bury my little friend.

Unfortunately Named Law Firms

Keeping it simple again today. I had fun compiling these, and I hope you'll enjoy them too. And yes, they're all real as far as I know. I do realize that this has been done before by other bloggers, but I had the idea independently today. I may have copied one or two of these from other people's posts. So sue me!

"This looks like a job for...."

But if they're flat, how are you gonna collect their dough?

This is actually a husband-wife attorney team. Not surprisingly.

Who you gonna call? Well, Duh!

You've heard the spiel. "If you get injured through no fault of your own....". They finish it: "We've got the perfect guy for you!"

Bubba doesn't really do anything, but his dad donated a boatload of money so they would put his name on the sign.

Now offering a ten percent discount off the top if you can say his name four times fast!

The first guy shortened his name when he became a lawyer. Because Kestlerhestler just sounded stupid!

These guys tell you up-front what you can expect from them.

First they haggle over the price. Then if you won't settle, they hang you.

You pay less, but having to go out back to pee gets really old fast.

Make up your mind already!

She just doesn't look the same without the beard and the red suit.

It's a, it's a, it's a circus out there!

Don't take the law into your own hands. Pay us to do it!

Words I Wish I Wrote: Mother's Day Quotes

Keeping it simple today. Just because they're other people's words doesn't mean the sentiments aren't true. Feel free to share if you wish...


1)  "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." ~ Abraham Lincoln


2)  "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.  ~  Mark Twain


3)  "All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."  ~ George Washington


4)   "There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep."  ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson


5)  "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."  ~  Oprah Winfrey


6)  "My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."  ~ Groucho Marx


7)  "My mother had morning sickness after I was born."  ~  Rodney Dangerfield


8)  "Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children."  ~  Billy Graham


9)  "A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them."  ~  Victor Hugo


10)  "My mother's love has always been a sustaining force for our family, and one of my greatest joys is seeing her integrity, her compassion, her intelligence reflected in my daughters."  ~  Michelle Obama


11)  "Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not."  ~  James Joyce


12)  "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."  ~  Sophia Loren


13)  "The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."  ~  Honore de Balzac


14)  "Happy is the son whose faith in his mother remains unchallenged."  ~  Louisa May Alcott


15)  "What a mother sings to the cradle goes all the way down to the coffin."  ~  Henry Ward Beecher


16)  "Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."  ~  Alice Walker


17)  "You are a person of the greatest importance when you are a mother of a family. Just do your job right and your kids will love you."  ~  Ethel Waters


18)  "Every mother is like Moses. She does not enter the promised land. She prepares a world she will not see."  ~  Pope Paul VI


19)  "A man never sees all that his mother has been to him until it's too late to let her know that he sees it."  ~  William Dean Howells


20)  "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."  ~  Oscar Wilde

I Can Rhyme Whenever I Want To

If you've read much of my self-described "alpha poetry", you might wonder how I can even dare to call it "poetry" at all. Poetry is supposed to rhyme, right? No, not always. Most of the time, when I am inspired to write a poem, or when I sit down and make myself write something, I don't concern myself with rhyme, or even rhythm all that much. I just go with the flow that's in my head. But just to prove that I can rhyme whenever I want to, here are a few rhyming poems I've written recently. They're all unrelated to each other, and there's no unifying theme here. Anyway, here they are. Hope you enjoy reading them...




"STARSTRUCK"

Crowds of people scream your name
And you just stand there grinning
It seems that you've embraced the fame
You shunned in the beginning.
It's not that easy to say "no"
When everyone is staring
Hanging on your every word
And the flashing lights are glaring.
I thought you could withstand
Not let these foolish things distract you
From convictions you've held all your life
But now these things attract you.
I guess that I misread you
Or the public eye misled you
Or you hungered, and they fed you
Thought you'd stand, but then instead you
Slumped. And now there's just a dead you.



"HOW IT WENT"

Dying to find out how it went
SHE whispers in her ear:
"Tell me everything," SHE says
But she says, "No, not here."
"Why not?" SHE asks, "I'll never tell
Your secret's safe with me."
She says, "It's not that I don't
Trust you. It's not you, it's me."
SHE asks again, "Just tell me if
He kissed you, and I'll know
From that – at least a little –
How the rest of it will go."
"Alright, alright," she answers
"Yes, he kissed me. And that's all!"
SHE frowns and sighs, "I thought
He really liked you when he called."
"He did," she says, "he's really nice.
But that's as far as it goes."
SHE replies and rolls her eyes,
"Oh, I see! He's one of THOSE!
Well, at least now that you know
You can leave him in the dust!"
She shakes her head and says,
"We're going out again. You see, it's just
That there was something really different
In the way he spoke to me.
What he said, I think he meant it
He wasn't just a wanna-be.
But the strangest thing of all
Was what he did before we parted
When he walked me to the door
Bowed his head, and then he started
Thanking God for everything
He even thanked Him for meeting me!
And he prayed that God would help him
To maintain his purity."
SHE stops her in her tracks, yells,
"And you're SEEING him again?
What on earth is wrong with you?
Do you want THAT in a boyfriend?"
"Maybe so," she says, and smiles,
"Maybe that's just what I need
A man who likes me for myself
Not just to do some nasty deed!
Anyway, it got me thinking
What am I really living for?
If just for me, then it's not worth it
I was made for something more."
"Okay, now you've flipped your lid!"
SHE says, and starts to walk away.
"If you're okay with CRAZY
Then I've got nothing more to say."
She watches as her friend leaves
And she hopes SHE'll change HER mind.
She'll never give up hope
But, for now, this is goodbye.



"THE WAR WITHIN"

Of course I have
And so have you
We all fall short
That's what we do.
The difference is
I've turned my back
From all my foolish
Words and acts.
It doesn't mean
I won't slip up
Of course I will
I'm not that tough.
But I will stand
And I will fight
This war will end
But not tonight.


"BETTER WITH AGE?"

If you think I'm ugly now
You should have seen me years ago.
I look much better than I did
When I was just an awkward kid.
My hair was pouffy and fiery red
Atop an enormously large head.
My nose was fat (well, it still is
But my face caught up, and it finally fits).
"Skinny" doesn't begin to describe
My frame till I was, like, twenty-five.
My bum was big (well, it still is
But my belly caught up, and it finally fits.)
I'd like to think that through the years
I've finally grown into my ears.
So yeah, I'm still a frightful sight
But my wife thinks I look alright
And perhaps someday I actually might.

The OTHER People Running For President

Unless you've been living under a rock, or you don't own a television or computer, and you don't read the newspapers (what are those again?), or you just haven't been paying attention, this guy...

President Barack Obama

...Is running for reelection as President of the United States. He's the Democratic Party nominee, hands-down. This guy....

Jim Rogers

...wanted to secure the nomination for the Democrats, and actually got his name on the ballot in the primaries, but fell just shy of the 15% required to earn any delegates. I'm guessing it was the red hat and shirt that did him in. People see red and they think you're a Communist, and no one wants a Communist for a president. Oh, wait...

Anyway, as I was saying, this guy....

(Obama again)

...is going head-to-head with this guy....

Mitt Romney

...who's the presumptive nominee for the Republican Party. Romney didn't get this far unopposed, though.

This guy...

Herman Cain

...wanted to win, too, but unfortunately he didn't get too far.

This lady...

Michelle Bachmann

...wanted in on the fun, too, and she still can't figure out where she went wrong.

This guy...

Newt Gingrich

...was pretty disappointed when he had to bow out, once it was clear he couldn't win the nomination.

This guy...

Jon Huntsman

...thought he had what it takes, down to the perfectly coiffed hair (a la Romney) and a surname that would make the NRA proud. Sadly for him, it was not enough.

This guy...

Rick Perry

...made a few big blunders along the way, and had to bow out of the race.

This guy...

Rick Santorum

...hung around longer than most of the other Republicans in an obviously crowded field, but still wasn't able to convince enough folks that he was their man.

This guy...

Ron Paul

...actually still thinks he can win. Keep dreamin', Ronnie!


So know that you know who IS in for the major two parties:

This guy...

And this guy...

Now let's take a look at some of the lesser-known candidates for President from the independent and other (some fairly obscure) political parties...


First we have the nominee from the Justice Party, who's also a candidate for the Americans Elect Party nomination. (Go figure that!) This guy...

Rocky Anderson

Now, I know it's unfair to pick on a man's name, but with all the craziness going on in this country today, do we really want to hand the reins over to a guy named "Rocky"? I mean, think about it!


Next, from the America Third Position Party, we have this guy...

Merlin Miller

...Merlin's hoping to work his magic and just make all of our problems disappear, like "POOF!" Good luck with that, Merl!


Next up, from the Constitution Party, we have this guy...

Virgil Goode

Well, one thing's for sure, if Virgil won the election, he'd definitely be a Goode President. Whether or not he'd be a good president remains to be seen.


One of three nominees for the Green Party (and frankly the only one worth mentioning) is the one, the only...

Roseanne Barr

Yep, that's the same Roseanne Barr, Emmy Award-winning actress and comedienne, who once sang the National Anthem at a ball game as badly as anyone ever has, then grabbed her crotch and spat (presumably imitating baseball players?) as she was being booed off the field.


The Libertarian Party's nominee is this guy...

Gary Johnson

Johnson, former governor of New Mexico, is well-known for campaigning to legalize marijuana, vetoing nearly every bill that crossed his desk, and climbing Mount Everest, making him uniquely qualified to run the greatest country in the world.


From the Party For Socialism And Liberation, we have this young lady...

Peta Lindsay

...And I do mean "young." At 28 years old, Peta is not even old enough to officially run for President. But her party figured since she's so cute and she doesn't stand a chance to win anyway, why the heck not let her run?


From the Prohibition Party, we have this guy...

Jack Fellure

With a name like Fellure, he's sure not to win! He might have considered a name change prior to filing. Something more positive like "Jack Champion." Now that's a name I'd vote for! Poor slob couldn't even get a campaign picture of himself that was in focus. Epic Fellure!


And lastly, we have an independent candidate, who is, shall we say, like none other...

Robert Burck aka "The Naked Cowboy"

Don't get your knickers in a knot, he's wearing briefs! I dunno, this guy might have a shot. At least you can't complain that he's spending campaign funds on stupid stuff, like pants. And he's always in the public eye, especially in New York City. And he probably doesn't have anything to hide. Where would he hide it? Indeed, Burck might be the best presidential candidate of them all!

Things I Find Fascinating: Pseudonyms, Pen Names, And Noms De Plume

1)  Ellery Queen:  Used as both a pseudonym and a fictional character, Ellery Queen has to be one of the most well-known fake names in literature. Very popular in their heyday, the Ellery Queen mysteries were the brainchild of two cousins from Brooklyn, New York. Now, stick with me on this one. The two cousins' names were Frederick Dannay (which was actually a pseudonym for Daniel Nathan) and Manfred Bennington Lee (which was a pseudonym for Emanuel Lepofsky). Yep, that's right: their "real" names were pseudonyms for their "real real" names. The two also wrote a few books under the collective pseudonym Barnaby Ross, but those books weren't nearly as popular. Nobody had ever heard of that guy!

Ellery Queen

2)  The Many Names Of Dean Koontz:  I've long been a fan of Koontz's writing, although some of his more recent novels severely pale in comparison to the ones he was churning out in the '80s and '90s. Early on in his career, Dean Koontz was quite the prolific writer, publishing books in almost every genre imaginable. Because he was an unknown writer at the time, publishers encouraged him to use a different pseudonym for each genre of book he wrote so that readers wouldn't be confused. (I'm confused just writing this!) Consequently, prior to achieving fame primarily as a horror/thriller novelist, Koontz's works were attributed to a variety of different made-up "people", including David Axton, Leonard Chris, Brian Coffey, Deanna Dwyer, John Hill (no imaginary relation!), Leigh Nichols, Anthony North, Richard Paige, Owen West, and Aaron Wolfe. You've gotta hand it to him, all those names sound very different and none even remotely resemble Koontz's own name. Anyway, these days he just goes by Dean Koontz. Although maybe for some of his lesser works, he should consider going back to one of those pseudonyms. Just a thought, Dean...

Dean Koontz

3)  Lemony Snicket:  This interminably catchy name is the pseudonym of Daniel Handler, author of the popular children's book series, A Series Of Unfortunate Events. Lemony Snicket also serves as the first-person narrator of the stories and occasionally appears as an actual character in the books. Presumably, Handler assumed the pseudonym to write these books to distinguish them from his adult-oriented fiction, which he may not necessarily want younger kids to read.

Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket

4)  Richard Bachman:  Much like Koontz, early on in Stephen King's career, he was writing more books than his publishers felt comfortable releasing in such a short time. The thinking then was that if an author publishes more than one book per year that the market will be saturated with his or her work and that would not be a good thing. (Doesn't seem to be the thinking these days – just ask novelist James Patterson, who doesn't actually "write" all the books he gets credited with). So King came up with the idea to write books under the pseudonym Richard Bachman. King was also curious to find out if his books were as wildly popular as they then were simply because of name recognition or due to the actual merit of the books themselves. King thought that if the Bachman books sold well on their own, then maybe there was actually something to his success after all. Unfortunately for King, fans caught on rather quickly, noticing little hints sprinkled within the text of the books and recognizing a writing style suspiciously similar to King's. King was soon "outed" as the author of the Richard Bachman books, and subsequently issued a press release announcing Bachman's death due to "cancer of the pseudonym."

Stephen King aka Richard Bachman

5)  Edward Gorey:  Author and artist Edward Gorey was famous for his often-macabre illustrations in his own books and books by other authors. But he was also well-known for his love of wordplay (I can definitely relate!), and wrote many of his books under pseudonyms which were actually anagrams of his own name, including: Ogdred Weary, (Mrs.) Regera Dowdy, Raddory Gewe, Dogear Wryde, E. G. Deadworry, D. Awdrey-Gore, Wardore Edgy, (Madame) Groeda Weyrd, and Dewda Yorger. Which, of course, made me curious to find out what kind of pseudonyms I could make using the letters from my own name (Jason P. Hill). These are some of the better ones I came up with: J. L. Siphonal, Jin Shallop, Josh Pallin, John Aspill, Phill Jonas, and Jalin H. Slop. If I ever wanted to use a female pseudonym for some reason, I could use Jan L. Polish, Lila J. Ponsh, Jill Shapon, or Liloh J. Snap. Cool!

Edward Gorey

6)  Two Ladies Named George:  In the early 1800s, it wasn't all that easy for female authors to get their works published, even if they were exceptionally good writers. In some cases, if a book written by a woman was deemed worthy but the publisher was hesitant to publish it, the author (often at the behest of the publisher) would assume a male name so that the public would more readily accept the novel as "legitimate." Such was the case with French author George Sand (born Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin) and English novelist George Eliot (born Mary Anne Evans). Both women achieved notoriety and success as authors despite the sentiment of the time that women couldn't write as well as men. Eliot, in particular, contributed several significant works which have since become classics, including Silas Marner, Middlemarch, Adam Bede, and The Mill On The Floss.

George Sand

George Eliot

7)  Collective Pseudonyms:  Throughout the history of publishing, numerous series of books (especially children's books) have been written not by one author, but by many different writers, often working in teams. Some of the most popular series of all-time fall under this category. Victor Appleton is credited with authoring both the Tom Swift and Don Sturdy series of books for young boys. In reality, "Victor Appleton" was a number of people, all working for the Stratemeyer Syndicate, which churned out hundreds of books per year in the early part of the 20th century by employing this very method of authorship. That same syndicate gave us Laura Lee Hope, a collective pseudonym for the author of the Bobbsey Twins books, the Moving Picture Girls books (Appleton "wrote" the Moving Picture Boys books), and the Make Believe Stories, among others. Perhaps the most famous collective pseudonyms are Carolyn Keene and Franklin W. Dixon. Ever read a Nancy Drew (Keene) or Hardy Boys (Dixon) book? I'm sure many of us have. Both series of books were (and still are) published under the collective pseudonyms of Keene and Dixon, but were actually written by many, many different authors, both men and women.

?????

8)  Anne Rice:  This prolific novelist, probably most famous for her Vampire Chronicles series (written well before vampire novels were "trendy," I might add), took on the pseudonym "Anne Rice" for the exact opposite reason that the two ladies named George changed their names for publishing. Since she was born Howard Allen Frances O'Brien – half of her four given names being traditionally male – Rice thought it might make more since to write under a female name to avoid confusion when folks saw her author photo on the book of the book. Probably a wise move on her part.  She doesn't really look like a "Howard" to me. What do you think?

Anne Rice

9)  Mark Twain:  One of America's most popular novelists and humorists was not born with the name that made him famous. The author we know as Mark Twain was actually born Samuel Langhorne Clemens. Initially, Clemens used the pseudonym "Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass" for humorous pieces that he had published. But when that wasn't working for him anymore, Clemens sought a new name to use for his writings. Having worked for years on Mississippi riverboats, Clemens remembered often hearing the phrase "mark twain" – which meant that the boat was in deep enough water (about 12 feet) that it was safe to pass – and thought it had a nice ring to it. And so it did. And so it does.

Mark Twain aka Samuel L. Clemens

10)  Poppy Z. Brite:  Okay, so this one's going to be confusing for me to write, so just bear with me. First of all, Poppy Z. Brite has got to be one of the coolest "fake names" I've ever heard. Poppy was born Melissa Ann Brite as a woman (like I said, bear with me). When she started writing fiction – mostly gothic horror, some of which I've read – she assumed the name Poppy Z. Brite because, well, it just sounds way cooler than Melissa Ann. Anyway, she became very famous and probably made lots of money writing as Poppy Z. Brite. A couple of years ago, Poppy revealed that she had long dealt with gender dysphoria and gender identity issues, and that she actually identified herself as a gay man. She/he then began the process of gender reassignment and now goes by the name Billy Martin – which pales in comparison to Poppy Z. Brite. But I digress. (This is where it gets tricky, because now I'm "supposed" to use all male pronouns like "he" and "his.") Martin has since retired and while he still writes for pleasure (blogging and such), he does not feel the need to write for publication any longer. Oy! That was awkward. But interesting...

Poppy Z. Brite (left) / Billy Martin (right)