What We WON'T Be Naming Our Kid - Part 2

There's a world of good names out there that are well-worthy of giving to our unborn child. And there's a wealth of terrible monikers that we'd never dare saddle our kid with. These are a few of the latter... 


1)  TEMITOPE:  I don't know how to pronounce it. With my best guess, it sounds like an isotope that's really shy. I have no clue if it's supposed to be a boy name or a girl name. This name is never going to happen.


2)  CALIBER:  I am not a hunter. I am not a gunsmith. My wife is also neither of these things. So why would we name our child after the diameter of a bullet? It just doesn't make sense. This also means that names like Remington, Smith, Wesson, Bullet, and Hunter are probably out as well. To each his (or her) own, but these names are a real misfire for us.


3)  TOMORROW:  You gotta like the optimism of this name. There's always tomorrow. But we aren't promised tomorrow. So if we're waiting for Tomorrow to arrive, and Tomorrow never comes, we will be quite disappointed today. This does not compute.


4)  CHATTERTON:  Now, I realize that once a child begins to speak that this name might very well be an appropriate one for him or her. But I'd never want to have a child stuck with a name that may or may not be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Any way you look at it, this is not a good name for a child. 


5)  STICKY:  I can't think of one reason that we, or anyone for that matter, would name their child Sticky. Boy or girl, there's just no way this is a good given name for anybody. Now, maybe your kid likes honey buns, or they like to steal stuff. Maybe then you give them the nickname "Sticky," but why would ever name a sweet, innocent little baby Sticky on purpose? Answer: We wouldn't.


6)  BIDDINGS:  I grant you, this could be a family name for someone somewhere, and they wanted to hire that person who was near and dear to them by giving their child the same name. But when I hear this name, I think of black-market baby-selling. I don't want my child for sale to the highest bidder. Nor should any child ever be. Now, if he or she ended up becoming an auctioneer, this name would not only be appropriate but very clever. But what are the chances of that happening?


7)  BASKERVILLE:  Now I'm as big a fan of Sherlock Holmes as the next guy. Maybe more so. But I would never name our child after one of his famous cases, "The Hound of the Baskervilles." Neither would I name him (or her) Sherlock, or even Holmes. "The Red-Headed League" might be more appropriate in our case, but I don't remember the name of the main guy from that story.


8)  TOMATO:  Apparently, some people have actually named a child Tomato, as it appeared in one of the baby name lists on a website I've frequented. Why would you do this to a child? It's basically saying, "Child, I hate you now, and I always will." There are plenty of other fruits and vegetables that would make better names -- like Apple, Papaya, Mango, Kiwi, Tangerine, and Clementine (not that we would use these, either, but still...). Other fruit and vegetable names besides Tomato that we will not be using as names for our child include Zucchini, Corn, Grape, Banana, Broccoli, Edamame, Squash, and Cucumber (although I don't have any evidence to prove that any of these words in particular have been used as baby names).


9)  SCHNUFFEL:  This name may mean something beautiful in German, or whatever language it originates from, but as a first name for a child it just sounds stupid. Schnuffel Hill sounds like a place you are sent to in order to recover from an infectious disease. Not going to be using this one, either.


10)  PLACEBO:  I want a child who's the real thing, not a sneaky substitute. Seriously, why would you name a kid Placebo? Other science-related names that I've run across that we also won't be using include Biologist, Chemist, Laboratory, Test, and -- of course! -- Science.


11)  DUMBO:  You gotta hate your newborn child really bad to call him (or her) Dumbo. That's just cruel! Other demeaning baby names I found amongst the ranks of actually-used names which won't be among the favorites on our shortlist include Chicken, Junk, Forget, Scruffy, Saggy, Tramp, Loopy, Lusti, and Bugger.


12)  ESPN:  This is the name of a television sports network, not a proper name for a child. How is that even pronounced? ESS-pin? Who knows? Other sports-related names we won't be using include Football (yes, Football!), Wrestling, Homer, Goal, Basket, and Brackett.


13)  GASSMAN:  Another "self-fulfilling prophecy" name here. Why, just why, would you name your kid this? Other flatulence-related names that are also out include Fardous, Poot, Beanie, and Stankovich.


14)  NECESSARY:  First of all, the "necessary" is an old-school name for the toilet. So you might as well name your kid "Restroom." Secondly, this sounds like a parent who didn't really want the child they had, and upon seeing him/her for the first time replied, "Is this Necessary?" And the name stuck. Speaking of the name Stuck, I found Stuck among the baby names lists, and that's another no-go. 


15)  MARIHUANA:  I don't know whether the parents of this poor child were smoking pot when they gave their little girl this name, or if they just named her after one of their favorite things. Either way, that kid's "Stuck" with an awful name for the rest of her life. Other horribly bad names which likely derived from the parents' favorite things to eat include Cheeto, Custard, Mozzarella, and Cheddar.


I'm shaking my head so hard right now at these terribly poor name choices. There's actually way more of these that I could have chosen, so stay tuned for Part 3 later this week.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Interesting Facts About Very Tall People

1)  ROBERT WADLOW:  The tallest person in history for whom there is no irrefutable evidence, Wadlow was 8' 11" tall and weighed 439 lbs. at the time of his death at the age of 22. His great size and continued growth in adulthood was due to hypertrophy of the pituitary gland, which results in an abnormally high level of human growth hormone. Wadlow is pictured below beside his 5' 11" father, Harold.

2)  SULTAN KOSEN:  At 8' 3", Kosen is the tallest living person. This Turkish-born man is a part-time farmer whose condition causes him to have to use crutches to walk. His extreme height was caused by a tumor in the pituitary gland. After numerous medical procedures, treatment has been effective in halting Kosen's growth, and most likely also in lengthening his life. Sultan is currently 30 years of age.

3)  BERNARD COYNE:  Coyne was refused induction into the Army during World War I because he then stood at a height of 7' 9". But Coyne didn't stop growing. At the time of his death three years later in 1921, he had reached a height of between 8' 2" and 8' 4" (records vary). Coyne was the tallest ever eunuchoidal infantile giant, also known as Daddy Long-Legs Syndrome.

4)  DON KOEHLER:  Koehler was the tallest man in the world from at least 1969 until his death in 1981. At his highest, Koehler measured 8' 2". His extreme height was a result of a medical condition called acromegalic gigantism. Koehler had a fraternal twin sister who never grew past 5' 9". Don lived a much longer life than most of the people on this list. He died at age 55.

5)  BRAHIM TAKIOULLAH:  The second tallest living person at 8' 1", Takioullah also holds the record for largest feet (each one is 1 foot, 3 inches long). Moroccan by birth, Takioullah's extreme height and foot size is caused by both acromegaly and a pituitary gland tumor, for which he is currently being treated in France. Brahim holds a university degree in geography.

6)  SULEIMAN ALI NASHNUSH:  Nashnush was a Libyan basketball player and actor whose height measured just a half-inch over 8'. Though it has not been verified for certain, Suleiman may have been the tallest basketball player who ever lived. Nashnush had a small role in Federico Fellini's classic film Satyricon -- he played the role of "Tryphaena's Attendant." He died at the age of 48.

7)  GHEORGE MURESAN:  The Romanian-born Muresan is one of the two tallest players to have ever played in the NBA (National Basketball Association). Reaching 7' 7" in height before he stopped growing, Gheorge's extreme size is caused by a pituitary disorder. Both his parents are of average height. In 1998, Muresan -- alongside comedian/actor Billy Crystal -- starred in the movie My Giant about -- what else? -- a Romanian giant.

8)  MANUTE BOL:  The Sudanese-born Bol was, along with Muresan, the tallest player ever to have played in the NBA, at 7' 7". Unlike Muresan, however, Bol did not suffer from a pituitary disease -- he was just naturally tall. Manute was the son of a Dinka tribal chief, who gave him the name "Manute," which means "special blessing." After an 11-year career in the NBA, Bol retired from the game and became very active in supporting various causes in his war-ravaged home country of Sudan. He died in 2010 from acute kidney failure.

9) ZENG JINLIAN:  Zeng was the tallest woman ever verified in medical history. At the time of her death, Jinlian was 8' 1.75" tall. She was not able to stand straight due to a severely deformed spine. Zeng was 17 years old when she died.

10)  YAO DEFEN:  The Chinese-born Yao is the tallest living woman, standing at 7' 8" and weighing 440 lbs. Defen's gigantism is due to a tumor in her pituitary gland. Yao is currrently 39 years old.

Do You Suffer From Coulrophobia? Find Out Today!

Do you or someone you love suffer from coulrophobia?  If your answer to this question is, "I don't know," then it's high time you find out!  Early detection is key to your prognosis.  Common warning signs include sleepless nights, fear of large shoes, and willful avoidance of certain fast-food establishments. Yes, that's right, coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.

If you suffer from coulrophobia, it's time to face your fears.  After all, clowns are people too.  They cake on their makeup one layer at a time just like you do.  They pull on their brightly colored, oversized pants one leg at a time just like you do.  They just happen to be more in the public eye than you are.  So maybe it's not actually fear that you're feeling, but clown envy.  This Friday the 13th, it's time to let that fear go.  And I'm here to help you through it, every step of the way.

If you've seen any of the SAW movies, you 

may recognize this guy. Yes, he makes people

kill people. Or themselves. But it's all good. 

See, this guy – he's actually a puppet. 

He's not real. He can't hurt you. 

He can haunt you. But he can't really hurt you.

This is Bozo. He makes children happy.

He makes children laugh. Yes, his hair is

creepy. Yes, his plastered-on smile is creepy.

Yes, his voice is creepy. But Bozo isn't creepy.

He's your friend. There's no need to be afraid of him.

This is Doink The Clown. He wrestles people for

a living (or at least he used to). He plays pranks

on people. He has an excellent sense of humor.

Yes, he has a violent streak, but that's what they

pay him for. Don't worry, he won't hurt you. 

He likes you. Remember, if it's not in the script,

it's not going to happen. Nobody really gets hurt.

This is Pogo The Clown. His real name

is John Wayne Gacy. Over the course of 

many years, he killed a lot of people, mostly 

teenage boys. He was very evil. Sometimes he 

dressed up as Pogo and entertained at parties

for children. If parents had known who he

really was, they'd have never allowed this to

happen. But they didn't know. He was very 

sneaky. But don't be afraid of Gacy. He's dead. 

They caught him and punished him. 

He'll never hurt anyone ever again.

If you've ever seen the movie POLTERGEIST,

you might be familiar with this seemingly creepy

clown. While it's just a toy, this clown sometimes

seems very full of life. Like in this scene, where the

boy is already scared during a thunderstorm, and the

clown appears to be about to choke the boy – not

only scaring him more, but possibly harming him too.

But don't worry – this too is a puppet. Special effects.

Smoke and mirrors. Nothing to be afraid of here.

This is Pennywise The Clown, from the movie IT,

which was based on the book by Stephen King.

Pennywise is also a very evil character. He not only

terrorizes a group of kids, one-by-one, preying on

their worst fears; he also revisits them years later,

once they've grown up and have almost forgotten the

horrors of their youth. He wants to hurt them very

badly. But don't worry – at the end of the movie,

the kids (now adults) fight back. They find him where

he lives and kill him. Pennywise is no more. Don't worry!

 

This is a clown from the movie SPAWN, which was 

based on a series of graphic novels by the same name. 

I haven't seen the movie, so I'm not really sure 

what this particular clown's name is. Based solely 

on his diminished stature, his almost-nonexistent-

yet-still-elaborately-styled hair, and his fat stubby legs, 

you might be inclined to fear this clown. But you shouldn't. 

Instead, you should applaud the makers of this film for hiring 

a "little person." So few movies and television shows 

these days call for "little people" and so there are hundreds of 

tiny actors and actresses out there who are unemployed. 

This movie employed one of those people. So don't 

be scared because he's scary; be glad because he's needed.

This is a zombie clown. He's dead.

Well, undead. I would say he can't

hurt you, but we know that's not true.

Clowns can be unpredictable.

Zombies are very unpredictable.

You might want to steer clear of this one.

I know I sure will....

This is The Joker. He's a master criminal.

He's a highly intelligent psychopath with

a twisted, sadistic sense of humor. But

in reality, he's Jack Nicholson. I know

what you're thinking – that's pretty scary,

too. I get that. Just think of him as a man

doing a job that has to be done, like the

kid who mows your lawn, or the guy 

who picks up your trash. Just a 

working Joe, trying to make a living.

This guy, on the other hand, put his heart and

soul into playing The Joker. This is Heath Ledger.

Not really a clown in real life. Not really alive in 

real life. Heath died shortly after making this film. Not 

on purpose (that we know of). But he died nonetheless.

So, no matter how believable he was in this vicious role,

he can't hurt you now. He has passed on. Don't be afraid!

This is Ronald McDonald. You may recognize him.

He's the "mascot" for McDonald's. He has a cherry 

red head of tightly permed hair. He wears a

yellow jumpsuit with candy-cane striped sleeves.

His red rubber boots are ginormous. He's creepy.

He wants to sell you French fries. He smiles a lot.

He's been seen hanging out with a giant hamburger, 

a purple something-or-other, and a little short guy

who steals people's burgers. He likes kids. He's really creepy.

But he can't hurt you. He's a clown, true, and an 

incredibly disturbing one, at that. But you don't have to be

scared. Just as long as you keep buying his hamburgers,

French fries, milkshakes, and anything else he tries

to sell you, you don't need to worry. But if you should 

ever cross over to the dark side – and buy a Whopper! – 

well, I would recommend sleeping with one eye open...

Spell-Check Doesn't Fix Bad Writing

Being a cheapskate, I always appreciate getting something for nothing. So daily I scan the free e-books on Amazon.com to add to my already too-large digital library.

Sometimes I will find a gem among the plethora of freebies. More often I will find something that isn't great, but isn't horrible either. And then there are the horrible ones...

Yesterday I downloaded a very short novella that just happened to be free. (I won't reveal the title or the author of the book so as not to embarrass them publicly.) It was – like many free e-books are – written by an independent, self-published author.

This is not always a bad thing, as I have discovered several promising new authors among the indie ranks whom I would definitely read more of, assuming they write more books. But this author was not one of the promising ones. Not even close.

I very rarely write reviews for books, as I tend to like almost everything I read, at least in part. But every now and then, I will read something so horrible that I feel compelled to warn other readers about what they're getting themselves into. This was one of those books.

This was my review:

"I wanted to like this book; I really did. But with page after page after page of misused or misspelled words, run-on sentences (most paragraphs or lines of dialogue are all one mish-mash sentence), and missing or misplaced punctuation, I simply couldn't get into the story. The constant errors were too distracting. What I did get out of the story wasn't anything I hadn't read before in far superior paranormal books or seen in far superior horror movies. There simply isn't much to recommend here, other than to hire an editor – or at least ask a friend who has a good grasp of the English language – to pore over your book before you release it into the world for publication next time. Don't quit writing - it's obvious in your writing that you're passionate about it. Just prove your passion by putting your best foot forward next time. This is not your best foot. But keep trying! :)"

I know what you're thinking:  Wasn't that a bit harsh? Yes, it probably was. But it was honest. And I felt that it was important not only to let others know how difficult a read this was, but also to encourage/admonish/advise the burgeoning author to work harder at their craft in future books. I'm not a published author myself, not yet at least – unless you count this blog – but I have been writing creatively for over 25 years now and I can recognize when a better effort could be put forth, especially when the "product" is made available for public consumption.

Probably one of the most prevalent problems in this book, other than the endless string of run-on sentences (a redundancy, I know), was the constant misuse of words. The likely cause is that the author, when writing the book, made a number of spelling errors,  and attempted to correct them by simply letting a spell-check program replace the misspelled words with correctly spelled words that it suggested. The problem with most spell-check programs is that they often will suggest a number of possible words, and only one of them is the correct word that the author intended to use. If you don't know the difference, you might just let the program replace words at will. I think that's what happened here.

I know it's terrible of me, but the instances of misused words were often so hilarious, that I couldn't help but jot them down and share them with you here. I hope you'll get as much of a kick out of them (as sickly cruel as that is) as I did when I first read the book. Enjoy!

(Words and phrases of particular interest are written in bold print – my emphasis, not the author's. My snarky comments are in parenthetical italics.)

1)  "She had never been a religiously minded Person by any stretch of the imagination, quite the country..."  (On the contrary, I think you meant to say "contrary.")

2)  "She loved her mother dearly yet seeing the grief and worry on her face only made Shelly feel more empty and alone with no space to thane ignorance..."  (Was that supposed to be "feign ignorance"?)

3)  "It was loneness personified."  (Did you mean loneliness?)

4)  "Everyone had suggested she take more time off after the funeral, but she had needed a detraction."  (Did she also need a distraction?)

5)  "Her home...was far more expensive than it looked due to the extortionate house prices in the area..."  (I'm pretty sure you can go to jail for that...)

6)  "It wasn't home now though, as without Sean it felt so much more show-house and less homely."  (One "l" changes the whole meaning of that word.)

7)  "Her skin looked pale and her cheek bones where definitely more prominent than they had been a few months earlier, her eyes told the story however, normally bright aqua blue and shinning bright, they were now dull and sad."  (See what I mean about the run-on sentences?)

8)  "She distinctly remembered that they had taken out a two-year guaranty on [the TV], as they had augured over the benefits of the guarantee, Shelly had won."  (They certainly went to a lot of trouble over a television. Auguring? Really?)

9)  "Next Shelly phoned her friend Lara, who she hadn't seen since the funereal as she didn't want to be alone today."  (Missed it by one letter.)

10)  "Sean was trying to communicate with you while the vial between here and there is still thin."  (If it's such a thin vial, how could he be expected to communicate through it?)

11)  "As soon as she placed her hands on the old lady's work worn wrinkled hands, the lady let out a glass braking unearthly, high-pitched scream that was heard down the whole street."  (Slow your roll, old lady! You're causing glass to stop moving.)

12)  "What was she going on about I don't devolve in voodoo-ism for the god's sake Lara." (But apparently she does devolve into using the name of "the god" in vain.)

13)  "Funny as she had never been one for the drink really, but any means of escape seemed tempting lately so she tried to avoid it, but tonight she had company, so she had divulged herself."  (Ooh, I wonder what juicy bit of gossip she decided to share?)

14)  "Sweat formed on her brow with the excursion..."  (Must have been vacationing in the tropics...)

15)  "Only the sound of the girls' rapidity beating hearts could be heard."  (I quickness started laughing when I read this sentence.)

16)  "He had sent Fresh flowers to her office every day for two weeks, each day a different kind. Each time with the same message in the card; phone me angle, you know you want to."  ("Phone me, Angle" has to be one of the unsexiest pick-up lines ever. I mean, unless you're actually a living, breathing geometric shape, in which case this might be a compliment?)

17)  "Lara burst into the room in a ridicules bright blue hippie tent like creation, that swamped her tiny frame."  (The author of this blog "ridicules" you for your poor skills at basic sentence structure.)

18)  "She had never intentional hurt anyone."  (She had, however, accidental hurt people plenty of times.)

19)  "She was someone who needed to be doing something constantly, could not bear to sit ideal."  (I can't bear to "sit ideal" either – I prefer to "stand imperfect.")

20)  "She then gently placed a kiss on her check. To her amazement Lara rubbed her hand against her check and smiled."  (No, this is not a lesbian love scene. The first "she" – Shelly – has recently died and is kissing her BFF Lara goodbye. Apparently, they were simultaneously settling an old debt, since Shelly kissed Lara's "check" and Lara rubbed her "check" and smiled. Incidentally, who – other than this author – misspells "cheek" more than once in a paragraph? It's a pretty simple word...)

21)  "The thought of Sean spurned her on. She stood up and began looking around the room for an exist."  (First of all, what did Sean ever do to Shelly to "spurn" her? Secondly, Shelly is dead here, so looking around for an "exist[ence]" just might make sense.)

22)  "He stood there for a moment then stepped forward and reviled himself, it was Sean. Tear's of relief ran down Shelly's checks."  (First, he reviles himself – I don't even want to know what he did to accomplish that. Second, "tear's" are not possessive – unless, of course, they are running down Shelly's "checks.")

23)  "Darkbrown hair cropped close to his head, and bright blue eyes shone bright with unshod tears..."  (First, if "darkbrown" is a legitimate color, then "navyblue," "burntsienna," and "cherryred" must also be. Secondly, should we really be surprised that Sean's tears WEREN'T wearing shoes? Most people's tears are "unshod," aren't they?)

24)  "I am so happy you approve, manna go check it out?"  (Thumbs up for bread from heaven – let's go grab a loaf or two...)

25)  "She had long  black hair plated down her side in a fish tail. She wore a pair of glasses perched on the end of her nose. They looked like they where for show, or to make her look more intelligent, though the most remarkable feature where her eyes, they were an unnatural violet colour, they had to be contacts Shelly thought, they could not be natural, neither could those impossibly long eyelashes."  (Another great bunch of run-on sentences here – with the added bonus of a girl with a plate of fish on her head. Or is that a fish's tail with black hair? I'm confused. [I think the author meant "plaited" here.] "Where" in place of "were" is all too common not only in this book, but in "the real world," too, I'm afraid.)

ADDENDUM:

If you really need a good laugh and don't mind wasting an hour or so of your time, send me a message privately and I'll tell you the name and author of this book. It's still free on Amazon. Of course it is. Who would pay money for this drivel? I'm sure glad I didn't.

What We WON'T Be Naming Our Kid – Part I

Lately, my wife and I have been looking at baby name books and websites, as well as collecting a list of names that we've personally heard of and liked over the years.

Anyone who's in the same boat as we are, or has been, or plans to be at some point can attest to this fact: as many good names as there are out there, there are hundreds more bad names! I mean, REALLY BAD names!

A common trend among parents these days seems to be to make up names that no one has ever heard of before, all in the name of being "unique." What these parents often neglect to think about – in my opinion, at least – is that their kid is going to be stuck with this name, and will have to spell it – for everyone, everywhere, over and over and over again! – for the rest of their lives. It may be "cute" and trendy now, but in twenty years that kid's going to hate you for naming them that. Or they're going to have it legally changed.

Anyway, we've come up with a shortlist of names we like for boys and girls – and no, I'm not going to reveal those just yet! We don't have a "favorite" name picked out for either gender yet, but we're whittling the list down to just the ones we love.

However, I thought it would be fun to share with you a few of the truly horrid names that we've run across along the way. Names that we would never give to our own child. Names that no one, anywhere, for any reason, should ever give to any poor child.

But they do. There are census records to prove it. Poor kids!

Before I start, I would like to apologize for any names I may have picked to include in this list that you personally, as a parent, have used to name your own children, or any name that you yourself or someone near and dear to you has been given. If perhaps there is any overlap between these names and people I know, it is strictly coincidence and is not intended in any way to belittle you or your parents for using that particular name.

That being said, I hope all these names are as ridiculous to you as they are to me, and in no way ring familiarly with you or anyone you know.

Without further ado, the 10 names we won't be using for our kid...


1)  Hershelina Sugarleigh:  I don't care how much my wife (or I) may crave chocolate before, during, or after her pregnancy – we will not be naming a child after a popular chocolate candy maker or after its main ingredient (sugar). In all honesty, the name Hershelina did appear in a baby name list we were reading, but we made up the Sugarleigh part to scare my sister-in-law into thinking we'd actually name our child that. (She wasn't fooled, by the way.)


2)  Harshit:  Or its female counterpart, Harshita. This name may indeed mean "full of happiness" in Sanskrit. But I don't speak Sanskrit; I speak English. And this name sounds like anything but happiness, much less being full of it. (That didn't come out quite right, did it?)


3)  Pilot:  Is it me, or does "Pilot Hill" sound like a golf course and not a person? Many names actually don't work with our last name for the same reason. Since "Hill" is also a word and not just a name, almost any name that's also commonly used as a word either sounds like a golf course, a luxury resort, a small town, or a cemetery whenever you join the two words together. That's not gonna work for us.


4)  Oluwadarasimi:  This name may mean something really beautiful in whatever African language from which it originates. But it would be impossible to spell or pronounce for most American-born girls. In fact, she might would have to graduate from high school before she was even qualified to spell her own name. Can't do that to a kid.


5)  Manmeet:  You would hope that one day your daughter would meet a man who would love her and want to spend the rest of his life with her. But why would you name your daughter Manmeet? Just, why? Granted, it's probably an ethnic name which may indeed mean something far different than how it sounds, but still...


6)  Child:  This one shows up in both the boy and girl name categories, and is apparently used exclusively by parents with no imagination whatsoever. Why not just name your kid "Boy" or "Girl"? Maybe they were too busy with their own lives that they didn't stop to notice what gender the "Child" was? Who knows? Either way, that's SO not gonna happen.


7)  Huckleberry:  Believe it or not, people actually named their kid this. Not 150 years ago. The year before last. "Huckleberry Hill" sounds like a cartoon character. From the 1940s. I love Mark Twain, but that name is never going to be in any part of our kid's name.


8)  Duchess:  Same goes for Princess, Queenie, and even Precious. These are names for small dogs which fit into an heiress's designer purse – not names for children. I am not royalty, and neither is my wife. Our kid will be a kid, not a little bald person born with a title. For a boy, Sire, Majesty, King, Captain, and Major – real names, all of them – are also out. Additionally, the name Jesus (or Jesús) is also out. No kid needs that kind of pressure growing up.


9)  Jill:  Or Will, or Bill, or Phil, or Gil, or any other name that rhymes with Hill. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these names in and of themselves, but they absolutely won't work with our surname. My dad's name is William, and he's always gone by Bill. That's right: Bill Hill. While he doesn't seem to mind the "matchy-matchy" name, he has taken his share of ribbing for it over the years. It's not his fault – he can't help what his parents named him. But we can help what we name our kid. And it won't rhyme with Hill.


10)  Citlalic:  This looks like an ingredient in my shampoo, not a name for a pretty little baby girl. Not only do I not know how to properly pronounce it, I also couldn't spell it right consistently if I tried. And neither could she. So we won't be using that name, either.



I don't know about you, but I had fun with these. There are TONS more terrible names which I could have included, and about halfway through this post I decided that I would do just that – include more, that is. But not today.

TO BE CONTINUED...

What IS That?

Just a little something different today.  I took 12 pictures of random things, almost all in extreme closeup.  It's up to you to try and guess what they are.  Some of them are pretty obvious, I think; others may be a bit harder. Post your comments here or on the Facebook link if you think you know what you're seeing in one or more of the pictures.

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