Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Life Lessons Learned From Famous Turtles

1)  Rely on your wits, instead of simply on your natural abilities, and you'll go much farther in life.



2)  In every life, a little nonsense must be present. Don't take yourself too seriously.



3)  It feels good to be on top of the world, but pride goes before a fall. (Sometimes literally.)



4)  You have to have a nose for news. Otherwise, your lack of knack may make you just a nuisance.



5)  You can never be too careful. Be prepared at all times for anything, including atomic warfare.



6)  You're safer from random acts of destruction in the suburbs than in the city. Evacuate while you still can!



7)  Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called "the present."



8)  Crime does not pay. Be sure that justice will prevail and you will be punished.



9)  Sometimes you just don't care, and that's okay.



10)  You just never know who might become the best friend you've ever had.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Things I Find Fascinating: 12 Awesome Words That Start With "Z"

1)  Ziggurats:  These massive, pyramid-like structures were built in ancient Mesopotamia, a region in the Middle East that today includes Iran and Iraq. The Great Ziggurat of Ur (near Nasiriyah, Iraq) was restored in recent years, and is pictured below.




2)  Zabaione:  This popular Italian dessert, also called a zabajone or zabaglione, is made from egg yolks, sugar, a sweet wine (usually Marsala), and sometimes whole eggs. These ingredients combine to form a very light custard, which has been whipped to incorporate a large amount of air. Traditionally, zabaione is served with fresh figs, but in most Italian restaurants in the U.S. it's served with strawberries, blueberries, or peaches.




3)  Zombiism:  Pretty much what it sounds like, zombiism encompasses the beliefs and practices of the cult of the zombi (or zombie). Deriving from voodoo beliefs, zombi refers to the supernatural power that may enter into and reanimate a dead body.




4)  Zwieback:  This is a type of crisp, sweetened bread that's made with eggs and baked twice. The bread is sliced before it is baked the second time, which produces crisp, brittle slices that closely resemble melba toast. Zwieback has been commonly used to feed teething children, and as the first solid food given to patients with an upset stomach. The German word "zwieback" literally translates to "twice-baked."




5)  Zyzzyva:  The zyzzyva is a kind of tropical American weevil often found in association with palm trees. This yellowish-red weevil is a snouted beetle, and is no longer in size than an ant. The zyzzyva was named by Irishman Thomas Lincoln Casey, Jr., most likely as a practical joke to place it prominently at the end of most guides and manuals. The word "zyzzyva" also holds the distinction of being the last word listed in many English-language dictionaries.




6)  Zarzuela:  This Spanish lyric-dramatic genre alternates between spoken and sung scenes, the latter incorporating operatic and popular song, as well as dance. There are two main forms of zarzuela: Baroque zarzuela (the earliest style) and Romantic zarzuela (which can be divided into two sub-genres – género grande and género chico). Don't ask me the difference between the two (or the difference between the two sub-genres), because I don't know. I just like the word "zarzuela." A playbill for Dona Francisquita, apparently a popular zarzuela, is pictured below.




7)  Zeppola:  A zeppola, also known as a St. Joseph's Day cake, or a sfinge, is a popular pastry in Roman, Neopolitan, and peninsular Italian cuisine. A lightweight doughnut or fritter is topped with powdered sugar and filled with custard, jelly, cannoli-style pastry cream, or a butter-and-honey mixture. The zeppola's consistency ranges from light and puffy to bread or pasta-like. I'd eat that.




8)  Zloty:  The zloty is the standard monetary unit of Poland, and is divded into 100 groszy (whatever that means). The word "zloty" translates as "golden." If Poland's anything like it is here, the zloty is probably not worth its weight in gold. A 1,000-zloty note is pictured below.




9)  Zugzwang:  The word zugzwang (which is German for "compulsion to move") is a situation found usually in chess but also in other games, where one player is put at a disadvantage because they have to make a move when they would prefer to pass and make no move. The fact that the player must make a move means that their position will be significantly weaker than the hypothetical one in which it was their opponent's turn to move. All of that is a long way of saying this: A zugzwang is a "Catch 22" for game-players. Here's a visual aid for those of you who understand chess on more than a basic level (because I don't).




10)  Zaftig:  The word "zaftig" is a slang adjective used to describe someone (usually a woman) who has a pleasantly plump figure, or is full-bodied and/or well-proportioned. In today's the-more-anorexic-the-better culture, zaftig women are seemingly few and far between. They're there – it's just that nobody pays them any attention, unless it's to criticize their figures. British singer Adele (pictured below) is unapologetically zaftig and has gained quite a popular following, but she's an exception to the "rule."




11)  Zoysiagrass:  Also known as simply zoysia, zoysiagrass is a genus of creeping grasses native to Southeast Asia, East Asia, and Australasia. Often found in coastal areas or grasslands, zoysiagrass is widely used for lawns in temperate climates, as well as on golf courses to create fairways and teeing areas. Zoysiagrass is known to stop erosion on slopes, is excellent at repelling weeds throughout the year, resists disease, and holds up well under traffic.




12)  Zebroid:  Okay, are you ready for this one? A zebroid is the offspring of any cross between a zebra and any other equine – essentially, it's a zebra hybrid. In most cases, the sire is a zebra stallion. Offspring of a donkey sire and a zebra dam – called a zebra hinny, or a donkra – do exist, but are rare. A zorse is the offspring of a male zebra and a female horse. This cross is also called a zebrula, zebrule, zebra mule, or golden zebra. The rarer reverse pairing is sometimes called a horbra, hebra, zebrinny, or zebret. A zony is the offspring of a zebra stallion and a medium-sized pony mare. Zebras have also been crossed with smaller pony breeds such as the Shetland, resulting in so-called Zetlands. A zonkey is a cross between a zebra and a donkey – however, "zonkey" is not the technically correct name for such a cross. The most commonly accepted terms are zebonkey (or zebronkey), zebrass, zedonk (or zeedonk), and zebadonk. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up! Pictured below is a beautiful baby zebrass.





Kudos to Wikipedia.org for having all this great information ready for me to gleefully steal, thereby shortening my research time. Hats off to scrabblefinder.com for its great list of words starting with "Z" which inspired this post in the first place. Finally, thank you, Internet, for all the pictures I shamelessly borrowed for today's post.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Strange Quotes By People Named Kate

Don't ask why I came up with this topic for today. Because I couldn't tell you why. It's a post, it's somewhat interesting, just take it at face value. Enjoy?


1)  "Jam! I love my jam. I've just had a batch of it come through. I've been making it."  ~  Kate Moss, supermodel




2)  "I've always felt that anorexia was the form of breakdown most readily available to adolescent girls."  ~  Kate Beckinsale, actress




3)  "There are some people who leave impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water."  ~  Kate Chopin, author




4)  "I think quotes are very dangerous things."  ~  Kate Bush, singer




5)  "Psychiatry causes so much death."  ~  Kate Millett, activist




6)  "I think it's just so fabulous to laugh. I don't mind if people think either. I think the brain is a very sexy organ."  ~  Kate Clinton, comedienne




7)  "There's more to life than cheek bones."  ~  Kate Winslet, actress




8)  "I'm superstitious...but not like wear-the-same-underwear-for-two-weeks superstitious."  ~  Kate Hudson, actress




9)  "I have a Bachelor of Arts in English, which means I had a lot of formal training in reading."  ~  Kate DiCamillo, author




10)  "By far the best dressing-up outfit I ever had was a wonderful pair of clown dungarees, which my Granny made."  ~  Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Stealing My Sister-In-Law's Blog Post Topic: "Things I Am Grateful For"

You may have my read the recent post in which my sister-in-law, Leigh Ann Cordes, guest-blogged for me while I was on vacation. If not, you should check it out here. Go ahead, I'll wait...

Anyway, I went to sleep last night thinking about the same topic she explored in her post: Things I Am Grateful For.

While my list may not be an original idea -- in fact, it's a blatantly stolen idea -- it's something I don't think about nearly enough. So here's my list of things I am grateful for:


A God who loves me even when I'm an embarrassment to Him (which happens all too often)

A wife who loves me even when I'm an idiot (which also happens all too often)

The child who's growing inside her, whom I haven't met yet but I already love

A healthy pregnancy thus far

Three cats who love me even when I forget to change their water often enough

A good job that pays me to write (about clothes, not random stuff like in this blog)

A house to live in, even if I don't love it, and even if I wish it would sell...like, now

A good church that feels like home, with an excellent pastoral staff who seem like family

Boulevard Bagel's breakfast special (with bacon and cheddar cheese on a jalapeno cheddar bagel)

Two cars that run well

Good music that gets me moving, calms my mood, or soothes my soul (whichever I need at the time)

Netflix and Redbox (when I need to be entertained)

Parents who love me even when I don't call them as often I should or spend as much time with them as I'd like

Being able to lead the drama productions at church

My CPAP machine, which keeps me from dying in my sleep and reduces my chances of having a stroke early on in life

Spending time with friends -- the ones I've had and kept since I was a child, and the ones I've made more recently

Books, both printed and electronic

Going to a baseball game

Cilantro, because it's yummy

Coffee, with Splenda and flavored creamer

Lazy days, indoors or outdoors

The Internet, even when it takes up too much of my time (which is my fault, not the Internet's)

Funny-looking animals, because they make me feel a little better about how I look

Frozen yogurt

Words (like, a lot!)

Friday, August 10, 2012

Things I Find Fascinating: Funny School Signs And Science Fair Projects



In honor of (or in spite of) school starting back soon for teachers and students, I present this just-for-fun collection of school-related humor. As far as I know, all of these are real. I gathered them from various places on the web. Hope you enjoy!

P.S. Don't take a big gulp of water or any other beverage while reading this -- you might end up spitting it all over your computer, tablet, or cell phone (or whatever device you're reading this on). Enjoy!


1)  STUFF YOU MIGHT SEE FROM THE PARKING LOT:


I worry that something is missing here...


Hey, isn't that why we pay our taxes, so the teachers can do it for us?


I'm not sending my kid to this school.


You wanna try that again?


Now that's just cruel!


I've heard of teaching kids a trade, but this is ridiculous!


I'm pretty sure that's illegal.


Stay in "SCHOOL," or you'll end up being the guy who was responsible for this embarrassment.



2)  SCHOOL NAMES THAT THEY SHOULD CONSIDER RENAMING:


Moron University. This does not instill confidence...


They're taking higher learning to a whole 'nother level!


This was the name that won. "Wuss Boy" was the runner-up.


I'm guessing that this school has been the -- well, butt -- of lots of jokes.


Why? Just why?



3)  BAD IDEAS FOR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS:


I don't even want to know his conclusion. This just makes me mad!


Oh, dear me, this is not going to end well for anyone!


She wanted to do "How Do You Make Orientals?", but they said that would be racist.


Oh, that's just awful!


The better question might be: "Why does Mommy keep baking cakes?"


Get 'em while they're juicy! This guy's sure excited about 'em!


I bet they smell like juicy beans...


And while we've got our minds in the toilet...


One more for old time's sake!


This is how Ted Bundy got started, ya know?

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Words I Wish I Wrote: The Wit, Wisdom, And Weirdness Of Yogi Berra


Yogi Berra


Besides having an oddball name (though his real first name is Lawrence), former Major League Baseball catcher Yogi Berra has a, shall we say, unique way of looking at the world. Berra is probably the most quotable character that the game of baseball (and probably any sport) has ever known.

You might have heard all of these quotes before. Maybe only some of them. Perhaps none of them. (Where have you been?) Whatever your experience or exposure to the twisted imaginings of Mr. Berra, I'm sure you'll find something to laugh at here. If not, you may want to check your pulse.


"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."



"Baseball is ninety percent mental,
and the other half is physical."



"Always go to other people's funerals,
otherwise they won't come to yours."


"I just want to thank everyone
who made this day necessary."



"I'm not going to buy my kids
an encyclopedia. Let them
walk to school like I did."


"If the world was perfect,
it wouldn't be."



"If you come to a fork
in the road, take it."


"If you don't know where you're going,
you might end up someplace else."




"In theory, there is no difference between
theory and practice. In practice, there is."


"The future ain't what it used to be."


"So I'm ugly. So what? I never
saw anyone hit with his face."



"Nobody goes there anymore.
It's too crowded."



"It's like déja vu, all over again."



"It ain't the heat, it's the humility."



"You can observe a lot by just watching."


"I never said most of the things I said."