Weird Baseball Cards

 If he doesn't catch any fly balls with that 

monstrosity, Mickey deserves to be tarred 

and feathered and sent of out town on a rail.

Gino wasn't very good at swinging the bat, 

but he loved to pretend like he was a slugger.

 Oscar loves his bat. I mean, really LOVES it. Creepy!

 Back in the day, baseball players didn't get paid

ridiculous salaries like they do these days. So

owning simple things – like tweezers or razors,

for example – were a luxury that not everyone 

could afford. Case in point: Wally here.

I've heard of 'roid rage, but even for José 

Canseco, this is more than a bit ridiculous. 

 Jay keeps cool and dry in rainy weather 

with his one-of-a-kind beer-can umbrella hat.

 As it turns out, Oscar didn't do so well at the

plate. But his hair hit 17 homeruns all by itself.

If anyone ever looked like a Stubby

 Clapp, this guy certainly did!

 You too can win Rookie Of The Year 

by working out with a dinky little barbell 

like the one Mike here is lifting. And if 

you call in the next five minutes, we'll 

double your order! That's right, you get

two barbells for the price of one! Just pay 

separate shipping and handling. CALL NOW!

 Have you hugged your 

dugout today? Rex has!

"I'm hoping that if I wear this 

thing long enough, someone will 

swing by and bring me tacos."

 "Can you hear me now? Good. Look,

I need to get off this ginormous cell

phone now. They're taking my picture

for the baseball card. Yes, I'll remember:

Bread, eggs, and Blueberry Pop Tarts.

Okay, love you too, honey. Bye."

"Why couldn't they take the picture

after my haircut? I mean, is that too

much to ask, guys? I reckon it is."

 "I like big snakes, and I cannot lie..."

"Hey, Sailor."

Interesting Quotes By People With Flower-Inspired Names

"Everything that's realistic has some sort of ugliness 

in it. Even a flower is ugly when it wilts, a bird when it 

seeks its prey, the ocean when it becomes violent."  

~  Sharon Tate, actress

"Opinions differ most when there is least 

scientific warrant for having any."  

~  Daisy Bates, civil rights activist

"I think if you're an actor you kind of 

have to be willing to look stupid."  

~  Heather Graham, actress

"Love is the difficult realization that 

something other than oneself is real."  

~  Iris Murdoch, writer

"It is a full time job being honest one moment at

a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. 

It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment." 

 ~  Jasmine Guy, actress

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now 

I realize I should have been more specific."  

~  Lily Tomlin, comedienne

"My childhood may have been more demented 

than most, because I learned to read very early

 and was allowed to read whatever I wanted."  

~  Poppy Z. Brite, writer

"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel 

as free to delight in whatever remains to them?"  

~  Rose Kennedy, philanthropist

"I like being in love, but loving is what is 

crucial to me. Loving is the reason to live."  

~  Saffron Burrows, actress

"If I were to say you are crazy, what part 

of that would you find unacceptable?"  

~  Daisy Donovan, actress

"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere 

affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart."  

~  Basil Rathbone, actor

"We have learned how to do a lot 

of things. We must try to relearn why."  

~  Flora Lewis, journalist

"My youth is escaping without 

giving me anything it owes me."  

~  Ivy Compton-Burnett, writer

"There's been lots of coming home 

in the early mornings after funny nights

out, having bizarre sandwiches in bed."  

~  Neneh Cherry, singer/songwriter

"If we all tried to make other people's 

paths easy, our own feet would have 

a smooth, even place to walk on."  

~  Myrtle Reed, writer

"If anyone at my funeral has a long 

face, I'll never speak to him again." 

 ~  Stan Laurel, actor

"Justice is such a fine thing that 

we cannot pay too dearly for it."  

~  Alain Rene Le Sage, writer

"To have an opinion about somebody 

you've never met before is pretty superficial."  

~  Heather Mills, activist

"Age is like a coat that you can put on 

or take off. I prefer to not have that coat on."  

~  Bud Cort, actor

"Why do we kill people who are killing people 

to show that killing people is wrong?"  

~  Holly Near, singer/songwriter

Things I Find Fascinating: Books With Ridiculously Long Titles, Vol. 2

Part two of two, as promised. No preamble necessary. Just enjoy!  ~  JH