Words I'm Glad I Didn't Write: Bizarre Ke$ha Quotes

"I could party in a cardboard box with people

who are funny and don't care. For me, it's

really about who I surround myself with, so

I just try to always be with hilarious people."

"Every weird thing about you is

beautiful and makes life interesting."

"I think if you are going to be a singer, you should sing.

If you are going to be a dancer, you should dance. 

If you're going to do a combination of the two, 

you should make it very clear when you are

singing and very  clear when you are dancing."

"When you're around me, you're going to get glitter on you."

"My band and I, we cover our bodies in hairspray and

glitter. We use the hairspray to make sure the glitter sticks."

"I want a pig. 

I want a pig on a leash.

A baby pig on a leash."

"I love creepy old dudes. I love that they have

so much self-confidence, despite having 

no evidence whatsoever to back it up."

"I'm not saying I  look cool, but every single

time I go onstage, it is a fail if I don't feel

like I'm going to pass out at least twice."

"I'm really fun. I'm ridiculously fun.

I hope I'm infectiously fun."

"What I'm doing is art – it's low-brow art – 

but there's a magic in that."

"I am so not a proper, good female. 

I can't dance in high heels and I'm just 

so not girly. But then I see these men 

with banging bodies, dancing in heels, 

singing, and having so much fun with 

so much makeup on. That makes me

honestly want to be a better woman."

"I don't really plan what comes out of my mouth,

and that's what makes most of my lyrics entertaining."

"I grew up in the Bible Belt and I made 

my  own clothes and dyed my hair purple.

Nobody ever knew what to do with me."

"I love it when people send me body parts."

"I want to reconnect to my animal life."

"I'm just very amused by five-year-old humor."

"I'm pretty sure that I was JFK in my past life."

"I've always been into bearded dudes."

"A friend of mine has a big farm in the 

desert, and she picks up feathers and 

roadkill for me, then makes it into 

clothes. I think it's cool to wear roadkill. 

If I died and somebody wanted to 

wear my teeth around their neck 

to the VMAs, I'd feel honored."

What Morning Smells Like

My morning smells like...

...a thoroughly peed-in diaper after 7 hours of accumulation

...the wonderful scent of baby skin

...a potent mixture of regular cat food (gross!) and low-protein prescription cat food (even grosser!)

...a poopy litter box after 24 hours of accumulation

...orange-scented hand soap

...a steaming kettle of boiling water (yes, it does have a smell)

...two pitchers of freshly brewed tea

...a large cup of freshly brewed coffee

...Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts heated up for precisely 22 seconds

...the vinegary smell of an unexpected baby poop

...baby wipes

....pear-scented hand soap

...Fructis organic shampoo

...Old Spice body wash

...oh-so-minty Colgate toothpaste

...Old Spice deodorant

...cheap hairspray

...freshly laundered clothes, albeit a little wrinkled

...a regrettable whiff of pollen


What does your morning smell like?

Quotes About Underwear

"I got some new underwear the 

other day. Well, new to me."  

~  Emo Phillips, comedian

"No one has ever bought me underwear, 

and I'm a little bummed about that. 

Maybe it's not such a big deal anymore."  

~  Sandra Bullock, actress

"Half the world does not know the 

joys of wearing cotton underwear."  

~  Phil Gramm, politician

"There are moments to indulge and

enjoy, but I always know when it's time

to go home and wash my knickers."  

~  Kate Winslet, actress

"The truth is, I'd never seen a Cary Grant 

film. Since then I have watched his stuff 

and it's astounding, but I don't see any 

similarity between us. Except for the 

fact that I'm told he used to wear ladies' 

underwear, which is something I also do."  

~  Hugh Grant, actor

"I wanted to be the first woman to burn 

her bra, but it would have taken the 

fire department four days to put it out."  

~  Dolly Parton, singer/actress

"From the cradle to the coffin, 

underwear comes first."  

~  Bertolt Brecht, poet

"I don't get sent anything strange,

 like underwear. I get sent cookies."  

~  Jennifer Aniston, actress

"This morning, when I put on my underwear, I could 

hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me."  

~  Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

"If I'm wearing a flower dress, 

why do I have to wear underwear?"  

~  Naomi Campbell, model

"I don't believe in the afterlife, though 

I am bringing a change of underwear." 

~  Woody Allen, actor/director

"I never thought I'd be in a position where 

people would be talking about my sexuality

and saying how good I look in underwear."  

~  Fiona Apple, singer/songwriter

"Power is not something that can be assumed 

or discarded at will, like underwear." 

 ~  John Kenneth Galbraith, economist

"I'm an addict for underwear."  

~  Jennifer Ellison, actress

"I've had a grandmother stop me and ask me 

if I know a good place to buy underwear."  

~  Prince William, British royalty

"I love a man who can wear my underwear."  

~  Yasmine Bleeth, actress

"On a two-week road trip, I know I can get 

by better with no underwear than no laptop."  

~  Curt Schilling, athlete

"Sexual underwear is tacky."  

~  Izabella Scorupco, actress

"All that running around in my 

underwear put money in my pockets."  

~  Mark Wahlberg, actor

"I'm superstitious...but not like wear-the-

same-underwear-for-two-weeks superstitious."  

~  Kate Hudson, actress

"I just happen to have one of those skill sets 

that allows me to work in my underwear." 

~  Garry Trudeau, cartoonist

"Domesticity has to mean nesting. 

Otherwise, six months go by, and you 

don't know where your underwear is."  

~  Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, actress

"I see L.A. as a beautiful 

blonde with dirty underwear."  

~  David Boreanaz, actor

"My mother was always in those 

films where it's the end of the world and 

a meteor's about to hit London; there's only 

six people left, and one of them's in purple 

underwear. That was always my mother

running from this meteor in purple 

underwear  and spraining her ankle."  

~  Paula Yates, television host

"I once had dinner with Madonna and I 

wasn't nervous; but within about a minute 

I found myself talking about underwear."  

~  Randy Newman, singer/songwriter

Giraffe Music

A couple of days ago, as part of my baker's dozen of "Good" songs, 

I posted this video of Chris Malinchak's "So Good To Me." 

In the video, a little girl befriends a giraffe, plays hide-and-seek 

with him, then proceeds to take him home with her.

I'm not gonna lie to you: this simple yet wonderful video warmed my

heart, and reminded me how much I really love giraffes. With that in

mind, today's post will consist entirely of songs which either feature

a giraffe prominently in the video, or are actually songs about giraffes, 

or have the word "giraffe" in the titles, or are performed by bands with

the word "giraffe" in their names. Random, I know, but whatever...

1)  And The Giraffe  ~  "Underground Love"  (A super-chill, acoustic guitar-driven pop song with Sting-ish vocals)

2)  Giraffage & XXYYXX  ~  "Even Though"  (There isn't much of a song here, but the video is trippy, and becomes even more so if you dare to place your finger in the middle of the screen at key moments – I tried it – my head hurt, but it has recovered)

3)  Kim Wheeler  ~  "The Giraffe Song"  (This quirky yet talented Scottish singer wrote and performs this cute song, from the perspective of a giraffe who aspires to do things he's not physiologically able to do)

(Video wouldn't load properly – 

click link below to view)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrOyPcFSsIQ

4)  The Hush Now  ~  "Vietnam Giraffe"  (The title seems to be completely unrelated to the lyrics, but this jangle-rock anthem is good for a listen)

5)  Zebra Mountain  ~  "Giraffe High Priest"  (This is probably one of the worst songs I've ever heard – and I've heard plenty. The "singing," the "music," all of it, is just horrible. Worse yet, based on the few lyrics that I could actually understand, these guys appear to be a "Christian screamo band" – I don't recommend watching the video, but if you do, at least you were warned of its suckiness)

6)  Brad Paisley  ~   "Southern Comfort Zone"  (This memorable song features Paisley rocking out with a giraffe in the [zoo?] [jungle?] Either way, it's awesome!)

7)  The Still Life  ~  "Giraffe"  (A power pop/punk rock song with a decent vocalist is hard to come by, but these guys seem to have found one – don't have a clue what the song has to do with giraffes, though)

8)  Curly Giraffe  ~  "Water On"  (I can't understand even half of the lyrics to this song, and the video makes almost no sense whatsoever, but the music's pretty chill, so I can dig it)

9)  The Flaming Lips  ~  "This Here Giraffe"  (This is kind of a dumb song by an otherwise good band, but it does make me wonder – what would a giraffe laugh sound like?)

10)  Zebra & Giraffe  ~  "Sons"  (Never heard of this band before, but they call themselves the names of two of my favorite jungle animals, so they're alright by me! Pretty good-sounding song, actually)

11)  Steam Powered Giraffe  ~  "Honeybee"  (This is a really weird video [cool-weird, I might add], but the song and the singers are absolutely fantastic! Let's make it a double, shall we?)

12)  Steam Powered Giraffe  ~  "Brass Goggles"  (So theatrical! Such great singing and music! I'm an instant fan!)