A Literal Interpretation Of Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But A G Thang"

Like the previous two installments of this newfangled notion of mine, this is a word-for-word, line-by-line translation – or reinterpretation – of this song's lyrics. I have taken out all the slang, all the profanity, and all the contractions, so all that's left is what the artist is actually talking about in the song...I think. Of course, this is all done tongue-in-cheek, so I hope you'll find it as entertaining to read as it was to recreate. For a side-by-side comparison of the original song lyrics, click here. WARNING: The original lyrics are quite explicit. The lyrics below are not. Enjoy?  ~  JH

"Nuthin' But A "G" Thang"

as performed by Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg

[Snoop Doggy Dogg]

One, two, three, and then comes four.

Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are on your doorstep.

We are ready to make an entrance

So please get out of our way.

(As you recall, we nearly had to destroy things recently.)

First, hand me the microphone

In order that I may pop like a soap bubble.

Compton and Long Beach are in cahoots.

Of course you know, this means trouble for you.

It is nothing more than a gangster thing, newborn child!

Two armed gangsters who have lost their minds.

Death Row is the record label that signs my paychecks.

We are unable to fade

So please do not attempt to fade us.

(Oh, yes!)

But, yes, back to the lecture at hand.

We have perfected perfection

Therefore I will allow them to understand

From the perspective of a young gangster.

And before I excavate a female dog

I must locate a personal protection device.

It is impossible to know whether or not

The person in question is working for her friend

Or whether she is teaching him something

Or whether she is setting him on fire.

As you know, I am not interested

In anything like that, high-ranking officer.

No feline deserves to be burned alive

While I am scratching it under the chin.

(Yes.)

This is a statement that is truer

Than Evander Holyfield himself.

All of you who sell yourselves 

For money or pleasure

Will understand how I feel about this.

If it – whatever "it" is – is good enough

To bankrupt me, upon my taking 

A decent-sized piece of it

Then I will simply take for myself 

A small amount, no matter how admirable it may be.

[Hook: Snoop Doggy Dogg]

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also…

Dr. Dre, approach the microphone stealthily

In a ghostlike manner.

[Dr. Dre]

Well, I am looking, and I am approaching stealthily

And I am being an annoying person.

But I was nearly noticed when my beeper started beeping.

Now is the time for me to make a good impression.

So sit back, relax, and secure your seatbelt.

You have never taken an automobile ride
Like this one previously.

I am a producer who raps well
And I am in control of the conductor.

While simultaneously I make rap music
That is quite excellent.

As you and I are both aware
I rap in a traditional yet wonderful way.

In addition, the song which I am now rapping
Is symbolic of drugs.

Sample the drug I am offering, but please do not choke on it.

If you do, then it is obvious that you are clueless

Of what my associate Snoop Dogg and I
Are attempting to do here.

[Hook: Snoop Doggy Dogg & Dr. Dre]

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also…

Now relax for a bit, until the next episode is set to air...

[Snoop Doggy Dogg]

I am slipping down and falling on my buttocks.

But I do so in such a manner 

That gangsters would be proud of me.

My rap skills can be likened 

To a rotting vat of collard greens.

My name is spelled like this: Capital S, that is right.

I am awesome. Then comes N, two O's, and a P.

The next part of my name is spelled like this:

D – O – G – G – Y – 

Then D – O – G – G – do you understand?

I flex my vocal muscles mightily 

Whenever the time is right to ruin a microphone.

I participate in human trafficking, and I wield weapons

As though my name were Dolomite.

Yes, and it never ceases.

I think the listeners are in the mood to hear

Some mindless talk about being a gangster.

So, Dre –  

(What is going on, Dogg?)

They want something, and we must deliver it. 

(What is that, Gangster?)

We have to tear off a piece of something.

(Oh, yes!)

And it must be quite loud.

(City of Compton!)

[Dr. Dre]

That is where this takes place, so I ask you to pay attention.

I am traveling rapidly like someone who commits incest

With his mother. But I am not hanging people.

My skillful rapping
Makes insecure African-Americans uncomfortable.

When I rap, my adversaries crumble like crispy cookies.

If you attempt to approach me, I will spank you.

My esteemed associate Doggy Dogg supports me on this.

I must never slip. Because if I do slip, then I will be slipping.

But as long as I have my 9mm pistol
You know I am being ridiculous.

I will continue to rap, and I will continue to be smooth.

If your female companions talk bad about me

I will have to physically assault them.

Yes, and you never cease.

As I mentioned, I am much like a clock

In that I tick and I also tock.

But I am never switched off. I am always on.

Until dawn breaks over C – O – M – P – T – O – N

And the city called Long Beach.

We are constructing things.

Like my African-American associate D.O.C. said

No one is able to do what I do any better than I do it.

[Hook: Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg]

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this and it is like that and it is like this and also...

It is like this – we do not love those people.

Now relax for a bit, until the next episode is set to air...

"Beautiful" Songs

If ever there was truly a mixed bag of songs, this is it. The theme here is obvious – all the songs have the word "Beautiful" somewhere in their titles. Enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  The Henningsens  ~  "American Beautiful"

2)  MercyMe  ~  "Beautiful"

3)  G. Love ft. Tristan Prettyman  ~  "Beautiful"

4)  Sixx:A.M.  ~  "Life Is Beautiful"

5)  The Green Children  ~  "Life Was Beautiful (Part I)"

6)  Gungor  ~  "Beautiful Things"

7)  Jon McLaughlin  ~  "Beautiful Disaster"

8)  Eminem  ~  "Beautiful"

9)  Girls Aloud  ~  "Beautiful 'Cause You Love Me"

10)  Jonny Diaz  ~  "A More Beautiful You"

11)  Ace Of Base  ~  "Beautiful Life"

12)  311  ~  "Beautiful Disaster"

13)  Joe Cocker  ~  "You Are So Beautiful"

14)  P.O.D.  ~  "Beautiful"

15)  Labrinth ft. Emeli Sandé  ~  "Beneath Your Beautiful"

16)  Damian Marley ft. Bobby Brown  ~  "Beautiful"

17)  James Blunt  ~  "You're Beautiful"

18)  Marilyn Manson  ~  "The Beautiful People"  (Yikes, this dude's scary!)

19)  Christina Aguilera  ~  "Beautiful"

20)  Needtobreathe  ~  "Something Beautiful"

A Literal Interpretation Of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"

I told you there'd be more of these to come, assuming the first one was well-received. As of this writing, my Jay-Z interpretation song has gotten 35 hits, which is more than good enough for me. I hope you'll also enjoy this word-for-word, line-by-line interpretation of an iconically laughable "rap" song. For side-by-side comparison, you can read the original lyrics here.  ~  JH

"Ice Ice Baby"

as performed by Vanilla Ice

Hello, Very Important Person, let us begin!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

All right! Halt, work together, and pay attention!

I have returned and I brought something which I invented.

Something has a firm grip on me.

I move steadily like a sea spear every day and every night.

Will it ever cease? I am not sure.

Extinguish the lights and marvel as I glow in the dark.

I am extremely adept at speaking into a microphone

In the same way that a vandal is skilled
At destroying people's property.

I am electrifying when I am on stage.

I cover gullible people in wax as though they were candles.

Dance! Advance rapidly toward the loud, resonant speaker.

I am destroying your brain in the same way that mycetism does.

Whenever I play a delightful melody, I am lethal.

If I am not giving you my best, it is a serious crime.

You may love it or you may choose to leave it alone.

Either way, you had better make way for me.

You had better be on target, because I am not playing games.

If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.

Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Now everyone at the party seems to be enjoying themselves.

The bass line has started, and the Vegas are inflating.

Do not beat around the bush, be genuine.

Much like one would fry bacon, I sauté other rappers.

I burn them because they are not quick enough to escape my pan.

Whenever I hear the crash of a cymbal, I become insane.

I also enjoy hearing up-tempo hi-hat cymbals.

I am doing well, so I will become a hermit.

I am driving my car, which has a 5.0L engine in it.

The top of the car's convertible roof is down

So that the wind can ruffle my frosted hair.

Attractive women are standing nearby

Waiting to say "hello" to me.

But I declined to stop, I simply kept driving.

Instead, I headed to my next destination.

I turned left, and now I am approaching the next block.

However, there was nothing going on at that block.

Hello! So I kept going until I arrived at A1A Beachfront Avenue.

Very attractive women there were wearing very skimpy clothing.

People who love headphone amplifiers
Are driving Italian luxury sports cars.

They are envious of me because I am extremely successful.

Shay is holding a 12-gauge shotgun
And I am holding a 9mm pistol.

We are prepared to deal with the gullible people
Standing by the wall.

These gullible people are acting irrationally
Because they are high on cocaine.

Gunshots rang out loudly, making my ears ring like a bell.

I grabbed my 9mm pistol, but the only sounds I heard were shells

Rapidly dropping onto the concrete.

I entered my car and promptly stomped on the accelerator.

Unfortunately, the avenue was jammed
With bumper-to-bumper traffic.

I am attempting to escape before I get carjacked.

Law enforcement officers have arrived.

You know what I am referring to.

They disregarded me completely
And approached the drug addicts.

If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.

Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Pay attention, because I am able to write lyrics that rhyme.

In case you were unaware, Miami supports rap music like mine.

My town created the bass sound that we all know and love.

The bass is deep enough to shake the ground and kick holes in it.

My style of rapping is similar to a chemical spill.

Plausible narratives that you can see and understand

Conducted and formed by myself. This is quite a concept!

We create pleasant-sounding music
That makes you want to dance.

Shay fiddles with the equalizer buttons
Slicing like a ninjutsu specialist.

He cuts quickly in the same way that a razor blade does.

Other disc jockeys express their surprise and envy.

If my rap song were an illegal drug, I would sell it by the gram.

When it is time to relax, I will try to keep my composure.

I am mesmerized by the microphone as I boot my beverage.

If there was a conflict, hello, I will resolve it.

Listen to the chorus while my disc jockey spins the record.

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Frozen water, frozen water, infant!

White rapper!

Hello, fellow, we are going to leave now.

Say hello to your mother for me!

"Open" & "Close" Songs

Another "Opposites" music post, you ask? Yes and no. Yes, given the fact that some of the songs with "Close" in the title refer to the word "Close" (hard "s"), meaning the opposite of "Open."  While other songs with "Close" in the title refer to the word "Close" (soft "s"), meaning the opposite of "Far." Does that make sense? Anyway, enjoy!  ~  JH

1)  Taylor Swift  ~  "Eyes Open"

2)  Calvin Harris  ~  "Feel So Close"

3)  Creed  ~  "With Arms Wide Open"

4)  Lita Ford ft. Ozzy Osbourne  ~  "Close My Eyes Forever"

5)  Journey  ~  "Open Arms"

6)  Alex Clare  ~  "Too Close"

7)  Dixie Chicks  ~  "Wide Open Spaces"

8)  Fireflight  ~  "Stay Close"

9)  Gotye  ~  "Eyes Wide Open"

10)  Keith Whitley  ~  "Don't Close Your Eyes"

11)  Rhye  ~  "Open"

12)  Carpenters  ~  "Close To You"

13)  Living Colour  ~  "Open Letter To A Landlord"

14)  Common ft. Mary J. Blige  ~  "Come Close"

15)  Guano Apes  ~  "Open Your Eyes"  (Great name for a band – ha, ha!)

16)  Michael Bublé  ~  "Close Your Eyes"

17)  Alter Bridge  ~  "Open Your Eyes"

18)  Dierks Bentley  ~  "I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes"

19)  Europe  ~  "Open Your Heart"

20)  Adam Lambert  ~  "Never Close Our Eyes"

Inspirational Quotes By Nelson Mandela

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
(1918 - 2013)

"Education is the most powerful weapon

which you can use to change the world."

"Courage [is] not the absence of fear, 

but the triumph over it. The brave 

man is not he who does not feel 

afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

"A good head and a good heart

 are always a formidable combination."

"It is better to lead from behind and 

to put others in front, especially when you 

celebrate victory when nice things occur. 

You take the front line when there is danger. 

Then people will appreciate your leadership."

"If you talk to a man in a language he 

understands, that goes to his head. If you talk 

to him in his language, that goes to his heart."

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, 

you have to work with your enemy. 

Then he becomes your partner."

"To be free is not merely to cast off 

one's chains, but to live in a way that respects 

and enhances the freedoms of others."

"There is no passion to be found playing 

small – in settling for a life that is less 

than the one you are capable of living."

"It always seems impossible until it's done."

"After climbing a great hill, one only finds 

that there are many more hills to climb."

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's 

soul than the way in which it treats its children."

"We must use time wisely and forever realize 

that the time is always ripe to do right."

"I detest racialism, because I regard it 

as a barbaric thing, whether it comes 

from a black man or a white man."

"A good leader can engage in a debate frankly 

and thoroughly, knowing that at the end he

and the other side must be closer, and thus 

emerge stronger. You don't have that idea when 

you are arrogant, superficial, and uninformed."

"Money won't create success, 

the freedom to make it will."

"There is nothing like returning to a place 

that remains unchanged to find the ways 

in which you yourself have altered."

"Does anybody really think that they didn't get 

what they had because they didn't have the talent

or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?"

"Any man or institution that tries 

to rob me of my dignity will lose."

"To deny people their human rights 

is to challenge their very humanity."

"Courageous people do not fear 

forgiving, for the sake of peace."

"When the water starts boiling, 

it is foolish to turn off the heat."

"Our human compassion binds us the one 

to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but 

as human beings who have learnt how to turn 

our common suffering into hope for the future."

"It is wise to persuade people to do things 

and make them think it as their own idea."

"There is no such thing as part freedom."