1) Your 'stache will never go out of style. And even if it does, who's going to tell you to get rid of it?
2) You get to live on the beach (albeit an icy one) without having to pay exorbitant property taxes.
3) If you live in a zoo, people will pay money to come and look at you. Which pretty much makes you a rock star!
4) You weigh as much as a midsize car – nobody is going to mess with you! Even Chuck Norris is even afraid of you.
5) You have flippers, and you know how to use them. (Yes, this is a real picture!)
6) Your name means "horse whale" – now that's hardcore! Your Latin name (Odobenus rosmarus) means "tooth-walking sea cow." Need I say more?
7) You have the biggest fanboys ever! The Beatles mentioned you in not one, not two, but three different songs, the most prominent one being "I Am The Walrus." (Although, apparently, "the walrus was Paul.")
8) You can hold your breath underwater for up to 30 minutes. Which is long enough for your enemies to think you've drowned, at which point they'll give up and leave in frustration.
9) You can bellow and snort whenever you feel like it, with or without a reason, and sometimes just to be annoying.
10) You really know how to party with your bros!