Thursday, November 1, 2012

I'm Not Eating THAT!

Not too long ago, I posted a bunch of photos of Strangely Translated T-Shirt Messages, mostly deriving from Asian countries and all poorly translated by persons whose native language was clearly not English. Today is more of the same, but these are all taken from menus and/or signs at restaurants in primarily Asian countries. The mistranslations are hilarious, the meals are seemingly undesirable, and the messages they're sending are as unclear as ever. So sit back, revel in the weirdness, and enjoy!

Smoked turkey drumsticks and wings I can handle. Fresh pork
is okay, too. I'd even be okay with the frozen fish, provided they
thawed it and cooked it before serving. But "Cow Something"?
That doesn't sound like anything I'm chomping at the cud to try.

Mmm, lots of good choices here. The "Big bowl four treasure frog" sounds 
pretty interesting. The "Big bowl white of immerses three pill" doesn't 
sound too bad either. But I'm going to steer clear of the "Big bowl gold 
mushroom cowboy meat" if you don't mind. Not my idea of good grub.

What I want to know is, how do they make the crap red?

I'll start off with the "Chips cattle grain" as an appetizer.
Then, for my second course, I would like to try the "Thai
dozen throws cattle." Then I'll go for broke and finish it off
with the "Japanese pottery plank beef." Mmm, mmm, good!

The thing about having Wikipedia with your beef is that you can't
always verify the source. Who knows where that cow really came from?

I hate to just pick the first thing on the menu, but "The
Temple explodes the chicken cube" looks really good!

I'm not really sure what a "Freasuse" is, but I'm not entirely
sure I want to taste the strange flavor of its insides. And what
is it with these restaurants and cowboys? I will not be ordering
the "Cowboy Leg Beautiful Pole" anytime soon, either.

If you're in the mood for a "European wind breakfast," then
you've clearly come to the right place. I highly recommend
the "Fruit comprehensive salad." It's much better than the
"Spits the department." That can be a little stringy sometimes.

There's only one thing on this menu that's calling my name.
That's right! It's "Chocolate Puke" all the way! Ooh, so tasty!

I'm not a big fan of pickled cucumbers, but who knows –  maybe
I'd really like "Human Pickles"? Only one way to find out...

This is what I call responsible gastronomy. Take advantage
of abundant natural resources. Stew till hot and oh-so-fragrant.

I think the proper terminology here would be "Freedom Flies."

I actually prefer public bench legs, but I'll take what I can get.

Dave is usually better when broiled, in my
opinion, but he's okay when he's braised, too.

The "Grilled paving stone" sounds all right, but the "Paving
stone with pepper sauce" sounds positively to die for!

"Boiled nonsense"? Give me a break! Everyone
knows that "Fried nonsense" is so much tastier!

"Medicine flower chicken nest"?  Delectable!
"Fatty cow in the United States in dad in sand in"?  Scrumptious!
"The black fryings the breeze ball"?  Out of this world!
"A is too the lake a nest"?  Dee-licious!

Wait, I thought tofu was supposed to be good for you?

This place has some interesting choices. "The garlic burns the belly one"
sounds painful. "Mushroom Rape" is a little scary-sounding. "Leek
speculation eggs" merit further scrutiny. "Second winter burning"
sounds more like a novel than an entree. And I suppose if you're
going to fry the naked oats dish, you may as well do it clearly.

"Piquant Salad Entrails Beef"? "Thai Style
Uterus Salad"? Eww...just, eww!!!

Seriously, what is it with all these cowboy ingredients?
And how exactly does one lithosporically dig up corn?
  What's so garrulous about fried rice? Ham is good,
cream is fine, soup is great, and spaghetti's wonderful –
but all four together? That sounds utterly disgusting!

This menu is extremely informative. After perusing it carefully,
here's what I've learned: The moustache is tiny. There's a
demon in the moustache. The ark shell both scalds and burns.
The shrimp burns. And the meatball fries – every the wood.

So many good choices here. The "Six membership fees pip
rice" sounds intriguing. Both "The cold noodle which it rubs"
and the "Blood rice served in soup" sound pretty good, but
the one that really stands out for me is "Our house bear thang."

"Red date silk tube-shaped container steams frog"?
"Salty egg king steams the vegetable sponge"?
"Home town shredded meat steams bean curd"?
These dishes are a mouthful, both to say and to eat.

There's only one dish on this menu that sounds more
appealing than a "Fried Morning Glory." And that's the
"Salad Binladen." Also known as "Terrorist Tossed Salad."

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