Story # 33: "Just You, Shirley"

This one started out as a slightly rambling prose poem, but I decided to break it up into paragraphs for easier reading. Not sure what inspired this, but it's written nonetheless and I rather like it. Hope you will too.  ~  JH

"JUST YOU, SHIRLEY"

Surely you jest!, you state surreptitiously.

I assure you I'm telling the truth, and you know it but won't admit it.

The only one left alive?, you incredulously inquire.

I nod and, solely to be redundant, say "yes" just loud enough for you to hear me.

How did I survive?, you achingly ask.

It wasn't your time, or other such nonsense, I suppose – maybe you're just lucky.

I don't believe in it, you coyly counter.

In survival or luck?

Luck.

Then chalk it up to Providence and thank your...blessed...stars, then.

I do everyday, you proudly proclaim.

Good for you, but I don't need a crutch.

Do I look broken to you?, you chidingly challenge.

No. I know it, but don't want to admit it.

How many people do you know –, you pleadingly persist.

But I interrupt you with a question of my own: Are you changing the subject now?

I'm making a point, you plainly point out.

Continue then.

How many people do you know personally who could go through what I went through and come out on the other side smiling like a fool?, you pointedly propose.

Outside of actual fools?

Yes, you nod knowingly.

Just you, Shirley.

And why do you think that is?, you strongly suggest.

Strength, fortitude, character?

Faith, you defiantly declare.

Simple as that?

Simple as that.

I'm speechless, pondering.

25 People Who Probably Aren't Being Considered As Serious Candidates To Be The Next Pope

So the papal conclave has begun. Not being a Roman Catholic myself, I don't know this firsthand, but I have heard recently that any baptized male Catholic can technically be considered a candidate for the papacy. Well, I doubt if you'll hear any of these names being bandied about as serious contenders in the coming days and weeks, but I'm just throwing them out there for the sake of argument since they technically qualify for the job. (And yes, my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek as I write this.)  ~  JH

STEVE CARELL, actor  (The Office, The 40-Year-

Old Virgin, Evan Almighty, Dinner For Schmucks)

JIM CAVIEZEL, actor  (The Passion Of The Christ, 

Pay It Forward, The Thin Red Line, Person Of Interest)

ALEC BALDWIN, actor  (30 Rock, Beetlejuice, 

The Hunt For Red October, The Departed)

JIMMY FALLON, actor/comedian  (Late Night With Jimmy

Fallon, Saturday Night Live, Almost Famous, Fever Pitch)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, actor  (The Terminator,

Predator, Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, True Lies)

SYLVESTER STALLONE, actor/director  (Rocky, Rambo,

Tango & Cash, Demolition Man, Cliffhanger, The Expendables)

MARK WAHLBERG, actor/producer  (Boogie 

Nights, The Perfect Storm, Planet Of The Apes, Ted)

MEL GIBSON, actor/director  (Mad Max, Lethal Weapon,

Braveheart, Hamlet, The Passion Of The Christ)

MICHAEL MOORE, documentary filmmaker  

(Fahrenheit 9/11, Bowling For Columbine, Sicko)

HARRY CONNICK, JR., musician/actor  (Independence 

Day, Hope Floats, P.S. I Love You, Dolphin Tale)

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, singer-songwriter  ("Born In 

The U.S.A.," "Streets Of Philadelphia," "Secret Garden")

STEPHEN COLBERT, comedian/political satirist  (The 

Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Strangers With Candy)

CHRIS MATTHEWS, political commentator  

(Hardball With Chris Matthews)

CONAN O'BRIEN, comedian/television host

(Late Night With Conan O'Brien, The Tonight

Show With Conan O'Brien, Conan)

BILL O'REILLY, political commentator/author

(The O'Reilly Factor, Inside Edition)

REGIS PHILBIN, television host  (Live! With 

Regis And Kelly, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?)

TOM GLAVINE, retired MLB pitcher

(Atlanta Braves, New York Mets)

MIKE PIAZZA, retired MLB catcher

(Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Mets, Florida 

Marlins, San Diego Padres, Oakland Athletics)

TOM BRADY, NFL quarterback

(New England Patriots)

DAN MARINO, Hall Of Fame 

NFL quarterback  (Miami Dolphins)

KOBE BRYANT, NBA basketball

 player  (Los Angeles Lakers)

DEAN KOONTZ, novelist  (Odd Thomas, Watchers,

Mr. Murder, Relentless, Breathless, The Good Guy)

NICHOLAS SPARKS, novelist  (A Walk To Remember, The

Notebook, Nights In Rodanthe, The Lucky One, Safe Haven)

NEWT GINGRICH, politician/author  (Gettysburg, 

Grant Comes East, Never Call Retreat, Days Of Infamy)

JOE BIDEN, Vice President of the United States

(formerly a Delaware U.S. Senator)

15 Interesting Quotes About Donuts

 "I owe it all to little chocolate donuts."

 ~  John Belushi, actor

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" 

 ~  Matt Groening, cartoonist

"I worship scones and danishes. If I never 

had another meal, I wouldn't care as long as 

I could eat pastries and jelly doughnuts."

  ~  Gene Simmons, rock star (KISS)

"When I was growing up in Monrovia, the capital of

Liberia, I sold doughnuts, popcorn, and Kool Aid every

day after school so that my family had some money

and I could pay my school fees. It was a tough life."

  ~  George Weah, Liberian politician

"I always have to have a six-pack or twelve-pack 

of Entenmann's doughnuts in my house, no other brand."

  ~  Victor Cruz, NFL football player

"Be sweet and honest always, but for

God's sake don't eat my doughnuts!"

~  Emma Bunton, pop star (Spice Girls)

"I served seven years as the chair of the Princeton

economics department where I had responsibility 

for major policy decisions, such as whether to serve

bagels or doughnuts at the department coffee hour."

  ~  Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve chairman

"Now, have I ever been tempted to break into a 

Krispy Kreme doughnut store in the middle of the 

night? Oh, yeah. God help us if I had a mini-bar 

stocked with cheesecake and chicken-fried steak."

  ~  Mike Huckabee, politician

"An actor without a playwright 

is like a hole without a doughnut." 

  ~  George Jean Nathan, drama critic

"I take the no-doughnut pledge, and then I break it."

  ~  Lauren Graham, actress

"I'm an all-things-in-moderation kind of person. 

I do eat a warm donut occasionally. I especially 

enjoy a cider donut when I'm apple picking. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with that."  

~  Rachael Ray, celebrity cook

"I fell in love with Erica Kane the summer before my 

freshman year in high school. Like all red-blooded teen 

American boys, I'd come home from water polo practice 

and eat a box of Entenmann's Pop'Ems donut holes in front

of the TV while obsessively fawning over 'All My Children' 

and Erica, her clothes, and her narcissistic attitude."

  ~  Andy Cohen, television host

"Probably millions of Americans got up this 

morning with a cup of coffee, a cigarette, and a 

donut. No wonder they are sick and fouled up."

  ~  Jack LaLanne, fitness guru

"Between an optimist and pessimist, the difference is droll. 

The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist the hole!"

  ~  Oscar Wilde, writer

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for

the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. 

I give you money and you give me the doughnut, 

end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink 

and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that 

I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut." 

  ~  Mitch Hedberg, comedian

Things I Find Fascinating: 37 Impressive Crop Circles

Not much commentary here. Just an "art appreciation," of sorts, with the subject being crop circles. Maybe they're crafted by creative farmers or maybe they're made by aliens with cryptic messages to convey. Either way, they're fascinating to look at. I think so, at least. Enjoy!