25 People Who Probably Aren't Being Considered As Serious Candidates To Be The Next Pope

So the papal conclave has begun. Not being a Roman Catholic myself, I don't know this firsthand, but I have heard recently that any baptized male Catholic can technically be considered a candidate for the papacy. Well, I doubt if you'll hear any of these names being bandied about as serious contenders in the coming days and weeks, but I'm just throwing them out there for the sake of argument since they technically qualify for the job. (And yes, my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek as I write this.)  ~  JH

STEVE CARELL, actor  (The Office, The 40-Year-

Old Virgin, Evan Almighty, Dinner For Schmucks)

JIM CAVIEZEL, actor  (The Passion Of The Christ, 

Pay It Forward, The Thin Red Line, Person Of Interest)

ALEC BALDWIN, actor  (30 Rock, Beetlejuice, 

The Hunt For Red October, The Departed)

JIMMY FALLON, actor/comedian  (Late Night With Jimmy

Fallon, Saturday Night Live, Almost Famous, Fever Pitch)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, actor  (The Terminator,

Predator, Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, True Lies)

SYLVESTER STALLONE, actor/director  (Rocky, Rambo,

Tango & Cash, Demolition Man, Cliffhanger, The Expendables)

MARK WAHLBERG, actor/producer  (Boogie 

Nights, The Perfect Storm, Planet Of The Apes, Ted)

MEL GIBSON, actor/director  (Mad Max, Lethal Weapon,

Braveheart, Hamlet, The Passion Of The Christ)

MICHAEL MOORE, documentary filmmaker  

(Fahrenheit 9/11, Bowling For Columbine, Sicko)

HARRY CONNICK, JR., musician/actor  (Independence 

Day, Hope Floats, P.S. I Love You, Dolphin Tale)

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, singer-songwriter  ("Born In 

The U.S.A.," "Streets Of Philadelphia," "Secret Garden")

STEPHEN COLBERT, comedian/political satirist  (The 

Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Strangers With Candy)

CHRIS MATTHEWS, political commentator  

(Hardball With Chris Matthews)

CONAN O'BRIEN, comedian/television host

(Late Night With Conan O'Brien, The Tonight

Show With Conan O'Brien, Conan)

BILL O'REILLY, political commentator/author

(The O'Reilly Factor, Inside Edition)

REGIS PHILBIN, television host  (Live! With 

Regis And Kelly, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?)

TOM GLAVINE, retired MLB pitcher

(Atlanta Braves, New York Mets)

MIKE PIAZZA, retired MLB catcher

(Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Mets, Florida 

Marlins, San Diego Padres, Oakland Athletics)

TOM BRADY, NFL quarterback

(New England Patriots)

DAN MARINO, Hall Of Fame 

NFL quarterback  (Miami Dolphins)

KOBE BRYANT, NBA basketball

 player  (Los Angeles Lakers)

DEAN KOONTZ, novelist  (Odd Thomas, Watchers,

Mr. Murder, Relentless, Breathless, The Good Guy)

NICHOLAS SPARKS, novelist  (A Walk To Remember, The

Notebook, Nights In Rodanthe, The Lucky One, Safe Haven)

NEWT GINGRICH, politician/author  (Gettysburg, 

Grant Comes East, Never Call Retreat, Days Of Infamy)

JOE BIDEN, Vice President of the United States

(formerly a Delaware U.S. Senator)