Funny And Thought-Provoking Quotes By The Late, Great Robin Williams

One of my all-time favorite actors and comedians passed away yesterday. And yes, I would have counted him among my favorites if you'd asked me two days ago. In memory of Robin Williams, here's a collection of some of his most memorable quotes.  ~  JH

FUNNY QUOTES:

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"

"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."

"Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose."

"We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins."

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days."

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."

"Carpe per diem – seize the check."

"Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason."

"A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills – no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while."

"Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift."

"You know the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer."

"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, 'Stop, or I'll stay stop again.'"

"We're all worms, but I do believe I'm a glowworm."

"If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there."

THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTES:

"Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage, you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage – it's your job."

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."

"Comedy is acting out optimism."

"In America, they really do mythologize people when they die."

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone – it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."

"You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to."

"Death is nature's way of saying, 'Your table is ready.'"

"You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, everywhere, even the stars."

"Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget."

"I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be."

"Only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be."

"You have this idea that you'd better keep working, otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous."

"There is still a lot to learn, and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful."

"It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you – when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead."

"The only weapon we have is comedy."

"The brightest light has gone out."

Yes, it has, Robin.  R.I.P.

Songs With "Thank You" In The Title

Okay, so none of these songs are specifically "Thanksgiving" songs. But all of them have the words "Thank You" in the title, which is something I suppose. I'm thankful for a lot of things, and I might go to the trouble of listing them here later – perhaps today, or maybe tomorrow. But for now, I want to thank you – whomever you are – for taking the time to indulge me and actively cooperate in my insanity daily, weekly, or however often you visit this blog. If you didn't consistently check out what I have to say, or what music I'm posting, or revel in the things that fascinate me, I would probably still blog, but not nearly as often. Thank you, Loyal Readers. And Happy Thanksgiving to you all!  ~  JH

1)  Boyz II Men  ~  "Thank You"

2)  Alanis Morissette  ~  "Thank U"

3)  Sly & The Family Stone  ~  "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)"  (Yeah, you read that right – that's the official name of the song, spelled exactly as the band intended it to be)

4)  Dido  ~  "Thank You"

5)  Bon Jovi  ~  "Thank You For Loving Me"

6)  Estelle  ~  "Thank You"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUuEYM9vjlw

7)  Gotye  ~  "Thanks For Your Time"

8)  ABBA  ~  "Thank You For The Music"

9)  Ray Boltz  ~  "Thank You"  (Yeah, I know, he's gay now – does that make this song or Ray's performance of it any more or less good? No? Okay then!)

10)  Johnny Reid  ~  "Thank You"

From A to Z: 26 Words To Describe Myself

Awkward:  Socially, physically, mentally. You name it, I'm awkward at it.

Belligerent:  But really only in adverse traffic scenarios. Otherwise, I'm pretty mild-mannered.

Cheesy:  My humor is an acquired taste. And some people are lactose-intolerant.

Deliberate:  Especially in my work. I'm not the fastest, most productive writer. But I may very well be the most thorough, and thereby the most effective.

Eclectic:  My taste in books, movies, music, and people in general is quite varied.

Fleshy:  I'm carrying a few extra pounds. Quite a few, actually.

Goofy:  I can be downright silly when I want to be. And I often want to be.

Hellenic:  My great-grandfather emigrated to the United States from Greece. Which makes me one-eighth Greek.

Impulsive:  All too often, I act or speak without thinking. And sometimes that gets me into trouble.

Jealous:  I am guilty of this most basic yet very common character flaw. I'm jealous of those who have more money than I do, those who are better-looking than I am, and of those who are more talented than I am.

Kindhearted:  Despite my sometimes bristly exterior, I'm basically a nice person who cares about other people more than I do about myself.

Listless:  I don't always lack energy or enthusiasm – but when I do, I do it better than anyone else I know.

Melodious:  I can carry a tune. And play a few of them, too. I've been told I don't entirely suck at either.

Neutral:  In politics, in conflicts, in interpersonal relationships, I am basically Switzerland. It's rare that I take a strong stance on anything. Which can be infuriating to some.

Obvious:  Here I'm not referring to the "easily perceived or understood" definition of the word, but rather the "predictable and lacking in subtlety" definition.

Passable:  This is my honest opinion of how I view myself, physically speaking. I'm not the ugliest person who ever lived, but I'll never be counted among the handsomest, either. I'm just, blah. Just barely average.

Quirky:  I'm not exactly normal, but not quite psychotic. Color me "different."

Rubicund:  This isn't nearly as scandalous a word as it sounds. It means I'm red-faced, ruddy-complexioned. It's a ginger thing, I think.

Scraggly:  I only shave every two or three days, so often my beard can appear a bit unkempt. There's a method to the madness, though. It just doesn't come through that clearly.

Tedious:  In the sense that I'm "wordy so as to cause weariness or boredom."

Unfathomable:  Even after this 26-word exposition of myself, you will find me incomprehensible. I'm just impossible to read. Even to myself.

Versatile:  I can do many different things well. But most of my talents lie dormant due to lack of opportunity.

Woozy:  This mostly describes me when I'm under the influence of allergy medications (almost a daily occurrence at this time of year). But it sometimes applies in my daily life as well.

Xenophobic:  I'll admit it. Sometimes I am "unreasonably fearful of…anyone or anything foreign or strange." I'm not racist – not in the least – but I am distrustful of people I don't know or understand. Come to think of it, I'm somewhat distrustful of some people I do know and understand. Oh…

Yielding:  I can be extremely stubborn at times, but in the end I'd rather let someone else have their way than engage in a conflict. If that makes me a wimp or any less of a man, then so be it.

Zealous:  When I am passionate about something (admittedly, this is a rarity), I will pursue it to the fullest – with energy, enthusiasm, and fervor springing up within me from wells I didn't even know existed.

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All quoted or implied word definitions are derived from Dictionary.com.

Words I Wish I Wrote: Quotes About Integrity

1)  "The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively."  ~  Bob Marley

2)  "Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."  ~  Miguel Angel Ruiz

3)  "Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not."  ~  Oprah Winfrey

4)  "Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you."  ~  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

5)  "Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity."  ~  W. Clement Stone

6)  "Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people."  ~  Dennis Prager

7)  "If you don't have integrity, you have nothing. You can't buy it. You can have all the money in the world, but if you are not a moral and ethical person, you really have nothing."  ~  Henry Kravis

8)  "A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity."  ~  Baltasar Gracian

9)  "Perhaps the surest test of an individual's integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect."  ~  Thomas S. Monson

10)  "Integrity has no need of rules."  ~  Albert Camus

11)  "Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful."  ~  Samuel Johnson

12)  "The high road is always respected. Honesty and integrity are always rewarded."  ~  Scott Hamilton

13)  "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."  ~  Harvey Mackay

14)  "Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another."  ~  Charles Caleb Colton

15)  "Honor your commitments with integrity."  ~  Les Brown

Practical Advice From Guys Named Jim

"If you are not willing to risk the unusual,

you will have to settle for the ordinary."

~  Jim Rohn, businessman

"Avoid fruits and nuts.

You are what you eat."

~  Jim Davis, cartoonist

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear;

after that, fear has no power, 

and the fear of freedom shrinks 

and vanishes. You are free."

~  Jim Morrison, musician

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot

keep to gain what he cannot lose."

~  Jim Elliot, missionary

"If you aren't in the moment, you are 

either looking forward to uncertainty,

or back to pain and regret."

~  Jim Carrey, actor

"If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full

day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days

a week, you're going to have something special."

~  Jim Valvano, basketball coach

"Life's like a movie; write your own ending.

Keep believing, keep pretending."

~  Jim Henson, puppeteer

"Motivation is what gets you started.

Habit is what keeps you going."

~  Jim Ryun, athlete

"Be thankful for problems. If they 

were less difficult, someone with 

less ability might have your job."

~  Jim Lovell, astronaut

"Losing is no disgrace if

you've given your best."

~  Jim Palmer, athlete

"You cannot learn anything from 

success, you only learn from failure."

~  Jim Dale, actor

"Good judgment comes from experience.

Experience comes from bad judgment."

~  Jim Horning, scientist

36 People Who Are Already More Successful At My Age Than I Will Ever Be

I know it's self-defeating to compare yourself to other people, because everyone is different, and what truly defines success is completely subjective. But it's my birthday and I feel like deflating my already flimsy ego a bit, so here goes nothing. Don't take it too seriously – my tongue is planted firmly in cheek as I write this – but still...  ~  JH

Karina Smirnoff:  She was the 

Season 13 winner on Dancing With

The Stars. I wasn't. And never will be.

Chad Johnson (aka Chad Ocho Cinco):  

He's a six-time Pro Bowl wide receiver.

I'm not. And I never will be.

Ashton Kutcher:  He's starred in not one

but two successful TV sitcoms as well as countless

movies. I haven't even visited Hollywood.

James Franco:  He's won a Golden

Globe and been nominated for an

Oscar. In his spare time, he teaches 

courses on short film production 

and screenwriting. I write 

about clothes for a living.

Erin Andrews:  She's been a sportscaster,

journalist, and TV personality who's worked

for ESPN, Fox Sports, and Good Morning

America. I just watch SportsCenter every day.

Shawn Marion:  He won an NBA

championship with the Dallas Mavericks

in 2011. I've flown into the Dallas/

Fort Worth airport a couple of times.

Laetitia Casta:  She's regarded 

as one of the most beautiful 

supermodels in the world. I'm not.

Barry Zito:  He parlayed a Cy

Young award into a 7-year, 

$126 million contract. I...

don't make nearly that much.

Brian Urlacher:  He played for 13 years

in the NFL, winning Rookie of the Year, 

Defensive Player of the Year, and was

elected to Pro Bowls. I've watched him

play on television. That's about it.

Benji Gregory:  He was on ALF. I would

have given my right eye to be on ALF.

Bill Hader:  He was a regular cast member

of Saturday Night Live. He's been in a string of

successful comedies. I crack lame jokes on my blogs.

Joshua Jackson & Anna Torv:  The stars of

TV's über-fascinating sci-fi drama, Fringe.

Watching it on Netflix is about as close as I'll

ever get to experiencing that level of cool.

Dirk Nowitzki:  He's a 12-time

All-Star, former MVP, and one-

time NBA champ. He's considered

one of the greatest power forwards

in NBA history. I shoot bricks. A lot.

Zoe Saldana:  She's been in two 

Star Trek films, as well as in 

Avatar. I've...seen those films.

Champ Bailey:  A 12-time Pro Bowler

who's widely regarded as one of the

best pass defenders in NFL history. 

I'm widely regarded as one of the

best gas passers in my household.

Aramis Ramírez:  He's hit over

350 homeruns and driven in

more than 1,200 runs in his

MLB career. I was 0 for 8 in

my high school baseball "career."

Nicole Scherzinger:  She's very

attractive and sings quite well.

I sing okay, and – well, you 

know what I look like. Ugh!

Topher Grace:  Along with Ashton Kutcher,

he was one of the lead actors on That '70s

Show. I...watched that show a fair bit.

Ben Sheets:  He was a four-time

MLB All-Star and Summer Olympic

gold medalist. Even though he 

blew out his arm at a relatively 

young age, he still had a better 

career than I ever will.

Josh Hartnett:  He's starred in blockbuster

hits such as Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down, and

Sin City. I used to have a Blockbuster membership.

Kurt Busch:  Winner of 24 NASCAR Sprint

Cup Series races and the 2004 champion,

Busch gets paid to drive very fast. When 

I do that, all I get are speeding tickets.

Kobe Bryant:  He's a 16-time All-Star,

15-time All-NBA Team, and 12-time

member of the All-Defensive Team.

He's a 5-time NBA champion, 2-time

Finals MVP, a regular-season MVP,

and a surefire future Hall of Famer. I

used to play NBA Jam on my Sega Genesis.

Ed Reed:  A nine-time Pro Bowler,

former NFL Defensive Player of the Year,

and one-time Super Bowl champion, Reed

is considered one of the greatest safeties

of all time in the NFL. I always wear my

safety belt when driving or riding in a car.

Usher:  He's won 8 American Music

Awards, 20 Billboard Music Awards,

8 Grammys, and 2 MTV Video Music

Awards, among countless other honors.

I once served as an usher for the

Summer Theatre program at ECU.

John Lackey:  Despite being infamous

for his surly demeanor and his habit

of drinking beer and eating fried

chicken during his own team's games,

this guy has won 138 games in the big

leagues and has two World Series rings

to show for it. I've never won anything.

Matthew Morrison:  He portrays the

charismatic glee club teacher on the

hit TV series, Glee. He's appeared in 

numerous Broadway and Off-Broadway

productions. I sing in the shower.

Bubba Watson:  One of the few

left-handed golfers on the PGA

Tour, Bubba won the Masters 

Tournament in 2012. I have never

played a round of golf in my life.

But I am left-handed.

Reggie Wayne:  A six-time Pro Bowl

selection and member of the Colts'

Super Bowl XLI championship team,

Wayne has amassed over 1,000 receptions

and more than 13,500 receiving yards 

during his career. I once worked in the

Receiving Department at Barnes & Noble.

Rachel McAdams:  She's starred in a

number of hit movies such as Mean Girls,

The Notebook, Wedding Crashers,

Sherlock Holmes, and The Vow. I've

seen a lot of hit movies such as these.

Katherine Heigl:  She's starred in

the hit medical drama, Grey's Anatomy,

for which we won a Primetime Emmy.

She's been in a string of hit movies,

most of them romantic comedies.

Let's face it – I can't compete with that.

Mat Kearney:  He's one of the more

talented singer-songwriters in the biz

today. He's won a GMA Dove Award 

and scored 5 top-20 hits on the Adult

Top 40 Chart. I've written a bunch of 

songs I've never sung for anyone

anywhere and probably never will.

Nelly Furtado:  She's an 8-time

Grammy nominee and 2-time

Grammy winner. I'm like a bird.

Vernon Wells:  Despite fizzling

out late in his career (he's still

an active player), Wells has been

a 3-time All-Star, 3-time Gold Glove

winner, and 1-time Silver Slugger

Award winner. He's hit nearly 300

homeruns and driven in almost 1,000

runs over his 14-year career. I have both 

Gold and Silver strands in my beard hair.

Katie Holmes:  She starred in Dawson's

Creek, had a key role in Batman Begins,

and has appeared on Broadway in an

Arthur Miller play. She was also married

to a talented yet insane fellow actor.

I married a talented yet not insane person.

Now this is a comparison that I'm okay with.

Manny Pacquiao:  He's the first and only

eight-division world champion in boxing, in

which he was won ten world titles. He holds an

impressive record of 55 wins (38 by TKO) and 

only 5 losses. He's also served in the House 

of Representatives in his home country 

of The Philippines. I get knocked down, 

but I don't usually get up again.