Things I Find Appalling: Outrageously Sexist Vintage Ads

"Times were different." This is a common excuse for society's past mistakes. Well, times might not be that great now, but in some very important ways they are a lot better.

Today marks the first in a mini-series of posts where I will gather a number of vintage print advertisements that display how different times were then than they are now. Today's vintage ads display the blatant sexist attitudes toward women that existed all over the realm of advertising in years past (sadly, some of them not all that long ago). Future posts in this series will include "Blatantly Racist Vintage Ads" and "It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time," among others.

I will warn you, some of these may make you mad, no matter whether you are a man or a woman. Others may make you laugh or simply shake your head. But all of them are real, as scary a thought as that is.

In some cases, where the type is small, I have transcribed the more egregious portions below the picture. In most cases, I have just added my own snarky remarks. If you should happen to miss the sarcasm in any of these and think I'm serious, that's not my fault.

I would normally say "Enjoy!" at this point, but I don't exactly think it would be appropriate this time. So I'll just say "Here they are..."

 "A cigar brings out the Caveman in you. There's a man-size feeling of

power in smoking a cigar. Because cigars give you a psychological 

lift along with flavor and satisfaction. yet you needn't inhale to 

enjoy  them...and no other pleasure so great costs so little. 

Try a few cigars  today and...Get that good cigar feeling!"

Because if it's not cooked the way HE likes it, then what's the point, right?

It's not as much what this one says as what it depicts. Very demeaning!

 Is that what's she's demonstrating? Really? I think I see

what image they're really trying to "project" here.

"It's nice to have a girl around the house. Though she was a tiger lady, 

our hero didn't have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his 

Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That 

noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you'd like your own

doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of those he-man Mr. Leggs slacks..."

 "Men are better than women! Indoors, women are useful -- even pleasant.

On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don't go hauling them

up a cliff to show off your Drummond climbing sweaters. No need to.

These pullovers look great anywhere. On the level!"

"Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere. Hit her with tangy

Tipalet Cherry. Or rich, grape-y Tipalet Burgundy. Or luscious Tipalet

Blueberry. It's Wild! Tipalet. It's new. Different. Delicious in taste and

aroma. A puff in her direction and she'll follow you anywhere..."

Imagine that!?!?

 "If your husband ever finds out you're not 'stove-testing' for 

fresher coffee...if he discovers you're still taking chances on

 getting flat, stale coffee...woe be unto you! For today there's 

a sure and certain way to test for freshness before you buy."

That's right, sugar. Wait on him hand and foot. Because he's a man!

This isn't an advertisement promoting aftershave.

It's an advertisement promoting rape! #smh

HUSBAND:  "Gosh, Honey, you seem to thrive on

 cooking, cleaning, and dusting -- and I'm all

tuckered out by closing time. What's the answer?"

WIFE: "Vitamins, darling! I always get my vitamins!"

Sitting around reading the newspaper and smoking

a manly cigar -- that's what husbands are for!

 "Sooner or later, your wife will drive home one of the best reasons for 

owning a Volkswagen. Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things.

If your wife hits something in a Volkswagen, it doesn't hurt you very

much...She can jab the hood. Graze the door. Or bump off the bumper.

It may make you furious, but it won't make you poor. So when your

wife goes window-shopping in a Volkswagen, don't worry. You can

conveniently replace anything she uses to stop the car. Even the brakes."

 Secretaries, look! It's a typewriter that makes you look busy while you

sit around and paint your nails. Because we men know that's what you

really do all day anyway. That, and gossip with the other ladies, of course.

 "A wife can blame herself if she loses love by getting 'middle-

age' skin!" This makes perfect sense. Her skin is a tad

wrinkly, her hubby goes out and cheats on her with a

less wrinkly woman. And this is all HER fault! Because

she didn't use Palmolive soap. For shame, for shame, wifey!

 He wears the cleanest shirts in town...his 'Missus' swears by Tide!"

Ladies and gentlemen, your government at its finest. Women 

everywhere used to wish they were men so they could join the

Navy. It's up to us guys to be the men that these women couldn't be!

 

 Well, if you have to ask...

"Does your husband yawn at the table? The things women have 

to put up with. Most husbands nowadays have stopped beating

their wives, but what can be more agonizing to a sensitive soul

than a man's boredom at meals? Yet, lady, there must be a reason.

If your cooking and not your conversation is monotonous, that's 

easily fixed. Start using soups more often..."

"Now she can cook breakfast again...when you prescribe Mornidine.

A new drug with specific effectiveness in nausea and vomiting of

pregnancy. Mornidine eliminates the ordeal of morning sickness."

And that's really all that matters, isn't it, old chap?

Yep, you've got to watch out for those "pick-ups," "good-time girls,"

and prostitutes. They may look clean, but they may be "loaded."

While you're at it, be wary of your own gal. She's probably cheating

on you behind your back with all your pals. Just like a woman!

 

"Married?-- No reason to neglect stockings. Husbands 

admire wives who keep their stockings perfect..."

"For simple driving." In other words, perfect for women drivers.

Like the song says, "Hoovers are a girl's best friend!"

Two things that every man wants, but no man gets...

because they don't exist. A "cool" Subaru...

and a spirited woman who yearns to be tamed.