He could never understand why his students didn't respect him. It couldn't possibly be the suits he wore. They were all of the finest quality. Surely it couldn't be his voice. Often, friends and family had commented on his soothing tones and the crispness of his diction. And it certainly couldn't be his teaching methods. Based on their exams thus far, the students were clearly learning and absorbing the material. And yet, the professor could never seem to connect with his students on a personal level. What was worse, they openly mocked him. It couldn't be his name. Could it?
"NOT YOUR AVERAGE VOYEUR"
She was no ordinary Peeping Tom. First of all, she was a woman. Secondly, she was classy and high-tech in her espionage. She didn't simply climb a tree with a pair of binoculars and stare at random people while they were changing clothes. She sneaked into their houses when they weren't home, installed microscopic high-definition digital cameras in obscure places, then retreated to the comfort of her unmarked van down the street and watched as her subjects performed menial tasks, such as scrubbing the toilet, frying eggs, and discreetly picking their noses. Everyone loves a good reality show these days.
"A FROG IN HER THROAT"
Working in the ER, you never know what you're going to see from one night to the next. Just when I thought I'd seen everything, I was proven wrong last night. This lady came in complaining of a severely sore throat. Most of the time, folks like her are triaged out in no time. Well, not exactly "no time." We make them hang around approximately three hours longer than necessary, then send them home with a $400 bag of cough drops. Anyway, this lady with the sore throat started having a hard time breathing, so we gave her some oxygen and ordered an X-ray. When the radiologist gave his report, we were floored. Apparently, the lady had swallowed a live bullfrog whole. It was still stuck in her throat and ribbiting away. After a complicated and utterly hilarious surgery, she survived unscathed. The frog died. Now I've seen it all.