Story # 29: "Desperate Houseflies"

This is the latest in my new mini-series of unrelated short stories that take their titles (or the inspiration for their titles, in this case) from the names of popular TV shows. This one is very dialogue-heavy, which always makes for some degree of awkwardness in both writing and reading it. But I tried to use the two "characters"' names frequently enough to make the dialogue easy to understand, without having to write "he said" and "I said" in a multiplicity of ways approximately thirty-eight times in one short story. Enjoy!  ~  JH

"DESPERATE HOUSEFLIES"

"We gotta get outta this place!" Felipe complained, for what was probably the thirtieth time in the past thirty minutes.

"No, duh!" I said, "But how do you suggest we do that?"

"If only they'd open up a window or something," he suggested, for what was probably at least the eighteenth time.

"That would require them to actually do something besides sitting around and texting their lame-brained boyfriends, now wouldn't it, Felipe?"

"Well, yeah, but –"

"When's the last time you saw either of those two dimwits doing anything as strenuous as opening a window? Or even a door, for that matter."

"Well –"

"That's right. Never, Felipe."

"Just because they haven't before doesn't mean they won't today, Jim."

I sighed, for what was probably the sixty-third time in the past half hour. "You and your optimism."

"Hey, somebody's gotta hold out some hope around here."

"I'm just being realistic," I countered. "Anyway, we've already been in here a week and a half. Your girlfriend's probably already dead or dying out there by now."

"Don't say that, Jim! Lizzie's not dead!"

"You don't know that, do you?" He stared at me intently with all of his eyes, looking as if he were about to cry. "Don't do that. No, we're not doing this. We're not crying again."

But Felipe buzzed his melancholy tears nonetheless. It was actually quite a pitiful sight to behold.

"Felipe! Seriously, are you a fly or are you a mouse?"

"I'm a fly."

"Say it loud, Felipe!"

"I'm a fly!"

"Say it proud!"

"I'M A FLY!"

"Once more, with feeling this time."

"I! AM!! A!!! FLY!!!!"

"Good. Now act like a fly."

"How's that, Jim?"

"Face reality. These chiquitas are not budging any time soon, so you are going nowhere. And neither am I."

"But Lizzie –"

"Lizzie's out there, and you're in here, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"But I miss her."

"Felipe –"

"I know, I know. I'm a fly!"

"That's right. Now try to exercise a little restraint, and be a little patient, for crying out loud!"

"Jim?"

"Yeah, Felipe?"

"You're a good friend, you know that?"

"Felipe?"

"Yeah, Jim?"

"Buzz off."

"Whatever you say, Jim." Felipe whimpered for what was probably the seventeenth time in the past fifteen minutes, and whispered. "Lizzie..."